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want to talk to him more..
okay so i've hooked up with this kid tyler twice. we have mutual friends so we've hung out before, but not too much. i'm very attracted to him so how do i talk to him more without seeming clingy/ without seeming like it's because we hooked up? i feel like after we hook up i have this sudden urge to talk to him more, but i don't want it to seem weird. thanks!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You need to realize something major:
One night stands do not mean a relationship has formed.
The boy took what he could from you. He got what he wanted (sex) and he's fine and dandy with that sort of "relationship". There wasn't EVER anything more to it or he would have made a move into asking you to be his girlfriend. You feel attracted to talking to him more because you're female and you have the desire to stay with your mate. You had sex with someone so that desire is strong to keep after him.
The truth is, when you engage in a friends with benefits "relationship" you never do learn how to communicate effectively for a true relationship. This is why a lot of men and women who use to be in that sort of "relationship" always end up in the same place, without a personal attachment to their sexual partner.
A person that engages in those types of relationships tends to already have low self esteem and a low self concept of themselves. They are seeking what they feel is the only "love" they are able to get because they are just so unworthy of other types of care. These relationships tend to bring the person down further, to where they will circle the same path over and over in life. They tend to be the ones that never marry, or do not marry until very, very late in life because it takes them that long to figure out how to un-do the bad things they had taught themselves in poor relationships before.
Being friends with benefits has the drawback that one side usually ends up developing feelings for the other side. Typically the female of this sort of situation ends up doing this. Young guys, who tend to be driven by their hormones, key in on this and take it for what it's worth--just the sex. The young men tend to lead the women through an ordeal of issues, having her believe that some day she'll magically be "the one" he was looking for. In reality, he doesn't want the girl or he would seek her out as a life-long partner.
You see, if you are only having sex then the other person simply does not see you as boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner type for them. To them, you are lower than the boyfriend/girlfriend they have or may have had (or will have). A lot of people tend to be sucked in by this, hanging on for that one day the person says, "You know, I kept saying that I just needed some more time before hopping in a real relationship, well...it's time for us..." That simply does not happen. Ever. If it does, it burns out very, very quickly because the entire basis of it is sexual.
Yes, this relationship is hurting you as a person. Being young, you probably won't see the reality of what has happened to yourself until you're years down the road. I know I didn't see what was going on when I was having sex with someone that I knew wasn't right.
Step back from this guy and leave him alone. You are what they call a "booty-call" and he's going to be friendly to you only because he may later want more sex from you. He doesn't view you as a good friend, really, and he has no desire to contact you further. It happens. This entire thing is unhealthy--step away while you can.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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