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Cliques
okay i have a major problem
my school has the biggest clique system EVER....like you wouldn't believe how many cliques there are. Its such a big deal....and its really get on my nerves to the point where I can't concentrate on my school work and my grades are slipping. This is because I'm at the bottom of the pit I only have a few friends (1 or 2) but still I wish I had more and theres a certain group that I would like to make friends with and they seem nice but I'm soo shy and people say I'm one of the shyest girls in the grade and that I hardly speak. I know I should speak more but its hard for me and I think I have social anxiety. Please help as high school is starting next year and I don't know whether to switch schools or change my image at the school I am going to (the school I am at has the grades pre-k till 12th). Also my school is one of the best schools in the nation and that is another reason why I am having a tough time deciding whether to leave it simply because of the cliques. I heard someone call me a reject and a loser at school....and to be honest I am a reject, but I know I'm not a loser. Please help, thank you sooo much!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I am so sorry it took me so long to respond!
Ok, enhance your shyness. Don't be afraid of it, love it! I am shy, some of my closest friends are shy, but around each other, you can't shut us up! Ok, I know how you feel. You just wanna sit there, hands under your knees and stare at the floor. Actually, I am good at that. Well, ok, really good at that. Actually, I do that almost every day, and I am homeschooled. I can't determine weather you have social anxiety or not, but it doesn't seem likely. You're probably just shy. I know how you feel, it's like, "No one's my friend, I don't have a life, why does school matter? Why should I bother doing homework if I don't have a life?.." I am assuming that you're in eighth grade, considering that you said that "High school is starting next year", or you're in ninth. I don't need to know, just something that I figured lol. Well, let me tell you this: Middle school is so much more rough than high school. In middle school, everyone is trying to figure out who they are. Who they want to be, what they're gonna do. That's why there are so many people that throw things like, "You're a loser!.. What a reject!" at you. I get them too. I don't even care anymore! You know why? Becuase God made me the way he wanted me to be!! That's what I love about my God, He made me the way he wants me to be. Even though I sin plenty, (not proud of it, but I do) He sees me as perfect. Without blemish, though I see all the screw ups and mistakes. Don't worry about what all those people say, they're just insecure. That's why they say things like that. They are hurting, and feel small, so they make someone else hurt and feel smaller. It's awful. But all I can tell you to do is, say "hi" to someone, join a club and meet some friends. Put yourself out there a little and introduce yourself. That's what's so hard for me. But I've done it. I have three very close, awesome friends. And believe it or not, two of them are guys. (FYI, I'm a girl..) But my "sister" is my best friend in the whole world. We aren't related by blood, but by our Savior. You gotta start slowly, get one or two friends, and build off of that! Just smile, smiles make you look happier, friendlier and smarter. If you look those things, it's easier to find friends. Keep your chin up! You're no loser! Ignore cliques!! Dude, cliques smurf!!! Man, they will take over the world if it weren't for "outcasts" like us! We're cool! Be yourself, I'll pray for you. God Bless!
-FunnyCide
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Cliques are a pretty big thing but that shouldnt get to you that much. Try and get involved with sports, or clubs. Talk to people more, find something to talk about like music or fashion or something you like. If your shy you shouldnt switch schools cuz then you wouldnt know anyone there try to stay in the school your at know and socialize. hope i've helped
*K@K*
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Is every American High School like this? In England we don't really have a 'clique' system. Sure there's groups of common interest but nothing like this. So I'll try to give advice but i may be completely off. Could you not try to meet people out of school? Maybe join a gym or a sports club, or something you want to learn. That way you can meet people who aren't bothered by the whole clique thing and wont be a jerk just for the sake of their image.
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Just remember...it's a NEW YEAR...you can be anyone you want! Just smile at the people you are wanting to be friends with every once in a while and TRY to talk to them. I know that it might be hard but you should at least try.
-Cowgirlie
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maybe u could try to talk to some people that u talked to before... get to know some people
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All schools have a clique problem. You should look into getting an anti depressant for social anxiety. Don't worry it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you but I also wouldn't go around telling people you take it. As for that one group who seems nice, you HAVE to assert yourself. You don't just go to school one day and get recruited. What's the worst that could happen? You've already been called mean names, you have nothing to lose. And if they seem nice, they probably are. Trust me, it's not that hard and you'll gain respect from it.
GOOD LUCK
peace
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The whole clique problem is a bad one, but it's hard to avoid it no matter what school you go to. If having more friends is really what you want, and being more popular, I would say change school. Changing schools is always tough because the main reason that kids and teenagers go to school SHOULD be because of the education, but these days it's not. When you start highschool, it helps to have a lot of friends, so you can ask them about stuff, always have someone to hang with, and to boost your self confidence. But no matter what, if you have at least one best friend keep that best friend, and that shows you that someone loves you, and don't let go of them. If you do change school, start over. Like I mean don't be so shy, speak your mind. People won't say you're a "reject or loser" because they don't know you, so you have nothing to be scared of. I hope I helped! If you still have more questions I would be more than happy to answer them! :)
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Hey,
my school is totally like that - one of the best in the country, I mean - and I'm always wanting to leave it, but you've just gotta think what it would look like when you apply for a job - 'so and so went to ------- school but quit'. D'ya know what I mean?
Stick with it and be strong :)
About the cliques...people always want to be in one of them to feel more accepted, but trust me it's not as great as it sounds. The people in these cliques are generally pretty nasty and have put a lot of people down to get to where they are. I'm betting that you and your 1 or 2 friends are REAL friends - you'd never get that in clique. If you did something wrong and they could use it to their advantage, they would. You're better off out of them!
If you're really concerned about this social anxiety, I would contact your school counsellor and s/he could help put you in the right direction, just remember that there's nothing wrong in being shy! Also, check out this website, it has some tips on how to be more confident -- [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
-- it's mainly relationship stuff, but it has some pretty good general stuff in there too.
Just always remember that the 'popular' people are just as nervous as you are a lot of the time - they've just learnt how to hide it.
And you are most definately NOT a loser or a reject, so don't let anyone ever tell you so! Anyone who does is most likely just jealous of the fact that you are a real person with real friends and you're free to be yourself - these 'popular' people in the cliques have to wear a mask 24/7. Do you really want to be part of that?
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx
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