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How do I talk to my dad?
Sixteen years old and male. I'm not sure why, but I don't talk to my father. I don't hate him or dislike him. My uncle noticed that when he stayed to visit and told me that I need to go up and talk to him more often. I tried to, but I guess after awhile I stopped. What really got to me was that my sister said that to me too, and she's younger than me. I guess it's that noticable. But I want to know what I could do to start conversations and talk. The only time he goes out of his way to talk to me is when he needs me to fix the computer or get him something (and I'm not exagerating). He gets home late and is always busy when he's home.
Should I write him e-mails? He is constantly checking his e-mail. I do feel somewhat uncomfortable talking to him about anything more than the Yankees game. Generally I'm not too open, it's not easy for me - but it's really bothering me now because I want to create an open line of communication, but I don't know how to start or what to do to make sure that once I start it doesn't fall apart. Any advice? Thanks.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Just get more serious with him and do father son stuff. Hope I helped. ~j ernst
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Oh I know exactly how you feel.
Except my situation is pretty different.
I dont talk to my dad, but I really cant stand him. Thats my problem though, not yours.
Okay, so you know communication is the key correct? Its really not nice of him to only use you to fix the computer or something,
I think you should email him, and tell him you want to hang out or do something, (i know thats easier said than done:[ ) but yeah I suggest that, especially if hes always checking his email. When it does start (the conversation that is) keep in touch! Talk about hobbies and interests, and what you like to do, how his day goes, you knwo?
<33
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The first thing I would offer you is to point out that the relationship you and your dad have is not only your fault. Your father has at least 50% of the responsibility here. I say this not to point fingers but to take some of the blame off of yourself. Clearly your dad is the type of person who is not comfortable with a lot of intimacy in his closest relationships, perhaps to the point of being fearful of expressing even positive feelings. I am impressed that at 16 you notice this in both your dad and in yourself and care to make changes. I didn't start to make changes in my relatiosnship with my parents until I was well into my 20s. So, you are way ahead of the game; all of your subsequent realationships will be better off for it.
After having stated that both you and your dad are somewhere at 50/50 with this problem, does that mean that you only have to do half of the work to help your relationship? I believe not. I believe that you alone can make changes in your own behaviour with him which could have a 1oo% influence over this relationship.
You mentioned that your conversations currently are at the level of discussing the Yankees. Personally, I think this is a fine place to begin. Many men are most comfortable in these kinds of areas (ie. sports, cars, etc.). If this is where his comfort zone is then find commonalities here that you two can bond over. Maybe next time you guys talk sports, you could risk extending an invitation such as, "It would be great to go to a game with you sometime, Dad." I think you may be surprised by how happy this would make him.
I think your idea of emailing is a great one. It could be a very safe way for both of you to open up more than you would otherwise.
Good luck with it.
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That sounds a lot like my dad.
I think that writing emails is a wonderful idea. You can tell him about your day at school, in detail, if you don't get the chance to talk to him when he's at home. You can also send him a funny father/son type of 'e-card' from a site, like americangreetings.com. I did that with my mom when I was at home during the summer, and she was at work. She was a computer programmer, so I would send her humorous ecards throughout the day. I sent her one with a monkey trio singing about bananas and she said that she really enjoyed it.
Hope I helped!
♥ SiMA
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I've always noticed this between my son and husband to. I don't know why it is. My son talks to me all the time.
Could be because he works all the time. Maybe you
feel you have nothing in common to talk about most of the time. I often have wondered if my son so wants his dads approval that he feels a little intimidated at times.
I think writing emails is a wonderful idea. You could start out maybe telling him what you have been up to lately and see where it leads. He would probably be really tickled to get an email.
You could even just start out by sending him a special card or a funny joke or two. It could get to be a lot of fun. I really think you should try it. :)
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