My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. The first few months we started dating, he asked me the usual "virginity" questions and things like that.. I told him everything, BUT I added and took away things to make me sound ok. I still wasn't comfortable telling him everything.
After the drama of me being a "liar", I prayed, and realized that if I want this relationship to be the way it needs to, then I need to let him know EVERYTHING about me. Nothing should be hidden. So, at 4am (what a great time) I let him know.
8 months later, he has moved to my city for me, we'll be going to school together.. basically starting a new chapter. Everything is PERFECT.
I live in a VERY small town where everyone knows everyone and everyone likes to have something to say bad about someone. A guy that comes into my boyfriends store often came in to tell my boyfriend a handful of LIES about me. The things he said didn't derive from any truth.. they were literally made up off of the top of his head. My boyfriend knew this guy lies about a lot of things, but then someone I had never met before that was friends with the liar backed him up.
The liar is someone I went to highschool with, but never knew. I knew of him. The other guy I have yet to have ever met him, nor have seen in my entire life. Plus.. both guys kept saying to my boyfriend "don't tell her we said this.." That's pretty obvious to me that those were all lies.
I want to confront the liars without making a scene.
I feel like I'm 15 again.
Why can't people grow up, and why can't my boyfriend believe me??? I have been truthful to him since the one and only incident before.
I'm way past this nonsense drama. I'm ready for a future and I can't have this future here with people like that. I'm tired of people that I don't even KNOW stepping into my relationship and causing problems.
Tell him straight up, I dont know these people, I dont know why there wanting to lie about me, I have told you the truth, I love you with all my heart but, you believe them if you want to. I thought we were stronger than that.
Wait for his reaction, and go from there. You need to put your foot down. Letting him know you have been honest but your not going to keep defending yourself. Your not in the wrong. He is if he believes these jerks over you. [ kristen22's advice column | Ask kristen22 A Question ]
Sadie63341 answered Tuesday July 18 2006, 7:39 pm: Well, short of moving away, I don't see this problem being solved. If your boyfriend cares about you, he will believe you. Plain and simple. I know it's hard to swallow, but honestly just think about it. If some girl came telling lies on him I hope you'd believe HIM and not her. He should do the same. [ Sadie63341's advice column | Ask Sadie63341 A Question ]
TheTeenGirl answered Tuesday July 18 2006, 6:10 pm: Don't you hate it when things seem to be going perfect but something always has to knock that over?
The best you can do with these rumors and lies is to let them drag. Don't mess with them, don't try to make things right by confronting them, let it go. What really matters in this situation is that you and your boyfriend are aware that these are lies and that you are in a small town full of gossiping.
People will always talk and try to say or do something that will ruin happiness between people, but you and your boyfriend have to be living proof that you won't let it happen. Relationships can be really hard to survive nasty rumors, but it can be done if you both talk about things as much as you can and be totally open with your lives so that you both can make it easier to trust each other. For example, if your boyfriend is working, ask him about who he works with and what kind of people they are. You don't have to run into any way personal business such as sex if you havn't taken it to that level.
If you and your boyfriend are serious and are thinking about a future together, talk to him about moving somewhere else in a few years and moving on with your life by starting over new. If you aren't serious yet, then this is probably not a big situation to deal with. Let this relationship just be you and him, not you, him and two guys. Let there be only two in this relationship.
charli answered Tuesday July 18 2006, 5:56 pm: Sometimes it can be very difficult to escape the past, but what you need to do is forget your past else this relationship will never work. It sounds to me like you and your boyfriend have a good relationship going and why compromise that over something this? I think that if you were to confront the liars it would only make things worse and they would just start more lies. If your boyfriend believes what they are saying isnt true then why does it bother you? Obviously its hard knowing that they are spreading hurtful rumours about you but the best thing you can do is to show them that it isnt bothering you and certainly isnt affecting your relationship. Let me know how things work out :) [ charli's advice column | Ask charli A Question ]
Lucky answered Tuesday July 18 2006, 5:44 pm: Those guys are totally jealous that you have a boyfriend. Ignore them. if you and your boyfriend ignore the lies, they'll stop spreading them, because he doesnt belive them.
DancinHottie22 answered Tuesday July 18 2006, 5:10 pm: If your boyfriend believes you and know those guys are just jelous then don't worry about it because the one you care about belives you but if he doesn't then ask him if he loves you and if he says yes then tell him if he really loved you he would trust that you told him everything I hope it works and that those 2 boys grow up! [ DancinHottie22's advice column | Ask DancinHottie22 A Question ]
xoIDOLox answered Tuesday July 18 2006, 5:08 pm: Easiest way to confront them: Tell them you know they lied, you don't appreciate it, and you don't want to hear any crap from them again. Easy, simple, and straight to the point. :) [ xoIDOLox's advice column | Ask xoIDOLox A Question ]
Keosha answered Thursday July 13 2006, 12:40 pm: Yes, I can see where you're coming from feeling like your 15 again. That's very childish to do and personally, in a relationship there cannot be love if there is no trust. If he loves you he should believe you. I wount stress over it because you have no control over it. Everything happens for a reason, so I would just let it blow over and remember ... Love = Trust.
Hope I helped.
-Keosha [ Keosha's advice column | Ask Keosha A Question ]
more_than_a_feeling answered Wednesday July 12 2006, 3:51 pm: That really sucks and I'd like to personally bitch slap whoever is spreading that stuff about you...because can't we just all grow up and get along??? But yeah, some people never will grow up. They'll spead lies and rumors, gossip and do mean and hurtful things only to get attention or to amuse themselves. Talk to your boyfriend about this gossip and make sure he doesn't believe any of this crap that's being spread around about you. Do you two of you live together? Because if it's to the point where there's nothing you can do about it and it won't blow over then you might want to move elsewhere with him. A fresh start in a new place could change your life for the wayyy better. [ more_than_a_feeling's advice column | Ask more_than_a_feeling A Question ]
DefinedEyes answered Wednesday July 12 2006, 1:20 pm: hey, I feel so bad for you, how can people make up lies about that? Thats dumb.
Talk to your boyfriend, and tell him that he can either believe the liar or belive you, and its his choice I guess. He'll eventually find out that they were lies. Because all lies will slowly unfold. And what comes around goes around, tell your boyfriend that if he doesnt belive you - tell him, I already told you the truth that I didnt do any of those things, and if you cant trust me, then I dont see where this relationship is going. Tell him you want to be in a relationship with him so bad, and that you thought everything was going ot be perfect, but if he cant get over lies that someone you didnt even know told him then where are you going to end up?
tushortylinda answered Wednesday July 12 2006, 12:50 pm: in my opinion I think you should talk to your boyfriend and tell him I really love you but I dont want to be in a relationship with you were you going to be believing others and not me
where theres no trust there's no love
just be straight to him and tell him everything you feel
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