I'd like to believe I give great advice. I love to write, so ask away. I've experienced so many things; which is what inpsired me to start a column. If advice is what you need; advice you shall receive!!!
Member Since: January 7, 2010
Answers: 10
Last Update: May 4, 2010
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I’m a young professional (25) working in an office where we have a few high school co-op students. One of them has been very stressed out and upset for days, and another told me it was because he broke up with his girlfriend, and then she had told him that she was 2 weeks pregnant, with twins, a boy and girl.
Problem is this: I know the ex-girlfriend is lying. Multiple births can hardly ever be confirmed before 6 weeks, and I live in a place where it’s illegal for a practitioner to tell you the gender before 20 weeks. It seems amazingly unlikely that she is telling the truth.
So his spiteful ex has lied to him. This is way more obvious to me then it is to him and his friends, though I imagine they suspect it. On one hand, I feel like its wrong for me to say anything since I know this will work out okay in the end and on the other hand I really don’t want to see anyone continue to suffer because of this girl’s stupid ploy. Despite being 'the boss' I'd also consider myself these people's friend... Do I bring it up with him? Or let it solve itself? (link)
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Dear writer,
I'd let it solve itself, that's only if it does though. Girls are crafty, and of course in time the truth shall be revealed, but she could continue to come up with things just take keep him stressed. So, I say, if this works itself out fine, but if you see this turning into a disaster, say something. Just think if it were you, what would you want a friend to do??? Hope that helped :)
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I'm talking to a guy named Josh and we've been talking for about 2 weeks. During the last two weeks,we've texted a lot and hungout 4-5 times and kissed and held hands and all that.The last couple of days,he's been saying he will call me to hangout later.Yet he never did ,but then texted me apologizing for not being able to.We texted a few times and then he just stopped.Today at school,he told me he got in trouble with his parents and they might drug test him or something after school this day .He walked me to my locker,sat with me and my friends at lunch,kissed me before two different classes,put his arm around me,etc. today and told me he would call me later if he could chill.He hasn't called or texted ....I was thinking maybe his mom drug tested him and he got in trouble? or I don't know why he isn't texting me! Am I just overthinking? I guess im expecting so much and we've only been talking for 2 weeks. Help! (link)
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Hi Writer,
You are definitely speeding things up a bit. Give him a little time, I'm sure he has good reasons for his actions. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he proves to be worth it, you'll know you made the right choice; if he shows you otherwise, take it as a lesson well learned. Just remember in the future, near or far, to pace yourself. Good luck. :)
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hiya...i have been single 4 1 month after being with my ex boyfriend 4 4 and a half years...it wasnt a perticular good relationship and it should of ended sooner..when we broke up i think i kind of craved male attention as i didnt get this from my ex and i slept with 2 or 3 people..however i met this new people when i was out in clubs and that...im just a bit worried now cos every guy i have met is just after sex? im not saying i want a relationship cos its way too soon..but im worried that these guys are all the same and i wont find anybody who i really like..and the nice guys who seem interested in gettin to know me who arent after sex im just not attracted too? i dont know if i wil ever find the right person 4 me? im 20 (link)
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Dear Writer,
I understand how you feel, but know that all attention isn't good attention. Guys can spot an easy and/or naive girl out from a mile away. You can't go looking for love, let it find you. At your age, I doubt it very seriously that you'll find love in a club. All you have to do is be patient, and the right man will come along! In the meantime, be more selective about the company (men) you keep. You're still young, so enjoy your youth; all those other things will come in due time. :)
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Hi,
I am in a relationship I am quite unsure about. I am from Canada. First off, I met this guy last September 2008, now it is 2009.I go to school in another city, and he goes to school and lives in my home town.Currently I am living in the school town for university, Last December, I saw him once and he told me he had to deal with a friend dying. Now, I find a picture of him on New year's eve hugging a girl who he says is his best friend. However, in the picture it looks like they are a couple. What is going on here?Is there a difference with a female best friend and a girlfriend? I am 21 years old too. (link)
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Hi writer,
He most definitely is a player, but not a professional one. He's young, you're young, so the distance will play a major role. I'm sure he likes you, but I wouldn't count on getting too serious about this relationship anytime soon. He's going to have many more lies sell you, if you're interested in buying them. I would recommend focusing on school, and seeing what happens after that. If it is meant to be, then it will. TTYL :)
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So my boyfriend never pays for me, like when we go out to eat or out to the movies. It's not like he doesnt have the money, im pretty sure he does. Anyway, I dont really care, but my parents are so judgemental, they think that its only appropriate for a guy to at least offer. what do i do? I wouldnt let him pay for everything, of course, but it would make me feel better if he offered. Opinions? (link)
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If you started out paying for him then that's where your problem began. It's one thing for you to pay sometimes or maybe split the bill, but for you to foot it all the time is not cool. Have you tried talking to him about this issue? If not, you should and if he's not having monetary problems then there's no excuse. Why should you spend your on money on him, and he keeps all his to himself? And, if he has a problem paying; start doing things that are free and see how he acts then. That will determine the depth of your relationship. TTYL :)
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so me and my bff dated the same guy, she went with him the day after i did and they broke up so now its a new year and she was at my house talking to him on the phone and she wouldn't tell me what they were talking about... so i think they are getting back together and i dont want them to because he is a cheater and she gets hurt and falls too hard for him too easily and its ahppened before but now she is not taking my advice...well if they ever "youknow" i hope she makes a "mistake" and learns a lesson you kno? gets pregnant because she's the kind of girl that will happen to but how can i seriously talk her out of it a better way than i try?....
13-14 female... (link)
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Dear writer,
I don't recommend you talking her out of anything. If you've had no success thus far, don't waste your time. Sometimes people have to learn from their own mistakes. Since you've both dealt with him, it may not be wise to try and give advice; she may assume you're jealous, and that's why she's not taking heed. Be a friend: be there for comfort, don't give her the I told you so speech when things go wrong. She will feel bad enough about whatever may occur; if and when it does. Just be a friend! TTYL :)
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i asked a question a few days ago about my boyfriend not calling me for a while. and everyone who answered told me to either give him some time or call him to see whats up, like he might be testing me to see if i would call him. anyways, i didnt really pay attention to the advice but then after a week of absolutely nothing from him, i decided to try it. i called him, and no one answered. and then i called again, and the phone stopped ringing abruptly and went dead. so i'm assuming he ignored my call, which means he ISN'T testing me, and he's actually mad about something.
for those of you who didnt answer my question or didnt see my question before, i will tell you guys now i have not the slightest idea of why he'd be mad at me. i don't remember being a brat or a bitch about anything to being mean at all. and the last time i talked to him was on new years eve when he told me we couldnt hang out that night. i was a little disappointed because he had invited me over when there was a possibility that he'd have other plans, which i thought was rude. isn't it? or was i the one out of line? anyways, we didnt fight about it, i just told him "whatever, i'll talk to you later" he said bye, and i hung up. and now he won't talk to me.
can someone give me any ideas on what to do/say/think/believe/wait for? thanks again, and if anyone answered my question before, thanks so much, but i hope you won't mind answering again ^.^ (link)
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Dear Writer,
This story sounds all to familiar to me. Trust me when I tell you, it's nothing you've done, so stop stressing over endless possibilities. It sounds like he may have found someone else. They probably have had something going on for a while, but he wasn't sure exactly who he wanted. There were probably signs that you overlooked, or didn't want to confront. When you stop doing things together on holidays, that's a sure sign. If you've tried to contact him, and got no response, take that as a sign. It may be time for you to move forward. I know you may be hurting now, but time heals all wounds. Just keep busy, hang out w/ friends, and enjoy life. Love will come again, you deserve better anyway! Hope that helps. TTYL :)
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How Do I get over the drama at work??? Everyday I wake up in the morning, My body is so tense from the nerves because I have to go to work and experience the same drama. I'm actually still in training too so the drama is intense. It's really hard for me to relax too knowing that I have to go through the same phase everyday at work. (link)
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Dear writer,
What a dilemna right? You figure when you go to work, that's what people should be doing, working. Well, not so much, seeing how some people are so bored and/or miserable they'll do anything for excitement; even at someone else's expense. It's tough b/c you want to have a good work relationship w/ your coworkers, but sometimes you just can't. Hopefully you're not in any of this office drama? I say to you, be cordial, but no more than that. Go in there w/ the intent on learning your job and earning your money. That's why we have a personal life, worry about friends outside the workplace. You'll thanks yourself for it later. TTYL :)
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I really don’t believe that posting this or any other problem on the net will REALLY help, cos either way, I’m gonna feel the same etc..
But I’m trying to do anything here, maybe ranting to strangers will help, I don’t know!
I don’t want any sympathy, I JUST WANT HELP. I’m sure you get a lot of posts like this here but please don’t give me cliche lines like ‘things will get better’ , ‘You’ll feel better in time’ or ‘You have people who care about you’ …..It will be a waste of your time.
If anyone does have any suggestions that genuinely will help, then I’d really appreciate that..
I am beyond the point of feeling bad…I’m just completely past it. I feel like RUBBISH absolute rubbish EVERY SINGLE DAY. I went through some crappy depressive periods as a teen,a ll of which I got over, but this is unbearable.
I think really bad thoughts, about just ending it, ending everything, which results in me feeling really selfish, and I feel horrible for even considering doing something like that to the few people who care about me…..I mean, I’ve even gone to the lengths of planning the whole thing out, where it would happen, how it would happen, what I’ll say to people I’ll leave behind. It’s gone to the extent that, anything I say, or things other people say, stick in my head and I think, ‘I wonder will they remember me saying this and see it as something more when I’m gone’ or people say something completely innocent and in my mind, there’s only one thing it can relate to, and that’s thinking about how I’ll finish myself off..
In one way I don’t want to be a coward and just give up on life and take the easy way out, when many people have it worse, but I honestly cannot help it, there are some days when I come SO close to doing something, I actually really genuinely scare myself. I don’t talk to other people, and I won’t. I’m not that kind of person, I know you’re probably gonna say ‘It will help to get it off your chest’, well, that’s why I’m doing it here. I cannot talk to people, even the people that I used to be absolute best friends with, I barely talk to anymore.
At that, even WHEN I talk to them (or anyone) I act really, really happy.. Like TOO happy, I just have too put it on so much cos I never, ever feel like talking to anyone, or participating in things that everyone else loves doing I just, I know it’s really sad, but this is something that I cannot help, despite trying for years… I’m always the one that laughs the loudest, and seems to be having the most fun, when I really have to just..stop myself from crying and really try and seem happy, when I feel like **** inside.
I don’t wanna go all depressive cliche here but I have to be as honest as I can so, sorry.
Every tiny thing pisses me off, and since I’m never happy and I fake being happy SO much, that every now and again I just snap and can’t pretend anymore and then everyone’s like, why are you sad, you’re always so happy…
I always pass it off as just ‘a bad mood’ or ‘one of those days’ and no one knows that I feel like this ALL THE TIME. Everything irritates me, I get angry at everything, I can barely stand ANYONE I know anymore, not even my family.
I just feel like I want to be away from everyone, and I feel almost jealous when someone else talks about their problems to me, cos I know I can never do that… I know that’s irrational …. but so is a lot of this.
I just feel crap, and I’m fed up of going through the extremes of faking to be really ecstatic every day, and then really, really depressed the rest of the time.
I genuinely feel like I can’t do it anymore.
I don’t fear for myself as much as I used to, there has been times (one in particular) where I really felt like I was going to end my life, I felt like I had to.
But I didn’t, I got over the absolute extreme of it, and back to feeling extremely glum every day, rather than suicidal.
But now and then, I feel it coming back. That feeling creeps back in sometimes, and I do things to take my mind off it but nothing does.
I’m safe for now, but I do know for a fact that someday, the one ending my own life will be me.
For now, I just needed to let this all out somewhere….You can judge all you want, it won’t bother me.
Thanks for reading all this, any of you that are and sorry it’s so long and probably going to put a downer on you all, but that’s what this place is for I guess..I also apologise if some of this is uncomprehendable, I kinda just typed whatever came to my mind so..
Another thing, this isn’t OVER anything, there isn’t any major events that may have triggered this, in the past few years I’ve gone through about six funerals, all of very close friends/ family, and I got through it. It isn’t because of that, or the fact that I don’t get on with some people. It’s not over some stupid guy that dumped me, like a lot of the posts I see here, I’m not that naive.. So don’t ask if there’s anything that could have triggered this, I’m just like this for no appearant reason, and have been for many, many years…It’s just, the last few months it’s gotten way, way worse to the point all the above is happening… I mean, today, I feel pretty down, but compared to what I usually feel, this is normal for me. I haven’t felt like going out, or talking to anyone, and this is one of the good days.
I’m fine right now, but I KNOW for an absolute fact that if I don’t do something, I’m gonna be back where I was a few weeks ago, planning my own end, thinking about how it will happen, thinking about how much I want it to happen.
I don’t want to be like that, I don’t WANT it to happen that way.
I can feel myself getting like that again sometimes, and I NEED to do something, before it gets too late, not to sound dramatic or anything, but that’s literally how it is. Please don't suggest going to the doctor or anything cos it isn't really an option for me, besides the fact that I'm not comfortable about going on medication so early in my life, I don't want to depend on drugs to stay happy for the rest of my life..
Anyway, I’ll leave it at that.. Thanks in advance for help.
Signed,
Desperate :’( (link)
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Dear Desperate,
As I've read about your situation, I plan to tell you the truth. I have a friend who's in a similar bind. He's been talking to me as well as mutual friends, and it's helped him out alot. You cannot shut down from the world and wonder what the problem is: well, that is your problem or a major part of it. The best way to get the most out of life is to live it, enjoy it. It would be very selfish of you to leave behind people who love you and those whom you love. I get like that sometimes, but I remember that it's not just about me. Go hang out w/ friends, take a few trips, try to surround yourself w/ positive people. I like the fact that you want the truth, and nothing but the truth. I've pulled a few things from you. Have you ever thought of giving advice?? I say to you, if you can't find a reason for feeling the way you do, it's b/c there isn't one. So, pick yourself, go draw some inspiration from somewhere and enjoy life! You only get one, so make it count!! I hope that helped ;) TTYL
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OK so this guy I've been dating for a little over three years, treats me like crap. I know I love him and I think that is why I'm still around. He has always been like that but he doesn't have the best past. When he's in a good mood and talks to me like I matter believe me; he's the best guy in the world. He's the one and only person I would ever allow to treat me like this. I would never tolerate this much disrespect from any one but him. I was raised to be a lion not a sheep. My parents have the golden relationship, they've been married for over 20 years, and it seems like their souls were ment to meet. My boyfriend calls me horrid names, and he does all of it I believe to watch me cry and I do I usually cry. I love him so much. Any way my question is what do I do?
Should I stay with him?
Or should I leave and not look back? (link)
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Dear writer,
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I was once a victim of emotional and verbal abuse. I told myself that he was the only person who I'd accept that from, but it's not going to get any better. I was in that nightmare for years. It sounds like he's throwing you hints (well in his mind). There is probably someone else that's got his attention, and instead of being a man and moving on; he's stringing you along at his convenience. It's not totally his fault, you play a major part in this. Once you let him know that you were going to stay around, he knew he had you right where he wanted you. Though it's not right, that's life. You have to pull from within, toughen up, resort back to the lioness you know you are. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you love him that much, let him go. If you meant anything at all to him, he may ponder change; and it might work out later in life. As of the present, you need to move on. Don't ever allow a man to be so comfortable that he forgets you're a human being. You have feelings too, learn to love yourself, because if you're no good to yourself; you can't be of any good to anyone else. I'm only speaking from experience. TTYL :)
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