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what do i do about rape?
i'm 17/f and i've been raped 3 times and not by the same person- once when i was 8 then 12 and now, 17.
i have never had a boyfriend,not being big headed or anything but i'm not the kind of girl that is avoided by guys. i have some greate friendships with guys. but my big problem is now i'm afraid of getting close to guys. i'm scared of hugs and stuff but i get realy scared when they kiss me goodbuy (on the cheek). i'm also terrified of people coming up behind me and scaring me- i cry everytime it happens. but the worst thing is that the last rape tipped everything over- it happened three months ago and i've been to the doc and everything's fine. but i've started to get used to being raped. i feel like the only way i'm going to have a relationship is if someone forces me to. will i ever get over this fear? pluss ontop of that everyone at school found out that i had been raped- i told one person-the wrong person-now everyone is makeing fun of me because they think it's a lie. everytime someone talkes to me they always bring it up. and me being the person i am hides everything-i've become good at it- no one knows that it's taring me up inside. what do i do? will i ever get over my fear and get a boyfriend?will i ever be able to show my face again at school?
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I know you are scraed. Wat i suggest is maybe taking some defense classes or karate so you can learn how to defend yourself in these kind of situations. I am sorry that you had to go through with that. I knwo you feel if you get close to someone they will hurt but your fear of being to close is because you afraid you wont be able to stop it. If you take defense classes you will feel better and feel like it wont matter if they try to do it gain because you will be ready. Knowing that you are ready to defend yourself in that kind of situation gives you relief. Eerything will be ok and dont worry about what others think. When you graduate you wont have to worry about those stuck up people. Being who you are is good enough.
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I'm terribly sorry for what you're going through and I think that you're a very strong person to be able to take it for as long as you have. You've been raped three times and strong you remain. Honey, don't let anyone try and take your strength away from you. I haven't seen your face but I can really tell that you are strong. Because you continue to live your life and you continue to go out there in the world that so many women, with your experiences, are afraid to approach. I commend you on that very much. I think it takes a lot to be able to do that. DON'T EVER LET ANYONE TAKE YOUR STRENGTH AWAY FROM YOU. You are strong , KNOW AND ACKNOWLEDGE THIS ABOUT YOURSELF. For with that knowledge and that quality, comes regaining back that part of your life again that you so yearn to have. WORK ON GAINING BACK YOUR STRENGTH. It's understandable for you to be afraid but you shouldn't have to be afraid anymore. It's understandable and it's nothing at all to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You are titled to feel this way. It will take time to get over that but no woman truly ever gets over being raped. HONEY, IT'S ALL ABOUT CONTROL. DON'T LET THE GUY THAT RAPED YOU CONTINUE TO HAVE THAT KIND OF CONTROL OVER YOU. I know it's hard, but you deserve it not only for yourself, but for your peace of mind. If you need to talk with someone, try a school guidance counselor, or professionals at a clinic who will listen to you and help and guide you. I know that there's nothing wrong with you, but they can help you overcome this. They can help you get your life back to the point that you want it to be. Happy, loving, and content, and complacent. Stability, possibly. They can help you with that, and I'M here. I'd gladly listen to you. That's what I'm here for. I know that people at school can be really harsh. BUT, IF THEY'RE HARSH TO YOU AFTER WHAT YOU'VE EXPERIENCED, THEN THEY ARE THE ONE'S WITH THE PROBLEM. NOT YOU. THEY ARE THE ONES WHO NEED TO BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT THEM B/C YOU COULDN'T HELP IT. IT WAS OUT OF YOUR CONTROL. IT SIMPLY WASN'T YOUR FAULT. If they don't understand that, then they are stupid. AND WHY IN LIVING HELL WOULD YOU LISTEN TO STUPID PEOPLE. DON'T, BECAUSE THEY'LL MAKE YOU STUPID. The only way to get over your fear is to go and seek professional help so you want suppress what's happened to you any longer. Get things in their right order first, so you can continue with your life. Then you can get a boyfriend. Don't worry about not finding one. A good boyfriend would understand that you weren't at fault for what happened to you. A good boyfriend would never want to cause you hurt or pain after experiencing rape. He would be mature about the entire situation. You'll find the right one for you. When you're ready. You'll be fine. Trust me. You will. For you are strong and remember that strength. Sorry for the length of it. I just-I just wanted to make sure that I covered everything. Good day to you, and stay strong.
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Hi
If you've read my column you will see that I to have been where you are. I know exactly how you feel. It's awful. I didn't think I would ever be normal again. But I am! I got help though. Professional help. To this day, I still go to therapy periodically.
Rape is a HUGE violation of both body and mind, and it's not something that you can get through on your own. I tried, and I just kept getting more miserable.
I can tell you, that if you take care of yourself, and get help, you will get through this and move on to lead a very happy and normal life.
Victims of rape have a VERY hard time trusting people, especially men. It's normal that you jump at affection and don't like being scared. The thought of the rapes are constantly on your mind...that's what you can and will work through in therapy.
As for the kids at your school...they're NOT WORTH IT!! Kids can be very cruel, as you are experiencing.
I'm sure you have one or two close friends that you can confide in. Just stick with them. If people start to make fun of you, or accuse you of lying, walk away. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. They are trying to get a rise out of you...don't let them.
You need supportive people. Do your parents know? You may not want to tell them (I didn't want to), but I did in the end, and I'm so glad I did.
Please get help...so you can deal with these violations, and try to move on. I know you can do it. Take care.
Brenda
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No one should have to go through the things that you've experienced, and I'm sorry that it happened to you.
But you need to get help. Professional help. If you don't, it's quite possible that you'll feel WORSE over time, rather than better.
Here's the number of the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1(800)656-HOPE. They're open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They're confidential and free. They will NOT make you talk to the police or do anything else that you don't want to do.
As I've said before, rape is more serious than a broken bone; it's closer to a heart attack. You'd go to a doctor or a hospital for a broken bone, wouldn't you?
You didn't deserve to be raped. No one does. But you also don't deserve to go through the aftermath without support and help. Professional treatment can help you come through this and recover.
You will be able to live without fear, to find love and happiness. But you need to make the call and start the healing process. I realize that it can be embarrassing and scary, but it's the best thing you can do for yourself, and for your future.
Please don't wait.
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First thing, I have to say that i think you are a really strong person to have gone through such a thing, and it seems mainly by yourself.
your schoolmates right now are idiots, simply and mildly put. they are hurting your feelings and what you could do is to tell them to shut up. Not yell at them, but calmly tell them they're being insensitive and that if they can't stop talking about it then they should not talk to you at all.
You don't have to convince them of anything. You know what happened and you can get support from many people. Have you thought of going to your school counselor or an outside counselor. Also check out help for rape victims. Many people have gone through what you have, and they will help you if you let them.
And maybe you want to join some self-defense classes. that will make you feel more confident in yourself and if makes you less of a target or victim.
You are going to get yourself a great guy, who is man enough to have a relationship withyou without forcing you. And you have to believe and expect that because if you don't, then you might just accept that you're not good enough for a mutual relationship. You most definitely are, and the more you try to get help from people who can help, the sooner you will realise this.
Bye now, Durga
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I'm not surprised you feel uncomfortable! Rape is a dreadful experience for anyone to go through, and 3 rapes must be awful for you.
It's a good idea in my mind to avoid sexual contact until you have your issues with rape solved in your mind. If you are not already getting counselling/therapy for it, I would really suggest you do. Even someone to talk to for a few hours about it would be helpful. A lot of cities run rape crisis centres, or have rape crisis telephone lines. It doesn't matter when or how you were raped, rape crisis counsellors will help you work through your emotions concerning it. Try looking in the phone book, or doing a search online, and you should come up with a few good results.
Don't worry about the people making fun of you. Ultimately, they don't know what you have been through, and you don't need to justify yourself to them. You're feelings are valid, whether they say they are or not.
Rape really is an insidious thing. It forces a young woman to look on something that is supposed to be an intimate expression of love, as something hurtful. Try to remember, rape is not about sex. Rape is about power and control, and a lot of the time about manipulation and misogyny. Not all sexual experiences will be like rape. Make sure that you find someone gentle and respectful, who will take things slowly with you. Anyone that pushes you or forces you to do anything should be avoided AT ALL COSTS.
Remember what a beautiful, wonderful and unique person you are, and NEVER let your memories of your experiences undermine your self confidence. You are the same person, the only person being raped reflects badly on is the rapist.
Sexual experience can be amazing, provided it is with the right person. In an ideal situation, it should be with someone you love and feel comfortable with. Reject anything less.
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