a couple days ago i hooked up with a guy.. were like friends with benifets and all but i have hooked up with him many times before and i dont know because now im kinda starting to like him. i know i shouldnt like him and i dont know how to stop?? can someone please help me out..
JC answered Tuesday June 27 2006, 5:11 pm: This is the "catch" with the hook-up relationship - in most cases, you can hook up only so many times before you start to feel yourself being reeled in. Unfortunately, it seems to be the women who get their heart involved when originally we didn't really care. This is the problem with a relaiostship where sex is the main component. For whatever reason, sex gives us females an attachment that would not be there in many cases if we were not physically involved. Men tyically do not react to sex this way, which is why hook-up relationships tend to not work in the long run for women. Unfortunately hook-ups are very alluring in the beginning for the obvious reasons.
I don't think you should try to stop liking him simply because it is not possible for any of us to control our feelings; they are just are there. It is my belief that the only thing you can control in this situation is your behaviour. You would have to start by being brutally honest with yourself. In your heart of hearts, do you desire a real relatioship with him? If the answer to this question is yes and you are prepared to risk losing the hook-up relatsionship then the answer is simple: stop having sex with him. If he continues to want to see you anyway then you know that he feels the same way and likes you for your company too, not just the benefits. Or, you could have a really blunt conversation with him and ask him outright if he wants to be more than just friends with benefits. Either way, I think that if you decide to try to step your relationship up, I would strongly recommend to cut out the sex (all forms of it) for a while. This isn't as hard as it sounds once you put your mind to it.
In my opinion, if you really do want more with him but he doesn't and you continue to go along with the hook-up thing, you will do this for a little while longer and evevtually get hurt. If you deal with it now, however, and he doesn't feel the same way as you, you will still feel initially rejected but you will nip it in the bud sooner and you will know where you stand now.
Melody answered Tuesday June 27 2006, 4:36 pm: You need to realize that hooking up and dating are two totally different things. If you like him why fight it? If you want to make it go somewhere than you need to talk to him. Maybe it can turn into something. But you do need to stop hooking up with him either way around for two reasons. One being that if you like him and want to be with him it'll be harder on both of you to make the transition if you continue to hook up. And two being if you want to stop liking him, hooking up is not a good way to start. You will feel a serious connection to him which isn't good while trying to stop yourself from having feelings for him. [ Melody's advice column | Ask Melody A Question ]
JazzyGotDaAnswer answered Tuesday June 27 2006, 4:33 pm: why shouldnt you like him and i cant really give you to many ways to stop liking him because you cant help it all i can say is prevent anymore hooking up with him and maybe stop seeing in so much keep your distance [ JazzyGotDaAnswer's advice column | Ask JazzyGotDaAnswer A Question ]
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