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Q: I'm in a relationship now with a boy named Greg, we've been dating for about a year now. Before Greg and I got together I was dating a boy named Jason. Jason was my first love, we went out for about 3 years on and off. Jason and I went our separate ways and he got a girlfriend as well. Over the summer, he broke up with her and I was on a break with Greg and Jason and I ended up hanging out. It felt like old times and he told me he had feelings for me again. But of course the inevitable happened and we both ended up getting back into our former relationships again even though we said we weren't. I'm totally fine with it and everything but he ended up going away to the Army after summer.

I was debating on whether I should write him or not. I don't know if he would care.. I mean he might.. but I don't want to bother him, you know?
It wouldn't be a lovey dovey kind of letter.. just friend seeing how he is liking it and everything.
Should I just write it? It couldn't hurt anything.. I just might be disappointed if I don't hear back from him.

I think it would be a great idea for you to write to him. To here from someone he cares about is always comforting. Just update him about little stuff and ask how he is, also mention that you miss him. If he doesn't answer don't take it personal; he might just not have the opportunity to, or he might not want to get attached to the letters because it could make him miss home. It is your decision though. good luck :]

Q: 15/f

so i have a boyfirend that i've been going out with for three weeks now. And lately things have gotten alittle less exciting between us two. i can't date so it's not like we can see eacother alot. during school days we spend like 15 mins before school starts half an hour at lunch and ten mins after school. we talk on the phone for like a few hours @ night but thats basically our day. I wanna know what i can do to "spice" up our relationship. I mean he's such a great guy,he's the starting quarterback, he's smart and funny, he's so handsome too :]. i would hate to lose him...

Please help me out! thank you :D

in order to spice up your relationship you should take risks. try going somewhere before after or during school to make you both nervous and excited about if you got caught. my friends used to go in an empty science lab just for a few minutes or behind auditorium curtain. then they would return back to class.

Q: My bf just broke up with me like 3 weeks ago, and we had been going out for 9 months! At first i wasn't too bugged by it b/c he had been being a jerk and it was kinda nice being single. Now, he has a new gf (they both go to a different school) and i almost feel jealous. We e-mail eachother...but don't ever talk on the phone...even tho he said he wanted to be "friends" still. I just want to get over this guy since it seems like he got over me pretty quickly (he got a new gf like a week and a half after we broke up). When I e-mail him I think I always sound desperate and like i'm trying to get him back, but i don't mean to sound like that nad i really have no idea what to do.
HELP! i'm so confused :(
-rachel, 13

okay if you are truly not jealous, then let him come to you. you are friends now, but not as good as you used to. say vague answers and let him email you first. this is just the awkward patch of sorting out what you are now. patience and time will gradually make you become friends again. and dont let him know your love life or that- let him knw your having a good time. i hope i helped :)

Q: Okay i met this girl at the family party and we started talking and i asked her number and her screen name so she gave it to me, and after that we talk for 3-6 hours a day, we also talk and flirt on the phone,text and chat online. We've known each other for a month and half we hung out and we flirt too, and i know she likes me and i like her, she even cooked for me but the thing is i told her that i love her and she started acting different, i told her i wanna be with her and i love her and everything and when i told her she started picking fights and she told me that she doesn't believe in love, because it sounds too serious and she doesn't like it when i say i love you to her. She never had a bf and she says shes a flirt but i know she likes me, yet she didn't wanna go out with me, and i told her we could be friends, but she keeps getting mad or picking fights about it and she told me that we shouldn't talk for a while and so i agreed and told her to talk to me when shes ready but its been 2 weeks and shes still hasn't talked to me even when we see each other she ignores me and wont even look at me in the eye, and she wont reply my texts, and i didn't know why she wont talk to me if she likes me too, but i don't know now what do you think about this? we were doing REALLLY good and we liked eachother, but when i told her i how i love her and wanna be with her she started acting weird and we dont talk anymore, please help..

after reading this, this story reminded me much of myself last year. this boy and i reallly liked each other but when it got too serious i freaked out. for some reason i would get angry with him and either lash out at him or ignore him. i think it was because i like this chase, something flirty and simple and when it got too serious i panicked. i also dont always trust my feelings so when i feel like im being tied down i worry maybe i made the wrong choice. relationships take a lot of commitment and patience and maybe she wasnt ready for it. what i think you should do is respect her wishes and not make any effort to talk to her. i told the boy i didnt think we should talk for a while and i ended up thinking about him every second. i realized how much i did like him, but it was my pride i had to obtain so we didnt talk. in the end i gave up and we are friends now and im glad we are. i hope everything works out, and make her come to you. maybe by the end of this mess you will both have matured and you can start over.

Q: I'm a 15 year old female.
Okay, here's the deal. I've liked this guy since 7th grade...we're going to be sophomores this year and this summer we've gotten close. We've even gone on a sort of date. So, a couple says ago he asked if i considered us "talking" and I said that I did. He agreed and we texted a little that day. A day or so after that I texted him while i was shopping and he replied to one message but not the one that I sent him back. I was like "oh, well whatever" to that. The next day I texted him again, just to see how he was doing and because he's usually always the one to say something first and he didn't reply. He's not replying to anthing on myspace and he's just not talking to me in general. I mean, what's up with thaT?

-We usually text for hours and talk on myspace and stuff....I don't know why we don't call yet.

it seems that you really like him, and sometimes when you really like someone, you have to let them come to you. guys arent interested in girls who like them, or girls they could have already. so lay off the texting and myspace posts-that might be a turn off for him. and if he doesnt text you or answer you back then he is different then you thought he was.

Q: I'm 15 and still haven't started my period, is that normal? :/ My mom says she started at like 12, so I figured I would have started early, but I still haven't started...

yes that is normal- my mom got it late, and i got it earlier. it depends on the activity and how much exercise you do. excessive activity can stunt your growth. but dont worry you still have time- by your sixteenth birthday, try talking to your doctor. she may tell you, you still are growing, and estimate how long you have.

Q: hey i had the question about how i was mean to my boyfriend.. well he's coming over tonight and i wanted to do something special un sex related just to show him why he loves me.. why he shoudl be with me.. any suggestions?

try to think back when things were less complex, or how you two got together. what attracted you to each other? any special times? try to do something romantic or even just simple and fun. really listen to what he is saying and try to really connect with him. have patience with him and be kind and compassionate. i hope your evening goes well.

Q: so my boyfriend and i have been dating for 7 months now, and i was always very mean to him, just because i was truly scared of him breaking my heart. i would always threaten to break up with him just because i was scared that he would do it first, but i knew that i would never really break up with him because i love him, with all of my heart. well yesterday he was talking about a break up due to all the mean hurtful things that i sometimes say to him. well obviously it tore me apart and i literally begged for forgiveness. we came to the conclusion that we should trial date for a week and see how that goes.. and see if i can stop my mean ways, and if i can regain his trust.. just try to get back to normal again.. well i slept over his house last night and we had a conversation about how he does truly love me and how he still wants to marry me.. and i thought that this meant that we were back to normal and everything.. so we had sex.. twice.. well then today he tells me that he isnt sure about whats going to happen and that we still have alot of work to do before we're normal again.. he told me that theres still a chance that this wont work out.. and so here i am devastated.. and clueless as to what i should do.. any advice is greatly appreciated.

I understand you truly love him, and losing him would be terrible, but your actions and attitude towards him is pushing him away and straining your relationship. if you love someone you have to accept that it can be painful but also great if you are open to it. don't push love away. he may not be the perfect boyfriend either, but if you two overcome your obstacles and work together, your relationship could improve. have sex after you work everything out, not when you are in limbo. work to gain his trust and remember how you would feel if he treated you that way.

i hope i helped

Q: ok hes only 1 yeah older but still.
im scared hes going to want to kiss me and im scared cause i dont know how..im 13 and hes 14.
like how do i know if he wants to kiss me? and how do i kiss him. like, all the ways to kiss.
lol and please no links.

Thank ya!

heey no worries. if your boyfriend hasnt kissed you yet, he will soon. but also you have to show signs that you want to be kissed: flirt with him, show confidence. Also, when you guys kiss, you will be in the moment, so close your eyes, lean in (not to forceful) and purse your lips (open slightly). It doesnt really matter what you do with your arms, work off his body actions. he might slightly hold your face, you can slightly hold his, or wrap your arms around his neck, whatever feels right. if he wants to french kiss, again act off him. he will slightly slip his tongue into your mouth and you do the same. keep your mouth open wide, and move your tongue around his, even tease it. remember to swallow so it doesnt get messy, and breathe. it is okay to stop for air. also, you havent mentioned if he has had his first kiss, if so he can direct you, if not you can learn from eachother.
i hope i helped :)

Q: Im a very girlie person but I just don't do purse or bags. But I really need one for highschool that's big (like a rectangle sized) but stylish for either carrying through travel time between classes or as my back pack bag. Can anyone give me some of your fashion expertise? I hope that it's cheap and easy to find. It's quite a small city here so I don't want a bad that someone else will have.

I had the same problem, but then I started using Vera Bradley bags. There is an online website, or they might sell them at a store near you. There are tons of different patterns and sizes, the patterns are tasteful and colorful so they can go with many outfits. You can use them for school books or travels. There are many rectangle sizes. You have to judge if they are expensive or not, because all the bags are different prices.
If Vera Bradley is not for you, you can always go to stores around you and pick up a bag like target, abercrombie has some bags, and other stores. i hope i helped :)

Q: hey. umm i'm really confused about what to do with my close guy friend. We have been really good friends for a few years but i have always liked him and he likes me. We have reallty good chemistry and we tried going out and it was nice but i broke up with him. i'm not really sure why.

I was really hurt after that. Since then he's been with a few girls but he still likes me and i really like him. I want to be with him but i'm afraid of getting hurt or i'm afraid it might not work out again. He's made moves but and I can't stop thinking bout him and i don't know what to do!

I've read your answers and i always agree with your advice so thats why i asked you. Any advice will be appreciated, thanks soooo much!

Ok, well i myself have been in this kind of relationship. but, the thing with me was i realized that we were just very good friends-all those mixed feelings and flirting were never going to change or go away, they just weren't going to be pursued. you also have to take into account how often you do see him, and if anything were to happen, who would be affected by it.
Getting hurt is never a good thing, but getting hurt can also make you realize what you have lost. Sometimes it is not the relationship or the liking between you two that you lost, but the friendship. And maybe the getting hurt is a good thing because if you have tried it before and it hasn't worked out, maybe it wont in the future. you may have good chemistry and look cute together and some people might take those risks and want to try again, but others might just accept that it hasn't worked out and it will not.
There might be friends who have mixed feelings about the situation, thinking it is cute, but then upset about the outcome. they have to realize that the people in the relationship do not intentionally mean to be unfair to the other partner, but they are just basing their actions off their feelings. and sometimes their feelings can lead to unclear actions,and it just does not feel right.
well i hope i have helped you and cleared some things up.

Q: Okay so I'm trying to lose weight, and I weighed myself Sunday when I started and weighed 120. To start the diet I drank lost of water and worked out, then today (Wednesday), I weighed myself at 130!
So whats wrong with me?!?
How could I gain 10 lbs. In a day only drinking water and working out?
Is it water weight?
Do you have any good ab excersizes?
Thanks :)
14/f

yes that is water weight, but it is also unhealthy to only drink water and work out. I understand you want to lose weight, but you should really do it with a healthy, balanced, diet. Therefore, you will have more energy to workout and you can get through the day easier. You need to nuture your body, not deprive it from food. Also, try weighing yourself when you start the day, because that is your real weight. Try eating salads, 6 servings of vegetables, 4 servings of fruit, grilled chicken (nothing fried), 3 glasses of skim milk, fish, turkey burgers, whole wheat bread. I hope i helped :)

Q: Hola, the real dear abby, or kristy . . .
Hehe, i clicked random columnist and it brought me to your sight. well, i don't really have a question haha. Bye!

DONT reveal my nameee !

Q: ok hes 21. my parents know him but i just dont know what else to he does get to hang out sometims but not enough. wat to do?

him being five years older definitely concerns your parents. they do not want you to pressured into anything you think you shouldn't do. being 16 and being 21 is a big gap, and he has experienced more than you, and might be moving at a faster pace than you should at the time. i understand you really like him, and he may really like you, but in my opinion waiting a little might be the best idea. he can already drive, smoke, and drink. you could be exposed to things you might not be ready for.

Q: hi, i need advice. im 16 and the guy i love is a bit older than me. my parents want let me be with him so i have to sneak. i do feel horrible about it. i really want a relationship with him. i dont know what to do. please help!

first it depends how much is a bit older. next, if you are feeling guilty, how about you try to convince your parents how much of a good person he is and try to show them that. your parents are just looking out for you and want the best for you that is why they are concerned. i hope i helped :)

Q: im sitting here studying for Å final that i have monday
& i cant concentrate
i mean i can read the words so easily but my brain wont process them at all. like now, when i try to remember what i studied my brain is screaming out "no, dont make me think! i cant think right now! shut down shut down!"
&then i g completely blank
which is totallly un-heard of for me
i mean i am ALWAYS thinking..
Always!

so whats the problem?
how do i fix it? thanx so so so much!!!!!!!
&hearts

okay it sounds like the stress is taking over your memory. it happens to us all. when you study make sure to go in the quietest place possible, and try to avoid all electronics that might cause loss of concentration. also, make sure you have eaten so you do not get tired or a headache. next try new studying techniques. flash cards may help, or try to ask your friends how they study. even try to study with a friend who is having the same final. i hope i helped :)

Q: i dont smoke that much, only about 1-3 cigs a day. my bf smokes too, and he's who i get my cigs from. we always split a pack until the next time i get to see him, with is usually within a week. so yeah.

well i went to the store the other day and got a really good smelling candle and a thing of febreze so i could spray it everytime im done smoking to get rid of the smell of burnt tobacco. and its been working! but my friend told me today that if i keep smoking in my room that im going to get YELLOW STAINS ON MY FRICKEN WALL.

is this true?? cuz no one besides her and my bf and my bf's friend know that i smoke. and if my rents found out they'd KILL ME. so if that IS the case, how would i get rid of the stains...and also even though my little febreze and candle thing is working, does anyone know a really good way to get rid of the smell of cigs??

so i guess my questions are:

A)do i really get yellow stains on my wall?

B)if so, how do i get rid of them?

C)what is a really good product that gets rid of the smell?

thanks for any advice!! :))

P.S. im unemployed and im on a budget, so any ideas that are NICE TO MY WALLET, that'd be dandy, as well. :)

hey, to answer question A, yes it does stain your walls. but here is a story that might help "Many years ago we moved into an apartment with tan walls in living room & a heavy smoke odor throughout. Kitchen was AWFUL. I bought every cleaner known to exist that I could find. Nothing worked. Then one day, I tried something my mother used to use. I bought a small box of Arm & Hammer WASHING SODA and some vinegar. Just dumped about a cup of vinegar and a handful of the washing soda in a bucket and added hot water. (Later found some great recipes for these cleaning jobs in a book called "Mary Ellen's Helpful Hints." I then dampened a rag, and went into the living room, where I swiped the rag just above a heat register in the wall. It was MAGIC!!! And the wall was not tan, it was a pretty pale green. My only problem was this one clean spot was in full view so I had to do the whole HUGE room. Took me a week, after working a job all day, but what a difference. The owner thought I had painted. (He had refused to do so.) You don't have to scrub hard but do have to change the water often, or rinse rag in another bucket before putting it back in the cleaning solution. That stuff turns the water black in no time!" I hope that story gives you tips and i hope i helped :)

Q: I need an honest viewpoint on this.

Lets say you're a 16 year old girl and you broke up with your 16 year old boyfriend (which is my case). You broke up with him because he's been giving you really obvious hints that he didn't wanna be together anymore. He even said so one time. After a week of breaking up, he sends you a text saying something like: "You're contagious because I cried for no reason last night"
and all of a sudden, you start seeing your ex boyfriend depressed. (he never was before...in fact, he was happy). He tries to flirt with you more... He doesn't eat at lunch...he feels really sad and crappy. He doesnt flirt with girls like he usually did to try and make you jealous. He just sits in your table at lunch and sulks.
If this was your case, do you think he's depressed over the break up?
Thank you

I do believe that he is depressed. A lot of people take relationships and friendships for granted. They do not realize until they have lost the person they cared or loved, how much they did care and love them. I think your ex is realizing what a great person he lost and his true feelings are coming out.

Q: ok i kinda got 2 questions
what is the difference between love and lust and how can i tell it apart?

secondly

all last month i went crazy over this girl (she has a boyfreind but we still flirt a little in our own way. we've been freinds for years) but her boyfreind went away last week to go somewere with his freinds for a holiday and we had been invited to a freinds party on a friday and another party on the sunday of that week he was off. we had an awesome time i felt we had gotten closer then the day after we wre fine but her bf came back i was fine with it, then i started getting really lonley and the day after i got outa bed and went to college and i didnt say much all day and when i saw her i had lost all feelings for her. i still feel nothing for her but just as a freind, did i just expirience lust for a long time? because i really did care for her now i feel like i'v betrayed her in some way.

ps: i dont want no one saying anything like she cheated on her bf kus nothing happend ;)

To answer your first question-Lust is any intense desire or craving for self gratification and excitement. Love represents a range of human emotions and experiences related to the senses of affection and sexual attraction. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.
Your friendship has lasted for years, and sometimes with those friendships, you can like them for a long time, wake up one day, and feel that you do not like the person anymore, that is normal. Feelings and emotions change so often. It could have been a phase, and maybe down the road you will like her again. I do not believe it is lust, because you seem to care about her too much to JUST want her. Bottom line, you have not betrayed her. You guys seem to be great friends and should continue to let your friendship grow. I hope i helped :)

Q: im13 and wanted to know what a 13 year old girl likes about guys and how they like them to kiss. Any help?

There is no category of thirteen year old girls. All girls have different interests; therefore, it is your job to figure out what they are. One thing all girls like is when guys are thoughtful, and show the girl they do care. People kiss all different ways, but always remember to be RELAXED. If you are nervous, it can affect the kiss. Take deep breaths, and have confidence. Do not be too forceful, but gentle. Hope i helped you :)