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Q: My wife and I have not had sex in over a year. I'm 31, and she is 39, soon to be 40 in November. We both were virgins when we married so we had no prior sexual experiences. Almost every time we tried having sex, she said she hurt very badly. Sometimes I wouldn't even be touching her, and she said it felt like I was stabbing her with a knife in her privates. We went to a doctor earlier this year, and after an exam, the dr. determined that a muscle just inside the vagina-I can't remember its name-wasn't "stretched out" like it should be, and after it was, the pain should stop. She prescribed some lidocane gel and told my wife to put it on and just up inside her vagina about 10-20 mins. before sex, and it would numb her so she wouldn't feel any pain in that spot. I even tried some of it on myself on a bug bite one night, and it numbed it so that I could not feel where it itched me. She never has tried the medicine, and every time I bring it up, she either changes the subject, or just says she thinks something else is wrong and doesn't agree with what the dr. said. I said try going and getting a 2nd opinion, but she never has given me an answer. Our 5th anniversary is coming up the 28th of this month, and we're going away for the weeekend. I'd really like to get this problem solved by then, and I think we both would be much happier if it were and we could enjoy our vacation that much more. Also, we are still intimate with each other...I kiss her on her breasts sometimes, and she likes it, and once we were "wrestling" and she accidently hurt my penis, and she "kissed it to make it feel better," and we both enjoyed it, but she just seems uninterested or nervous about trying intercourse again. What can we do to resolve this, and how can I bring up without hurting her feelings, that I'm feeling deprived sexually?

Try to look at things from your wife's point of view. For her, sex is something that has always been associated with pain and distress - not pleasure - so it's little wonder that she's anxious about having intercourse again.
The fact that you are still intimate with her suggests that she hasn't lost interest altogether and that she's probably just as eager as you are to get the problem sorted. So how do you do this? Well, it's time for a full and frank discussion. I know you have tried talking before, but perhaps you're going about it in the wrong way. Instead of asking her to try the cream and talking about how you're feeling, (and I do sympathise with you!) ask her how she's feeling and if there's anything you could do to make her more comfortable with sex. This way, she won't feel like you're pressuring her into doing anything, but she may open up a little and allow you to help.
What I would suggest is that your wife needs to learn to associate sex with pleasure again. The problem seems to revolve around penetrative sex, so have you, for example, tried using oral sex etc to do this? Maybe once she starts to relax again in the bedroom she will feel confident enough to try intercourse.
If, and it's a big 'if' - there's no overnight solution! - this happens by your anniversary, be gentle and go extra slowly (hard, I know, when you're releasing a year's worth of pent up frustration!) The cream that the doctor prescribed sounds like it might numb most internal sensation that your wife may have during intercourse, so while she's not feeling sore, she's not exactly feeling anything else, either! Therefore, make sure you're concentrating on other areas of her vagina and body so that she is more likely to enjoy herself and look for a repeat performance!
Best of luck to you both!

Q: my girlfriend want me to finger her but ive never done that before what do i do

Don't panic! First of all, make sure you feel comfortable doing it. If you're not, don't. If you are, the most important thing to remember is to go slowly and to make sure she's wet before you do it (or use lube.) This is because if a girl isn't lubricated when you finger her, it can hurt quite a bit, and I'm sure that's not exactly what you're after!
How many fingers you use is up to you, but I'd advise you to stick with one. And it's perhaps better not to shove it in in one fell swoop! Doing it slowly and gradually will mean that you get the positioning just right. Even get your girlfriend to help you! Then, ask her what feels good and do it! Don't be embarrassed to get her input - she'll be impressed that you're so eager to please!
Oh, and what I'm going to say here is going to sound really self-explanatory, but I'm going to say it anyway - just in case! Make sure your nails are clean and short... otherwise they could cause small cuts in the vaginal walls possibly leading to infection (I know that sounds like a complete horror and is a terrible parting shot - but it's something I think every guy should know!)
Good luck and enjoy!!!

Q: I usually use pads out of the fear I've had of of using a tampon... I have attempted using them a few times in the past but didn't like the feeling... I recently tried using them again but the thing is I can FEEL them even when I push the applicator as far up and in as possible, is this normal? I heard it should feel like you're wearing nothing when you have a tampon in... plus when I push the second part of the applicator I get this uncomfy pressure which feels weird... and when I take them out (this is usually right after I put them in because I can feel them) - it takes alot of tugging and feels abit horrible too!
Is this right?

When your tampon is positioned correctly you shouldn't be able to feel it, so the fact that you're experiencing discomfort means that you're not putting it in properly. Don't worry because it takes practise to get it right.
Try to relax when you're putting it in because being tensed-up can make it sore. Buy the smallest ones you can get to start with (lowest absorbency ones) and follow the insetion instructions on the pack. Remember not to push it straight up - position the tampon at a slight angle towards your back so that it goes in correctly. When it's in properly you will be able to get up and walk around without even being aware of it.
Persevere with it and you'll eventually get the hang of it. Good luck!

Q: ok me andmyb/f were in his pool and he stuck it in me for like 3 min but ti kept comin out(in those 3 min) and he said nothing came out of him ....we didnt use protection, wat is the chance of me gettin pregnamt???????

I can't give you a percentage, but I assure you that you CAN get pregnant even though "nothing came out of him," and the chemicals in the pool will have no effect on the chances of you being pregnant, either.
The chance is probably quite small, but I would make sure that you take a pregnancy test because there definitely is still a chance.
Next time, use protection because even if he withdraws before he comes, you can fall pregnant. More importantly, a condom will protect you from STDs as well.

Q: i feel that i am progressing to the point of an eating disorder. i hardly eat breakfast lunch and dinner. i snack on a little bit of cheese nips and water everyday. i usually do 200 sit ups a night but sometimes i do less but never less than 100. i am noticing i am getting very tired latley also could that be becsaue i am not eating what i usually eat. i just hate how people think only the really skinny girls are attrctive and love their bodies. i just want to make people look at me like that. i am not fat i just have like a tummy, i mean its not huge, but i am average maybe alittle below. i have tremendous boobs which do not even fit my body they ar elike bigger then my head. i just hate the way i look, i have pretty much given up on eating and i have been very attitudish latley and i cant take crap form anyone. i jsut dont know what to do, does anyone have any advice that well make me look better or feel better about myslef and my body, i jsut hate not being skinny enough and ji cant wear tanktops becasue of mt DDD boobs which look retarted when i wear one becasue it goes from a huge chest a small body and it looks retared like i got reductions and i didnt i am so depressed i do not no what to do with myself!!!! can someone give me advice i think i need help????

First of all, start eating. I know that's easier said than done, but you have got to eat properly to be healthy. If you continue to eat as little as you are eating, you will feel more tired and will look it, as well. That won't be attractive to anyone. You will also put your health at risk, and it won't be long until you start experiencing dizziness and lack of concentration.
You say: "I just hate how people think only the really skinny girls are attractive," but remember that a guy isn't going to be interested in someone who is obsessed with what she eats and her appearance, and by the same token, not every girl that is skinny is attractive. You have got to learn to be confident within yourself and people will be drawn to you.
I would advise you to start eating a balanced diet, which will give you all of the nutrients that you need to look and feel healthy. Also, don't do such strenuous exercise every night. What you need to do is a little cardiovascular activity (dancing, running, playing sport etc.) which will keep you in shape and feeling good.
No-one is 100% happy with how they look. You admit that you are not fat, and although you don't love your DDD chest, you've got to bear in mind that a lot of people are probably jealous of you - I know a lot of skinny girls who are constantly complaining about their "ironing board" chests, and there are women out there paying ridiculous amounts of money in order to have larger assets! Try to focus on what you like about yourself, and your positive attitude will rub off on other people, making them really like you!
Good luck!

Q: It is always a competition between my best friend and I for who can get a better tan over the course of the summer. We do it naturally by laying outside instead of fake baking. We don't tan ecessivley or anything, but lately I've been wondering about skin cancer and all that. My mom told me to use some sun tan lotion to block the violent rays of the sun..but will that stop me from getting a good tan? Thx

Suntan lotion will not stop you getting a tan. It may take longer to tan when using it, but the result will be a tan which lasts longer. Sunblock WILL protect you from penetrating rays which can lead to skin cancer if used properly, and you should always wear it when you're sunbathing. Always use at least SPF 15 to give you good protection, and re-apply regularly (every 2 hours, and more often if you are swimming.) If you don't protect your skin now, you could do it some serious damage, and UVA rays will age your skin dramatically. It seems good to have a tan now, but remember that a tan is a sign of damaged skin, and that exposing yourself to the sun will give you wrinkled, tired looking skin when you're older unless you are careful.

Q: I am a second year student of a University. My family is very needy and I have been bearing my own expenses since 6th Grade. I dropped out of school soon after. I went abroad to make some money but I returned after having failed. We fell into extreme debt. I resumed my education and disappointed my parents after getting into the university i am now in. Now, one of my rich maternal uncles wants me to marry his daughter and has promised to bear my expenses as well as give me a handsome amount of cash. My parents are very interested and so on one side I have my education and on the other my family obligation. What should I do? I am very confused please help me.

I'm sorry you're in such a bad situation. My advice would be to complete your education - you have got this far, it would be a shame to throw it all away now. You'll find that when you've completed your course you'll be better qualified to do many jobs that pay quite well. It'll take a while, but you will find a job that you enjoy doing that will provide for you and your family. On the other hand, if you accepted your uncle's offer, you might end up very unhappy - it doesn't sound that you know this girl very well, and you may not get along. Furthermore, you must consider the girl's feelings amoungst all of this (I know it is difficult when you have so much to contend with yourself!) - how would she feel if she was pretty much "sold" to a guy?
I hope everything works out. Good luck whatever happens!

Q: Hey I recently dyed my hair black and I was wondering if it will look good with red highlights. I have brown skin. if you have anyother colors that might look good please tell me. not blonde everyone has blonde i wand something different.

Yeah, red looks really good on black hair. Purple looks really funky as well - I know it sounds strange, but honestly it looks cool!

Q: hi! um i was sondering if you could help me, i want to go on this two month diet thing... know any websites to help me/ advice to work on it?
thanks :) nicole

Hi, without knowing what diet you plan to go on, I can't tell you much except that if it promises results in 2 months, it won't work in the long term. A much better option to help you lose weight is to eat a healthy diet and get plenty of exercise (boring, I know!) Diets that only last for a short period may help you lose weight to start off with, but when you stop following it, all the weight goes back on again.
Eat lots of fruit and drink water (sometimes people think they are hungry when they are actually thirsty). A good tip I was given was to always rate my hunger on a scale of 1 to 10 when I went for something to eat. If it was anything less than 6, I would have some water or nothing, since I realised I was probably just eating because I was bored if you get what I mean.
Here are some sites that I hope will help:
http://www.eatwell.gov.uk/healthydiet/eatingouthealthily/healthierchoices/
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/loseweight.htm
http://www.thecolumn.org/

Q: Hey there. I started dating my best friend a while ago, you just moved here from Toronto, and he doesn't tell me a whole lot about his life back then. Anyways, we started having sex a couple of monthes ago. I'm on birth control so we don't use condoms, because we both hate them. Anyways, in october i got two infections, and was really sick for a week. I couldn't get out of bed, and i was in pain. I had an yeast infection and urinary tract infection. I went to my doctor, she gave me a lot of medicine. whatever, i got better, continued on with our way of things. Anyways, now in december, i seem to have another infection. I'm thinking it might be yeast infection but i don't know. It's different. He says he hasn't had sex before me, but with all these infection that i get, could he have, or could it be my birth control?

First of all, you've got to go and see a doctor to see if you actually have another infection, and while you're there, you should book in for an STD screening. A yeast infection can be a symptom of an STD, and urinary tract infections can be sexually transmitted, also, so it would be wise to ensure that you've not got anything else that is going untreated. It is possible that your boyfriend has had sex before you, yes, but you have got to be able to trust what he tells you - if you are doubting whether he is telling the truth or not, then it's time to rethink your relationship.
Not using condoms is definitely not a good idea, no matter how much you hate them. Your birth control will only stop you from getting pregnant - the only way to stop yourself getting STDs is to use a condom (because of the fact that you haven't been using them, it is increasingly likely that your infections have been sexually transmitted.) So PLEASE use them in future to prevent a lot of pain!
Hope I helped.

Q: Hey.. ok I got a lil problem! See.. there's this guy & I really like him but he's already told me that he dont want a g/f right now. Ok.. I was cool with that.. then 1 day he asks me if i would fuck him. I'm like huh? (I'm 14 btw.. he's 16) He's like let's fuck.. ok well I was like umm.. I dont really wanna do that right now but I was really flirty with it like I was playing hard 2 get.. which I kinda was but see.. now EVERYBODY knows that we might do something & he keeps bugging me about it but I still kinda like him.. what should I do?

PLEASE don't have sex with him babe - he sounds like a player who is only after one thing. He has no respect for you or your feelings and the best thing to do would be to forget about him. I know that's easier said than done, but it will be the right decision to make in the long term. :-)

Q: should i lose weight to make a guy like me? i mean i AM little overweight and my parents think so too and ive gained like 10 pounds, so im like 15 pound overweight! so i am wondering because i think guys havent asked me out yet is becuase of this! i know 2 guys who already liked me but they thought i was funny and nice and everything.. im not wow fat, but should i lose weight now? because is this the last straw?

You shouldn't have to change yourself for someone to like you - if they only like you if you're stick-thin, then they're not worth having as a boyfriend. You sound like you've got a really great personality, and decent guys will be more attracted to that than anything. If your weight is bothering you, then yeah, go ahead and try to lose some. Just remember to look after yourself and don't go on any silly diets that will make you ill.

Q: does anyone know a website that can help me with translating french to english?!...or if there is anyone on this website that can help me!!

Be careful using translation websites - they usually provide a really bad translation that makes no sense, lol (usually because they can't distinguish between different tenses etc). If you're having major problems, I speak good French and would be happy to help. :-)

Q: Hey. WeLL, I have a lot of stress on me right now. I have a math project and a book report to due, and I only have 3 more days tp finish including today. The book report is not only writing the book report, but you have to make a cover for it, reading notes, web organizers, etc. And in the math project you have to make graphs, research, solve problems, etc. I really want to make staright A's this quarter, and I think that if I don't complete these 2 assignments that it will bring my grade down, and everytime I think of that I have emotional breakdowns where I keep on crying, and I can;t control it becuse I keep on thinking negative without thinking positive like I should be doing. Can anyone help me get through this on a positive note. I'd really appreciate it.

I know all too well what that feels like, lol. A good thing to do is to plan your time out so that you have something to focus on. As you only have three days to get through a lot of work, you will have to put a lot of time and effort into it, but you CAN get it done if you really work. Plan your work into blocks that you can manage (no more than about an hour or you'll lose concentration) take regular short breaks to take your mind off of the work, and drink lots of water. Above all, try to think positively - don't think of the consequences of everything going wrong and not getting things done - think of what a great grade you'll get when everything is finished!
Hope you get everything done :-)!

Q: I have been taking paxil (An anti-depressent pill) for about 3 years, and I'm now 16. Recently I stopped taking it because I feel like it blinds me. I feel like i'm too happy on it and I'm not myself. I was thinking about lowering the dose but I've already been on that and It didnt seem to do anything. I think that by taking the pill it changes who I am. My parents are getting really worried now because I havent taken it, and i'm not sure if I should get back on it. Does anyone get what I mean?? I was born who I am, and that is depressed, anxious, and with anger. I think I should be myself and face these problems on my own, with out medicne. I dont think medicine is the best way to deal with problems. Can someone please give me some advice on what to do. Am I doing the right thing?? What do you think about this. Thanks! -Jenny

Hiya,
You really need to talk over your concerns with your doctor or whoever prescribed your pills to you before you lower your dose or stop taking it. I know you feel that you should be able to deal with problems on your own, but self-medicating will only make things worse, and could be potentially dangerous. Talk to the person that prescribed the pills to you, and they will be able to tell you what the best course of action to take would be - perhaps he/she will be able to give you something different that you're happier with or if you really don't want to take medicine (you won't be able to come off your medication straight away though), a councillor or psycologist may be able to help you. Good luck!

Q: thanks for your advice it help a lot thanks again

No probs!

Q: im 15 and my penis is just over 6 inches long is that about average? im not sure what my girlfriend will think.

Quit worrying! Yeah, that is average so don't panic! According to statistics (I researched it for you, lol) most guys have a penis that is 5.5 to 6.5 inches long when erect, so you're perfectly normal.
Don't worry about what your girlfriend will think - she will probably be too petrified of what you'll think about her body to think of anything else, so take things slowly and everything will be fine! :-)

Q: how do i get rid of weeds in the patch on front of my house and stop them from growing back through decorative stones?

Well, firstly, take up all of your decorative stones and take out all of the weeds you can. Invest in a really good weedkiller and spread it through the soil, and then to stop the weeds from re-growing, you can put sheets of dark plastic or sheets of newspaper on top of the soil to stop light getting to it, so weeds wont grow. Recover with your decorative stones and your garden will be beautiful! Hoorah!

Q: Ok so I write a lot of poetry and I gave advice to someone about making a poem into a song but the poetry I write is very depressing and isn't really the song type. How do I come up with song lyrics of my own, and how do I put music to it (like acctually write out sheet music, idk where all the notes go)?

When you write a song, don't worry about music or what goes where, just let it come to you. Sometimes it gets frustrating when you want to write something but you just can't, but you have to wait until you feel inspired to write something. You're half way there with your poetry - if you write about how you feel, whether it is depressing or not, you have the basis of a good song. I'd say not to worry about making your lyrics rhyme, either - sometimes making things rhyme kinda ruins the meaning of the song. As long as you can really get across how you are feeling, your songs should be really good (my best songs have been written in floods of tears, lol!)

Q: Can you lose weight by doing yoga?I heard it was only for your flexibility but someone else told me you could lose weight from it?Thanks!

Yoga is excellent for your flexibility, but unfortunately not so good at helping you to lose weight as it is not a cardiovascular activity. Doing traditional yoga for an hour burns less than 200 calories per hour, but there is another type, called "power yoga" which is better at helping you lose weight as it is an aerobic activity.
However, yoga is great for helping you to relax, and it also improves your endurance so it is still good for you!

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Hi everyone,
If you have anything to ask me please feel free to do so and I will try to answer as openly as possible and help you as much as I can.
Ceece xxxx