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don't like my friend, don't know what to do
I'm extremely upset. One of my best friends I've been friends with for a about a year and I've officially decided I dislike her and want her significantly out of my life. I could write forever and give you the long explanation but I'll make it short. For the past two and a half months I've been annoyed, angry, and hurt by her and it's been a buildup.
I have now reached my breaking point and have come to realize that she is not the type of friend that I want and she is not the person she was when we first became friends. She pretty much uses me as a secondary backup friend and when when other people are around that she prefers, she conveniently ignores my existence. It makes me feel like crap. Sure it deeply hurts me, but it's gotten to the point where I just think she's a pathetic person and EVERYTHING she does bothers me. She's snobby, insecure, childish, extremely selfish, inconsiderate of other peoples' feelings, one of the biggest attention whores I've ever met, and just really irritating. I feel like every time I get hurt by her, the next day I like her again when she decides to show interest in me and it's just like a vicious cycle that is getting extremely old and I can't deal with it anymore.
A few of our other friends totally agree with me. I don't want to have a talk with her and let her know how I feel and what's bothering me, and vulnerably talk about how hurt my feelings are. I don't want there to be a fight either like we're in middle school. I just don't care to be her friend anymore and I'm trying very hard to avoid her. Seriously, it stresses me out and causes me anxiety when I'm around her most of the time. The problem is that next year, for college junior year we are all living in an apartment together. I like all my other friends I'm living with. We made these arrangements months ago and bailing out now would mean leaving all my other friends that I love and having nowhere else to go anyway. It's too late now. I'm just so upset at the fact that I've made this new found realization that I truly do not like her anymore, yet I have to spend the entire year next year with her. We're all in a sorority together too. I think I'm going to go insane living with her. I mean I have the summer to diffuse and everything and she could possibly be different next year but I don't know if I'll be able to handle her.
Like I said, every time I forgive her and "like" her again after being hurt, I just end up getting hurt again. I think that if I stop caring about her completely and decide to reduce our relationship to acquaintances, things won't bother me as much anymore. I just don't see how I can do that now. How do I avoid going nuts next year? Every day she irritates me more and I can't even imagine how old it will be months from now. Please, help me out. I'm confused and frustrated, and I really don't know what to do. Thank you
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hi,
I understand what you are going through as I had a similar thing with one of my best friends years ago. A little different though as she became really angry and self absorbed and was mean to my other best friend who she was dating!
It really reached a point where I just had to drop her as a friend completely. Sadly I had to stop being friends with my other best friend (her boyfriend). It was a little hard, but mostly such a relief as the stress wasn't there anymore. I just got on with my life and had fun with my other friends, and made new friends as well.
It may be worth considering living with other people. If your other friends are really good friends they will understand that you couldn't possibly live in an apartment with this girl. Your life could really suffer from the stress, and so could your studies.
If you are a Christian, I would recommend making sure that you are obeying God, and then pray for him to find a solution to this situation!
If you do choose to live there, then I advise just being polite with her, but after she ditches you, don't hang out with her by yourself when she is nice to you, until you tell her straight up and with no vulnerability that she treats you badly and that you don't actually want a friend who has that as part of their character.
I hope it goes okay, and I would love to know what you decide to do.
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We all have some friend who changes and turns into a person we can't stand. We start to question what we ever saw in them, and we drive ourselves insane trying to figure out what happened.
You already have the answer..stop caring.
Don't let yourself fall into the cycle. If she wants to be your friend thats fine, be nice. If she's in an "ignoring you" mood that's fine too, you have other friends. She is not your one and only friend, just leave her alone when she's being that way (not in a mean or rude way though) The important thing is to not let her bother you, I know its easier said than done, but that really is the solution to your problem.
I'm sure when she's being nice shes a fun and nice person to hang around...so you should just take everything she says and does with a grain of salt.
Don't be mean, don't alienate her, especially since you are going to have to live with her.
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i am also in the same position and tried to stay far from her but as our class roll no. is adjacent i have to do every practicals with her. but she just talk and laugh with other boys. the only thing i can do for you is that you should not be upset at that moments. concentrate on your career. you are not so weak that any one can make you sad without your knowing. this is only a mere attraction which will fade away in course of time. if, you see this problem in different angle, then you can not deny that this can be your motivation to improve yourself ; and don't forget to make a girlfriend and introduce your gf to her. it will give you your self dignity and also pleasure. please reply if you like this. henceforth, you should be smart and talk to her infront of everyone .don't consider whether she ignores you or not. you just believe in yourself
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I have been in the same position. If this girl truely wants to be friends with you then test her. Type her a long letter or note about a your feelings and tell her your done with her. If she says ok then leave her. If she honestly likes you as a friend then she will come after you and apologize! Please try it and you will see if shes a true friend or not. It could take time though. Good luck and please write to me and let me know how it goes. Btw- Im the girl with no legs.
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Because you are spending the next year with her,. and because there is a no way out type of position. I think it would be best to try and talk to her about how your feeling,. even if you dont want to it might settle the situation down a little bit.
Hope this helps:)
~Jasmine*
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