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Worried about my Mom
My dad pasted away from leukemia 4 months and 10 days ago (March 1st). Well right now, we're (my mom, brother, and I) in Ireland visiting family. We've been here for about 3 weeks. Well for then past 2 weeks my mom has been acting very different and forgetful. When she goes to do the dishes or something, when she's done, she'll come and sit down then get up and say that she needs to do the dishes. When she gets into the kitchen and sees that there are no dishes (because she already did them) she'll ask "Who did the dishes? I was about to do them!" It's so weird. She'll also repeats herself all the time and never wants to go out or do anything.
We're all so worried about her but we don't know what to do. My family members want us to get her to see a specialist here in Ireland but my brother and I want to cut our trip short and deal with it once we get back to the states. We don't know which is better.
At first we thought she's like this because of the loss of my dad but she's gone over 4 months without anything weird like this so why now? Any help?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Sometimes shock takes a while to sink in. Your mom could have been fine these past 4 months, but the fact that her husband is gone could be getting to her now. Be patient with her and let her try to enjoy the trip. I would suggest waiting until you get back to the states to talk to a specialist.
I am terribly sorry for your loss.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be a very difficult time for you right now and you have my sympathies.
There are a couple of possible causes for your Mother's behaviour, as far as I can see.
It could be that she is perhaps suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It's quite hard to explain but in many cases, it's almost as though the sufferer shuts down their mind completely, as a way to seal themselves away from the rest of the world because the trauma they have been through is too difficult to cope with. It's not a conscious decision but more of a self-preservation subconscious reaction. If this is the case, treatment could be something very simple such as bereavement counselling, or it may mean medication but either way, it is best that seeks advice from a medical practitioner.
The other alternative is not one I really like to mention but I feel I should. Although you have not mentioned her age, Alzheimers is a possibility. Now, it's rare in younger adults but has been known to occur as early as the 30's. Again, I want to stress that this is rare but given the way she has been acting, it is possible, especially given the way she forgets chores she has just completed and is experience feelings of what sounds like anxiety towards the outside world.
I would like to make the point however, that I am not a Doctor and although these are two possibilities, I really think you should see someone as quickly as possible. If that means seeing someone in Ireland then it would be better to do that now. I say this purely because if she is suffering from PTSD, the stress of a long plane flight, given her anxiety towards going out, might be more difficult right now.
I'm sorry I can't provide more information but I hope this will be enough to help for now. Best of luck to you all and I hope your Mother gets well soon.
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Hey,
First of all, i am so sorry about what happened to your dad, and i hope your fine and feeling better.
Second of all, there is a point i need to clarify to you. When a person dies,(for example a brother), so his sister cries for a day or two because of his loss,and then she shows that everything is okay and that she's over it. Then later on, in a months or two,mabye three or four, she starts acting really weird,an it seems like she doesn't care about anything anymore,and that everything is the same to her, and she's just acting really strange, and seeming to be inconsiderate and forgetful. But the question is, why is she acting weird although its been 4 months now since her brother's death,and everything had seemed to be okay at first? or should i say, why is she acting weird although its been 4 months now since your fathers death, and everythign had seemed to be okay at first?
Allow me to anwer that question for you.
During that 4 months, she could have seemed fine to you, but deep inside her, her husband was so so special to her and she loved him dearly, that when she lost him, she started feeling useless and helpless without him, and everything she did with him when he was alive, now has no meaning for her when she does it alone. She has no one to talk to as much as she had talked to your father, and she has no one to go out with as much as she did with your father. you see what i am trying to say? Losing a person is the hardest and toughest experience that any person could go through, because when he loses someone very close to his heart, he turns into a depressed, miserable, melancholic, and desperate person who has no hope in life anymore . And unfortunately , that is how your mother feels.And what she really needs is most definitely not a specialist, because if you do let her go to one, then its just as if your assuming that she's crazy or something,but she's not ,she's just depressed and hopeless,and what she really needs is to feel that someone shares this depression and miserable feeling as she does, and that there is another person whose really upset about what happened to your father.
There fore what i am trying to say is, that i need you and your brother to try and take your mother out of the house for some fresh air, which make her feel better, and then if you can cut your trip and get back to the states, then that would be better, and sit with her and talk to her, and tell her that you know exactly how you feel and that you are so upset for what happened to your father, and that she's not the only person who was put in that situation or has gone throught that experience ,but that you and your brother are there for her,and if the three of you stay together than you can help each other to overcome what happened, and tell her that she shouldn't lose hope or be that depressed, and that she has to try hard to move on and try to cheer up a little, because that is probably what her husband would have wanted her to do. And listen to her, and listen to what she has to say, and if she wants to cry, and so be it, because the first step of making someone feel better, is to listen to this person and let him say everything he wants to say. So good luck, and take care, and if you need any other advice or if you have any further troubles, problems or worries and concerns, please be free to contact me.
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All it is is a simple mental dissorder. Eventually she'll except the fact he passed away but it is possible it's from being away form home. I think that you should take her home and if she stays the same, then find help.
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Okay well i think its just starting to sink in to your mom that your dad is gone. because iremember when my sisters dad died she didnt cry but like a couple of months later she would cry herself to sleep, my point is that different people deal with the lost in different ways so your mom thoughts are just handling it differently so all i can say is help her talk to her do some house work and show her that even thou dads gone its the good memories you guys have now and that your family n you loves her
hope i helped:)
EbOnY
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I think she needs to get help as soon as possible. She could be developing schizophrenia or another type of personality disorder. Talking to her wont help, get her to a specialist as soon as you can. It doesn't matter how long ago it was, traumatic events have a serious effect on the mind. Sometimes people can't handle these events as well as others so it leads to personality disorders. Take the movie Hide and Seek for example. (a traumatic event turns a man schizophrenic)
I didn't say she was hearing voices at all and I wasn't comparing your life to a movie. I was just saying that if you wanted an EXAMPLE then to take a look at the plot of the movie, not the movie itself. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way, that really wasn't my intention. I was just trying to say that MAYBE she could have a personality disorder because she experienced a traumatic event.
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Ask your mom if she knows that she's being forgetful. If she says she's not or she didn't realize it, she may have a condition due to the shock of your father's death. If so, you might want to take her to a specialist.
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I understand you are very worried about your mother.You should talk to her and tell her what is worrying you.Maybe she will agree to go to get help.It would probably be better to cut the trip short and then get help.
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Dear Worried About My Mom,
I really don't know what to do to help you with this kind of problem I think your best bet is to go and see a specialist A.S.A.P and you can find out what is wring with ehr in stead of waiting. I do think tht maybe she has short term memory loss of she forgets she has done the dishes only 10 minutes after. But do not trust me on that statment. I would take her to a specialist. Don't worry about it nothing bad is going to happen to her you just need to be with her in this situation. Good Luck!!
Alli<3
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I dont't know how old she is, but she could be getting all timers? or something like that you should talk to her doctor!
Signed,
DancinHottie
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i can't say what's wrong with your mom.
but she's probably living in the past.
if that makes any sense.
i know that you know how hard it was to lose your dad.
and maybe your mom just wants to forget about everything and go back, now that's he's not in the present anymore.
above all though, i agree that she should see a specialist somewhere.
i personally, would say in the states.
because she'd feel more comfortable at home.
though, she may neeed her family's support.
and you & your brother may also.
so if most family is in Ireland, then i'd suggest staying for a while longer.
but if you have family near you, then i think going back to the states would be the right thing to do.
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She could finally think about it and this could be her way of grieving.
Counseling could do a little good or you could talk to her and tell her to start writing her feelings into a journal.
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