about

I'm a mom of two, who has had her share of problems, and likes to help others with their own. I love helping people, and knowing that I can make a difference. I can't help with everything, but I'll always try to make people smile and just feel good about themselves. I've had more than my share of family drama and problems; what with my parents coming from two different and clashing cultures. I've also moved around a lot and had to deal with changing schools and all the trauma of making new friends and fitting in. I'm good with questions about friends, relationships (love, family..you name it), tough decisions, technology, and other weird random questions.
I'm a great listener, but I make sure to understand both sides of the story as well.


advice

how do u know if a mangoe is ripe?

The best way to know if its ripe is to smell it. If you can smell that sweet mango smell then its ripe (and most likely a very good mango). It will also be a little soft. Sometimes, its soft with no mango smell and most of the time that mango is not very tasty.

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So I'm 15 and I want to be pregnant... I don't know what to do...btw I'm single. For the past couple months I've wanted to have a baby... I need some advice! Please help!!!

I am a mom of two wonderful little boys, and although I love them with all of my heart they are a handful and can drive me absolutely insane. I am 27 right now and had my first at 23. Believe me when I say you are by no means ready for a baby. You may feel like you are, you may want one with all of your heart, but you are not ready. Trust me. Once you have a baby any freedom you have is out the window. Hanging out with your friends at night to watch a movie or go out for dinner...you can't. Baby has to be home early for bedtime. Then there's all the expenses: food, clothes, DIAPERS! They go through A LOT of diapers, and they are not cheap.

I dreamt of having kids from 9th grade, but I am so thankful I never had any before I did. Some days I wish I waited and I was 23!!!

So please, wait until you are at least out of high school, preferably out of college, and in a serious committed relationship. Having children is wonderful, but it is also filled with screaming, yelling, poopy clothes, catching throw up with your bare hands, and never having a free minute to catch your breath (and that's while being in a committed relationship). It's a 24/7 job so think long and hard about whether you are ready to give almost everything up.

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13/F

So I hang out with this girl named Lucy. We met about 3 months ago.

I met these 2 girls named Christina and Jessica. We met 6 months ago. I hung out with Christina and Jessica for about 3 months, but I met Lucy then we started hanging out. But now, 3 months later, I realized I'd like to hang out with Christina and Jessica again. I told Christina about this, and she said she'd love for me to hang out with them. But here's the thing...

What do I tell Lucy? Lucy and Christina kind of know each other, but I kind of just only want it to be Jessica, Christina, and me. Lucy has a bunch of other friends she hangs out with, but I don't want to hurt her. What do I do?

There is no such thing as too many friends. You obviously became friends with Lucy for a reason, some kind of connection. My question is why do you have to completely erase Lucy from your circle of friends. You never know, things might be even more fun with Lucy added to the mix. When I was your age I had my own Lucy problem, and my Lucy became one of my best and closest friends.

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I have an old Myspace, Xanga, Facebook, and Twitter accounts that I can't log into. I mean really, really old like maybe 5-9 years ago. I do not have access to old email addresses nor remember what they were. I'm not sure if I could guess old passwords. Is there any way I could delete any of those accounts? Only 1 or 2 have too much information on them.

I would say try contacting the websites and seeing if they can help you. Not knowing the email addresses or passwords might make it a little difficult to close them on your own. But usually there are security questions that help in situations like this.

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I'm extremely upset. One of my best friends I've been friends with for a about a year and I've officially decided I dislike her and want her significantly out of my life. I could write forever and give you the long explanation but I'll make it short. For the past two and a half months I've been annoyed, angry, and hurt by her and it's been a buildup.

I have now reached my breaking point and have come to realize that she is not the type of friend that I want and she is not the person she was when we first became friends. She pretty much uses me as a secondary backup friend and when when other people are around that she prefers, she conveniently ignores my existence. It makes me feel like crap. Sure it deeply hurts me, but it's gotten to the point where I just think she's a pathetic person and EVERYTHING she does bothers me. She's snobby, insecure, childish, extremely selfish, inconsiderate of other peoples' feelings, one of the biggest attention whores I've ever met, and just really irritating. I feel like every time I get hurt by her, the next day I like her again when she decides to show interest in me and it's just like a vicious cycle that is getting extremely old and I can't deal with it anymore.

A few of our other friends totally agree with me. I don't want to have a talk with her and let her know how I feel and what's bothering me, and vulnerably talk about how hurt my feelings are. I don't want there to be a fight either like we're in middle school. I just don't care to be her friend anymore and I'm trying very hard to avoid her. Seriously, it stresses me out and causes me anxiety when I'm around her most of the time. The problem is that next year, for college junior year we are all living in an apartment together. I like all my other friends I'm living with. We made these arrangements months ago and bailing out now would mean leaving all my other friends that I love and having nowhere else to go anyway. It's too late now. I'm just so upset at the fact that I've made this new found realization that I truly do not like her anymore, yet I have to spend the entire year next year with her. We're all in a sorority together too. I think I'm going to go insane living with her. I mean I have the summer to diffuse and everything and she could possibly be different next year but I don't know if I'll be able to handle her.

Like I said, every time I forgive her and "like" her again after being hurt, I just end up getting hurt again. I think that if I stop caring about her completely and decide to reduce our relationship to acquaintances, things won't bother me as much anymore. I just don't see how I can do that now. How do I avoid going nuts next year? Every day she irritates me more and I can't even imagine how old it will be months from now. Please, help me out. I'm confused and frustrated, and I really don't know what to do. Thank you

We all have some friend who changes and turns into a person we can't stand. We start to question what we ever saw in them, and we drive ourselves insane trying to figure out what happened.

You already have the answer..stop caring.

Don't let yourself fall into the cycle. If she wants to be your friend thats fine, be nice. If she's in an "ignoring you" mood that's fine too, you have other friends. She is not your one and only friend, just leave her alone when she's being that way (not in a mean or rude way though) The important thing is to not let her bother you, I know its easier said than done, but that really is the solution to your problem.

I'm sure when she's being nice shes a fun and nice person to hang around...so you should just take everything she says and does with a grain of salt.

Don't be mean, don't alienate her, especially since you are going to have to live with her.

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okay, this is long but i really need help.


about 5 months ago, i started getting over friendly with a boy i was friends with. when we were together all we did was flirt and joke and i loved it. we started texting and i told him i liked him. things were good and he said he liked me back. we got together one night and it was amazing. i forgot about everyone around us and we spent the whole night together just kissing and cuddling. he told me he loved me after that but i thought he was just being silly. things after got bad as we could never meet and he always seemed so needy. i ended it a few times but we always got back. then i ended it for good 2 months ago. i thought i wasnt ready for anything he wanted. he took it hard and begged me to come back but i thought i was over him. then valentines we were at a disco. i was talking to him and just wanted to kiss him. I told him and he ignored me. at the end of the night i seen him kiss another girl, and it felt like a kick in the stomach. i was completely gutted. i told him i still liked him and he told me he didnt like me anymore. i was shocked it had come to that. i then started to constantly think about him, i realised i was madly in love with him and i started to fall out with him over nothing all the time. i felt bad and i knew he tried to be friends. he told me one night he always loved me and then told me he had a new girlfriend. i burst into tears and was very upset. things went down hill from there, he is a flirt and flirts with all my friends + me even though he has a girlfriend. he seems to not care anymore and doesnt really make an effort with me, but its breaking my heart and i dunno what to do. i just want to be with him and no one else :|

I'm going to be completely honest with you...this sounds like a situation of wanting what you can't have. I used to go through cycles like this. Be with someone, then push them away, and when I felt them pulling away try to pull them back in.

I don't think you are as in love with him as you think, but more in love with the idea of loving someone that much.

Just take a break from thinking about him, and focus on yourself. If after a few weeks you still feel absolutely obsessed with him..then maybe talk to him about it. But I truly feel like this is a passing feeling and you should just move on. :)

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15/f
does anyone have any fun ideas for a 16th birthday, thats parentally approved?

going to a water park would be fun.

or a spa day for you and a few close friends..

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I know, I know, its like, 5 months away, but I have to be early about EVERYTHING! Okay, I'm going shopping, for my dress within the first two weeks of January; I have a pretty good idea on what I'm getting already. It's not my prom, its my boyfriends, however, I want a small tiara. Nothing huge or fancy. I know he wouldn't care, and I'm not even going to let him lay eyes on the dress until the day he picks me up for prom. What I'm asking, is for a cute small but not outrageously tacky, tiara. Links would be wonderful!
Thanks & Happy Holidays!

http://www.princessbridetiaras.com/new_tiaras.php

this website has a bunch of tiaras..

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15/f
Okay here's the 'deal'
I'm home schooled and have been my whole life.
I'm not dumb or anything but when It comes down to dating I'm not too 'lucky' with guys, I guess because I don't go to the same school as they do? blahblahblah and I feel like it's like I'll NEVER get a boyfriend because I'm homeschooled, I don't want that, I deff don't want to be loney forever-
It doesnt feel that great:/ Like seriously everyone I know has boyfriends/girlfriends and I'm the only one who doesnt because I'm not in a "real" school. This isn't gonna happen forever will it?


ahhhhh I'm going crazy

of course not..soon enough you'll find someone special. don't stress out about it too much. Everything happens in its own time..

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I don't noe if I have a yeast infection(embarassing). How do I know I do? And how would i tell my mum?

I feel for you..and honestly the best thing would be to go to your mom. Because if you have never had a yeast infection before its best to go to your doctor to make sure that it is only a yeast infection and not something more serious. The symptoms are like the person below me said thicker discharge with a strong smell. But the worst part of having a yeast infection is the itching....it itches like CRAZZZYYY!!

its best to go see your doctor, she can prescribe you a pill to take or you can go to the pharmacy and buy monistat, but I really suggest that you go see your doctor.

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I am 17 and I was driving home tonight, and as i was driving up a hill (i'll admit...probably a little too fast) i realized by lights were off- so i turned them on...and then a second later i saw a cop car behind me so i pulled over. When he came over he was just like (nicely) "I saw you fly up the hill with your lights off" (i wasn't going insanely fast). But he asked for my license (which was valid and everything), and he was just like alright have a good night. He didn't ask me for my registration, he didn't give me a ticket, and he didn't specify a "warning"

So my question is:
Am I on some kind of record now? like as far as i could tell he didn't write my name down (he was right in front of me the whole time).

And should i tell my parents?? I am kind of scared too- but i feel like i should- but idk whyy...

THanks soo much!!!

you're so lucky...he let you off easy. As long as he didn't take your license and go to his car you are good to go. Don't worry about it, as long as there was no ticket you're fine.

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So, I'm dating a man I've known for a long time. I'm white and he's black. When people see photos of us together or hear about him, for some reason they always have to comment and say things like 'Oh he's black..." or "I'd never thought /you'd/ date a black guy."
I don't understand what the problem is personnaly, I love him and he's so fantastic.
I was wondering though, when you see a white girl and a black man, what do you automaticaly assume or think? Just interested to know.

hmmm I never really thought about that. I don't really have any specific reaction when I see a white girl dating a black guy or vice versa. However I can understand the ppl who say "oh hes black..." because you know before you actually meet a friends boy friend/girl friend you always get the initial image, and then when you actually see a picture or meet the person you're like "oh totally not what I imagined"

the " i never thought you'd date a black guy" comment is weird and kinda rude...

anyways..yaa my reaction is that I don't really have any reaction...they are just another normal couple in love and hopefully happy. :)

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so mainly females i ask to help me but if guys can thatd be great my area down their itchys like crazy it never has before but it does now a lot and i dont know what to do and once i start itching it takes me a while to stop and when i do stop it hurts not when i use the restroom but it just hurts

i'll bet anything that you have a yeast infection. If this is your first time, then you should go to a doctor just to make sure that that is all that is wrong. They'll give you some medicine and the itching will be gone.

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Hi, I'm Jacky.
My life has been rough, because of me.
It got better, until I did stupid things, and now I feel like there's nothing else I can do to make it better, I just mess up more and more. The more I mess up, the more I look like a dumb ass.
First, I have a friend over and I sneak two guys downstairs at 11 at night, and my dad's caught us.
So, my dad and mom have absolutely no trust in me, what so ever. I actually think my family hates me, because I don't listen, and I do things I'm not supposed. I've been doing that, for the past years. Plus they found out I tried pot and I'm sexually active. So that's a huge minus. I get in huge fights with my parents, mostly with my dad. I feel like I just failed my family, honestly. I don't know how to talk or act around them anymore. I just feel uncomfortable and awkward.
And then, I reported this kid for selling drugs, which he sold them to me, and I told a teacher at school about it, and she ended up telling the principal on me, I thought I could trust her. Then I had to rat him out because of what I told my teacher, then I have to go to all this court shit and be a witness, which I don't really want to be. I wish this would've never happened, this kid is going to have a fucked up life with my involvement. What the fuck is wrong with me. It's all my fault. And I can't take it back. But that's my fault.
And 3rd, I cheated on my boyfriend with another guy. I couldn't stand my boyfriend, he's attracted to assholes, shit, and farts. And I'm being honest. He hits me. He's just a jackass. But he knows how to cover himself to make people believe him. But honestly, he was a huge part of my life. And now that's gone. But now I'm with the other guy, who hardly calls me, he says he thinks it's best because he doesn't want us to get too attached and end up being bored with each other. Now, I love talking on the phone, and really like him, but I don't know. I just think there's something wrong with me. I honestly think I'm hated by a lot of people. I do not know what to do with my life anymore. I'm really scared and stuck. I've cheated and lied before. And I've just been a bad person lately.
I wish I could've handled things differently. But, I didn't. I have no idea what to do. I feel like I've fucked up my life. I think a lot of people hate me too. But that's besides the point.
Please anybody, give me advice. I don't know how to start know, I have no idea what to do with myself anymore.
Thank you.

I agree with a lot of what the other person said. EVERYONE makes mistakes, and from the sounds of it you are still young and have plenty of time to turn your life around. I cannot tell you how many times I have felt like everything I did was worthless, and felt like everyone hated me. And I'll bet that there a whole bunch of others who feel exactly the same way. The important thing is that you realize that you have made mistakes, the next step is to start fixing them. Also about the guy who was selling drugs, its not your fault. He screwed up his own life by making the decision to sell the drugs in the first place. you did the right thing telling, even though right now you probably feel kinda crappy about it.

Summer is almost here, so take this vacation to fix things and change the things you don't like about yourself. It is never too late... :) good luck!

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I am a mother of 5, with the two youngest being my step children, ages 14 and 12. My husband and I have the children full time with the exception of every other weekend, they spend with their mom. Ok this is the situation. I have been their step mom for ten years.I have watched them grow, have attended school functions, teacher parent conferences, school trips, all althletic functions, etc... The birth mom, we will call suzy, treats the two different. The oldest gets everything she askes for.. from clothes, shopping, weekend trips, etc.. The youngest gets an occasional shirt or small item. She is very angry at her mom and says things like I hate my mom, I hate my sister, my mom loves her more than me, my mom promises me things and never keeps her promises, etc.. I am becoming very concerned with her anger. I have done very well at keeping my mouth shut when it involves their mother. And I want the youngest to have her lime lit, to feel special, etc..However, I do not want to stoop to the level of their mother and include one in something special and not the other... We always include all 5 of our kids, no matter what we do..we always have..I just dont understand how a mother can put one child so much higher than the other...And she is hurting...I always insure her that she is loved just as equal and all the other children we have...But she always poses the question, "why does my mom love ____ more than me." I dont have an answer for her..My advide has always been, I can't answer for your mom, thats something you will have to ask her. Is there any suggestions to help me out in this situation? What more can I do? Am I giving her the wrong advice? Please help....Desperate step mom....

Well my suggestion is to set aside some time for just you and the 12 year old. Some special time just for her. The other kids probably won't mind, and the older one probably won't care seeing as shes getting all her mom's attention anyways. but ya so like I said one day out of the week just do something special with her. Let it be of her choice, watch a movie, go shopping, etc.

Also perhaps you could have a talk with her mother, and let her know how shes making her daughter feel. Of course that depends on how your relationship with her mother is. If its like cats and dogs, then you should just let it go and don't say anything to her.

and if the anger doesn't seem to get better maybe you should take her for some therapy. These kinda mother-daughter relationships can cause a lot of damage, for her to have someone to talk to could help.

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i never tried this ask a random columnist thing before but oh well. Im 15 years old, female, from a small small town and like every teenager i have issues. sometimes i just feel so alone and i have friends and they are the best and i have family who are great as well but still i cant help but feel alones sometimes, also i cant help but feel like im not doing what im supposed to be doing like somehow im living a different life than what i was supposed to. i just need someone to talk to and maybe someone who can relate you dont need to answer this but u if do thats great too

I know how you feel, sometimes you just get this feeling of emptiness. kinda like something is missing in your life, but then when you think about it you have great friends, family, and pretty much anything you could want. yet you still feel empty and alone. just try to surround yourself with lots of friends, and try not to be alone too often. it helps. :)

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i am 19f and and i have been experiencing very bad jealous and anxiet attacks. i am overly sensitive as well and it GREATLY effects my relaitonships with everyone. my boyfriends, friends and family. it is not good and i cant help it. idk what to do. should i see a therapist

It is a good idea to see a psychiatrist because if these feelings are a sign of something more serious than they could prescribe you medicine that could help you feel less anxious.

Also try to relax and avoid doing things that cause a lot of stress.

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Ok when I'm with a guy he always tells me about "oh this girl likes me, she does too, she likes me.. Oh these girls we're trying to talk to me, they said I was cute & but I told them I had a girlfriend." Blah blah and they tell about all their incidents with other girls why??

AND THEN.

When I talk about my incidents with other guys they get mad?

Weeeeeird.

They want you to know how desirable they are, so that they can feel great about themselves and so that you feel lucky and proud to be with them. when you talk about your incidents it makes them feel insecure which pisses them off because guys like to feel in control. they hate being vulnerable. they also don't like to imagine you being with someone else. and on top of that they don't want to feel like you might be too good for them (i.e. maybe one of the guys you dated was a notch higher on the social status ladder..this makes him feel insecure).

anyways..yaa guys are big babies who try to act like men. all men are little boys...but we love them anyways. lol

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Okay i need some anger managment tips, because i have really bad problems. I get really angry really quickly. And i bite myself, i know its not healthy and i want to stop, but it feels so good. It takes away the pain...

Last july i had a problem with my cousin. He tried to get me to make out with him and he was getting really close to me and i didnt like it. He left and i tried to block it out of my mind, and i did for a while. Well then he came back during semester exams and i freaked out again, then he left and came back again in february and somehow got my number and pretty much stalked me. He lives in indiana. i live in ky.

But now everytime i go to his city i am REALLY cautious and dont do anything because i am afraid i will run into him.

And i met this new boy ty, and my brother is telling me we are related which trust me we are not. And i got really mad and went off and began crying and biting myself.

anytime someone brings up cousins or incest or anything like that i get sick at my stomach and begin crying because it brings up the bad memories that i have been tryin so hard to lock up.

Help me please :]

I really wish there was some miracle answer I could give you to help you, but honestly the best I have is for you to get help from someone more experienced. I think you should go to your parents and tell them what happened and whats bothering you, and then maybe go to a psychiatrist or therapist. I feel like you really need someone to talk to about this, and I just don't have the experience needed to help you, since to me this seems very serious.

Please talk with your parents and maybe a therapist.

I hope things get better..

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There's this guy at school I really like. He's a junior and I'm a sophomore. One problem... I'm a "good girl" and he's not a "bad boy" but he's pretty close. I'm a strong Christian and he won't even go to church. I know he has strong feelings for me too but he won't date me because he doesn't date "good girls". We're good friends and we talk a lot about getting together but he wants a lot more in the physical part than I'm willing to give. We talk about that a lot and he's always making jokes about wanting to do stuff with me that he knows I'd never do. He wants me to pretty much be a skank. :( I still really like him but I'm not really sure where to go with this... Any advice whatsoever would be helpful!! Should I pursue the relationship? Tell him how I feel? I'm so confused!!

I don't see anything wrong with pursuing the relationship as long as it doesn't compromise your morals and beliefs. By that I mean, theres nothing wrong dating a guy and staying true to your morals. I think its great that you have such strong beliefs, and hope that nothing ever makes you sway from them.
:)

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