I have a lot of life experience and a background in education and some counselling. The following are quotes from friends and family regarding advice I have given them in the past:
"You are so direct and to the point but not harsh."
"You have a lot of wisdom."
"You always know how to cut right to the heart of the matter."
I believe that I tell it like it is but I am also senstive to other's feelings and I am able to see things from various perspectives. Hopefully, I can help you too.
Gender: Female
Member Since: June 26, 2006
Answers: 28
Last Update: September 22, 2006
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I am like nearly bestfriends with this girl at my school. We hang out at school, and on occasion at her house or mine. But when she is with a huge group of friends I feel left out. Like she is busy talking to her other friends and does not pay attention to me, and her friends that she hangs out with always look at me all weird like I don't belong with the group. And ever since school started she barely talks to me because she is busy with her other friends. Although I do walk up to her and say hi but since she is always with other friends she doesn't talk much to me.
How can I get more attention from her, and get our old friendship back?
Although I would like to be closer friends with her, and hang out more without her losing her other friends. I totally respect her other friends. Also, sometimes I prefer just hanging out with her alone, so how can I get that to happen? She is never available because she is busy hanging out with other friends and I would like to hang out with her as well.
I apoligize for asking so many questions, but please answer as many as you can, and just give polite suggestions and tips, please.
Thank you for your time into reading this. (link)
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It sounds like she is not that good of a friend after all. As for the group that she is hanging around with - why do you respect people that give you nasty looks and will not even give you the time of day? As hard as it might be, it sounds like you would be better off by finding other friendships to focus on. There are many other people who will have the character to act more loyally than your current "friend".
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I am seriously getting stressed here! My best friend told me yesterday that she was through with life and she wanted to kill herself! I've been through this before with another one of my friends. It turned out that that friend wasn’t going to commit suicide she was just really depressed but I had told someone. Now it’s happening again with a different friend so I told my mom this time. I let her read the conversation we had and then my mom was just like "All I see here is a very angry child trying to get attention." I don’t see it that way though. My mom had said that out of the 100% of people that say there going to commit suicide, 98% don’t and 2% do. My friend said that sometime before high school is over she's going to kill herself. I have 4 years to convince her not to, but I tried a ton yesterday. She said its not helping and that I shouldn’t be her friend anymore. I love being her friend and I understand that she's trouble from home life (her mother doesn’t trust her!
Her brother doesn’t like her, and her dad abused her but has stopped). What should I do? I really don’t want my friend to kill herself but she doesn’t understand that! (link)
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I agree with you; her threat to kill herself should be taken very seriously. Assuming your mother is right and only 2% of people who say they are going to commit suicide actually attempt it, that means that there is a 2% chance your friend could do it. It seems to me that any percentage is high when it comes to suicide.
I would recommend talking to an adult outside of her family; they do not sound very trustworthy. I think your school counsellor would be a good choice, or you can call a Crisis Line (in the phonebook) in your area. Crisis Lines are very informative and will know exactly what steps should be taken.
It sounds like your friend seriously needs to work with a some type of psych-worker. I would strongly encourage her to also talk about the abuse with a professional - the abuse should have, and still should, be reported to the Police or Child Protective Services. I can assure you that it is a major contributer to her suicidal thoughts.
This sounds like a very serious issue that would be overwhelming for you to try and deal with on your own. You are clearly a true friend. I hope your friend gets some help.
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I think I may have depression. I don't know if it is temporary or not. I have shown several classic symptoms of depression for nearly three months now, and I am so afraid to ask for help. I feel like there shouldn't be anything wrong with me, and I can't talk to my family about it, because I don't want it to become a huge ordeal. My mom has three sisters - the way they gossip, my problems would be all over the family before the words even left my mouth. I really don't want to draw any attention to myself because I am ashamed that I can't shake this feeling. Are there tips for dealing with possible depression without seeking help? Should I just treat the symptoms as they appear? (link)
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Hi, It's JC again. You raised a very good point about some psychologists not being very good. It's true that some are better than others. It needs to be a good fit for you where you think you can make progress with them. I also believe that some professionals just tell you what you want to hear; a good counsellor should challenge you and actually push you our of your comfort zone at times. I would suggest that if you don't think it is working after a few sessions, ask your doctor for a new referal. Keep in mind that often it can take a few sessions to feel like you are making progress.
All the best,
JC
First off, there is absolutely nothing for you to feel ashamed about; depression is very common. Most everyone will experience some form of depression at some point in their life. Depression can be situational (short term) or more of a condition. A psychiatrist would be very helpful in helping you to determine your level of depression and then help you with a plan of treatment, which could include medication. Depending on what form the depression is taking, medication can make a big difference. It soulds like you could really use someone to talk to as well. I would recommend that if you see a psychiatrist and they only prescribe medication then also ask to be referred to a psychologist who will talk with you.
To see a psychiatrist or psychologist, ask your family doctor for a referal.
Good luck with it.
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well, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6months now. In the beginning everythign was all good. BUt now were always with each other and were always fighting and he always makes me the bad guy. i feel so bad when we fight, and i feel like our relationship is going down hill. i just need advice on how to keep our relationship together thanx (link)
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This may sound like impossible advice but I recommend that you do not argue for a week and see what you learn about your relationship. It is easier to do than it sounds. It is not possible to argue if one person refuses to fight; it takes two to have an arguement. So, if your boyfriend tries to engage you in a fight, simply do not fight back. There are several ways to avoid this, eg. say nothing; give him a hug and kiss; or say something like, "I have no resonse to that."
After the week of "no-fighting" is over, you will have a clearer picture of the real issues in your relationship.
Good luck with it.
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There is this girl who I have known forlike 10 years and been friends for 3 years. She's been a nice friend but now that we're going to be in separate classes she's acting like a real FOOL.. I told my other friend who is btter friends with her that I really don't like how she acts with me now and she said she doesn't understand wha I mean and how she won't tell her. But today's my friend's b-dai (the other one) n I suppose she wil tell her.
She's been acting like a real fool and it bugs me cause she's changed. She's going tobe 16, she has a boyfriend and he's a ass as well. I duno what to do!!! I really can't stand to be her friend anymore but I was wondering should I tell her that she's acting stupid or jus leave her! And also should I be friends with the nex one who's b-dai is today or not? They're best friends and I don't want to have her hear what I really think of her!!! (link)
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First off, I would advise that you keep the problems with your friend separate from your mutual friend. By that I mean, try not to talk about the other friend when she is not present. You will find that this will help to cut down on a lot of the tension for all of you.
As for wether or not you should tell your friend what you think of her, I would say that it depends how close of friends you are. If you really care about her and hope to keep some sort of friendship with her, then it may be important enough to address the issues. If you do this, I would recommend that you be as sensitive as possible and try to own your fellings, eg. I felt hurt (or rejected, or whatever) when you...
Otherwise, if you don't see her as a long term friend and it is not that important to you, I would just let it go naturally, without a big conversation. It reallly depends how much you value the friendship.
Good luck with it.
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well my mom does know & she yelled at him for it & he did it again. my stepdad knows about it everyone exept for my grandma[his wife] and my dad kno about this
thanks so much =] (link)
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It pains me to hear that your Mom knew about what happened and then your Grandpa did it again and is now being allowed to still see all of you.
Maybe it would be useful to share all of our emails with your Mom and step-dad. At this point, I would strongly encourage you to talk to a school counsellor; they will deinitely help you (I know because I work in a school). Or, ask an aunt or grandma to talk to your Mom.
Still praying for you, JC
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I was just wondering...it's kinda important to me... (link)
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It is not possible to get pregnant through any type of clothing.
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I went to the doctors about two weeks ago and found out that i am for sure pregnant. My boyfriend i am currently with is the father. My parents and his parents know. Also our siblings know. My mother has been telling me what to name my child. The middle name my child has to have if its the girl. My mother is telling me the child has to have my last name. My house is very stressful and im scared to stay here because i dont want to cause a miscarrage. Im not sure what to do. My aunt had a cat and while she was pregnant the doctor told her that was the cause of her dizziness and vomating. I have 7 cats. i am wondering if thats the cause i cant get rid of them because of me. I want to find away to move out of my home, before i am 18. Any ideas on all of this. It is driving me crazy. (link)
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I believe that the task of a finding a name for the baby will sort itself out; this is really the decission of the parents and nobody else.
All though this will not be the advice you want to hear, it is my sincerest hope that you consider adoption. I believe that you would be a hero to find a home with 2 loving parents who are ready to be a family so your baby could have the best possible life. From what I understand, if you were to go this route, you would have the say in which family adopted your baby. Think of the stress you are under right now. I am sure you realise that your stress will only be added to once the baby has arrived.
This is no offence to you but I cannot imagine any 15 year-old in the world who would be ready to be a parent. Perhaps you could talk to an adoption agency about talking to women who were once in your position and decided to have their child adopted. This might help you in making this decision.
I wish you all the best in this.
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I really hate my hair. It's thick, curly, and hard to do anything with. I was straightening my hair (I always do but it seems not to do anything) and I always but the top (thick) layer up in a pony tail and straighten the bottom layer (thin) then switch it around when I'm done. So, when I was straightening the bottom layer and I just love it, it's so straight and thin and I love it. But then I do the top layer and it's all..blah! I seriously hate the top layer and love the bottom layer. How can I get my whole head to be like the bottom layer without spending a lot of money? I kinda also want blonde highlights. I have really dark brown hair. So how can I get my hair like the bottom layer? (Sorry the highlights were totally out of subject) (link)
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I know this doesn't exactly answer your question but I also have long curly hair and I would like to recommend a book to you that completely changed how I manage my hair. I used to have similar complaints about my hair as you mentioned but since I have been using the techniques I learned in this book, I have different hair all together; I really like my hair now. And, on top of it all, the things I do with my hair now take less time and cost less money!
The book is called "Curly Girl" and I think the author's name is Loraine Massey. I bought it at Chapters about 3 years ago. It was cheap and it is a fun and easy read.
The main thing I learned is that curly hair is completely different from straight hair and therefore needs to be treated as such. For example, it is very damaging to be regularly shampooing curly hair. Have you ever noticed that your hair actually looks better when you have gone longer than usual without washing it? There is a reason for that. The book will explain this and tell you what we curly girls should be doing with our hair.
Have fun!
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My mom made me a doctors appotment in August with a regualar pediatricion. (i'm 13)
I'm gonna get a physical or a check-up, I can't remember which one. Thing is, I havn't been to the doctor since I was 7 or 8. So, of course, I've gotten my period since then.
Will my doctor want to take a look "down there"?
(Sorry my spellings kinda messed up, I'm in a hurry) (link)
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There is no reason for your doctor to give you an internal exam (ie. look "down there"). These types of exams are conducted on women once they start having sex to check for cervical cancer (PAP tests) or STD signs.
Once you do start receiving internal exams, it will not be with your pediatrician. At this time, if you it makes you more comfortable, you can find a female doctor to go to.
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Practically every morning when i wake up, my mom asks me if i have plans. And it drives me insane. I realize that she is only wondering, but how could i possibly have plans the MOMENT that i wake up? I know that i am overreacting to this but it still annoys me! Its also the wayy she says it. iTs just all so annoyign! (link)
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Mothers always want to know what is going on in their children's lives; it's their way of caring, even though it can be a little annoying at times. I am into my 30s and my mother is still like that; I have learned to take it as a sign of caring and a desire to connect.
I recommend that you have one plan prepared to tell her about each day before she asks you. Rather than dreading her questioning, be ready for it and expect it. This will help to decrease the tension for both of you and chances are, she will somewhat back off over time. She probably isn't excpecting your daily schedule; she may be asking you mainly as a way to connect and communicate with you. You could offer something as simple as who you will be hanging out with after school, even though it may the same old crowd.
Good luck with it.
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okay..umm fourth of july is coming up and my dad was planning a trip to go up to old fordge with my aunt and uncle and cousins and stuff. i would go there the 1st of july - the 5th of july. and my cousin on my moms side is having her graduation party on the 1st of july and i cant miss that for the world bc shes like a sister to me.(and yeah, my parents are divorced) and my dad had said to me if my mom could drive half way on sunday(the 2nd) then he would meet us half way.(in utica) and now my mom says no that she cant bc she has to cook food for a 4th of july party down the street and my dad wont come and pick me up and now im like crying and idk what to do!!! im all confused and if anyone out there whos parents are divorced and know how i feel, then yeah i would lovee some advice on what to do!! please helpp!!
x3 (link)
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I come from divorced parents also and remember this kind of stuff from my upbringing; I know where you are coming from.
It is my opinion that because your parents aren't able to get it together, you should not be forced to pay the price. It sounds like your parents do not object in any way to you going to your cousins graduation; it is just inconvenient for them to get you there. It also sounds like they are aware of how important it is to you. Unless there is another reason they dodn't want you to go, I believe you have every right to be there.
You didn't state your age but I got the impression that you are an older teenager. If so, I recommend that you figure out a way to get to the graduation on your own. Perhaps, ask other relatives if they would be able to take you. Or, talk to your Mom about helping you with bus fair to take a Greyhound.
Good luck with it.
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Is coming to visit me & my family in the next 2 days. I recently heard about something he did to my older sister & now I'm really scared of him. He deserves to go to jail. He sexually harrassed my sister when she was around 3 years old and when she was in 3rd grade. Please help me. idk what to do im soo scaredd. (link)
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Hi again,
Thank you for writing me back with more information. I got the impression that your parents don't know about what your grandpa did. Again, I cannot stress enough the importance of telling them as soon as possible. My best guess is that your parents will want to protect all of you. If nobody tells on your grandpa then he will actually be the person who is getting protected. How backward is that? As I said earlier, typically sex offenders will do it again. It is especially imortant that he not be around any of you as one of you is only 3 and is not able to protect herself; this is the age your other sister was when he abused her.
If for some reason, you do not feel safe telling your parents then I would suggest that you and your sister tell another adult, preferably a trusted family member or school counsellor. You can always call your local police and ask them for the number of Child Protective Services in your area.
I so hope that you open up this family secret so you and your sisters get the protection you deserve. You are all too young to be dealing with this on your own. It is also my belief that by exposing your Grandpa, you will be helping to keep other girls(including your baby sister) safe in the future.
Again, feel free to keep me posted.
You didn't say how you heard about what your grandpa did but if you are unsure of the accuracy, please dig further(I suggest talking to your sister yourslef if you havn't yet, unless she is still little).
I am also not sure if you have talked to your parents about this or if they know. If not, it is very important that you go to them immediately. Under no circumstances should your grandpa have access to your sister or you or any other child, in my opinion. Unfortunaltey, these kinds of people tend to repeat their actions and it is far too risky for children to be exposed to them.
I sincerely hope that your parents will do the right thing for your family and press charges against your grandpa, if they haven't done so yet. You and your sister should not be living in fear over this; you deserve to be protected. It is also my sincere hope that your sister has received some type of tramau concelling to help her deal with all of this.
If the above measures have not been taken, perhaps, you could show this email to your parents. I work with children in my job and am familiar with how damaging sexual abuse can be to the lives of children.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Please feel free to write me back.
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Sixteen years old and male. I'm not sure why, but I don't talk to my father. I don't hate him or dislike him. My uncle noticed that when he stayed to visit and told me that I need to go up and talk to him more often. I tried to, but I guess after awhile I stopped. What really got to me was that my sister said that to me too, and she's younger than me. I guess it's that noticable. But I want to know what I could do to start conversations and talk. The only time he goes out of his way to talk to me is when he needs me to fix the computer or get him something (and I'm not exagerating). He gets home late and is always busy when he's home.
Should I write him e-mails? He is constantly checking his e-mail. I do feel somewhat uncomfortable talking to him about anything more than the Yankees game. Generally I'm not too open, it's not easy for me - but it's really bothering me now because I want to create an open line of communication, but I don't know how to start or what to do to make sure that once I start it doesn't fall apart. Any advice? Thanks. (link)
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The first thing I would offer you is to point out that the relationship you and your dad have is not only your fault. Your father has at least 50% of the responsibility here. I say this not to point fingers but to take some of the blame off of yourself. Clearly your dad is the type of person who is not comfortable with a lot of intimacy in his closest relationships, perhaps to the point of being fearful of expressing even positive feelings. I am impressed that at 16 you notice this in both your dad and in yourself and care to make changes. I didn't start to make changes in my relatiosnship with my parents until I was well into my 20s. So, you are way ahead of the game; all of your subsequent realationships will be better off for it.
After having stated that both you and your dad are somewhere at 50/50 with this problem, does that mean that you only have to do half of the work to help your relationship? I believe not. I believe that you alone can make changes in your own behaviour with him which could have a 1oo% influence over this relationship.
You mentioned that your conversations currently are at the level of discussing the Yankees. Personally, I think this is a fine place to begin. Many men are most comfortable in these kinds of areas (ie. sports, cars, etc.). If this is where his comfort zone is then find commonalities here that you two can bond over. Maybe next time you guys talk sports, you could risk extending an invitation such as, "It would be great to go to a game with you sometime, Dad." I think you may be surprised by how happy this would make him.
I think your idea of emailing is a great one. It could be a very safe way for both of you to open up more than you would otherwise.
Good luck with it.
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Well today I am going to hang out with my boyfriends family but he has a little brother of around 5 years old. Uhm I am not very good with kids... I usually try to make them laugh and they just stare at me...lol emabarasing!!! So please help give me some advice so I dont look end up looking like a fool. (link)
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I have a lot of experience with children as I work with all ages of kids. My advice would be just to be yourself. It really is no different then meeting an adult for the first time. For example, if you are a shy person when first meeting someone, then you probably wouldn't be hamming it up and being the life of the party in the beginning. Like adults, children can sense if a person isn't being themselves and it will make them uncomfortable. There is no need to be the clown around children if that is not who you really are. Lot's of people have wonderful relationships with children and do not have this type of personality at all.
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a couple days ago i hooked up with a guy.. were like friends with benifets and all but i have hooked up with him many times before and i dont know because now im kinda starting to like him. i know i shouldnt like him and i dont know how to stop?? can someone please help me out.. (link)
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This is the "catch" with the hook-up relationship - in most cases, you can hook up only so many times before you start to feel yourself being reeled in. Unfortunately, it seems to be the women who get their heart involved when originally we didn't really care. This is the problem with a relaiostship where sex is the main component. For whatever reason, sex gives us females an attachment that would not be there in many cases if we were not physically involved. Men tyically do not react to sex this way, which is why hook-up relationships tend to not work in the long run for women. Unfortunately hook-ups are very alluring in the beginning for the obvious reasons.
I don't think you should try to stop liking him simply because it is not possible for any of us to control our feelings; they are just are there. It is my belief that the only thing you can control in this situation is your behaviour. You would have to start by being brutally honest with yourself. In your heart of hearts, do you desire a real relatioship with him? If the answer to this question is yes and you are prepared to risk losing the hook-up relatsionship then the answer is simple: stop having sex with him. If he continues to want to see you anyway then you know that he feels the same way and likes you for your company too, not just the benefits. Or, you could have a really blunt conversation with him and ask him outright if he wants to be more than just friends with benefits. Either way, I think that if you decide to try to step your relationship up, I would strongly recommend to cut out the sex (all forms of it) for a while. This isn't as hard as it sounds once you put your mind to it.
In my opinion, if you really do want more with him but he doesn't and you continue to go along with the hook-up thing, you will do this for a little while longer and evevtually get hurt. If you deal with it now, however, and he doesn't feel the same way as you, you will still feel initially rejected but you will nip it in the bud sooner and you will know where you stand now.
Best of luck.
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Dan is 18, he never talked to me during school and then all of the sudden he started calling me a lot. As in every day. I tried to avoid talking to him on the phone because I don't really enjoy talking to him. I tolorated it, but now he wants to go to the movies with me. I told him I'd talk to him later about it, because I didn't want to crush him because I know how guys are when they get rejected. So yeah, I think he is calling today and I don't know what to tell him. I don't like talking to him on the phone and I deffinatly do not want to go to the movies with him. Any suggestions on what to do/say when he calls? (I'm not the kind of person that would say something like "STOP CALLING ME! IT'S WERID!" or "eww no i'd never go to the movies with you"). Thanks so much! =) (link)
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These situations are awkward becasue you sound like a nice person who wouldn't want to hurt someone. That is why I do advise you to be direct but kind; it is definitely possible to be both at the same time. Men (and women, for that matter) appreciate it when they are told the truth so they know where they stand and when to stop trying. Think of a time when you liked a guy but he gave you mixed singles. That kind of crazy-making stuff really is worse then being told the truth. Men also tend to take an indirect "no" or a "maybe" as an invitiation to keep trying as the door is still part way open. In my opinion, telling Dan that you are not interested is the most respectful thing you can do for both of you. You could try to say something like: "You seem like a nice person, but I just don't see it going anywhere romantically for me." Keep in mind that you do not owe him a detailed reason for why you don't want to date him. If you are not interested, you are not interested.
I hope it works out OK.
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I'm planning to get my first tattoo. I'm searching for the perfect design. I want to get a wolf and a dreamcatcher and my name on my shoulderblade. I just submitted my description on a website to have it custom designed by a tattoo artist. I'd like to know what to expect when I actually have it done. So if anyone that already has a tat could please share their experience. Is it really painful? Do you have any regrets? (link)
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I have had one tattoo for 12 years and I have never regretted it. I believe that the main reason I have no regrets is because I was so sure of the symbol I chose and still am. It is something I have always been very attached to and know that will never change. I have known people who got a tattoo and years later wished it was no longer there because they were no longer into the symbol. Therefore, that is my advice to you: if you are at all unsure of the symbol, leave it for now until you know for sure. The process of applying a tattoo (ie, the experience and the pain) is only with you for a few minutes but the actual tattoo is a permanent mark on your body forever.
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Has anyone been to the Galapagos Islands? If so, how was it and would you recommend anyone else going? (link)
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I have not been to the Galapogos Islands but my brother was there a few years ago. He has travelled all over South America and this was his favorite spot. He is a diver and the islands are known for their amazing sea life. His pictures are incredible. Good luck with your trip-planning.
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my name is Rachel and iam a 17 year old girl and my sister moved in with her 2 kids and it's getting really crowded right now becouse it's my mom my stepdad my sister her 2 kids and me that's 6 people living in 1 house with 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom and iam currently sleeping on the couch which I think is unfair so I asked my cousin michelle who is 36,but is like a big sister to me if I could move in with her and she said I could,but I had to ask my mom first,but the problem is I know my mom won't go for it what should I do?my stepdad is getting really cranky please help me! (link)
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Hi Rachel,
It does sound like you are getting a raw deal in all of this chaos. I believe that your house has become a home for various individuals(ie. your step-dad and your sister's family) while your needs are are not being addressed. It seems like a very basic requirement for a 17 year-old girl to have her own room, especially when there are so many extra people in the house. I think it is admirable that your Mom is helping out your sister but I believe that you need as much attention and care as you are still the minor child in your mother's house.
I think your idea of living with your cousin is an excellent one. It sounds like you have a healthy relationship with her and she may be able to give you the loving home you need right now. It is understandable that your Mom could be hurt by your desire to leave the house. However, if you calmly and clearly explain how all of this has effected you (focus this conversation on your feelings), she will probably be understanding as well. I would also advise that your cousin talk to your Mom about it.
I wish you all the best in this.
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