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Threatening Suicide on the Train Tracks
I'm an 18 year old female, living on the East Coast. My friend Jake is 22, living in Oregon. He is suicidal. Is there anything I can do to help?
I've known him for about 4 years. He has been suicidal since he was 10, apparently - that's 12 whole years of "depression". He just came back from the Jop Corps last week for his summer vacation, so yesterday was my first time speaking to him in 10 months. ALLL he would talk about is getting his hands on some tough drugs and then going to the "train tracks", if you know what I mean.
How do I help him? His complaints are pretty much the usual stuff. His family hates him, no one loves him, he doesn't have a girlfriend and now that he is 22 he will never have kids. For years, I've been trying to help him, trying to comfort him, trying to make points where I feel I can. But oh no, nothing works, because.... "no one loves me". When he says that, it actually insults me. What, have four years of my time meant nothing to him? Isn't there only so much a person can do?
I almost blame myself for not being able to help him. I can not contact his friends or family, because I have zero connection to them. He doesn't live with his parents, so there's no address I can find. He only has a cell phone, so that says that. And I don't even know his parents names, or friends, for that matter. I have zero way to get him help.
I know this isn't about me, but I'm losing my patience here. He is seriously stressing me out. I try and try and try, but I am never good enough. What, does he like being this way, or something? Could he secretly enjoy his lifestyle? Could I have a major attention whore on my hands, rather than a suicidal man?
He is also compulsive liar, which doesn't help anything. I'm thinking his other friends (the ones he doesn't have, according to him), probably assume that if he hasn't done away with himself in 12 years, he will never have the guts. That may be true, but I am not willing to write something like a death threat off, I'm sorry... because I know there is always a breaking point.
I consulted a few of my friends, and of course I heard the same thing every time, "Why do you bother talking to him? Oh, I wouldn't talk to him. Screw that guy."
Only, I know that wouldn't contribute anything to his well-being. Right?
I guess what I'm trying to ask is, at what point should I disconcern myself, if ever? And what more can I do to help him? Trying to help somebody who doesn't want to help themselves, is usually a failure before the process even commences...
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Suicide is a serious matter. And he is worried about not having kids at because he is 22. Listen, my father was 35 when I was born. Tell him that when he's 40 and he doesn't have kids, then he should worry about never having any. Also, what the hell are you doing? Get over there as fast as you can, find the guy guidance and pray that it hasn;t gone too far and there's still time. I take it you haven't mentioned this to your family and that was stupid. Help him get through the depression be at his side, find him a doctor. I doubt his parents like him either and i think they should be locked up but oh well. Listen, just go to oregon, I'm sure your parents will help pay the price and find him some help and support him through it all. It's the best thing you can do oh and be sure NEVER to give up on him. Sho him how great the world can be and that he isn't even promised a good after life or if there even is a good after life. Let him see that he is promised so much but in order to get that he must stay alive until it is his time. Apperently it isn't because he would already be dead and I think he knows that. And he apperently has at least 1 friend, you.
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babe, in all honesty, i can completely relate to your friend. luckily i have some of the greatest friends in the world helping me through this. you sound absolutely wonderful and if you really want the truth here it is, your friend may have, at one point been close to the edge. maybe once, twelve years ago. but a person cannot stay suicidal for so long. contemplating suicide is a mental disease. it cannot just sit and dwell it needs to be dealt with. i honestly think he saw how much attention you gave him and he longed for it.again and agian. your friend, like me, is insecure and probaly doesn't feel loved, he is not suicidal. he just wants so badly to feel love. he gets that from you and he is scared of losing you so he keeps up the whole i'm suicidal act so that he is constantly reassured that you love and care for him. hun, i did similar things.you need to sit down and talk with him. explain that you know he's not suicidal, that he just needs to feel loved, he'll deny it of course. i did for the first few onths but deep down he'll know it's true. explain to him that you will ALWAYS be there for him, but tell him that the way he is making you feel is unfair and it is affecting you. if he cannot help himself then you need to get out of his life because people like that will only bring you down hun. if you wanna chat email me...riotangel_13@hotmail.com my name's jes. hope i was helpful <3 jes
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You know, he sounds really selfish. You're doing all you can for him and he's being a jerk in return. ANd it's definitly not too late for him to have kids. My mom got married at 22. My dad was 24. They had me when my mom was 34 or something. But he definitly can't have children if he's going to be self-absorbed and not aware of how his friends are trying to help him. Has he made any attempts yet? Or is it all talk? I'd sit down with him and say, I'm trying to help you but you're not appreciating it and you're treating me like crap. But say it very gently. If he's not going to appreciate you and cherish you as a friend, then you're wasting your time. Don't just pull of all times with him at once. If you're sick of him, slowly drift away from him. This is a really tough situation and it sounds like you're doing the right thing by helping him. (But if it still goes unappreciated, then say something) Good luck and I seriously hope everything turns out for the best.
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Hi, he might be just saying that because hes fed up with things at the moment. However the only thing you can do is tell him that you care about him and that if he did kill himself you would never forgive him and it wouldn't solve anything. All you can do is stand by and help. But really it is up to him, and if this drags on for a while then tell him whats at stake and that he really needs to get some help. Daniel.
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hes always been sayin that hes gonna kill himself but he never did.....i think hes just tryin to get your attention,tryin to feel that someone cares about him...tell him that youre his best friend and that you like him(as a freind)and that him sayin all that shit is an insult to you and it makes you feel like your not an important person to him....tell him that whoever hates you or wants to hate you can go to hell and that he can start over with a new lifestyle and forget about suicide or best of all tell him to go to a therapist cuz this way hes gonna drive you into commiting suicide with all of the complaints hes tellin ya
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Well if he hasn't tried suicide yet, then obviously you have been doing a good job, =]
You should try get your friend to seek professional help, if he doesn't want to, then keep telling him, otherwise just keep making sure that he knows that you care. Your friend could just be an attention seeker, he might like you a lot because you make him feel good so he just grabs attention from you, try making the convosation instead of him, he will just follow your lead and hopefully you can have a nice chat with him if it isn't the case howerver... One night you should break it to him though, tell him its obvious he has a problem and that he should realise it himself and tell him to seek help through sites like this, or a therapist etc. - good luck, you won't need it though =]
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Wow! Sounds EXACTLY what i am goin through right now and i know its soooo hard!
Theres so much we could talk about so if you have instant messenger or something my screen name is brautiganh212
but listen, dont give up on him.. Let him know over and over again that you're there for him and you care about him sooo much. Drugs are hard, my friend always is like im sorry.. then i find out he took like 30 pills. He's still alive and im trying to get him backk to the way he used to be. Jake should get some help, proffesional. but yeah you should really IM me sometime or something and if you cant just reply to thiss. Because theres a lot i coudl say, keep your headd up!
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hey,
I've just read your problem, and i understand that its really tought for you, and your probably really worried about him.
But let me tell you something, i had a friend when she was 10 years old she started getting so depressed all the time for no reason, and she started having all those feelings that her parents and friends and everyone hates her, and nothing could help in cheering her up, and she became really suicidal and once or twice, she was on the verge of ending her life. But thank god, i stood beside her and i helped her.So now, i understand what your going through, and i am going to help you to help your friend.
First of all, you have to be beside him everyday and every second, and comfort him and cheer him up, and show him that you care, and show him that even if the whole world hates him as he claims they do, but you don't and they you will always be there for him.
Second of all, try to see what are the things that he likes to do and try to do it with him more often, and just try to show him every good thing in this life.
YOu know, alot of people come to a certain point of their lives and feel really depressed and get really weird ideas , but sooner or later they move on, and you know why, because they always have someone their to stand beside them, and guide them and give them love and care.
Third of all, try to comfort him and point out to him how he has a family that love him and suggest that he could mabye go and see them in wherever place they live. More and more, try to get him to make friends, their are alot of places where a person can make friends. And try to get him to meet someone , mabye he could fall in love with someone and get really wrapped up in that and forget all his worries. And try to go out alot for walks and stuff because fresh air usually helps, and suggest mabye that he could pick up a sport or go out alot or make friends..etc. There are millions of stuff that a person can do and gets so busy in that he doesn't have time to feel depressed and he forgets his worries. And if he does anything of such, he mabye stop the shitty drugs and the depression moods, and for once move on with his life, make new friends, meet people, visit his family, change his life style, and personality, and have a hobbie or something and feel happy.
So please try to be there for him, and suggest anything of what i mentioned, and who knows, i mean.. its worth a try,it could work.
Finally, if there is any further problems or worries or even an improvement in the situation,then be free to contact me.Good luck
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You need to tell him to get help, and if you yourself have helped him to the best ofyour ability, then you just need to stop, and try to move on and it sounds like hes just threatening you and really not goign to do anything. You know? I hate to say this but some people do things for attention, it still may be serious, but they do it for attention, because everyone else supposedly "hates" them so they want attention from one person, and the only way in their mind to acheive that is to lie and threaten their lives. If you know what I mean.
And I can totally understand your losing your patience, all I really can say is if you've done EVERYTHING you know you can, its safe to just move on with your life, knowing that you did all you could you know? Dont let him bring you down.
<3
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