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I really need a well thought out opinion...maybe even two sc
My ex boyfriend (I'll call him L)and I went out for a month last year, and broke up becuz we were just acting like friends (it was our first relationship). Anyway, we are a rare case, because we just got ridiculously closer and its exactly a year today that we were together; we talk everyday, and he is almost like my best friend, only more. Anyway, i never completely got over him. I honestly love him. Not in love, but i do love him so much. We connect in a way that I never have with anyone. And i know he loves me too, we make a cute couple and balance each other well, but two months ago, i told him that i still had feelings for him and he told that we should just be friends. Anyway, my guy best friend's good friend J likes me alot, and I am attracted to him,but I cant see myself with him, because I still like the other guy. So, last night, I asked L for advice on what to do: whether I should give J a chance or not (because he is the only one who could give me a true answer). And he gave the sweetest advice, that if I saw myself with him than I should give him a chance, but if I cant than maybe I shouldnt. I told him that he (L) would be fifth wheel if I went with J (becasue my guybest friend, his girlfriend, me and L...and now J hang out alot). And he told me not to worry about him, and be selfish for once. Then he quietly asked if I liked someone else, why i was so unsure about J...and I didnt want to answer(because of course I like him). There is nothing wrong with J,but I love L, and I want us to have another chance. We are perfect for each other. We are always flirting with each other, and i love the way he talks to me. He said I brighten his day. Should I give J a chance, or try to give it one try with L again (mind you, he might not even want to try it again.) I want L to know that I do love him. I just dont want to get rejected again. But I dont think I can be with J unless..
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I say, go for J! Listen, you can't spend your whole life waiting on something to happen between you and L, again. Because honestly, it may never happen. So I think you should move on, with J or just in general.
OR you can talk to L and see if wants things the way they used to be, meaning getting back together and see what he has to say. But still, please do not sit around waiting for him - it isn't worth it. Trust me.
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Okay, woah, I thought I answered this question.. weird. Anyways:
You should definitely move on from L. I suggest not trying to have a relationship with him again, because it will just end in the same way [him wanting to be just friends with you]. I think that you should take L's advice, and give J a chance.
See where it takes you.
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firrst of all i must say somethign really important...we don't see each other with the next guy when you like someone else.that doesn't mean that you dont want ot be with this new guy ...its just that your used to an idea (you and L) but try to go out with the new guy a few times for a while ..and if in some time your still into L...then you should try to work it out with him allthough he doesn't seem really itnerested to me ...give the guy a chance..if L himself is telling you to go ahead with the other guy..then he just wants what is best for you but not to be with you ...i think he only sees you as his best friend...this happen to me with my best friend eventhough he always tells me how special i am things like this and what i supposly deserve..he never wanted to date me ..so i guess its just that he sees me only as a friend ..anyway ...if he really liked you he'd say seomthjing like to make you believe choosing the other guy its a bad idea...try it for like a month dating the other guy or less time ..but give him a chance..if after a while you still dont see yourself with him...then forget it and try to get L interested :) good luck!
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Okay.well to actually get to tell him you love him without rejection.sit down with him in private.guys sometimes do not feel the need to tell their emotions in public.unless they are really real bout it.my dude would say over the phone in front of his boys like it is nothing.but anyway.ask him hisTRUE FEELINGs.and tell him too tell what is on his mind.how does he really feel bout 'US'?(you all in general...)then if he tells his true feelings and you like it.TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM!.if he does other than that.dont even bring it up.HOPE I HELPED.
grape™
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Ehhhhh, so just for future information...I really hate giving advice for relationship issues. (Unless I was in a similar situation, and then I will put my two sense in about what I did.)It's really just not my strong suite though. But I shall do my best...your ex-boyfriend (L), sounds like a really good guy, and you seem to love him. Thank god you didn't babble on about how you are IN love with him though, I might not have answered it then. But, you have to face the facts, as hard as it is, he just wants to remain friends. So...do your best and respect that for now. As for J, if you like him, try it out for a little while with him. You never know. I mean, I'm guessing you are still in high school, and of course high school is all about experimentation (I'm not saying blow every guy at your school, not that kind of experimentation.) But just go with it for a while and see where it takes you. If you end up with him for a few weeks, and it's not working out? Eh well, you tried, and now you know a little more about yourself and what you want. L is just going to have to be one of those friends that you kinda just have to wait and see what happens. You can't wait around FOR him to figure out his feelings though. You can still date other guys in the meantime, there is nothing wrong with that.
Any other questions? You know where to find me. :-)
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Hey!
Well this is a pretty complicated matter you're dealing with. Its hard to get over people, and L seems to be really important to you, but what you have to realise is that if he told you that you should just be friends then thats what he wants. When you went to talk to him about J he gave you really good advice. he's trying to help you move on. It's been a year, maybe its time. but if you dont think it is, dont use J as a way out. You dont seem to be thinking like that but some people do.
The reason you are having trouble picturing yourself with J is because you are still holding on rather tightly to the image of you and L. The only problem is, L doesnt seem to be holding onto that image anymore, so maybe you need to let go too.
Sometimes a good way to move on is to find someone new, but if you think that your relationship with J would just be compared to your relationship with L, always wondering what it would be like with L, then thats unfair. Unfair to you, and to him.
You said that you wanted to see if you could try it again with L but you dont want to get hurt. I think that you need to do it. I think that you need to go and tell him the whole truth. tell him that you're not over him and the only way that you can totally move on is to know that there is no chance that you two can ever be together. By talking to him the first time that should have done that for you (when he said he didnt mind being the fifth wheel, telling you to be selfish, he wants you to be happy, to move on) but it didnt, and thats okay, but you need to know. you need to know that there is absolutely no chance. that he doesnt feel the same way. once you know the truth you can move on and see that J is a great guy and he may be even better than L. You havnt given him a fair chance yet, and maybe once you know forsure that you cant be with L you can give him that fair chance. I know you dont want to be hurt again, but sometimes you need to get hurt a little.
its kind of like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, but you have to think positively about this. You have a great guy who is a great friend to you, who you've had some great times with, and who wants to see the best for you, and you have a guy who is new and exciting, but you just arent ready to see that yet.
Good luck, try and find your closure! I hope that you can figure this all out, and I hope that I helped. Let me know if you have any more questions. Lots of love!
Angie
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ok...
let me just say right off the bat that alot of girls give up something really great because another guy is standing in the way, but the thing is if you love this guy then you should talk to him about how he feels. dont tell him you love him, that might scare him a little but just ask him about how he feels and if he still has any feeling for you. and if he still does then talk to him about getting back together.
but if he says that he only thinks of you as a friend then you should give L a chance, but only if you really thing you guys could have a good relationship, if you cant see yourself with him then dont waste your time.
I hope i helped!
good luck
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I would say first, decide whom you think about most and whom you've got stronger feelings for. L is right, see whether you can see the two of you having a future together. Second, be sure that that is what L feels, just for you to be friends. Don't give up on him just yet though, if it works between you and J, carry on with that relationship.
I'm sorry that i couldn't give anymore advice on this matter, L did a great job already!!! Trust him because he wants the best for you, and trust yourself. If you don't want to go out with J for the moment, fine, have a break for a while and then see how you feel.
I hope this helped and sorry i couldn't give anymore advice,
triquetra
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give'em a chance. it can't hurt.....
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L is telling you to go for it and I would. I mean, you guys tried it once [a relationship] and it didn't work out, you guys seem better as friends, and I agree with the advice below me, did you ever get the feeling that he could be, well, into guys? Not that there is anything wrong with that, but J would be the safer bet. L seems nice and sweet, but friend material is more of his thing with you, I can tell.
However, if things don't work out with J, L will always have his arms wide open for comfort and who knows [if he's not gay] you might BOTH find your way back to one another.
Good luck with the relationships :]
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Ok, I am going to be straight up. If I offend, I'm sorry, but from what I have read, this is my suggestion. First, ever consider that L is gay? Girl for a best friend, not interested in rekindling, and doesn't have another relationship. This is just a thought. Now, I would say give J a try. You are holding on to a dream of getting back together with L, when there is clearly no chance of that right now. You are holding yourself back from having happiness, because of the slight chance L will come to his senses. If you never do anything for yourself, at least try to move on from L and give others a chance. You never know your love for L could be in a friend sense. Good Luck!
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