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17 years young and 5 weeks pregnant
im 17 years old and 5 weeks pregnant.
my boyfriends family wants me to get an abortion.
my family doesnt want me to get an abortion.
i don't want an abortion.
my boyfriends family are saying if i keep the baby then he has to move out and there disowning him.
i feel guilty.
i dont know what to do.
adoption ISNT an option.
hes scared and doesnt think were ready, i don't either but happened.
he's worried hes going to have to sell everything and not have a life or go to any parties anymore.
How do i convince him that he can still have a life? and how do i convince him that abortion isnt the right option? how can i make him see that there is a life, part of him inside me and we shouldn't kill it just because we made a mistake?
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Making it short...
I am so happy for you that you want to keep your child and you are taking responsiblity for your child. Abortion is so horable and its wrong!!! Please do not do that to your own son or daughter. Also it's not your boyfriend or his familys dicision to make. you are the mother you are caring YOUR child keep it do not get an abortion.
Don't kill your daughter or son.
I always here how young moms regrate getting an abortion it is so painful meantily idk about physicly but it is really sad and just please dont do it.
oh yea and seriously hes so fucking worried about partying and stuff he rather party and KILL his OWN SON or DAUGHTER
Then screw partying and take care of his reposiblitys. In 10 years partying is nothing and its stupid how can he say he wants to kill his own child thats discsting!!!!
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First of all not because his family decides you should have an abortion it means you should consider it as an option. It's obviously not there baby it's yours.
And your family can give you advice and there opinion but not tell you what to do either.
You don't have to care about his needs or feel guilty, because he got YOU pregnant, you didn't just get magically get pregnant, he should feel guilty that he put you through this.
Of course adoption is not an option, it never was, because you don't want this baby to grow up and think "why did my parents leave me" and all those questions that can affect his life and even have mental problems because of it.
Of course you're not ready either, you are obviously mature but ready doesn't mean mature or not, it's all about experience. You can be 25 and not ready yet and that can also affect the child because you might not be ready to give him what he wants or needs.
Worried to sell everything? Really? He is worried not to party and not have cool stuff like a new car but not worried for this child, not worried for you. Not worried that this kid can grow up with mental problems, not worried this kid might not have enough love from his parents. Is he serious?
I think you should get this boyfriend and give him a piece of mind or get an abortion because i think your baby would rather die than end up like a lost puppy on a street wondering why is his father so cruel.
Think wisely and make a WISE decision...
Good Luck =]=]
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It is YOUR child. you have the right to decide what to do. You're 17, so it doesnt matter if your bf's family disowns him, you'll both be moving out on your own soon, anyway. you might not be ready now, but you still have nine months to prepare. dont get an abortion, i dont care what anyone says, it's still murder. dont call the baby a mistake, if it was a mistake, God would take it away, but He didn't. He's the one that let this happen. Just pray, and ask God for the right thing to do.
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Do not allow yourself to be pressured into any decision you are not comfortable with. It doesn't matter what you and your boyfriend's parents want, and it doesn't matter what your boyfriend thinks. All that matters is what you think, and what you want.
It really stinks that his parents are saying they will disown him. It only makes the situation that much worse. However that shouldn't affect whether the baby lives or dies. His parents will have the rest of your child's life to come around.
As far as your boyfriend problem goes, it's time for him to man up to the situation. Tell him you are keeping the baby, and nothing he can say will change that. Make sure he understands the responsibility, and ask him if he is ready to deal with it. If he says no, then he should leave now before the pregnancy progresses. It won't make it any easier for you, your boyfriend, or the baby to wait until he or she is born and then have him decide he can't handle the situation.
If you want to try to make him understand, tell him what you said in your question; there is an actual life that you two made together inside of you, and it should not be destroyed because it wasn't a good time for you all.
And by the way, when you have a baby, that baby is your life. Unfortuantely your boyfriend probably won't be able to party anymore. He'll be at home taking care of the child. He'll be working, and the money he makes will go straight to that child. That's not to say that you two won't have a life, but it certainly won't involve much partying and going out on weekends. But hey, it's worth it. :)
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I have to weigh in on Siren_Cytherea's side here. Having an abortion is not an automatic ticket for depression, guilt and suicide. In many cases, it's the best option available. Check out [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) for a collection of stories by women who chose to terminate their pregnancies.
You're fortunate in that your family is apparently willing to support you in your decision. A lot of girls in your situation don't have that support. Ultimately, it's your decision what to do; your boyfriend's parents cannot force you to have an abortion. The biggest problem here is your boyfriend and his family. They feel that you're trapping him with the baby and that you have no consideration of what he wants from his life. They're also concerned that they will have to pay child support. Either they'll get past it, or they won't. You may lose him. If you want a positive father figure in your child's life, a resentful teenage boy may not be the best choice. If he's not willing to take on the responsibilities of being a father, then it's not a loss.
Again, ultimately, it's your choice. You have to be willing to accept the consequences of that choice, including losing your boyfriend, being limited in the jobs you can find and the education you can pursue, and being dependent on your parents for a VERY long time.
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At this point, your boyfriend is low on the totem pole. Your needs and your baby's needs are a much higher priority than his. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be cold hearted. I can see why you would feel upset - no one wants someone they care about to go through anything unsettling.
But it's not very sensitive of him to worry about parties and his life when YOU are the one carrying the baby and making a very difficult decision. You sound quite clear that you do not want an abortion, so your first steps should be to see your doctor to make sure you are getting good care and medical advice from early on in your pregnancy.
While your boyfriend and his family have a right to their opinion, ultimately you need to do what you feel is best. It is good that your family are supporting you - having a baby is very, very diffcult and with family support it can be more manageable.
Instead of you worrying about how to help other people out at this point, other people should be worrying about what they can do for YOU!
If your decision is made, you need to be clear with your boyfriend. His family may also backdown a little once they realise your mind is made up - after all, he is their son. If you are not being clear about your wishes, they may feel they still have room to pressure him and yourself.
I know it's not easy, but try to stay as calm as possible. Everything you now do affects a little baby who is completely dependent on you.
Please let me know if you need further info. I wish you all the best.
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Hi there!
You simply wouldn't believe how many young teens are going through this specific ordeal right now. I've answered quite a few girls that are torn between what somebody else is telling them (abortion) and their own beliefs.
The fact is, if you abort then YOU are the one that will have to deal with it for the rest of your life. There are girls that are killing themselves after having abortions (there are even some very recent questions that have been posted here on Advicenators about women wanting to commit suicide after aborting their unborn baby)!
So, the best way to confront your partner about the real truth about abortion is to educate him (and yourself) to the fullest extent.
Keep your baby.
Your boyfriend is not you. He will not be living your life 20 years down the road. He will not go through the physical and mental trauma that is abortion.
Your baby is innocent. He/she didn't do anything wrong. Murder is for punishment, not for convenience. Your baby is alive inside of you. He/she is comfortable and feels secure. He/she trusts "Mommy" to keep him/her safe--not to rip it's body apart out of fear of ruining the rest of your life.
Abortion is down right horrifying and I have the proof below!
For informational purposes I have actually made a [closed] thread in my forum on Advicenators. The facts are written there and you can link anyone to that at any point without having to send them this question you've written out and reveal the truth about what is going on in YOUR life. This may be beneficial in supplying the facts to your partner--you don't have to ask you posted a question on Advicenators, but, rather, you found an informative link about abortion on Advicenators that you'd like to share with him. Whatever is right in your heart in this situation.
Here is the informational link: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...and now I will supply the information here.
Women who have had abortions can experience problems later on. Many women suffer from depression after having an abortion because, in the end, they realize that they have stopped another human life. The dates of conception, abortion, and the date the child would have been born haunts many women. Some woman can't deal with this so much that they end up committing suicide. If that isn't enough, many women experience difficulty conceiving years later after an abortion--yes, it can render you infertile for the rest of your days.
I found a VERY interesting site for teenagers on abortion. These girls had abortions when they were your age and have gained courage to write about their experiences for other teens to read:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Most of them regret that they had an abortion. Many of them cannot get over that fact and have the dates stuck in their minds. I'm sure that when that date passes each year they are reminded of what they went through to rid themselves of a life they were developing inside of their wombs.
I also want to direct you to a site that shows a live abortion. It's in different parts because the speaker gives you a lot of information on what the fetus and the mother will be going through. The video shows the ultra-sound as the procedure happens. It is important you see this before having an abortion--or even considering it--so that you know fully what will be happening--it is best to inform yourself. Before clicking the link to watch the video, prepare yourself because it is real life:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...Part 3 really starts to show the actual abortion happening. The speaker does add that the doctor that did the abortion never did another one and that the woman filming it never spoke about abortion again, though she was previously for it.
Yes, that is a real baby, really feeling pain and maybe even fear during such a procedure. You can see that it was fully aware that it was being harmed and was not oblivious to the foreign object as many people would like you to believe. Yeah, abortion is pretty evil, isn't it?
Just as a note, some states will not perform an abortion past 4 months, most are done before the first 14 week mark. Abortions after 24 weeks are only performed because of health complications just as another note. The further along you are, the more expensive it will be. Here is also some information on how different types of abortions are done and what the baby is like during certain stages of development when these practices are performed.:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here are some REALLY, REALLY good videos that explain the different kinds of abortions (and I whole-heartedly feel that everyone should watch these):
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) (Yes, it gets graphic about midway through the video.)
Abortion is also a very risky procedure for the mother of the fetus as well. The woman does not just pee out some blood and experience pain--the mother bleeds out the lining of her uterus as it contracts strongly to expel the fetus. The baby, placenta, umbilical cord, and the thick lining of the uterus will come out of the vagina. Even if the doctor suctions all of the "matter" out of the uterus, the woman will still bleed and may suffer some scarring in her uterus (preventing her from EVER being able to have children).
Many women have even DIED because of hemorrhaging, infections, and other complications. It's usually a very painful process for the woman and she is usually let in physical pain for days/weeks following. As another note, the woman usually bleeds for WEEKS after the abortion so it honestly isn't just a little blood in the urine.
Here is a super great website that has links to all sorts of abortion-related issues:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...and they even have a section (and a couple of links) of women who have passed away because of an abortion:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...as a note, MANY women are dying because of abortions:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I answered a question a few weeks ago about a teenage girl that is/was pregnant and her mother desperately wanted her to abort the baby. I think you may be able to pull some beneficial information from the things I answered her with so I will supply you the link:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...and a bit of the information that sounded like important parts for your situation:
"I think you should keep your child. As you said, if you do not then you will regret it. Feeling that you will regret something long before you do it is a big sign that it isn't the wisest choice. Many women will say they will "never" have an abortion but one day wind up doing it--only to feel regret for their actions and wish they could take them back. I know you are not aborting (thank God someone has a brain!) but the same applies--you would be upset if you did it...so when you do it, you will regret it and when you hadn't.
Sit down and figure out what you are going to do once the baby comes. [This will relieve a HUGE amount of stress even if writing out the information now is confusing and stressful, it does pay off in the end!] Are you going to complete high school or get your GED? If so, write that down. If you are going to complete high school then write down where the baby is going to be during classes, who is going to take care of it, etc. Do not list anyone down as taking care of the child before you have discussed it with them. If it's a daycare center then list out that you'll be getting a job (even write down where you will be applying) and about how much that job pays. Figure it out.
This entire exercise is to prepare you for adulthood in a matter of hours, if not days (it may take days to complete by the time you're done with calling around and whatnot) as much as possible. Set your entire life up. Try to center things around your own life--trying to NOT include your boyfriend if at all possible unless you two are getting married. [Nothing against the boyfriend but sometimes love doesn't last as long as we had hoped or planned for.]
So, once you have the entire thing explained then you need to bring it to your parents [...or your partner in this case]. Show them your paper and tell them that these are your current thoughts on the subject. Don't make everything set-in-stone in case your parents have questions that you haven't addressed yet. If they bring a question to the table that you have yet to think over then ask for time before answering--even if it feels like it's a simple answer. This is the rest of your life we're talking about.
A job is pretty much required at this point. If at all possible, pick up a job while pregnant and save that money (most women work through their entire pregnancy up until the last month or so). If you don't have a job then you're not going to be able to explain where baby items are going to come from (clothing, shoes, diapers, bottles and formula is you're not going to breastfeed--which you definately should breastfeed for the health of you and your baby & it saves much-needed money--etc.) and your parents are going to assume you'll be mooching off of them entirely.
Some things you should do:
Open a bank account and put your money into it to keep better track of finances.
Make sure to determine which doctor/hospital you would take the baby to in case of an emergency or illness.
Call everyone you need to before listing them on the paper (including daycare centers for fee pricing).
Confront you parents [your partner, in this case] in a non-aggressive way. Simply sit down with them and your paper(s) and say, "I was thinking for this past week and this is what I've come up with. I know it isn't much and I know there are holes here and there...but I really think I can do this."
Everything feels like a big mess right now, I know, but things will settle down eventually. You can't really "forget" about being pregnant but it helps to look forward to the baby coming. It might ease your mind to figure out where the baby will sleep and read some books about pregnancy. Some good books you might want to check out from the library (or purchase online if available):
[If you are interested please feel free to click the link above for the list of suggested books! :) ]
By reading LOTS of books on pregnancy, breastfeeding, delivery, etc then you are preparing in multiple ways. You can look forward to things the books talk about. Instead of being frustrated, scared, and confused you will feel more at ease and happy to be experiencing all that is ahead. Your parents will also notice your take-up of the books, which may earn you a few brownie points.
The more books you pick up (even if they repeat things you've already read or don't sound as interesting) the more you're going to feel better about this entire thing. Educate yourself on EVERYTHING :)"
Relax and take everything in. This is you and your baby we are talking about. An abortion doesn't just last 20 minutes, an hour, three days, or one doctor's visit--it lasts the rest of your life. You risk being physically broken. You risk being mentally broken. Your boyfriend won't ever know the pain that you would be in.
Please, inform your partner and stand your ground. Going full term with this baby is the best thing you can do right now. This is your baby's LIFE we're talking about.
After being so selfish in this mistake (because sex when no prepared is selfish, you have to admit...) doesn't the baby at least deserve a chance? I think so...
Aborting isn't going to make everything magically better. Trust me.
Yes, I'm older than you, but not by much (I am 22). Yes, I had sex at a very early age (14). And, yes, I know it's scary right now...but you can make it through this and bloom into something beautiful, expand your family, and start the next phase of life.
Hang in there.
If you have any more questions--about ANYTHING--please feel free to ask me! :)
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I'm pro-choice, and I definitely condone abortion. You need to hear the other side of this argument. The red flag here is that you're already saying that you made a mistake.
You're seventeen - you're a baby yourself, and your boyfriend - this "kid," as Jack said below me - is still thinking about partying. Do you really think he's ready to be a father? Do you really want to bring a child into an environment where it isn't wanted? Where it's considered a mistake?
Your boyfriend is acting more mature about this than you are. Rate me down if you like, but that's the case. Children cost fantastic sums of money. You haven't even finished high school yet, I don't think. How can you possibly think of affording a child right now? Your parents seem like the type of people to help you out and that's great, but do you realize how MUCH they'd have to? To be a good mother, you'll have to sacrifice school, all your money, most of your time, your sleep, your PARENTS' sleep...this is just not a good decision by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not sure you've really considered everything that goes into this.
I'm not telling you to kill your spawn if you're absolutely against abortion - I'm only saying that you might need to consider adoption as a possibility. It's the best compromise in this situation. Your boyfriend has made it more than clear that he is not ready for this. Because he isn't ready, you aren't ready as a couple. It may have his DNA, but it doesn't make him a father, and you really don't want to be a single mother. You don't want to force your parents to take care of something that should be YOUR responsibility.
If your boyfriend's parents would really disown him because of this, then you need to consider his situation. You're ready to be a parent when you're ready to put your child's needs and your partner/husband/boyfriend's needs above your needs. Until you can really consider other people and compromise, you aren't ready to be a parent.
The first thing you need to do was already suggested - you need to sit everyone down and have an adult discussion about this. This is an adult dilemma and should be treated as such. Ground rules need to be set, and everyone needs to have a turn to speak. Go around the circle, no one can interrupt one another or respond until everyone has had a chance to talk. Then ALL of you can figure out what the best decision would be.
It should be your decision ultimately, but you know what - you're a minor. You're still a kid. Your parents SHOULD still have a say in this. Because your boyfriend is also still a kid (unless he's not, but you didn't specify that), HIS parents should also still have a say in this. You need to let them talk, and you need to listen to both sides of the argument.
Please, for the sake of your relationship, the life growing inside you, and the other people involved because you're so young, be open minded. Consider ALL the possibilities before you rule ANY out. Consider ALL the people involved in this situation before you make any decisions. Please.
Siren
[Edit]: I'm sorry you don't want to hear the other side of the argument and resort to hostility when someone disagrees with you. I'm not the one who needs to grow up here. Consider the mental, physical, and emotional well-being of your baby in your decision.
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It honestly doesn't matter what his parents think you should do. It is not their child.
It's yours. So you chose what you want to do. I mean, I never condone abortion, but if you must, you must.
He's having a child and all he can think about is how he's not going to have a life or "go to any parties?" Gee- this kid really needs a reality check.
This situation is half his fault and half yours. So, I think the baby is half his responsibility. Him and his parents really should realize that.
I mean, sure, with most teenage pregnancies, the father just abandons the child and the mother, but it will be a lot better for your kid if that doesn't happen.
Talk to your parents and maybe have a meeting between your two families to figure out what to do. But, set some ground rules, like no yelling, no fighting, and that everyone has to hear each other out.
But, I think it's ultimately your choice.
--Jack
(17/m)
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Hey there,okay first off you should not feel guilty he is as much a part of this as you.
its natural for him to be scared, he needs to step up and show some responsability by respecting your decesions and being there for you like you said it happend and now you both have to face it,way to go for being so mature about this.
okay about the whole abortion issue
have you tried getting his parents to talk his around?
by letting them know that their son needs them to support him and disowning him isnt going to help the situation in anyway.
my best friends sister got pregnant at 15,she and her boyfriend thought immidiately life over.
but they worked their asses off to try and get a good education and make time for a social life by leaving the baby with one an another parents one night a week,its not too much to ask of them and they are usually supportive and happy to help (well your parents by the sounds of it)
i can tell you that her sister is 26 now and married to the same guy with 3kids in total in a really nice house and really happy sure she missed out on some things but everyone has to grow up and take responsability for their actions at some point.
tell your boyfriend taking the easy way out with an abortion wont solve anything.
you have to tell him all this you and your family need to just sit down with his and get through to them explain how this doesnt have to be totally negative,and its not like you have been handed a death sentance this could turn out to be one of the best things to happen to you at the end of it all when you have a little baby boy or girl.
Theres really not much more i can tell you only your going to have to get through to them somehow look at cases of where things have worked out like my best friends sister,i also have a friend who got pregnant last year both 16 both still together raising their baby and STILL having a life.
tell them they need to look at the glass half full not half empty.
I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out for you youl be a great mum seems like you have good support from your family which is good.
hope I helped a bit
<3
Jess
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FIRST thing first. Next time you plan on having sex with someone, discuss what you would do if you were to get pregnant BEFORE hand.
You have a baby inside of you. YOUR CHILD. You know what to do.
And hey, I bet your family would support you through all this. Screw that guy AND his family.
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