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Moms and teenage daughters
This is a question for teenage girls. My daughter and I have always been very close. She's always been very open with me and willing to share things about school, friends, boys, etc. Now that she's 13, though, things have changed some. Sometimes I can tell she's upset about something, but when I ask her what's wrong, she doesn't want to talk about it. I realize this is normal, that she wants some privacy and doesn't need her mom butting in on everything. But I also know it sometimes helps to talk about things instead of keeping them inside. I want her to know that I'm here for her and that she can tell me anything. Should I keep trying to get her to talk, or should I just leave her alone and hope she'll open up if she needs me?
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I'm 16 and my mom and i go throught eh same thing that you and your daughter are. Most of the time i find it easier to talk to my older sister or my friends about things. I know that its hard for my mom but she has come to understand that and she knows that if it is anything really really important i will come to her. Sometimes we just go for drives and talk to each other. its good to know i have her to talk to about my friends issues and stuff my sister and i fight about but sometiems your daughter might need to talk to someone else. I think my mom giving me my space made me want to talk to her more and more!
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i think the best thing to do in this situation would be to let your daughter know that you would like to know whats going on in her llife, and that you are there for her. tell her you would like her to talk to you, but you arent going to pressure her. say that she can come talk to you anytime she wants, but you arent going to ask her to anymore.
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your right she shouldnt keep things to herself but no offense but a mom isnt the best person to go to. counceling wouldnt help because its just telling her that you want that information even if it means getting a total stranger to get it out of you. be patient. encourage your daughter to go to her friends house. kids will tell their friends the secrets and whats troubling them more. DO NOT get too invasive. like go around her room searching for more info. thats the WORSE possible thing to do. if its troubling your daughter that much she'll crack on her own. just watch to see for any unfamiliar or even scary behavior.
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im 16, so my mom and i have been through this more than a few times. im sure she knows it, but just remind her that you are there for her if she needs help or someone to turn to. that being said, she is growing up and she has to learn how to deal with things on her own. my mom and i are close, but i dont tell her everything. if its a serious problem that cant handle, im going to go to her. if its a little stress, but nothing over the top, i stick to my own instincts & my friends. if i make a mistake, then i know for next time. she has to live through stuff. people can tell her and tell her and tell her the things they went through, but she'll never know unless she lives it [assuming nothing deadly is going on], and it'll make her much more independent and self-reliable.
like said previously, dont pressure her or accuse her of not wanting to talk to you. my mom has done that to me, and it is not a way to get someone talkin.
good luck!
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I really think that your a great mom for always being there for her like this.I think you should continue to ask her whats wrong and be like her best freind and stuff.The problem on this site with most teen girls is that they all say,my parents hate me,they dont understand me and i cut myself cuz they dont get me.Dont let your daughter turn into that.Tell her that whatever problems she has she should tell you because noone understands as much as you and nomatter what freind she tells whats bothering her,they wont have as much expereince as much as you.If the mistake she made waas HUGE or her problem is BIG make sure you dont yell at her badly cuz shell totally stop telling you things.Good luck^_^
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i'm 15 and i see where you're coming from. if you've already made an effort to get her to talk, then that's enough. she knows that if she needs to talk, then you are there, which is good. but don't try to force anything out of her. if she wants to talk about whatever is going on, she will definitely talk to you about it if you make yourself available. i have a friend whose mom is so completely nosy that it's just obnoxious, so don't try to get in her business or anything unless she lets you. sometimes when i've had a crappy day at school and i get in my mom's car she starts asking me what's wrong and all this stuff, but i'm not the kind of person who is just open about everything. if i need to talk to her, i will, but i get even more pissed off when she tries to figure out what's wrong or why i'm not talking. so just let your daughter do her own thing for now, and she will probably come talk to you about it at some point in time.
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When she was younger the things she talked to you about probably weren't as complicated or as serious. Your daughter probably feels as if she can't talk to you anymore because things in her life have changed and she doesn't think you'll understand what she's going through.
I know that if I told my mom half the stuff going on in my life then she wouldn't understand. Either that or she would just laugh it off and not think I was serious, she wouldn't accept it or believe me.
Let your daughter know that even though you may not understand exactly what she's going through, that you're always there if she needs you. Don't push her though, if she feels like she has to talk to you, then she won't.
::Jasmine::
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just be there for her when she needs to talk... asking her about it might do more harm than good. if something bad happens and my mom reminds me or makes me talk about it again, i usually end up in tears. most things usually just blow over soon enough, no need to get more people involved. you can just reassure her that if there is something bugging her, you can be her best friend (that won't tell anyone) about her issues. <3
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I'm glad that you realize that this is normal. There really isn't a way to control this, no matter how much we may want to. The best way is to show her the things you want to tell her. Show her you'll always be there by BEING THERE. Show her you love her every day. Maybe entrust her with something, a secret or a responsibility. But realize that it really is up to her. Encourage her to keep a journal, and do not ever intrude on her privacy. Let her have her own place where she can be safe with her feelings, and she may open up to you. I hope all works out well!
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well i;m a teenage girl and i know what your talking about. The thing is, the stuff shes going through now she probably can't tell you. mainly because its about her friends hooking up, or drinking, or smoking or something. so all of the gossip she used to love to spill to you, she no longer can. As long as she knows that your available, she'll want to talk to you whenever she can. and don't push the "whats wrong" question, because personally, the more people ask me the more peeved i get.
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Let her know that you're there. Don't pester her for information, and she'll open up when she feels like it. She's not necessarily hiding something awful from you- it's just a LOT easier to talk to your friends about most things in your life. Just don't accuse her of hiding things from you, whatever you say. She won't trust you as much.
Knowing that you care enough to talk to her, though, IS really important. Even though we may not always show it, we're grateful that our moms are there to talk to if we need them :)
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