I'm here to help. I am always the one everyone comes to for advice. I understand people and especially relationships; I have studied them extensively. I have engaged in private study of psychology, human behavior and interpersonal relationships. I ran a room on AOL for years that had quite a large group of regulars. I have many "Best Answers" in Yahoo! Answers.
Please send me your questions regarding anything but most especially relationships, sex, children, animals and family. I'll do my best to help you resolve your problem.
And if all else fails... I'm funny.
Website: PreciousPieces: Artwork & Such
E-mail: sindelle_h@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Washington D.C.
Occupation: student of human behavior
Age: 27
Member Since: September 1, 2007
Answers: 13
Last Update: September 3, 2007
Visitors: 2814
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I don't know why but my computer history deletes everything once I shut the computer.
When i go back on, there's only a today folder and it shows what i did today while my computer was on.
I went on the computer before but it doesn't show any palce that i went.
I didn't change my history settings or anything! Is there any way i can change my history settings to not delete my history? (2 weeks ago, Last week, Yesterday, etc)
I didn't download the new internet where you can have tabs above the url bar in a page. (My other ocmputer has that internet so that's the only way I know how to delete the history. You can change settings to delete all history and stuff but you can't on this one.) (link)
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Try going into the start up menu (the little thing that says "Start" on the bottom of your screen) and look for "Control Panel." Click that. When it comes up, find "Internet Options" and click that. There should be a part that says "Days To Keep Pages In History" with a number you can change. See what number it's on and try to change it to a higher one. If this does not work, you could try going onto a tech help site and asking.
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16/f. a friend of mine just died. and another friend, david, isnt really showing any emotion. and i know its affecting him cause he was like best friends with the kid that died. i told david that im here for him and such, but im worried. i know its not healthy to keep everything in. he'll talk to me when its just me and him. no body else around. and that doesnt happen too often. maybe its just a guy thing. idk. but im worried. and idk what to say or do. (link)
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Well, it's true that guys often don't want to express emotions, especially in front of other guys (or even us, sometimes) but it's not uncommon for people to be "numb" after someone they cares about dies. They are basically in shock and haven't really processed it yet. The closer they were to the person, the bigger the shock is. It's a huge thing to accept: someone you care about and saw all the time is gone and you are NEVER going to see them again, ever. Most of us have trouble with the actual concept of death. We know that the person is gone, we know that it's forever but the human mind can't really comprehend forever. And we have a lot of built-in defense mechanisms to protect us from shock and pain, such as what occurs when a loved one passes on. People often go to the funeral and go about their lives and seem fine and will think they're fine. Then something will happen (it's often something small, like finding an article of their clothing or going somewhere they used to go together) and it will hit them like a load of bricks that the person really IS gone. This may happen to your friend, David. If it does, you need to be careful about helping him through his grief. Grief is one of the rawest, most terrible of all human emotions because there is no cure for it but time. Make sure he knows that you can talk with him about this friend, remember the good times and the funny things he did but also remember to respect his space. He may not want you to help him. Men especially seem to need to grieve in private. Just make sure if he needs you, you're there. Give him some time. It can take awhile to process all these things. And if he starts acting differently or in an outwardly worrisome manner, be a good friend and try to get him some help.
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hey..
im a really really scared and paraniod person
i can like kill myself for the stupidest things in the world..
i always think the wronge way
then thoughts enter my mind
and get me all scared
can somone help me?
just give me advice to like keep my mind of things or something
thank =]
bye (link)
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My husband has these problems. He "thinks the wrong way", too. He was diagnosed as schizophrenic at 17 and then a few years later as manic depressive w/psychotic features. He is 30 now and though he has grown in some ways, he still has a lot of trouble. He takes everything wrong. He adds up the wrong things when people talk to him. He is paranoid. He accuses me of crazy, unbelievable things (though not as much as he used to)and reacts violently to these perceived issues. He believes that everything is directed at him in some way, or connected to him somehow. I believe this is because he feels that he is unimportant so he tries to fashion ways that he is important, even if it's negatively. Like for example: he feels people don't like him but he has to feel important to them, so he tells himself they don't like him, when the truth is they don't even know who he is. Or he is paranoid that people will dislike him and so he tries to protect himself by disliking them first and therefore CAUSING them not to like him, thus making his paranoid worry come true.
SO... first of all, stop over-thinking everything. Sometimes there IS no hidden motive or underlying meaning in stuff. A song is just a song. Nobody is going to hurt you. Nobody is talking about you and you know what? If they are, so what? You don't need them. When the scary thoughts come, remind yourself that you KNOW they are not true. Remind yourself that you KNOW there is nothing to be afraid of. I know this is hard but just keep doing it. I gave my husband a piece of paper that said things like: "I love you. You are important to this family. You are worth everything to me. I will not leave you", etc. and I told him to take it out and read it when he got scared or paranoid. Try to use self-talk in the ways I've described (tell yourself that you know it's not real, that you know there's nothing to be afraid of, that you know you are being paranoid and there's nothing to worry about.)
And second... honestly, you need to go to the doctor. These kinds of problems are very difficult to control and they can get worse as you get older. My husband's paranoia is better (now he only gets paranoid when he's upset, rather than all the time) but he is extremely absent-minded and forgetful. He can't focus. We have a child and a parent who can't focus is dangerous. He needs medication. You probably do, too. I know you don't want to hear that but you WILL feel better. He took Lithium, which is very safe and has no bad side effects. I took it too, once upon a time. It's for manic depression.
I wish you luck and love.
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I've been playing soccer for the last 8 years. I've been on a select team for 5 or 6 years. My mom never supports me. She says I suck at soccer & I'm not aggressive & I'm the worst player in my city. It really hurts because I try so hard to show her that I actually have skills. All my friends say I'm one of the best players and they say I'm the best right wing they've ever met. And a lot of people don't make the select team, and I've made it every year. I've made it when people 2 years older than me haven't. So why does my mom say I'm horrible?
Oh yeah, and she says my sister is awesome at softball when her coach doesn't even know her name & it's only her second year and she can barely hit.
Ugh!! (link)
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There could be a lot of answers for this. Maybe she just wants you to always try your hardest. Maybe she thinks you are too conceited about your talent. Maybe she's jealous (yes, it happens). Maybe she's just picking on you. Are there other problems between you and your mom besides soccer? Sometimes in a family, there is a member who is referred to in psychology as "the identified victim." The term we would all be familiar with is probably "scapegoat." It is the person in the family who everyone blames for everything.
I had issues like this with my mother. She bought my sister school clothes and bought me nothing. She gave her money all the time and gave me nothing. Let her have her way and fought me at every turn. Let my sister have a lock on her door (even though she's the one who was always in trouble with the cops) and not me. You get the idea.
At the time, she would never admit that anything unfair was going on. Kept saying I was crazy, I was paranoid, I needed medication... Years later she finally admitted it, and never really gave me a real reason, other than I was "easier to deal with" than my sister.
I don't know the family dynamic in your family so I can't say if this applies to you. If it does, your whole family should get counseling. Soon.
If it doesn't, try pointing out your mom's behavior and ask her why she isn't more supportive. Tell her it'd be nice if you could feel like she was proud of you.
If she answers rudely or insultingly, let it go. Who cares what she thinks? If she isn't proud of you, that's her loss. Some people's approval you are never going to get and once that becomes apparent, you have to let it go. You don't need her approval. YOU know the truth. I know this isn't an easy thing to let go of, but if you need to you can in time. And you'll be happier.
Hope this helps!
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My boyfriend and i made a promise that if he didnt jerk off to porn i wouldnt drink. I told him that i didnt care if he did it in the shower because he wasnt looking at any other girls nakes...as you can tell im the jealous type not gonna lie. Well today i found out from 2 of his brothers that they have walked in on him doing it several times nd i made sure they werent just saying that. its like he promised on his dads like nd my life nd toher ppls lives that he wouldnt so i trusted him until today. it kills me when he does that not counting the fact hes been lieing to mealot lately...what should i do because his brothers dont want me sayin they told me so i dont wanan ruin their trust but i cant not say anything because its bothering me alot...what can i do to express my feelings to him about it without getting his brothers in trouble????
please help i really need it (link)
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I don't know how old you are, so since this is an adult question, I'm going to phrase my answer to an adult:
The easy answer here is get over it. That's not so easy, though. It isn't easy when you feel like you're not good enough because he is looking at other girls. I can understand that. Do you and he have sex? If you do, that can make it doubly upsetting because then you feel like why didn't he come to you?
The truth is that he's probably not going to stop. Pornography can be addicting; why should a man (or a woman) have to masturbate just THINKING about sex when they can watch it going on? You have to ask yourself whether you can deal with it or not. It doesn't sound like you can.
Now, personally... I don't like this kind of thing either. But you also have to be honest and evaluate how much sex you're giving him versus how much he needs. I make sure I'm available to my husband any and every time he wants it. That's not so he won't masturbate. It's because I want to fulfill his needs. And I like sex. =:0)
Sex is necessary for a healthy adult relationship. The truth is, one of the number one reasons men cheat is because they don't get enough sex or the kind of sex they want from their girlfriend/wife. This is not the woman's fault by any means; both partners need to compromise and come together to reach something they are both happy with. Many men are afraid to ask for what they want, as are many women. But you won't get it if no one knows you want it.
And lastly, since he's obviously a liar and has habits that you cannot deal with, I think you need to consider finding someone who's ideals are more in line with yours. There ARE guys who don't watch porn, or who will stop if you ask them to.
Hope this helps!
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is there any way of telling a guys penis by his height n wieght?
cus i might be having sex with my boyfriend, n hes tall n skinny n i wanted to know if there is anyway i would be able to know how big?
(if it helps hes caucasion) (link)
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No, not from his height and weight. There are many wives tales about the size of ears and feet, etc.
There are certain tricks about the body, though. If you wrap a tape measure around your head 3 times, the resulting measurement will be your height. If you place your heel against the inside of your elbow, you will see that your foot and your forearm are exactly the same length. And the distance between a man's wrist and the tip of his middle finger is often an indicator of the size of his penis. It is not an exact measurement but it is a pretty good indication. This is not true for guys with abnormally large or abnormally small penises, but as a rule it seems to be pretty true.
Hope this helps!
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I'm 13 and I can put a tampon in just fine. But I was thinking to myself if fingering feels like pleasuring, why doesn't a tampon feel pleasuring? I mean your still sticking something up there it's just a different material or whatever. I have never fingered myself before though. THe reason for that I used a tampon but not fingered myself is because I have to use a tampon for different sports I do. But I don't have to finger myself, and I'm afraid i'll break my hyem [sp?] if I do. So my two questions are, why does fingering feel good but not putting tampons in, and do you think since I have used tampons before and my hyem didn't break, fingering won't break it? (link)
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Both of those things can rupture the hymen. So can horseback riding and a few other things.
I think the reason a tampon doesn't feel pleasurable is the same reason going to the gynecologist isn't: it's your mindset. You aren't thinking in terms of pleasure. However, when you are masturbating, you are thinking in terms of pleasure. That's why it feels good. That's basically the rule of thumb with sex: what feels good is sex. What doesn't... isn't. =:0)
Hope this helps!
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this is weird-
but do boys get orgasims?
cuz i knoww like for a girl you like
shake a little and like it feels amazing
but like guys do that too rite? and if they
do, how and when do they get them?
thanks (link)
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Yes, they get them. And they can have them easier than we can. It seems to feel pretty amazing to them, too. I've often wondered if theirs are different than ours.
A male orgasm is caused by direct stimulation of the penis from friction, like stroking, sucking, intercourse, etc. They achieve an orgasm every time they have sex, usually, and after they do, the sex is usually over.
When they have an orgasm, they ejaculate. That's when the sperm comes out. Stuff comes out when we have an orgasm, too, but it's not really the same.
Hope this helps!
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i had sex august 21st and like i might take a doctors examination to see if i really am pregnant but i was wondering if i do get pregnant, i dont want the baby and im not having the baby, how much is abortion and can i have an abortion possibly now? (link)
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It is really too soon to tell if you are pregnant, unless you get an hgc hormone level check via blood screen. Any urine test results would not be viable yet. You have to at least have missed your period for them to work, or be close to getting it. A week and some is not long enough to tell by any other way but a blood test.
I'm not going to tell you to get an abortion or not to but I am going to tell you this: pregnancy is preventable. If you don't want to get pregnant, there are ways to prevent it. If you are having unprotected sex (which obviously you are, since you think you're pregnant), pregnancy isn't the only thing you have to worry about. There are many, many STDs, which can cause smelly, discolored discharge, itching, burning and scarring inside you and can make future pregnancies difficult or impossible. Some STDs are incurable, such as herpes or genital warts (HPV) which cause visible sores and/or warts on your genitals. To be blunt, that's gross. Anybody who sees them will know you have a sexually transmitted disease. And they NEVER GO AWAY. And some STDs can kill you, like AIDS, HPV (which has been shown to cause cancer in some instances), or syphillis. And some STDs have no symptoms for a long time and then you give them to other people, or they progress to the point of no return and you never even knew you had an STD.
Abortion has been shown to cause scarring, too. It has also been shown to cause remorse, grief and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in most women who have one. I know many girls who've had abortions (some more than one) and I have to tell you, I can honestly state that they all regret it. I'm not saying have an abortion or don't have an abortion. I'm saying don't get pregnant. I'm saying don't contract an STD. I'm saying don't have unprotected sex and you won't have to worry about any of it.
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I have a 10 inch penis. My girlfriend is scared to let me have sex with her, cuz i might hurt her. What the hell should I Do? (link)
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I had this exact problem. I had a boyfriend who had a 10 inch penis when I was younger. And I was also afraid.
Try this: tell her that she can get on top, that way SHE can control how far it goes in and how much. That way, if it hurts, she can adjust accordingly. Be gentle. Be easy.
Women's vaginas are just basically a pocket of nerves and muscles and they do adjust to accomodate a man's penis if the woman is with the same guy for awhile but it takes awhile. It'll never adjust if you don't have sex at all. Above all, be gentle and understanding. If you hurt her, chances are she's not going to want to attempt it again.
Hope this helps!
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ive masturbated before but ive never had an orgasim...how do u get to the point to have one?
PLZZZ ANSWER! (link)
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It seems like maybe you're concentrating a little too hard on it. That can make it harder to achieve an orgasm.
A vibrator is a great tool for self-pleasure but they can be tricky. Sometimes you have to hit just the right spot. Where are you using it? The trigger for female orgasm is the clitoris, which is just above your vaginal opening and just below your urethra (where your pee comes out). If you didn't know that, don't feel stupid. A lot of people don't. Try turning the vibrator on and placing it against the area I just described (just above your vaginal opening, not inside your vagina) and see what happens. Also, the most sexual organ is the mind. What are you thinking about when you do it? Try just relaxing and thinking about whatever excites you. Most people have an ongoing fantasy that they use when they masturbate. I know this sounds really clinical but it's true. And sometimes they try one and it doesn't work. Masturbation is a very personal thing, as are sexual fantasies and only you can know what excites you.
Hope this helps!
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My wife and I have not had sex in over a year. I'm 31, and she is 39, soon to be 40 in November. We both were virgins when we married so we had no prior sexual experiences. Almost every time we tried having sex, she said she hurt very badly. Sometimes I wouldn't even be touching her, and she said it felt like I was stabbing her with a knife in her privates. We went to a doctor earlier this year, and after an exam, the dr. determined that a muscle just inside the vagina-I can't remember its name-wasn't "stretched out" like it should be, and after it was, the pain should stop. She prescribed some lidocane gel and told my wife to put it on and just up inside her vagina about 10-20 mins. before sex, and it would numb her so she wouldn't feel any pain in that spot. I even tried some of it on myself on a bug bite one night, and it numbed it so that I could not feel where it itched me. She never has tried the medicine, and every time I bring it up, she either changes the subject, or just says she thinks something else is wrong and doesn't agree with what the dr. said. I said try going and getting a 2nd opinion, but she never has given me an answer. Our 5th anniversary is coming up the 28th of this month, and we're going away for the weeekend. I'd really like to get this problem solved by then, and I think we both would be much happier if it were and we could enjoy our vacation that much more. Also, we are still intimate with each other...I kiss her on her breasts sometimes, and she likes it, and once we were "wrestling" and she accidently hurt my penis, and she "kissed it to make it feel better," and we both enjoyed it, but she just seems uninterested or nervous about trying intercourse again. What can we do to resolve this, and how can I bring up without hurting her feelings, that I'm feeling deprived sexually? (link)
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First of all, putting this on a time frame is a little unrealistic; you guys haven't had sex in over a year. It's going to take time to fix. Also, you need to not worry about hurting her feelings. As long as you are kind and honest, you will not hurt her feelings. If you approach it badly, like "Hey, baby... what's up with the booty?" then you're going to get a bad response.
I actually have had that same problem a few times. I am a very small woman (5ft, 100lbs) and I think that was part of the problem.
Also, perhaps she needs a little more foreplay. Try to ease into it; don't make it seem like foreplay. Be nice. Cuddle. Do the dishes. Whatever she likes. Then when the moment is right, give her a nice kiss, or stroke her hair. In fact, stroking a woman's hair produces oxytocin, which provides a calming effect. The pain could be from a nervous tightening-up of her muscles because she is not relaxed. It could be gas. It could be a lot of things. I assume the Dr. ruled out fibroids and cysts and things like that that can cause painful intercourse.
If something is painful, we don't want to do it. It's very possible that she is nervous about trying again; no one likes to be in pain. Then her being nervous causes her to tighten up and that makes it worse. Have you tried over-the-counter aids, like lubrication? That can cause pain, also.
The thing you need to do is be open, honest and upfront. You are never going to get what you want unless you ask for it. Try to make it a relaxing, no-pressure situation and see how that works.
Hope this helps!
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ok i put my best friend as front of a lie to save my own butt from my super extreme parents... i mean i wouldn't have done it if i knew they'd understand that i learned from my mistake... but they won't they will make sure i suffer (that includes removing all my college funds and giving it to my little brother). anyway... well i am 18/f .... and i went to a party with some friends in college... and i emailed my best frnd who's in a different college... the email got to my brother... he told ... and i sed it was a lie i made up to empress my best friend and none of it is true... (but she's not like that! she knws who i am better than they do!) anyway... so they freaked and sed she's bad influence and now i can't talk to her at all... (well they can't stop me) but she's not welcome at home anymore and my fam just don't look at her the same... although she is totally the opposite and she's even more decent than i am .... i am so mad at my rat brother.. coz he keeps snooping and using weired things like "keylogger"?!? anyway he's a different story...
i don't know what to do... she is really hurt that i did this but she totally gets why i had to (trust me she's not a doormat if she didn't like it she would have gone straight to my fam and told them the truth... its not that... she just knows how extreme my parents are... and why i am always at her house when we were in school). i know i sound mean... but i swear i wud have done the same for her! but when it comes to my fam ... i really can't stand up against a tyranny...
so how do i fix things without damaging things?? i mean i don't think what i've done was soooo bad. i learned my lesson... i was just tempted by this sudden taste of freedom... it just sounds that bad i swear. (to the parents who don't let me go to after school activities coz they worry i'll get raped)....
i really don't want her image to falter into the bad because of me and in the same time i don't want to loose my college opportunity.. i'm already giving up so many privileges after that incident (thats when they are convinced i hadn't done anything!) including going out and stuff... there is just this one thing i need to fix and i'll be alright until i am financially independent from them.... :S so what should i do?!?!?
don't say the truth it wont work.. i need a plot... a convincing plot.... (link)
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Well, you're right. The truth probably wouldn't work. Not now, anyway. Maybe you could have skated with it if you'd come clean earlier but now you've told too many lies. That's what happens when you lie, though, you know? Best reason I know of not to do it.
It seems like what you are really concerned with is the fact that your best friend isn't allowed around you anymore and that your family thinks she's a bad person, etc. You could possibly say you thought she'd be impressed because she's NOT like that, and usually neither are YOU, so you thought she'd think that you were being adventurous by going to a college party (which, as you've told the parents, was a lie), even though it was a lie. You know, like "Well, Mom, SHE'S so strait-laced and I'M so strait-laced that I figured she would think I was cool or something, since I did something so off the wall that she would never even think of doing. It was stupid and I'm sorry!" Like that.
Honestly, there really is no good answer for this. A plot is not going to work for this one. There's really no way to explain it, other than possibly what I said above. Your brother busted you out cold. And by the way, what he did is a real invasion of privacy. You should make a bigger deal about that. He has no right to go into your stuff like that, whether you were doing anything wrong or not.
Hope this helps!
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