|
Things gone bad.
I'm a 18 year old Female.
I think i may be pregnant, and i really do not want to raise/give birth to a child. There is no abortion clinics around the area i live in, and i have no ways of getting to a close one(the closest one is 4 hours away). Me and my boyfriend are really not expecting a child, we both how alot of our life ahead of us. So getting to my question, since theres no way i can get to an abortion clinic, are there other ways that i can "abort the child", or "cause a miscarriage"? I'm too scared to confront my parents about this, and don't really know if it's possible i can make an appointment with my family doctor without my parents finding out.
Any answers are appreciated, and i know, i shouldn't be hving sex, because i know this is a consiquence of it, and i also am agaisnt abortion myself, but there is no way i can go on with this pregnancy,(if i am infact pregant) i know for sure i will not be able to raise it, and i would not be able to give it up for adoption.
Thanks.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
I fully agree with anyone who said you should go to your mother. I know you're scared, but as was said before, making such a big decision as this is something you shouldn't make while frightened and panicked. This is a decision you shouldn't make alone.
I'm sure your mom is a trusted, mature, responsible adult who will help you make the best choice for your life.
Because, let's face it, this is something that no matter what choice you make, it's going to have a HUGE impact on your life. You certainly don't want to make a choice in haste only to regret it later.
Though your mom may not be happy about the pregnancy, she will respect the fact that you're responsible enough to want to sit down with her and get her help in making the best choice. She will appreciate the fact that you came to her for help when you found yourself in trouble.
Being a mother, no matter what trouble my kids find themselves in, I want them to come to me if they need my help. I'm a mother, that's my job, and I do it willingly and lovingly.
If that test comes back positive, go to your mom. If you find yourself unable to face her with it, do what my friend did when she found herself 17 and pregnant- write her a note. She'll come to you to talk about it, I promise.
ygs-30/f
]
Find a way to get money, however you have to. Borrow from friends, take an odd job. Just do it fast. A friend of mine pawned her computer in college for this purpose. Its neccesary.
Go to the clinic thats 4 hours away.
Anything else can put your health in jeopardy, put you in legal trouble, and especially put him in legal trouble if he helps induce a miscarriage.
Honestly, this is the point where you tell your parents if you know they'd help you. As much as it would suck, if thats what it takes to not screw up his and your lives, do it.
]
I really, truly understand your fears about being pregnant; however, you really need to realize that this is your fault and that you should have been more educated than you were. You made adult decisions and now it's time to deal with the adult consequences that have trailed behind it.
Now, I definately do not think abortion is right for you. You are young and I really don't want to see you screw up your entire life because you felt a baby was going to cause you issues. The problem should be in finding the right ways to raise your child than trying to find a way to get out of the mess you've put yourself in.
Abortion can really harm your body just as much as giving birth to a child. I understand your body may not be mature enough to handle pregnancy but no woman's body is truly ready to abort a fetus. A baby can deplete your body of nutrients (which is why pregnant women need to take their prenatal vitamins) but an abortion can leave you scarred physically and/or mentally.
Women who have had abortions can experience problems later on. Many women suffer from major depression for years after having an abortion because, in the end, they come to realize that they have completely stopped another human life. The dates of conception, abortion, and the estimated day the child would have been born haunts many women for years. Some woman can't deal with this so much that they end up committing suicide. If that isn't enough, many women experience difficulty conceiving years later after an abortion--yes, it can render you infertile for the rest of your days.
I found a VERY interesting site for teenagers on abortion. These girls had abortions when they were your age and have gained courage to write about their experiences for other teens to read:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Most of them regret that they had an abortion. Many of them cannot get over that fact and have the dates stuck in their minds. I'm sure that when that date passes each year they are reminded of what they went through to rid themselves of a life they were developing inside of their wombs.
I also want to direct you to a site that shows a live abortion. It's in different parts because the speaker gives you a lot of information on what the fetus and the mother will be going through. The video shows the ultra-sound as the procedure happens. It is important you see this before having an abortion so that you know fully what will be happening--it is best to inform yourself well. Before clicking the link to watch the video, prepare yourself because it is real life:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...Part 3 really starts to show the actual abortion happening. The speaker does add that the doctor that did the abortion never did another one and that the woman filming it never spoke about abortion again, though she was previously for it.
Yes, that is a real baby, really feeling pain and maybe even fear during such a procedure. You can see that it was fully aware that it was being harmed and was not oblivious to the foreign object as many people would like you to believe.
Just as a note, some states will not perform an abortion past 4 months, most are done before the first 14 week mark. Abortions after 24 weeks are only performed because of health complications just as another note. The further along you are, the more expensive it will be. Here is also some information on how different types of abortions are done and what the baby is like during certain stages of development when these practices are performed.:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here are some REALLY, REALLY good videos that explain the different kinds of abortions:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Abortion is also a very risky procedure for the mother of the fetus as well. The woman does not just pee out some blood and experience pain--the mother bleeds out the lining of her uterus as it contracts strongly to expel the fetus. The baby, placenta, umbilical cord, and the thick lining of the uterus will come out of the vagina. Even if the doctor suctions all of the "matter" out of the uterus, the woman will still bleed and may suffer some scarring in her uterus (preventing her from EVER being able to have children).
Many women have even DIED because of hemorrhaging, infections, and other complications. It's usually a very painful process for the woman and she is usually let in physical pain for days/weeks following. As another note, the woman usually bleeds for WEEKS after the abortion so it honestly isn't just a little blood in the urine.
Here is a super great website that has links to all sorts of abortion-related issues:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...and they even have a section (and a couple of links) of women who have passed away because of an abortion:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...as a note, MANY women are dying because of abortions:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Please know that abortion is not your only option. Please give yourself plenty of time to decide what is the best choice. Even if your parents are upset that you are pregnant they will eventually get over it. Some parents can be really hurt in the beginning that their son or daughter disobeyed but, in the end, they still love you. Many parents later realize that the unborn baby IS their grandchild and help their son or daughter to figure out how to raise the baby when it comes.
Please do not put your body through the mess that is abortion. Please do not end a life that you have been helping grow. If both of your parents are not aware, take your chances and open up to your parents about what has happened. Like I said, even if they are upset they WILL get over it. If you're scared, there is help out there for you. You've learned the hard way about sexual consequences but it doesn't mean you can easily throw away the result.
Think about the life the child now. Yes, you were selfish and did not consider this major consequence (pregnancy) but you don't have to be any more selfish than you already have been. Even if you're not able to give him/her the best life, someone out there can. When couples look to adopt, they tend to look for infants anyway. By taking this child's life and ending it before it even gets started, you destroy what chance they had at being something. The baby did not do anything wrong here and should not be punished by death.
Adoption is always an option of yours if you are not physically, mentally, or financially capable of caring for another human life. Please look into it if you feel you can carry the child but not raise it properly. You can contact an adoption agency in your area or you can relinquish your rights of your child and place it in the custody of the state for adoption. I've read something about Volunteers of America for adoptions being really good but I have no personal experience with them myself. Here is a link directing you to their site:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Just as another note, some agencies actually let the expecting party interact with possible parents to ensure they are giving their child the best chance at life as possible. You may want to look into those agencies to help find your child good, loving parents. It may even be possible for you to work out a way that you can still be in the child's life lightly as they grow so you're aware of their progress.
Please give your child the best life you are able to. It's so stupid and unreasonable for you to end a life because you were too scared about your own. You CAN find a way to let this baby live. Don't let others pressure you to murder an innocent life because they are afraid for you. Many women go through this same battle every day and are able to raise a child successfully.
Any way it is, when a woman loses a baby--abortion, miscarriage, accident, etc.--it is extremely risky. Accidents are probably the most riskiest followed by an actual abortion. Purposely miscarrying means you damaged your body so much that it can no longer function properly.
You do not need to murder your unborn child.
Adoption is completely available and it costs NOTHING.
Hell, you can even leave a newborn at a hospital and you won't be questioned or anything. It is LEGAL to just up and leave your newborn in the hospital if you don't want it.
Regarding your pregnancy: Your parents WILL get over it.
Your partner WILL get over it--even if they do not support you! There are MANY women who make it as a single mother.
I hope that you take enough time to decide what choice is the best before rushing into things. If you have any more questions regarding this subject, please feel free to ask me. :)
]
You really need to talk to your parents, a counsler and your doctor, your doctor can give ur baby away with out it coming out of you if its not to late but first you have to find someone who can have a baby and wants a baby then they will have it and keep it tada youll be all set
]
First and foremost, make absolutely sure you actually are, in fact, pregnent, before you panic or make appointments with anyone.
I'm not going to tell you if you should abort your child or not, because that's not my decision to make. It's nobody's decision except yours. Frankly, you shouldn't give two shits if your boyfriend, your parents, or other advicenators are pro-life. It's not their place to decide for you.
That said, if you plan on getting an abortion, a four-hour drive should be the least of your worries.
Site rules prohibit us from telling you how to have a DIY abortion or miscarriage (I was briefly banned for giving such advice). As much as I'd like to help, you're going to have to ask elsewhere if you want information like that.
]
First off I'm not going to lie to you, I am 100% prolife. so I'm not going to suggest an abortion. you said it yourself you are against abortion, so if you are I don't think you'd be considering killing your unborn child.
You really need to take a pregnancy test to see if in fact you are. If not, no worries, but since you are having sex, you really need to be more careful.
Also why isn't adoption an option? I know it would be hard to give up the child, but that child needs a home where he/she can be raised properly. You said it yourself,you have both your lives ahead of you. Thats where adoption is a good choice. Even if you do raise the baby, I just don't see how aborting a child solves anything. I mean seriously, you abort the baby, you know its going to affect you later on. Maybe not at the time but it will years later. Thats a fact.
I hope you make thr right choice, but first of all take a pregnancy test then talk to your parents.
Best of luck to you!
]
Hi,
I really feel for you because I was in that situation when I was younger. When you're afraid our minds ten to run away with us and we start to get desperate.
I don't know of any ways to abort a child and if I did I would never recommend that as a solution to your problem. It could be very dangerous for you and the baby, maybe even death.
I don't know if you meant that your parents would find out because of insurance or something else, but in most states at your age it is doctor patient confidentiality. They can't disclose what goes on in your visit.
I know your scared. I was too, but the best thing is to tell your parents as soon as possible. Hopefully you have a good relationship and they have your best interest at heart and they will advise you on what's best for you because they love you.
However if this is not the case, there are places you can go to get the help you need; a counselor, planned parenthood etc.
Take a leap of faith and trust one of these resources.
I wish you only the best of luck,
]
Like rainbowcherrie suggested, take a test
and be sure. You're getting yourself all
worked up over what may be nothing but a
missed period. Make the boyfriend buy you one.
He needs to be plenty scared and take some
responsibility too.
Nobody on this site will give you advice on
causing a miscarriage or a do it yourself
abortion. We don't give advice here that
could cause harm or that could be illegal.
That would get them removed as a columnist
very quickly. Babies are very well protected.
You are the one in danger should you try
either.
This is one of those problems that a mom
can be a lot of help with. If you find you
are pregnant, I would suggest you go to her
for advice.
I know its the last thing on earth
you want to have to tell her. Been there done
that myself. She will most likely NOT come
unglued. She may not be happy about it, but
neither are you. It won't go near as bad
as you are thinking in your head it will.
You need guidance on what to do. You have
several options.
Abortion is one. Its not a choice I would
make either. If it isn't one you would
make during rational times when you aren't
in a panic, you may not be able to deal with
it when its over. You don't have to go to an
actual "abortion clinic" to have one. They
can also be done in a hospital if a doctor
is willing to do it.
Adoption is a better choice. They actually
have adoptions now where you can help decide
where your baby goes.
Then there is the option to take
responsibility and keep the baby yourself.
Not something that is easy to do. Most
likely you will be the only one of the
two of you to do this. If you are lucky,
like I was, you both take responsibility
and together raise a happy child.
None of these things should be decided on
your own, or in a panic. If it turns out
you are pregnant, then you have to face
it in a mature way. Having sex comes with
responsibility and consequences. You know
that already. When the consequences happen,
you have to face them maturely.
Best of luck. Take that test as soon as
possible.
]
Well, since you're eighteen, you can go to your family doctor and talk to them about this. Ask them if you're pregnant and talk to them about your concerns. Your doctor can't tell your parents if you don't want them to because Doctor/Patient Confidentiality. I think the doctor is your best bet. They can fill you in on risks of abortions and miscarriages and anything else you need.
I hope things work out for the best for you.
]
Before anything else, you MUST take a pregnancy test. Panicking and coming to all sorts of conclusions when you're not even certain is foolish. Buy a couple of home pregnancy tests from a pharmacy and find out for sure. Remember that most tests won't work properly until AFTER you've missed a period.
DIY abortions are incredibly dangerous. There's no guarantee that they will work and they can cause serious infection and even death. Make an appointment with your doctor. If it means your parents have to find out then so be it. Abortion is a lot harder and more emotionally damaging than people think. I promise you that you will want your family there to look after you. The chances are that they will be disappointed in you, even angry - but you are 18, they will understand that you are old enough to make your own decisions and hopefully will support you.
Please ensure that you are 100% sure of what you're doing before you go ahead. It is ultimately your decision but it's not one that should be taken lightly. Make sure that you have considered all the factors and possibilities. This is why it is important to have your family there for you, this is something you should discuss with them.
Good luck.
]
More Questions: |