Kaye2918's advice column

askKaye2918

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: Ok so I'm M/16. When I was like 5, me & my friend would do some sexual stuff. We got cought checking eachothers thingies. I was young & probably curious. (My friend started it) I now have a tranny porn problem. I found it by accident while looking at regular porn. I am not atracted to dudes! I am shy but theres this girl I really realy like. But this stuff is making me feel dirty & undeserving & weak. I try not to watch tranny porn. But I keep relapsing. I've never felt any "way" with a dude. But I have with girls, a few of them actually. But still, am I gay? I don't stare at behinds & bodies of girls as often as my friends. I still do though (when no ones around) So they call me gay

Um I think your just curious I mean I don't you got over your curiousity but you might be bisexual but if you say you don't guys sexually atractive then there is no way your guy.

Q: I'm 17 turning 18 in September and I'm from NY. Early in 2010, my mom decided she wanted to move to North Carolina to move in with her parents (my grandparents) so she could save up money, have less expenses, etc, so that she could put a down payment on a house a few years later. I said I would attend college down there and so that was kind of the plan, and my grandparents were excited and everything. And, well, as the time closely approaches I have been having second thoughts about wanting to go. The first thing is the cost of an out of state college, I can't afford it so I can't start down there right away anyway because I am not a resident and they would charge me A LOT of money for it. So I can't start it right away anyway (dont qualify for help). Another thing is my friends. I will miss them terribly. And mostly everyone's going to the local community college! And my boyfriend's here too. DOn't get me wrong, I know the whole friends/boyfriend thing is stupid to miss but I will, I'm young, of course I'm going to miss them. One other thing about moving down there would mean I'd have to share a room with my mom :/, what teenager wants to do that? Anyway, overall, I told my mom that I want to stay here, and her best friend said I could live with her and attend the communtiy college, etc. My mom, of course, said "no" because "your 17, your staying with me until your 18. then you can do whatever you want." So, unfortunately, I have to go down there from August-end of October (when my bday hits), then I'm coming back up. The dilemma is, however, how do I tell my grandparents that I want to come back to NY? they were all excited and I feel really bad! How do I tell them that I changed my mind about wanting to stay there and that I'm going back to NY? It's not like im going back up and doing nothing. I'm getting a job and going to school. I'll visit them of course. Please help!!
Thankyou

Of course it's not going to be easy to tell your grandparents that your only going to be with them for a short time but I believe that they will understand when you tell them that the only reason your going beck is because of financial difficulties. Also they will understand that you want to make your education and money a little easier for you and not have to struggles in an out of State college. I'm not going to lie to you it's going to make them sad but if they have your best interest for you in mind then they will reconsider making your disision bitter for you. I mean don't do what I did and not go to the college you want to go to for family. I mean my moms well being was the reason why I didn't go to the art university of my choice but you see how unhappy you will be if you don't do want you want. I hope I helped a little in giving you courage to tell your grandparents.

Q: Ok so me and my boyfriend live about 40 min apart and he has a job. Needless to say, we only see eachother like once or twice a week. Anyway, that leaves us texting pretty much everyday throughout the day. I'm just wondering why is it that, when texting, if I happen to text back slow (10-20min) he gets pissed at me, yet, he sometimes takes up to an hour to text me back and always says "i hope your not mad" or something like that. So, it's ok for him to do it but I can't? What is that about?? He told me flat out that he's the jealous type of guy, does that have anything to do with it?

Him being can have something to do with it but it doesn't it's okay for him to do that to you because you know that your not doing anything wrong so he needs to get over it. Also I don't to start a fight between you guys but you need to tell him that he needs to relax and just like sometimes he might be busy and can't text you; you have priorities too. I'm just saying because I used to be like that and I used to get mad at my ex for not testing me back until one day I sat and thought about it and he had 2 jobs so he was busy a lot and he couldn't text me the second he recieved my text messages. Sorry to blab but yeah let him that sometimes you can't attend to the phone as quick as he wants you to because there are days that he can't either. Hope I helped a little...

Q: mmmm...my priod started and i heard dat after periods starts hair starts producing on our under arms but on my underarms there is actually no hair!! IS IT REALLY NORMAL??

Yeah, when my little sister started her period she didn't get any hair under her arms and you probably will be like her because she is 16 and still doesn't have any hair.

Q: Hey(: So I Dont Really Want A Lecture On This Question. But, Im sixteen, and My boyfriend and I have been talking about having sex. We both decided that we want to do it. And Im Aware of all the precautions I need to take already. But i have several questions. Like, will it hurt really bad if i can only fit two fingers while fingering? Does the amount of bleeding just make the situation gross? If Neither of us orgasm, how do we know when were done? And Also, How Long do i need to be on birth control before its save to have sex? (we are also using a condom, dont worry)
Thanks(:

Well I was 16 when I lost my virginity and I took care of myself although I wasn't on birth control so I couldn't tell you for sure how long you can wait. Also sex for the first couple times hurts its natural and when you bleed you wont know until your done I mean you don't really bleed all that much so I don't think that it will make it weird or anything. It's only like spotting, or there could be a chance that you don't bleed I only say that because I didn't. Finally about the orgasm thing hmmmmm...well if you don't I know for sure will and just because you or he orgasms it doesn't nesassarily mean taht your done. Well my boyfriend keeps going after we both you know...anyways I guess what I'm trying to say is that you guys will both know your done when you get tired or just want to stop. Unless you just want a quicky..that is a different story...well I hope I helped you gain a liittle knowledge.=)

Q: What does it mean when a guy says he's going to go down on me?

When a guy tells you that he is going down on you it means that he wants to play with your vigina.

Q: HEy ok so my boyfriend and i broke up like 2 months ago now in school we sit RIGHT next to eachother and like he will always turn and look at me and i will say what and he will smile and look away what is he trying to say?!?! oh and then other times hes all flirty with other girls:( haha ok plzz help!

First of all sitting next to an ex is always hard, but nontheless its livable. Then the fact that he keeps turning around and looking at you seems like he like to mess with you. Also the fact that he's single gives him a reason to flirt with other girls...now it doesn't mean that he's doing it to bother you or maybe he is...well if he is then the only reason he would be doing that to show you he can do it nothing big but all you have to do is ignore him and don't give him the time of day. Soon enough he'll get tired of it and move on. Hope I helped a little with this issue.=)

Q: So..I recently found out one of my friends(we'llcall her A) like on of my other friends(we'll call him B). Me and B used to like eachother but we didnt go out or anything..but yeah. Now i'm kinda...i don't know its hard to explain. I don't think likes A but stil...What can I do to stop feeling jealous.

In the past when I would face a dilemma like that I would just stop and think what is this I'm feeling? If you and B used to like each other and now you don't you can't really hold it against A for being interested in B. If B doesn't like A then theres nothing to really worry about but don't worry its natural to feel that way becuase of the feelings you used to have for B. See when you like someone and they like you back and you guys moved on from those feelings chances are that they don't fully go away. Its like my mom tells me "where there was once a fire, ashes are now left" I hope you understand what I'm saying and I helped clear it up a little.

Q: okay so im in love with my ex boyfriend still and he still loves me but says he doesn't want to go out with me again because we fight too much. i have tried to plea with, do i just give up? any quotes or advice would be good.

Of course you should let go its not right for you to be doing that to yourself.It's clear to me that he is only playing games with you don't continue with heart break just stop hurting yourself and fine focus on something else that is important in your life. Lke mine would be catching up on my painting. Guys like that don't desirse the time of day girls like us give them. I didn't say much but I do hope that I helped a little.

Q: I have been in a 6 month long relationship with my girlfriend. Over the time I have realized she doesn't respect who I really am and seems to degrade me for it.

She's pulling me away from my music (which I enjoy and want to make a career out of), insults my friends (who mean allot to me and helped me through so much hard times) and wants me to cut my hair and shave my beard (I'm a huge hippie).

It seems to her, everything is wrong with me, and she is absoloutely perfect. I am just a disgrace.

I feel she wants to make me the kind of guy which I REALLY HATE which will make her happy yet me lifeless and miserable, not feeling HAPPY.

What is your opinion on this?

If she knew how you were and looked before you guys started this relatiionship then what would be the problem now. I don't think it's correct of her trying to change important things about you. I believe she wants to feel like she has total control of your life and the way you look. She needs to understand that friends are very important because god forbbid you guys break up and you have no one to turn to. You need sit her down and tell her how you feel. I was in a very controling relationship and I lost so many good friends I was sad for a long time. Because of my ex I cut off to guys that were like my brothers and now I dont know where find them. Your music is very important to you and you shouldn't change for no one. It makes me sad to read that you are with someone that isn't right for you. I would do what I did and get out of that relationship if not then talk to her and make her understand where your coming from. Hope I helped shine some light in this dilema.

Q: Can I go to schol if I'm on house arrest?

Yes you can, my brother did it. You just have to check in with your P.O.

Q: so there is a guy i like at school. im not sure if i should tell him or not. i talk to him sometimes in two of my classes but thats pretty much it. I think about telling him every night. I just dont know if he would feel the same way. I dont want him to stop talking to me if he doesnt feel the same way. Also i dont know how i could tell him because im shy and cant just tell him. He hasnt really dated any girls either. Girls like him and all but he just isnt into them. I asked him awhile ago if he liked anybody he said no and i asked him if would date anybody from our school he shrugged his shoulders and said i dont know and asked me why i was beating around the bush. I just dont wanna tell him and get hurt. Its our senior year anyways, but i cant stop thinking about him. what do you think?

Have you not heard of not regreting anything you do. I would tell him because if you asked him if he would date anyone and he shrugged his sholders and asked you why your beating around the bush uh yeah dude is interested in what you have to say. Try asking him out he seems undesisive so he'll probaly say idk and guess what you say before that...you say it's a yes or no question. Haha tha is so cute becuase I got with a guy like that my freshman year in high school and I got a yes plus I did it over paper yeah it was dorky but hey I got what I wanted. So yeah um ask him out I doubt that he will stop talking to you over this I mean its senior year you got to make the best of it. Hope I didn't sound mean and I helped you in your dilema.

Q: I've been with ky boyfriend for 10 months. We met in a arts program during the school year. At the time I was 14 and he was 17. I am now 15 turning 16 and he is now 18 turning 19. I love him with all my heart and he treats me the way I should be treated. All my past relationships weren't great at all, but when I met him I showed me how I should be treated. When I'm with him the world stops. Now, I got in trouble with me parents and my dad called him and told him that we culdnt be together anymore. He and I made a promise that we wouldn't let anything get in break us apart. But my dad can see when I sneak and call on the bill. What do I do?

It all depends on what you did. Not to mention your bf is 18 so if your dad really doesnt want you to be with him he could bring out the minor card on you. It's so sad that your put in this position because was once there myself. What I did was talk to my mom and I told her that one way or another I was going to see him and that I wasn't doing anything wrong. If the reason why you got in trouble has nothing to do with your bf tell your dad. Um tell your bf to walk you to school or walk you home I mean you wont be sending endless time with him but you get to see him. If you truely believe that nothing and no one can take you away from your bf do what you want to do. Don't let anyone get in the way I didn't I mean my dad totally disaproves of my bf and I'm still with him and he comes to my house every day then again I'm 18 myself but yeah don't cry over spilt milk keep seeing him talk to him on the phone text him put him under a different name if you want. Haha I do it all the time sneak around plus that way it makes it more fun for you. Hope I helped a little.=)

Q: I believe there was an issue i wrote about this last year.
Im 15/f, hes 16/m, the 'other chic' is 16/f. My best friend's name is lance. His ex (and soon to be girlfriend) name is Rebeeca. Anyway, lance is going to ask her out again in 2 days (March 3 2011). I don't exactly like this girl but i thought 'whatever' right? As long as i don't lose my friend. So i recently hear that Becca is threatening to hit me as well as threratened to kill me. This was told to another close friend of mine who imediately told me. I dont want to bring lance into any of this, nor do anything hasty.
She is always giving me skank looks and makes it obvious that she doesnt want me around-anywhere for that matter What am i supposed to do?

Okay well I know you dont want to bring him into this but its going to be his girlfriend and you are his friend I mean if he's going to ask out then he needs to think about it. I mean she has nothing to do with your friendship with lance but I'm telling you this now before it happeneds cause it happened to me she might end your friendship with him. Um sadly your going to have to do what you don't want to do and talk to him about this...that is if you don't want a girl to be the reason why you loose a friend and another thing is I think shes intimidated by you cause I was at once but I had a dam good reason to be. If you really don't want drama then just let it go and ignore they way she acting cause I highly doubt that shes going to kill you or do anything to you because i wouldn't be a smart move on her part because shes going to loose a boyfriend that way trust me. Hopefully I helped a little and don't be scared of her...she shouldn't mean a thing to you is what my new boyfriend tells me although the girls that know him know that they could never touch not one hair on my head.

Q: my boyfriend hits me and i love him alot he wasnt like this before we meant i dont know why hes like that he throws me his ipod he phone anything he can get right away we have a bby now and i love her but i dnt know what happen what i do for him to start hitting me i dnt want to break up i want help

If theres one thing I learned being with an abusive boyfriend is that they don't show you their true colors after they feel you wont leave them. I had an abusive boyfriend before but he only hit me once. The abuse I got from him was he always put my self-esteem down. I loved him more than anything in the world and I only saw myself with him. I thought I wanted I baby with him and when I told him about it he was rude and shut down that idea. I feel deeply for you cause I know how confused you are but if theres one thing I know is that there are other guys out there that will treat you better this guy is not worth all that pain. Don't do that to yourself think about it do you want your baby growing up with this evirenment. Don't be selfish and thing about yourself think about your baby and want you going to put her through being in this terrible relationship...if you can call it that. My advice is don't be dumb and leave him take him to court and get child support on his ass. You don't need I garenttee that you will be more happy my sister is and I am too I found someone who loves me and treats me right. The good guys arent gone plus being single is better for you right now because you have a baby and I bet your smart enough to take care of yourself. Hopefully I helped you shine some light in your dilema. I hope you do the right thing for yourself and your baby.=)

Q: ok so this is the deal. im 14/f and me an this kid really like eachother. were gonna hang at the movies(not for a first date because we have hungout before) and we both know we wanna kiss eachother but idk how far i should let him go or i dont even no how we should kiss. i needd helpp for all those people who have stepped foot in my shoes beforee! thanks :)

Okay your only 14 so you shouldn't be letting any boy go far. It's okay to kiss but don't do anything else because guys useually take that as a ticket to take avantage of you trust me I've been there. When it happened to me it broke my heart cause I looked really bad to guys. Don't let guys take advantage of your feelings and think that your some object its not fair to you. Plus its only a date he's not your boyfriend. You don' want to look skanky I know that sounds bad but guys at that age think that way.

Q: Well first off, I broke up with this guy that was a 100% my type and I was really falling far him. My type of guy is the one thats athletic, preppy, talkative, respectful, pretty boy kind of guy. Everything about him was perfect and our families got along perfectly, but he lived an hour away. Then I always see girls on his facebook and he would get tagged in photos of him with other girls. So I ended, but I still think about him constantly.. Then another thing there's this guy named Dylan his the total opposite of all the things i'm use to in a guy. His rock style, listens to screamo, just total opposite of what i'm use too. I take a lot of classes with him, and I tell him everything about what goes on with me because I feel like I can trust him. We recently just started getting super close, I call him my partner in crime in classes because we always laugh and cut up in classes that teachers have to move us. He smokes weed then the other night I was on webcam with him and I told him how I really care about him and know that his smart enough not to do that. He liked smiled and got real quite whenever I told him I care about him. He also told me how he really likes me and he doesn't want to lose me. I'm really starting to get that feeling everytime I talk to him too, I just don't know how it would work out though because I know that his far from what i'm use to dating.. We don't even hang out with the same people, and I know my dad wouldn't approve my mom thinks his really cute though. I'm just so confused because of how much I really liked my ex and my dad really liked him which I have to have my dads approval on a guy and thats the kind of guy everyone in my family is like and Dylan just the total opposite so I have no idea on what to do..

You remind me of myself because I've been through that. Look it never hurts to try new things I mean if you like this guy then try it out with him I mean I know you say he's not the type of guy your used to its okay why not try another type rather then stay with the same type and already know what comes next you know what I mean? Well about the dad thing I also know what your talking about because my dad liked my ex you know he used to tell me he seems like he's gonna do good things. I have a new boyfriend now and my dad told me I could do better then him it kinda made me sad in the begining but think about it who is the one dating the guy. One thing I leanred was one parent sooner or later will disappove of a guy we date but all that really matters is if we like him and we approve of him. I'm not saying go behind your dads back just explain your situation tell him you want to try something new and about your ex well theres a reason why you guys arent together anymore think about that I did and I'm really glad I chose my current boyfriend cause he gets a long with my family now and they take him out alot. Hopefully you choose what makes you the most happy.=)xoxo

Q: I really love my boyfriend but hes changing on me too much and its really taking a toll on our relationship.He recently stopped smoking (which is a good thing) but at the same time he decided to go on a raw vegan diet.Im happy for him changing his diet but he gets out of hand. Hes always judging me telling me I should eat that certain way.That people that are raw vegan are so much better.When I try to tell him to let me eat how I want he just calls me ignorant and says its not your fault its the food you eat.I told him its not right too think hes better than everyone else but he seems to think hes perfect ever since he chose that lifestyle I don't know if I want to be with him sometimes I love him I just wish he wouldn't act like he was right all the time. I thought about trying the diet just to stop the fighting but I cant't right now because im pregnant. Im also scared he will act like this towards our child. There is too much change going on right now what should I do? How can I make things better? I've talked to him but he just always wants to be right.

If you've tried to talk to him and he seems to be stuck in his little perfect world all you have to do is remind him of his faults and things he used to do so that he can see that he's not perfect. Another thing I used to be with someone that thought he was right all the time and it bothered me...seriousely it's a turn off. I don't think that the fact that your pregnant should keep you with him trust me you don't need all that extra stress. I know I've been there and unfortunately for me I ended up heart broken so honestly girl...don't this to yourself take a break and maybe he'll stop acting like such a douchebag. Hope I helped shine some light in your issue...=)xoxo

Q: Hey!
Thanks for answering my other question! :)
I was just wondering..how did you get over him? All I can do is think of him or him and my friend dating (. Even though there not), im sick of it! I dont want to like him anymore! I only want to be friends. ( finding someone else to like, isnt going to work, i've tried :(

THANKYOU!

Well it took me a little while to get over him all I did was except that he liked my friend and I couldn't take that away from her. I mean now we're close and to be honest I like our friendship more then being with him because if he was my boyfriend then I couldn't talk to him the way I do now. He tells me all his secrets so I think its the fact that we're friends that helped me get over him. Although I'm not going to lie to you it hurt a little in the process. But now we're like 2 peas in a pod=)

Q: 16/F

So, I asked a question a while back about liking this guy who's the same age as my sister (14) and I think I officially like him because I can't get him out of my head. Every time I see his name on my chat list, I get super happy and I've talked to him for 12 hours straight before. We have so much in common and we agree on a lot of things. We went to a play together (with my other friend, M) And she was urging me to flirt with him, problem is... I'm super shy and I just couldn't do it. The entire time, though, his arm was touching mine and my heart was pounding like crazy!
So, I've decided that I want to try asking him out... And this weekend I'm having a movie night, he's invited. I was thinking of trying to do it there? Any tips on asking a guy out? I need help, because I'm horribly shy and I'm so nervous...

Dude if you guys have talked that much then i say go for it because i think he does really feel some thing for you. Come on try something new and ask him dont be afraid the worst that can happen is him saying no. If that does happen then whatevers move on to the next life is to short for us girls to be gloomy for a guy.

bio

My name is Kaye and I have questions myself about my life but then again I have expirenced many obsticles with relationships I've had in the past so I know if there is someone out there with questions or concerns about partner problems I can help. Helping people is my thing so please anyone can seek my help and I will do my best to answer anything that is asked of me. I know how it feels to be stuck and not know where to go.