There's a lot that I think qualifies me to help people and give good advice.
Firstly, I'm bi polar and I live with that every day. I also have arthritis and IBS.
I am a young parent, and polyamorous.
I have complex relationships, and I am an emotional person.
I can give rational advice to other people because I have learned from my mistakes. I've had a plethora of bad relationships, and it's taken me years to find people who are good for me.
I have, always have had, and probably always will have body image issues. I am multi pierced and tattooed, and fascinated by body modification. I am happy with anything that anyone does to express themselves, provided it is safe and ethical.
I believe a well lived life is one that is happy, regardless of money and status.
Website: My LJ
E-mail: wiccan_insanity@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Portsmouth, England
Occupation: Mother
Age: 22
ICQ: 292274791
AIM: ArainnonNiamh
Yahoo: jennifer_bell2004@yahoo.com
MSN: wiccan_insanity@hotmail.com
Member Since: February 21, 2006
Answers: 34
Last Update: May 2, 2006
Visitors: 2650
|
| |
Dear Advicenators,
I want to get my belly button pierced so bad (for my 8th grade graduation) but my mom says no. I don't know what I can say to convence her that I really want this, and will do anything to get it.
What can I tell her to convince her to let me get it peirced? My dad will accept if she accepts, but I already brought up thae fact of good grades, good friends, and I dont' know what else to say! Thanks for the advive.
-Krys (link)
|
Whatever you do, do not pierce it yourself. You will cause more harm than good. Look up information on the internet, and visit a piercer with your mother. If she still doesn't go for it, there isn't a lot you can do. You are still young, and unfortunately have to do what she says. If I had every piercing I wanted done at your ages my face would be virtually unrecognisable.
I'd recommend not deliberately going against her wishes. Not because it's 'naughty' but because it's disrespectful and unfair on your mother, who is only trying to do what's best for you.
http://www.bmezine.com is a good website for information and pictures of piercings, that will give you a good idea of the procedures and healing times involved with navel piercing.
I'd advise getting a navel piercing if you are obese (extremely overweight) as the piercing will not heal well. Also, even if you are thin, sometimes your stomach will fold horizontally at some point when you sit down or bend over. Try sitting down/bending over and see if you have this crease. If you do, if it runs through your navel it is best not to get a navel piercing, as it will not heal well then. Belly button piercings are very common, but due to their location, are one of the most difficult piercings to heal.
I'm sure if you assure your mom that you will take good care of it, then she will come round to the idea eventually.
|
|
my boyfriend is really nice and ok looking but his teeth are crooked and pretty yellow. should i tell him or keep going out with him? and when he wants to kiss me i am scared. what should i do? (link)
|
From a purely medical point of view, slightly yellow teeth are healthier than pure white ones.
Don't judge your boyfriend on how his teeth look, I'm sure he has lots of other nice qualities or he wouldn't be your boyfriend.
Teeth only become a problem when they're not regularly brushed. This causes tartar build up which doesn't feel nice, and haliotosis (bad breath) which certainly doesn't smell nice. If his breath smells, you have every right to ask him to brush his teeth or use a breath freshener. There are a lot of fairly inexpensive teeth whitening products out there which will greatly improve the colour of teeth. If you do mention this, do it tactfully, otherwise he will get offended.
|
|
i have short hair about up to the end of my neck. and it's black,and incase this helps i'm african american. i was just wondering what color highlights i should get. and i was just also wondering if higlights damage your hair? please be honest b/c i don't want my hair 2 break down for nothing.thanks in advance (link)
|
Highlights most definitely will damage your hair, especially if you have african american black hair. The only way to highlight dark coloured hair is to put bleach on it, and this changes the chemical structure of hair. It causes weakening and breakage, as well as split ends and a general loss of shine.
If you do decide to go for highlights, you need to make absolutely sure that you take very good care of your hair. Avoid excessive brushing and use a conditioner specially formulated for highlighted/coloured/damaged hair.
I just want to say I am utterly jealous of you. I would love to have lustrous african american hair, it takes a lot of styling which would look awful on my hair!
Try something a little less extreme like braiding or a new style before you definitely decide to go for the highlights.
|
|
ok...im 16 years old and ive always dreamed of being a model...im willing to work really hard to reach my goal but i would like to lose some weight first. im not what you would call fat cause im 5'6 and 130 pounds but i know that thats not good enough. does anyone have any good ideas on a workout or something to help me lose some weight? im willing to work as much as it will take. any type of advice is appreciated. (link)
|
To be perfectly honest, I'd advise you against becoming a model. I'm probably bitter and biased because I'm a plain Jane, but I truly believe there are so many more things a young woman can do with herself than model which will gain you more respect and self confidence.
You need to have a very thick skin to be a model. It's a very harsh and critical industry. Just watch Americas Top Model, and see girls that are 130lbs being called fat (which they most emphatically ARE NOT), and you'll see what I mean.
The only reason you should lose weight is for YOURSELF. You can lose weight to be healthier and happier, but don't do it for other people.
Learn to use your mind. Get a good education, a degree, and if you're 20 and still want to go for it, then do. You need something to fall back on though. Looks don't last forever, and I can guarantee there will be periods when your type of look isn't even en vogue, and you won't be able to get work.
Yoga and swimming will tone and shape muscles. If you want to lose weight and gain stamina, then try biking, running and cardiovascular aerobic exercise. Good luck whatever path you choose to take!
|
is there a good way to slim your thighs?
like i know that running is good, but i've been doing that && i havent been seeing much of a result.
is there any good ways to do it && how long should it take? (link)
|
I'd recommend swimming and yoga. Both of these types of exercise will work your core muscles and tone your legs and bottom. Good luck!
|
|
ok well i think i'm fat so i try to eat healty and exercise, but i never can keep up with it! how can i keep at it? and is it a bad thing that every time i get skinnier (like every year or so) i always want to get thinner and thinner. is that bad? usually w/e i am isnt enought. i want to loose more. HELP (link)
|
It's not uncommon for this to happen to young people. The media forces a certain image of perfection upon us, and we either have to conform to that, or feel like failures.
You are a beautiful, wonderful, unique, special person no matter what size you are. What makes you into YOU is so much more than physical appearance. I've always considered myself fairly plain. I have body piercings and tattoos which help me feel more confident, and I've learned to live with my size (180lbs) because I know it doesn't change who I am.
You need to realise that. Fat or thin, you will always be the same person. Whatever size you are, you deserve to love and be loved. I have a loving partner, and he couldn't give a toss how big my tummy is or how much I weigh.
Constant dieting will put stress on your entire body, especially your skeletal and reproductive systems. You don't say how much you actually weigh, but I am willing to bet you are of healthy weight. Most of the people who are portrayed as beautiful in the media are actually severely and dangerously underweight.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/your_weight/bmiimperial_index.shtml
That's a British link, but you find out your body mass index using imperial and metric measurements. The BMI is the most reliable way of finding out whether you are overweight. Measuring against height is also quite a good guide. A 5'2'' person shouldn't weight a 180lbs, but for someone who is 5'8'' 180 lbs is a perfectly healthy weight.
Eat healthily and exercise sensibly. There is more to life than looking perfect!
|
|
ok so my boobs really look unhealthy.they dont look accurate and the same and they look discolord and one time i brushed up agains it and i felt a lump! a LUMP! in my boob! what does that mean?! its freaking me out cuz i think i have like breast cancer or something! PLEASE HELP! (link)
|
There are a few different things it could be. Cysts and benign tumours are surprisingly common in young women, mostly because of the fluctuating levels of hormones in your body.
See a doctor asap, it's best not to leave it. Yes, being honest, there is a possibility of it being cancerous, but it's very very unlikely. A doctor will be able to tell you straight away what to do, whether to leave it, or whether you need further treatment.
Worrying is healthy, it's a part of the human self preservation instinct. Just don't let it take over your life.
|
|
On May 17th, is a banquet, I have been waiting for this for quite awhile now. Ok the dress is a size 6, when I first bought it, it fit perfectly now, my stomach is a little pudgy, I NEED HELP FAST!. What can I do to make it go down. What should I help. Please help, it's in 2 weeks. Thank u,n 5's for anything useful. Please dont come at me with going to a gym because I cant get to one. Thanks again (link)
|
I advise detoxing. Drink plenty of fruit juice and eat 5 portions of fruit and vegetables every day. Cut out meat, dairy, wheat, gluten and processed sugar from your diet. Try drinking a glass of hot water with a glass of fresh water squeezed into it every morning. This will flush your system through and get rid of any built up waste and fluid retention.
Exercises such as stomach crunches should help.
http://exercise.about.com/cs/weightlifting/l/blcrunch.htm
That link should help.
A combination of both should be the most effective method. Don't overwork or starve yourself, as you will only feel tired, achey and close to fainting when you go to your prom.
|
So, my partner's parents/family have 'seen the bruises' and now think I'm some vest-wearing wifebeater and have 'warned me'.
How on earth do I tactfully explain what's really going on before I get the rozzers called on me?
I don't think they'll appreciate the honest truth about what their 'little princess' likes in bed somehow...
>.<
Awful and delicate situation, help! (link)
|
You need to talk openly and honestly with your partner. If she doesn't wish for her parents to know her sexual leaning, then you can't do anything more than keep quiet and hope that you don't get pestered.
I think it would be much more healthy and open for you to talk to them TOGETHER. If she tells them herself, then they might think it is just her trying to defend a man who is abusing her. If you tell them yourself, they may not believe you, and may still think that you are abusing her.
I think a joint stance is the best idea. Talk through it honestly. Yes it's cringeworthy, but you're both adults and your sexual preferences really aren't any of their business.
|
|
Ok so im 14/f n i've been getting my period for a while now. I'm going on a school trip soon and I'm pretty sure i'm gonna have my period then. I've never used a tampon before but there is no way i can wear a pad with my bathing suit on this trip. The problem is i'm afriad to use a tampon and i don't know how. Anyone wanna help!?! (link)
|
Firstly, if you are squeamish, get over that. Menstruation can be icky and smelly and messy, but is all a natural part of being a woman.
Tampax slim fits (or minis as they are called in the UK) are the best thing to use if you have never used a tampon before. I'd also advise against using Vaseline to ease insertion. If you have never touched yourself, or had your genitals touched before, I suggest you become familiar with your vulva and entrance to your vagina, as this will make insertion of the tampon easier. If you do find it very dry, you can use a little KY (jelly/liquid) on the tampon to ease insertion. In fact, here in the UK, Lilets have released a brand of tampons with lubrication gel added to ease insertion, so it is perfectly safe to do.
Always remember that your vagina slopes towards your back. It doesn't go straight up. So make sure when you try to insert the tampon that you point it towards the back.
You should ALWAYS get a information booklet with a box of tampons. This should show you directly how to insert one into your vagina. I personally found non applicator tampons the easiest to use when I first began using tampons, as the applicators can be a bit tricky to get your head around if you're not experienced with them.
The routine I find the easiest is:
-Wash hands and vulva. Try not to use feminine wipes, always try to use pure water. It is not essential wash your genitals, but I feel more comfortable if I have. It is definitely an absolute must for you to clean your hands before you insert a tampon though.
-Get in a position that is comfortable for you. Some people prefer to sit on the toilet with their knees wide apart, some stand with one leg on the toilet/the bath and some people squat. Everyones vagina is a different shape, so it might take a little experimenting to find a position that is comfortable for you. Whatever position you choose , you need to be able to have your knees wide apart and have the ability to spread your labia.
-If you are using non applicator tampons, unwrap the tampon and check the string is secure by giving it a quick sharp tug. If it is not, use another tampon. If a string comes off, it can be tricky to retrieve a tampon, and may result in an emergency trip to your gynaecologist. Put your index finger on the end of the tampon and get a secure grip with your other fingers so you can direct the tampon towards the entrance of your vagina. Once you've found the entrance, push the tampon in. Try not to tense up or worry, as this can make insertion of the tampon difficult, painful or impossible. Always push this kind of tampon in as far as possible. If you can still feel it, or it feels uncomfortable, it is not inserted correctly. You won't be able to feel a correctly inserted tampon (that has been pushed in far enough).
-If you are using an applicator tampon, unwrap and hold the tampon where the grooved rings are. Insert the tampon into your vagina until your fingers (which are on the grooved rings) touch your body. Then, use your other hand to push the other tube into the first one (which is inside your body). One tube should be inside the other now, and your fingers should be outside of your body holding onto the grooved rings still. Just pull the two tubes out, and you're all set! If it doesn't feel comfortable, try using your longest finger to push it in a little further.
Always remember to wash your hands after you insert a tampon. Dispose of any waste in an environmentally friendly way. Don't flush tampons unless they are specifically labelled as biodegradeable. Good luck, and if you have any more questions, don't hesitate to contact me!
|
|
what kind of cocoa butter is good for your skin? i want my face to be healthy and smooth and less scars so what kind is best? ill rate 5's (link)
|
Do you have a product called Bio Oil where you are? This is wonderful at reducing all kinds of scarring, even stretch marks. Ask your pharmacist if you can't find it in a shop/chemist. Palmers and St Ives cocoa butter are excellent at helping your skin to stay moisturised and so prevent stretch marks and other blemishes, but they can't do anything about them once they are there.
|
well,ok 13/f
i've noticed my vagina has looked different lately....and im getting scared (i think) im devolpoing breasts..and i want to no..is it normal for it to change? (link)
|
13 isn't young to start puberty, not really. Your vulva and vagina will change a lot as the hormone levels in your body rise. Accept the changes of puberty as natural, and don't be afraid of them. Menstruation, pubic hair, vulval shape changes, they are all part of being an adult!
If you really do feel nervous about the changes, try exploring your body. It doesn't hurt a young woman to become familiar with her own body. Just be gentle and don't do anything you find uncomfortable.
|
|
Hey,I was wondering since my boyfriend talks about cars and I know abosolutley nothing about cars what can I talk about with him on that subject so I won't feel dumb? (link)
|
Don't fake an interest in something that doesn't interest you. It'll only end up making you feel foolish and ultimately look ridiculous. I'm sure as he's your boyfriend, you should have other things in common which you can talk about.
If you honestly are interested in learning about it, try actually listening to what he talks about :-P Read some car magazines, use the internet to research, and ask him questions. He'll be happy that you're taking an active interest in it!
I hope that he makes as much of an effort to know about your interests.
|
im a 15yr/female and ive gots a problem.
i am in a 32 A bra size and i get made fun of because of it.(Except by my boyfriend)...well, when im at school everyone says that they wouldnt go out with me because i basicley have no boobs....know when my boyfriend tries to kiss me there i get nervous and i back away because of my boob size. what should i do? how can i make my boobs bigger? will people like me more then? (link)
|
Honey, when I was your age I was a 34A. Now 7 years later, I'm a 40F :-P Some people just grow quicker and earlier than others. Give your body some more time to develop. Your breasts will continue growing until you're 18/19, and it's likely they will change in shape and the way they hang before you reach 21.
Any man that won't kiss you because your breasts are too small should be ditched IMO. Intimacy is about comfort and physical attraction, which is so much more than just the size of your breasts. Find someone who will be with you for your personality, not your surface appearance.
Having bigger breasts will get your more attention. It won't always be nice attention. I can get downright frustrating, it has for me in the past, as I went up three cup sizes in 6 months. People will learn to love you for who you are and respect you more if you don't fall to the pressure to have bigger breasts.
There are many shops and online stores that sell bras especially made for smaller chested girls and women. I think you're lucky in the sense that smaller bras tend to be very pretty, and you can wear almost every design. The shape and cut of a lot of BIG bra that larger chested ladies have to wear can be very unflattering and uncomfortable.
Look upon your breasts as a blessing, and an integral part of who you are. Don't pad or stuff your bra. You are a PERSON, you are so much more than breasts. People that will flock to you because of bigger breasts, are much too shallow for you to waste your time on!
One of my female friends has 32A breasts, and she has the most beautiful breasts I have ever seen! Little ones can be great too, so feel lucky! :-D
|
this isnt really a health question,but i didnt know what category to put it in.
i use playtex slimfit regulars.is a size up from that a lot bigger?because those ones dont last that long, because they are smaller.so, i was wondering if one size up is a lot bigger because one size up would be more absorbant, which would last longer. (link)
|
Most of the time, the leaflets inside tampon boxes tell you not to use a higher absorbency tampon just so you don't have to change as regularly.
Tampons need to be changed every 4-8 hours. A good sign that you need to go to a higher absorbency is if you get leakage, or if the tampon is saturated (i.e: if you pull very lightly on it, it slides out very easily) before the end of the suggest time period 4-8 hours.
It is worth experimenting with tampon brands, it took me a few years to find a brand that I find comfortable. If you try a higher absorbency tampon, and when you remove the tampon at the end of the 4-8 hours, if there is still white fibre visible, then you should go back to a lower absorbency.
|
|
ok so what are some really cute love quotes.. or sweet ones...pllllllease. kthx. (link)
|
My personal favourite is:
"Nunc sio quit sit amor."
Translated from Latin, it basically means 'Now I truly know what love is." It's what I put on my first valentines day card to my partner.
|
|
ok im confused, i want to makeout w/ my bf but on a survey not too long ago he said he wasnt ready...but my friend told me that he wants to m/o with me. we are in a really open relationship but idk how to tell him...im afraid/embarrassed that he wont tell me that he feels the same way. and even if he did say that he would too...when it comes to the topic of m/o im completely clueless!! plz help! i rate high!! (link)
|
Open relationships can work. They just require maturity which people mostly don't have when they are young. A real emotional commitment is needed to connect with someone enough, so that you feel comfortable enough to be physically intimate.
Don't pressure him. Just try and talk to him about it in a safe and non threatening way. If he freaks out, then you probably should be seeing someone else. Communication and honesty are the two key things in a relationship. Without the ability to be honest, a relationship doesn't stand to last long.
http://teenadvice.about.com/library/weekly/aa010203b.htm
That is a good link about kissing technique, and should help you if you do wish to do it.
Just be careful, and don't get into anything you aren't comfortable with.
|
well my vagina burns. i had a look (i know it sounds gross but its painful) and its red both sides just inside.
i have no idea why it is. Im not sexually active and havent had anyone do anything down there.
what could it be and what should i do? but please dont tell me to go to the doctors/gyn. (link)
|
I'd personally recommend AGAINST any kind of vaginal douche or wash. They can be very damaging to the pH balance of your vagina.
Avoid any kind of harsh activity which will cause friction to your vulva or vagina. Make sure you don't use any perfumed soaps or gels when you wash your vulva. Never put any cleansing products inside your vagina, especially vaginal deodorants. Your vagina is not supposed to be dry! If you feel the need to wash, use only cool water, or if you really must use something that foams, use a soap free foaming cleanser. Avoid nylon underwear or tight fitting clothes for a while.
An odd, but normally effective home remedy, is to cover your vulva with natural yoghurt (the sort that has live bacteria in it). This will put the yeast balance in your vulva and vagina back to normal, and ease any itching or burning. You don't say how old you are, but if you are old enough, try buying a thrush cream or one dose pill over the counter. If you are too young, you will need a doctor to prescribe this.
I know you don't want to see a doctor, but if you get any vaginal bleeding, pain when you urinate or discharge, then you really should, as you could have a more serious infection.
If you take all the measures above, then the symptoms should clear up in a few days, if it last more than 5-7 days and you don't feel the problem is improving, you really must see a doctor. If you feel uncomfortable, for instance if you are too young, then try going to somewhere like a free GU clinic, where everything should be kept confidential.
|
i'm 17/f and i've been raped 3 times and not by the same person- once when i was 8 then 12 and now, 17.
i have never had a boyfriend,not being big headed or anything but i'm not the kind of girl that is avoided by guys. i have some greate friendships with guys. but my big problem is now i'm afraid of getting close to guys. i'm scared of hugs and stuff but i get realy scared when they kiss me goodbuy (on the cheek). i'm also terrified of people coming up behind me and scaring me- i cry everytime it happens. but the worst thing is that the last rape tipped everything over- it happened three months ago and i've been to the doc and everything's fine. but i've started to get used to being raped. i feel like the only way i'm going to have a relationship is if someone forces me to. will i ever get over this fear? pluss ontop of that everyone at school found out that i had been raped- i told one person-the wrong person-now everyone is makeing fun of me because they think it's a lie. everytime someone talkes to me they always bring it up. and me being the person i am hides everything-i've become good at it- no one knows that it's taring me up inside. what do i do? will i ever get over my fear and get a boyfriend?will i ever be able to show my face again at school? (link)
|
I'm not surprised you feel uncomfortable! Rape is a dreadful experience for anyone to go through, and 3 rapes must be awful for you.
It's a good idea in my mind to avoid sexual contact until you have your issues with rape solved in your mind. If you are not already getting counselling/therapy for it, I would really suggest you do. Even someone to talk to for a few hours about it would be helpful. A lot of cities run rape crisis centres, or have rape crisis telephone lines. It doesn't matter when or how you were raped, rape crisis counsellors will help you work through your emotions concerning it. Try looking in the phone book, or doing a search online, and you should come up with a few good results.
Don't worry about the people making fun of you. Ultimately, they don't know what you have been through, and you don't need to justify yourself to them. You're feelings are valid, whether they say they are or not.
Rape really is an insidious thing. It forces a young woman to look on something that is supposed to be an intimate expression of love, as something hurtful. Try to remember, rape is not about sex. Rape is about power and control, and a lot of the time about manipulation and misogyny. Not all sexual experiences will be like rape. Make sure that you find someone gentle and respectful, who will take things slowly with you. Anyone that pushes you or forces you to do anything should be avoided AT ALL COSTS.
Remember what a beautiful, wonderful and unique person you are, and NEVER let your memories of your experiences undermine your self confidence. You are the same person, the only person being raped reflects badly on is the rapist.
Sexual experience can be amazing, provided it is with the right person. In an ideal situation, it should be with someone you love and feel comfortable with. Reject anything less.
|
|
i'm wicca and i'm gonna have a baby and well i was wondering if it's wrong if i make my baby learn and follow through with the wicca relligon i really want her/him to belive in what i belive in and i think of it as like the christans and how they make them belive in the whole jesus christ bible stuff no offence to any people who belive in that relligon so is it wrong? plez help (link)
|
I am a dianic wytch, and I had a struggle when deciding how to raise my child. I have decided to expose him to the spiritual side of life, and also teach him about many Pagan traditions. I would consider this openness the best option, but it really is up to you. I don't agree with the 'indoctrination of children' as another respondee puts it. However, it is up to you as a parent to decide which choice most benefits your children. Once you have made this decision, don't let anyone change your mind. As his mother, YOU are most qualified to make choices for his future.
|
|