I don't like giving advice. I like -truly- helping people. I'm not a person who will give conventional answers to your problems. I haven't taken a common path in my life and I've faced a lot of problems, which is why I know how to help many people with their problems. Also, I'm not a bitter person who assumes things about others. I'm optimistic. My goal in having an advice column is to help people do what they want in their life.
Gender: Female
Member Since: January 15, 2004
Answers: 14
Last Update: January 21, 2004
Visitors: 1194
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Ok, I'm only 16, and maybe I'm just being stupid. And maybe some of you will think I'm just bitter because I'm single. But, it's not that I'm bitter or jealous. I just don't understand why people my age so immature about relationships? I mean, they post everywhere on the internet about how "hot" their boyfriend/girlfriend's are. And it's like, if they're going to post something about them, then why not post about the things that REALLY matter? Like, for instance, how: funny, brilliant, and/or talented they are. I just don't get it. I mean, one day, they're going to be old and wrinkly, and def. not hot. But, they will be more funny, brilliant, and/or talented. And, I'm not saying a physical attraction isn't needed, because it is. But, why is it that most people are so pathetically consumed with the things that are the least important in relationships? Ahhhh. Some days, I wish I weren't 16. (link)
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Well, if you're talking about people your age or younger, I think you have your answer. I'm not saying that all teenagers do this, I'm saying that certain teenagers go out with the opposite sex just to look "cool" and "mature". Then obviously they'll brag about their girlfriend or their boyfriend to others to make themselves feel important.. And have you ever noticed how that type of relationship lasts never more than a few months? It could be something else though. A lot of people want to show how much they love their significant others. They want to show how proud they are of having someone who looks this good.. I know it sounds superficial, but I bet they don't necessarily love their significant other for their looks...
I don't think you should worry about what other people do, because they aren't you. I mean, when you get a boyfriend, it won't be that way. Because you'll know how superficial a lot of people are and you won't want to do the same thing. :D
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Well I think the subject pretty much gives away what I'm going to ask you...what should we do?
We went to see a film (The Last Samurai btw) on Sunday.
I'm 16, he's 18. Clubbing (my friends suggestion) is not really an option).
Any ideas? (link)
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Just talk to him about your hobbies and interests and see if he has anything in common with you. It doesn't have to be a conventional date. I mean, if you two like to cook, you could invite him over to bake cookies with him. Try to find a date that will get you two closer like renting movies and watching them with him at your house or eating lunch on a bench at a park where you can talk to him.
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my parents got divorced a year ago and ever since my mom has always been trying to do stuff with me. My only free days of the week are wednesday and sunday..and now she wants to have dinner both those nights. I feel like everything I do with her is scheduled. What should I tell her to make it not feel like she had to make an effort to see me? (link)
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You should tell her that you dont want everything to be so scheduled and that you'd like your relationship to be more natural than that. I'm sure she will understand. You should just tell her how you feel. Tell her you're really busy and that these are your only free days ...
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I'm not very popular at school and kids pick on me. I don't really know why they do it, it's been that way since 1st grade. I'm in 8th grade now and I'm sick of it. I don't know what I did to deserve this. They hurt me emotionally and physically, should I stand up to them?
Respond please, I'm desperate,
Hurt and confused (link)
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I know how you feel because I have lived through the exact same thing. I'm not going to sugar coat things and I'll tell you the truth. The reason why these kids pick on you is because you're different. Not weird, different. As in special, unlike other people. A lot of people tend to have very simple minds, and they are afraid of anything that is different from them. This is why a lot of artists got picked on when they were children, but now they are appreciated by a lot of people. Because believe me, being different is the best thing in the world when you do find people who respect you how you are and who are like you.
You don't have to go through this. I know this is going to sound typical, but you have to tell someone right away about the treatment you're getting. Tell your parents about it. Tell them that they hurt you physically as well and that you can't take it anymore. You could inform yourself about the schools you could attend, and you could go to a school that's not as bad as the one you attend right now.. There's a lot of solutions to your problem and you can get out of it.. If you can't transfer school, an authority figure -has- to help you through this. It can be your parents or a teacher who is nice or a school counselor. Because the kids who do this to you have to be stopped....
In order to be comfortable at the school you are going to, there's a lot of things you can do. Always remember that you can make friends outside of school, and that school isn't your life. School is just like work. It's a place you sort of have to go every day, but it's not your life, and it's not more important than your safety in any way. You can bring books and things you like at school to kill time. Also, in order to avoid the bullies.. There's a lot of things you can do. "know the ennemy" as a lot of people would say... If you know they are waiting for you after school, go to the library and wait until they leave. Avoid them. Don't go to the same places as them. Another way is to stick with people who are going through the same thing as you..
But always remember.. You are a great person and you don't deserve this. And one day, people will recognize how wonderful you are.
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There's this guy at school i like and he likes me. the problem is he has a girlfriend. he never liked her, but shes madly in love with him. i recently heard from his friend that he's dumping his girlfriend for me. but last week his girlfriend's friend yelled at me during PE and LA. If he does ask me out what should i say? either way i'm hurting someone. i really like this guy, though. should i say yes or no? (link)
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If he dumped her for you, you can't do anything about it. You didn't ask him to dump her for you. I say go for it and say yes. It will not change anything for the other girl because no matter what she's going to hate you because she will know he dumped her for you.. So like I said.. I think you should go with him.
However, if he asks you out and he hasn't dumped his girlfriend, the situation would be a little different. You could say yes, but you'd end up hurting his girlfriend and that would cause more problems..
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i went to camp with this guy and i slowely fell in love with him. i liked him for three years and now we rarely talk anymore. im not sure if i like him in a crush way, i like him more as a brother. i miss us talking. i dont want to go up to him and start randomly talking, i'd look like an idiot.what should i do??? (link)
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Actually if you've been his good friend before, I don't think you'll look like an idiot. You don't have to jump on him and scream "HI!!! HOW ARE YOU!?" or something like that. All you have to do is go up to him and say hi and smile. If he seems to be embarrassed, take some distance and say you just wanted to say hi and try again later. If he seems happy to see you, just tell him you've missed talking to him. Maybe he actually feels the same way about you.
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my friend is obsessed with a guy 2 years older than her. i know he's not there for her. What should i tell her? (link)
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First, what's so bad about her being in love with a guy who's two years older than she is? Age doesn't matter ... I don't think you should judge this guy if you don't know him. If I were you, I'd just tell her to be careful not to get hurt. But telling her that you think this guy isn't for her would be judging the situation way too quickly ...
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i am really good friends with this guy. i never really thought about it, but he comes up to me one day and tells me that he likes me. now, dont get me wrong, but hes a really nice guy and i will feel really bad about saying no when he asks me out. worst of all, my neighbors are his aunt, uncle, and cousins. im basically in a loose-loose situation. what do i do?
(link)
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I've been in similar situations, and I can tell you one thing. In that type of situations, the best thing to do is to be honest. You could try to date him to see if you'll start to like him the way he likes you, but if you are completely sure that you don't want to date him, I don't suggest you to do that. For now, you don't have to tell him how you feel because he hasn't asked. But when he'll ask you out, you'll have to tell him no... That doesn't mean you have to tell him in a harsh way. It just means that you have to tell him the truth. But let me give you an advice. Don't use an excuse like "I'm not ready to have a boyfriend yet" or something that's not completely true, because that could really compromise your friendship if you find a boyfriend later. The best thing you could do is to directly tell him that you don't like him that way for now but that your friendship with him is important to you ...
About the neighbors. There's absolutely no reason why they would get mad at you for this. If you don't love this guy, you don't. Chances are that they probably don't even know he likes you. I mean, most people don't want to tell their family about the person they have a crush on. :P And if they do know, they'll understand! They've been young too.
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I like this boy named Robert. The only problem is he doesn't know. How can I tell him? The next problem is he doesn't know my name. I think I'm cursed. What should I do? (link)
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You aren't cursed. I think you can do many things to talk to him or get him to notice you. You can try to make your social circle revolve around him. What I mean by that is that you can get your friends who know some of his friends to introduce you to his friends so you can get closer to him. That way, you'll go to parties where he will be and there's a big chance that he'll notice you.
Another way is to try and get a conversation with him. A good way for that is to hang out near where he is, and suddenly ask him what time it is or a question related to school or something like that.. And then, you can make a joke or say something that will keep the conversation going. I know it sounds hard, but a lot of people have done this before and it works. You can do a lot of little things around him too.. Like smiling at him or saying hi. If you do this, he'll notice you more.
Good luck!
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I'm not incredibly popular at school but I do have a best friend who I've known all my life even though she just moved to my school. Now she's making new friends and she even has a boyfriend. I was supposed to go to a pizza place with her and some of the kids in my class but my mom wanted me to come over to her house for the weekend so I didn't go with them. Now I'm worried that since she's made so many new friends, she'll just drop me. Do you think that'll happen?,
CMS (link)
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I can't tell you that she won't drop you, because I don't know her. But what I can tell you is that you should directly talk to her about your concerns. If you feel that you two are growing apart and you don't tell her anything about it, she might never notice what's going on and what you're thinking about until she realizes that she lost you. That's why I think you should try to fix the situation right now ...
She's been your best friend all your life. If she drops you because you aren't as popular as she is, let me tell you something. She will regret it later in her life. I personally seriously doubt she will drop you over this... Because you've been with her all her life. In my opinion, if she really does start ignoring you, she will realize what she has done later and you two will be friends again.
But like I said.. You need to talk to her about it.
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i posted this question earlier:
what do you do when u fall for you best friend? i know it sounds like the CLASSIC relationship question.. but i really dont know what to do! i have been best friends with this guy for 3 months.. that mite not sound like a long time... but we have grown really close in that time! i like him as more than a friend now and when he starts to talk about who i like... i dont know what to say! he says im shy.. and well i agree.. lol cause im not the foward type to just come out and tell someone that i like them... i dont want to ruin our friend ship by telling him how i feel, but what if he likes me 2 and he wants me to make the first move?? please someone help me..
and id like to thank everyone who answered.. but one more question on that subject.. we go to tha same school and im in 8th and he is in 7th... i know that shouldnt really matter, but ppl will make fun.. what should i do if we do get together and that happens? thanx tons (link)
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I think you have the perfect timing. 3 months isn't a long time, but it's long enough to get close to someone. If you had been his best friend since, say, 5 years... It would be a little different because your friendship would be settled. Maybe he talked about who you like because he wanted to know if you liked him. I think you have a good chance with him. I think that if he's a good friend, he won't stop being your friend after you tell him your feelings. That's why if I were you, I would send him an e-mail or write him a letter about your feelings.. And I'd add that I really do want to stay his friend even though I like him. I think you really should tell him your feelings ...
About the fact that he's younger than you, I don't think it should matter. If people make fun of you, it's their problem. If they do make fun of you, it's because they are too stupid to realize that you two are happy together. If that does happen, I would just avoid that type of people.. But the worst thing you could do is hide your relationship from people, because hiding things like that can sometimes create problems. Besides, I don't think people will necessarily make fun of you.. I've seen a lot of people go out with younger or older people and people didn't react in a bad way.
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my friend thinks it's funny that she's not doing her homework. Every time we try to talk to her, she doesn't listen. She's failing and i don't know wht to do. (link)
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Well, I think you might not be doing the right thing. I understand that you're concerned with your friend, but do you know why she hasn't been doing homework?
The reason why I'm saying this is because it could be any reason. Some people can't handle school as well as some others can. What I mean by that is that she might have stopped doing her homework because it was too overwhelming for her. She might also have trouble understanding the homework and she has given up. Also, maybe she's depressed and doesn't feel like doing her homework. The best way to help her is to know why she hasn't been doing it. And the truth is that if you constantly push her to do it and talk to her about it, maybe she'll feel even less motivated to do it. That's why I think you should seriously ask her if she has been having problems in her life and then do what you can to help... And remember that yes, education is important.. But her well-being and her safety are more important.
Maybe she's not doing her homework because she is going through a "rebellious phase", if you see what I mean. If that's the case, I would stop bothering her about it. More than likely, she will get out of that phase soon enough. If things get worse, I would talk to her about it ...
When you're in middle school or high school.. You don't only get one chance. Your friend isn't the only one to have school-related problems. I know that you're worried, but to reassure you I can say that more than likely she will get over that phase.
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Is there any way to know how it works that when a person cares about others, that person is overlooked, but if that person doesn't care, more people care about them? I've cared about a lot of people, and when I stopped caring so much, I got more attention AFTER I stopped caring. Is there any logical explanation to this? I'm seventeen and can't seem to get a boyfriend, not that I need one, but it would be nice to have someone special who cares about me. (link)
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I know how you feel ... But I refuse to believe people are like that. I mean, if those people didn't care about you while you cared a lot about them.. I think it might be because they took you for granted.. Friendship is like that very often, I think.. It's not because they don't care about you that they do this.. I think it's because they trust you so much and feel so comfortable in their friendship with you that they don't pay attention as much. I think that when that happens, you should remind them to pay attention.
I also know how you feel about wanting to have a special persn who cares a lot.. I'm glad I actually found that person.. And I'm sure you will as well. I think maybe you should look for that person.. But don't look too hard. Have a positive attitude with people. I mean, when you're at school, look at people around you and find interesting things about them even though you don't know them. I've observed people like this a lot before.. And I actually made friends that way. I know it sounds really stupid, but it does work. Because that way, you might notice things that you wouldn't have noticed otherwise. Also, I know it might sound cliché but -be yourself-. If you act different than usual and wear clothes you normally wouldn't wear for yourself.. Yes, you might have more chances to get a boyfrend, but you won't have more chances to have someone special who cares about you. Don't try to impress guys, but be nice to them..
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I like this girl, but i dont know if she likes me. People say that we would be a great couple, and people also say that she does liek me. But if i ask her out and she says no, then i would be so embarressed. Mainly because we have been friends for a while and she might not see me the same way.. What do i do?
(link)
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Well, I think you sort of answered your own question, but I totally know how you feel. If your friends tell you that they think she does like you, I would trust them. Okay, so maybe they are wrong.. But I really think you should find out for yourself. You don't have to directly ask her, but you can try to tell her subtlely that you like her.. You could be really nice to her, like give her presents and things like that. I know it sounds silly, but it can really work. Make it seem really obvious that you like her. You know why? Because if she goes up to you and tells you she doesn't like you but that she thinks you like her.. You'll have the choice to tell her that you've only been friendly to her because you like her as a friend.
Also you can ask your friends why they think she likes you. If they are just trying to match you two together, they won't know why. :P I really, really doubt it though.. But if they are sure of it, they will probably have noticed certain details...
There's a lot of things you can do to tell her how you feel as well .. You don't necessarily have to ask her out the conventional way. Writing her a letter or painting a portrait of her or giving her a special present to ask her out would be a nice alternative, no? Just use your imagination, and I really doubt she'll say no..
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