|
His Drinking Kills Me
I recently found out that my boyfriend drinks. Every fiber of my bones is completely and utterly against drinking and alcohol. I hate it like you would not believe. My dad was an alcoholic and my best friend died from drinking and driving a few years ago.
I love him. I really do. I care about him and beg him not to drink. But he tells me he knows his limits. He says he doesnt get drunk just "tipsy". The other night he went out with a few of his friends and they played drinking games. He didnt tell me about it but his friend did.
I feel lied to. I feel betrayed. I know it's his life and he can do as he pleases. I dont want him to think Im trying to control him. But I dont want him to die either.
Help me. Should I leave? Should I stay? How can I look past his drinking habits?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It sounds like you are reallly against drinking. This can be very dangerous. You never know what could happen... you could totally trust him and get in a car with him and he could crash from being drunk. If he didn't tell you about the drinking games he played, he is not going to tell you aout any other drinks he's had. My advice is to stay away. It might be hard to break up with him for this, and you might fell heartbroken with out him. He is not worth your life. Lying about drinking is bad and you could lose your life just getting in a car with him. Stay away from him, he can be dangerous. But you can choose... your life, or him...
]
It is a hard situation you are in. I know that you may not agree with what he is doing but it is his choice. Let him know the reasons why you want him not to drink. Tell him that you are not trying to control him and that it is his choice in the end. Tell him your worries and just ask him to at least do less drinking. That is all you can really do. Hope I helped
]
If it really bothers you that much, give him an ultimatum.
Tell him if he continues drinking, even to the point of getting "tipsy" it's over.
You might want to allow him to drink occaisionally not to the point of getting tipsy, but like... ONE drink. Not in your presence of course. If even that bothers you, that's ok. Set your limits.
When you set the ultimatum... STICK TO IT, or he'll walk allll over you.
You also need to talk to him about his deception and broken promises. Maybe he only had a drink or so at the party?
If he refuses to change his habits for you, at least partially, or he continues lying, you've got to have some self respect and leave.
]
I think you should tell him you honestly don't feel comfortable with somebody who drinks. Tell him that if he doesn't fix it you will leave him...not just for your safety but for his too.
]
I know how you feel. My grandfather, step-grandfather, father, and step-father were all alcholics. Sadly, my ex-boyfriend was an alcholic too.
I know you love him, and I know your hurt. I _truly_ understand. All I can do for you is share my experience...
My ex didn't drink every day, but he did binge drink at least twice a week. He would go out with his friends and drink a ridiculous amount of alchol. He would then call me at an equally ridiculous hour of the night and want to brag about lastest drinking record.
I expressed how much I disliked his habit. He didn't take me very seriously, and did not think that his habits would jeopardize our relationship. After all, he wasn't abusive wasn't when he was drunk, not even verbally. I tried to impress upon him the seriousness of the situation. He just didn't get it.
Obviously, we aren't together anymore. We broke up for various reasons, his drinking was only one. Yes, I still love him. Yes, sometimes I miss him. However, I know that we couldn't have a healthy relationship, not with our values being so different. I am sure that I did the right thing. And now I am looking for someone who shares my values.
You can't change him. I have said this to many people, many times, and I will say it again. You can't change other people. People can only change themselves. He will only put down the bottle when he is ready, he will only do it for himself.
You can try talking to him. Make him understand how much you dislike alchol and how much you are afraid for his sake. Also, make him understand that what you say comes from the bottom of your heart with love.
Maybe he will realize he has a problem and _want_ to change. Maybe not.
If he doesn't, take your cue. The best thing for you to do, in the end, is decide to do what is in your best interest. That might be to let him go and move on.
I hope that I have provided you with some help. If you would like to discuss the matter further, do not hesitate to leave a message in my inbox. I am always here to listen. I wish you the very best. Adieu ;)
]
at least you have a boyfriend
]
I would just say that I love you alot but I can't go on loveing you if you are going to drink and lie to me
]
i know how you feel because my father is also an alcoholic and it hurts because im the one that seems to be picking up his pieces wen hes drunk. im the one always getting phone calls and letters because my father was in a car accident or he did this or that. i think that you need to find him and sit him down and sternly talk to him that even though he knows his limits that he will try to stop drinking seeing how its definitly not healthy anyways
]
tell him how you feel tell him about the risks of drinking and stuf and tell him how much you love him and that if he loves you he will stop drinking because you dont like it!... =]
]
Tell him how much it means to you that he stops drinking. If he doesn't stop drinking maybe you guys can come to an agreement as to how much he should drink.
He may feel controlled by it though so you must let him know that you're not trying to control him that you're just scared of losing him after everything you've been through that happens to be drink related.
As for him lying, I don't think it's a biggie. Talk to him about it too, maybe it has a good explaination. He might not of wanted to tell you because he didn't want to worry you or he didn't want you to flip out on him even though that's not excuse to lie he might have a good explaination for it.
Good Luck, hun.
♥Em
]
He lied? Hmm.. perhaps he was under the influence? Try talking to him about it more, go whatever it takes to get your point through to him... yo don't want him to decrease his consumption, you want him to stop all around. I agree, drinking is horrible, even if its one bottle or whatever they're having.. It doesn't matter if he gets drunk or not, he can still die of some accident! If this continues I'd tell a doctor or his parents or someone like that....
<3 EJ
]
keep talking to him. Let him know how much this is killing you. If he doesn't stop, get some help. Occasional drinking is ok i guess..I mean what guy doesn't drink every now and then? But if it's like out of control, you need to step up and help him stop before this gets out of hand.
]
well if he wants to drinnk make sure he isnt going to drink and drive..
you should stay with him becuz no ones perfect and just tell him you get really upset when he drinks....
give him a few more chances
]
More Questions:<<< Previous Question
| Next Question >>> ??
|
|