|
Boyfriend doesnt pay
So my boyfriend never pays for me, like when we go out to eat or out to the movies. It's not like he doesnt have the money, im pretty sure he does. Anyway, I dont really care, but my parents are so judgemental, they think that its only appropriate for a guy to at least offer. what do i do? I wouldnt let him pay for everything, of course, but it would make me feel better if he offered. Opinions?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
If you started out paying for him then that's where your problem began. It's one thing for you to pay sometimes or maybe split the bill, but for you to foot it all the time is not cool. Have you tried talking to him about this issue? If not, you should and if he's not having monetary problems then there's no excuse. Why should you spend your on money on him, and he keeps all his to himself? And, if he has a problem paying; start doing things that are free and see how he acts then. That will determine the depth of your relationship. TTYL :)
]
I agree with your parents he should know that a guy always offers to pay...even my guy friends that take me out and offer to pay. You can refuse which is fine but him not doing that is showing he isn't well-mannered. Talked to him and see if you can figure out a solution because if he is dating you he should take you out on dates and pay the bill as well. Good Luck and Happy Holidays!
]
The person who initiated the date (and we're not talking an invite) and intended it to be such is responsible for the check at a restaurant and the movie unless of course you go dutch.
What do you do? Tactfully, mention to him that you like his company and going on dates but that you don't have a lot of spending money. Ask, to go dutch or to pick up the tab when he knows funds are low. That's all you can do.
Tell him you don't expect him to pay for everything but only when he knows you can't go otherwise. He's likely not to offer on his own because he would have thought of it before now. According to every rule of etiquette old fashioned or not this is considered proper manners and stands today.
As far as your parents go is it them that have a problem with him over this or you? THINK hard--it's probably them. You should say something to him if you have NO money or not enough at times but I'd let it slide until faced with that exact situation. Don't rock the boat especially with a new boyfriend over this (yet).
Your parents probably are on you over it because they hate being the bank of mom and dad whenever you need cash. In that case it's nothing a part-time job won't fix. But, I wouldn't piss a brand new lover off over something your parents have more concern over than you do right away.
If he isn't offering to help pay in about a month than mention it to him politely that you're sometimes limited in cash and from time to time could you please pick up the tab. More or less unless this is some big problem don't make an issue.
He's likely not offering to pay for you because he doesn't have enough cash in his pocket either to even consider it despite the fact he knows it's right.
]
Not everyone is old-fashioned.
I know people whose boyfriends pay for everything and people whose boyfriends let the girl pay for herself. (For example, my boyfriend always pays for me)
It bothers me on some level, because girls get pissed off when they're not treated as equals; we bitch that it's the 21st century and we should be independent of men. A lot of women have fought for the rights to not depend on the man to be the breadwinner and go out and earn their own money, etc. ...And then we complain that our boyfriends don't pay for us. It's a bit hypocritical to me. :
(Maybe I'm thinking too deeply into it?)
Anyways, if it doesn't bother you, I'd suggest to leave it alone. If it's not a big deal, why make it a big deal? It's not like your guy signed an agreement in blood at the start of your relationship making you financially dependent on him. And it's not like asking him "WHY DON'T YOU SPEND MONEY ON ME?" (even if phrased more nicely) isn't going to be awkward for both parties.
My parents are fairly old-fashioned, too. My mom complains that my boyfriend never picks me up to go places (even though she's well aware that he doesn't have a license yet and that our destination is often the opposite direction from my house; imagine, your gf is coming to your house but you have to waste time and money to take the bus to her house and BACK? I thought it was ridiculous of my mother to even suggest this.) Anyway, I told her to stay out of my relationship. Don't let little things that dont' even bother you get in the way. Good luck and sorry if my reply is too long :)
]
I believe in paying half on the price or taking turns one pays one time and the other pays the next. You should care at least enough to wonder if you are his sugar mama? Hm I don't think it is acceptable at all sounds like the guy might be taking advantage of you to some level
]
Well, to put it simply, some boys do, some don't. I, personally don't believe the boy should always pay. My boyfriend and I take turns, or sometimes if we go for an expensive meal, will split it, so it doesn't leave one of us out of pocket.
Maybe your boyfriend doesn't realize how much you'd appreciate it. but like the person below said, perhaps you could try the forgetting your purse trick, or telling him you don't have any money to do anything on that particular day, and see what happens.
Maybe you could offer to pay for him once and tell him he can return the favour next time.. he might catch on.
I'm not sure how old you are, but as you guys mature, I'm sure he will treat you once in a while. I've learnt that as the years go on anyway. :)
]
There is no easy way to approach this situation. More than likely this will end up with everyone feeling awkward. If it doesn't bother you that he doesn't pay, then leave it be. Don't do something about it just because your parents want you to. It's ultimately your relationship, and if you risk bringing this up, you run the risk of having an awkward relationship.
Maybe he really doesn't have the money. Does he work? Does he have a lot of stuff to pay for? Maybe he isn't as old fashioned as you or your parents. If you do want to do something about it, start off slow. Next time he invites you out somewhere, tell him you would love to go but have no money at the time. Then see if he offers.
If you know for a fact that he has the money, maybe you could "accidently" forget your wallet next time you go out. If he offers to pay, and if he has the money he definitely should, then say something along the lines of how sweet you thought it was that he payed. Milk it. Coo over how romantic you think it was and how you and your parents had always been old fashioned and it meant a lot to you that he paid. Stuff like that. But just to be prepared for the worst case scenario, bring your wallet. If he doesn't have the money to pay for you, you can sigh with full relief when it "shows up" in the bottom of your purse. ;)
Good luck!
]
More Questions: |