ask Foundsoul



read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators




Gender: Female
Location: UK
Occupation: Customer Service Assistant
Age: 27
AIM: vampyreholic
Yahoo: divinevampyress
MSN: soulofthenight@hotmail.com
Member Since: April 30, 2006
Answers: 61
Last Update: December 6, 2007
Visitors: 1785


About 3 weeks ago i had a fling with this guy named cody(i don't know his last name) and now he goes to my school. (I'm bisexual and engaged to a girl.) He even has classes with my girlfriend, but for some reason he won't talk to me. I mean he will talk to my girlfriend and he will talk to my other friend who was with me the night i slept with him. I don't understand why he won't talk to me. Before we has sex we even said that it was nothing special and that neither one of us wanted a relationship from it. (I had a carwreck that night and just wanted comfort) but now he won't talk to me. Why will he not talk to me? Please help me! We were fine the morning after, so why won't he talk to me now? Sorry so long!

~~~HBA~~~ (link)
Probably because he doesn't know you and had nothing more than a one night stand with you. Try talking to him and being his friend


I know that this is probably no worried nothing to be worried about, but...

First off, I'm fourteen/female.
I have some pretty large lumps in one of my boobs. It's hard and I only noticed it today, though I've been having breast pain/soreness for the past week or so. I'm also late on my period, though it's only by a few days.

I know that I'm young so it's probably nothing. But is there anything that this could potentially be, and should I get it checked out? (link)
whenever you find a lump in your breast, the first thing you should do is make an appointment with your doctor. It could turn out to be nothing, but it could be something serious that will need to be treated.

See your doctor and get it examined


I am 19 and a college student. Most of the people I knew and still know from high school dated a fair amount. I sort of feel as though I should be dating at my age or at least went on a couple of dates, but I have never dated before. Do you think you could give me some advice on how to start dating and getting girls to like me for who I am and want to be with me? Like I said I don't know a thing about how to date. I do know how to treat women though. Thanks for the help. What do guys look for in girls and what do girls look for in guys? (link)
Hi there. It sounds like you feel as if you should have had a date because your friends did, but please don't feel that way. You should not feel any pressure to do what your friends do. This is inadvertent peer pressure. They're not putting pressure on you, but you feel like you must do what they do.

Now, how to get girls to like you? You can't. You can't make anyone have feelings for you, that is deceiving them. All you have to do, is be yourself. Anyone who is worth having will like you for you. But please don't feel disheartened if you get turned down a few times. We all get rejected, and we can't expect everyone to like us.

When it comes to dating, it's not really a big thing over here in the UK. But I would imagine it would involve a nice meal, a movie, a theatre show, things like that. I don't think it matters what you do, as long as you treat the lady with respect. But saying that, not all women will like the same things. I don't always like going out for a meal, sometimes I'd rather just stay home. Flowers can do the trick a lot of times too, as well as chocolate, but this doesn't work for all women either. The best date can be something you both enjoy doing. Some people like to go on dates to concerts. Others prefer the old fashioned way.

As for what guys look for in girls and what girl look for in guys, that can differ depending on the person. You need to ask yourself what you look for in a girl. Looks, personality, can she make you laugh etc. I know I like a guy who is trustworthy, funny, understanding (which is a must with me lol). But different women like different things. Like I said, be yourself, and you will find someone you want to go on a date with.

However, I do get the impression that you're lacking in confidence. Perhaps you're afraid of asking a girl you like on a date in case she says no. Please don't feel that way. As I said, we have to suffer rejection at times, but don't take that rejection to heart. Use it in a positive way to start a life with someone.

You will find someone, I promise you that. I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone. But you really do have to go through some heartbreak in order to really appreciate it when you find true love.

I hope everything works out for you and I hope my advice has helped you some.


16/F
I'm due to get my period at the worst possible time! I'll be on a two-day class trip and we'll be going to a theme park. How can I prevent my period from coming? =/ (link)
You cant stop your period from coming. However, you can make the fact that you're having one less descreet. Use tampons rather than sanitary towels. Towels tend to smell a little.


me and my bf have been going out for almost a month. and he is so amazing. but i just get these feelings sometimes that he doesn't feel the same way about me. when we first started going out he would call me. but now he doesn't i call him sometimes. but lately we haven't been able to talk much. he always tells me he will call back and he never does. and it bugs the crap out of me. sometimes i end up calling him back. im gonna stop because i feel lke im being to obsessed. like right now i want to talk to him but i know i shouldn't call. but i know he won't. but sometimes i call and he is completely silent. ahh what should i do?!?!? (link)
Ask him. Tell him you want a truthful answer. If he's just messing you about, you want to know right? even if you don't like what he tells you, you can then get on with your life knowing whats what. If you do nothing, you'll spend months worrying about what's going on and only end up making yourself ill. Talk to him.


I really like this new guy at school. Sometimes I feel like he likes me back. But my friend likes him too! We have some much chemistry and everything. Then I ask my friend if she would be mad at me if I dated him. She said no but then she said she wouldnt be a great friend to me! But then I think ok then what if you date him? Will I be great friend to you? She always thinks of herself! What should I do? (link)
At such a young age, you'll change who you like by the week. When I was in school, there were about 5 guys just in my year alone that I was physically attracted to. But there is some sort of unwritten code that you don't date your friends ex, you don't date a guy your friend likes and you dont date your friends brother. If it was the other way round, you would be upset too. So, I would suggest, neither of you date him. No guy is worth ruining a friendship for. You have the rest of your life to worry about the rest of your life and find a guy you want to spend it with. For now, just have fun and don't worry about who likes who.


I need help losing weight at a good, healthy pace.
Recently, I was diagnosed with PCOS and I read that losing weight could help with the negative symptoms (i.e. diabetes, acne, infertility).
I have don't have any motivation besides that since the whole thing depresses me.
Can anyone think of a good workout plan for me please? I really need this. (link)
Any diet is not about eating this and avoiding that. Its about eating in moderation. As long as you eat meat, fruit and veg and some potatoes or pasta, you should be ok. Balance your meals throughout the day. make sure you always have breakfast, a lunch and an evening meal. Try not to eat crisps, chocolates and cakes too often. every single thing you can eat is good for you, or bad for you, depending on how much of it you eat. But none of this will help if you don't exercise. I don't know what the condition you have will do, but I will say that you can do the best you can, and if you do struggle to keep to a balanced lifestyle, you can always speak to your doctor who will help you


I like a guy at my school,and i think he likes me back but i only know his name and i want to get closer to him...to know him more.The problem is that i get really shy and i don't know what to say around him.Is eye contact enough? Please help me thank you very much (link)
Talk to him like you would talk to any of your other friends. Flirting can help, but can give out the wrong signals. You want him to know you like him and want to get to know him as a person, you don't want him to think you're easy and he can jump into bed with you whenever he wants. Just be yourself. If he likes you, he'll like you for being yourself.


- Sorry its so long

Ok so i have a friend who is like OBSESSED with this guy named ralphy and they used to go out and stuff but they broke up. She says he loves him. Ok so the have sex and i guess this is what she does to try to get him back. I have a feeling they wont EVER get back together because he likes this other girl but isnt dating her because her mom wont let her. Ok so he practically uses her. She doesnt realize it. The gurl he actually likes still hangsout with him and stuff but whithout her mom knowing. My friend constantly tells me she wants to kill herself when she either see's them together or finds out the were together. Im really scared for because he doesnt want her anymore and shes going to end up hurt in the end. Wat should i do to help her out? (link)
There's not a great lot you can do other than be there for her. She is obviously upset that this guy no longer wants to be with her but frankly, she needs to get over it and move on with her life. He clearly has done so. The sooner she realises there is more to life than getting laid, the sooner she will be able to live her life again.


I need birth control i had sex and i plan on to keep doing it with my boyfriend we've been together 2 years, but i have NO idea how to convince my mom to get it. i can't very well say heyy i had sex get me some birth control cuz she'd freak and probably make me break up with him. i know theres ways around it saying my periods are irregular nd stuff but that won't help ive already tried. anyy tips?! (link)
Birth Control pills can not only stop pregnancy, or make periods more regular, they can also make the cramps that come with periods a lot easier to deal with as they take away an awful lot of the pain.


I get jealous soo easily! of the stupidnest things too. i feel like if there is something that one girl has and i don't (not materialistically) then there is something wrong with me. (it;s even my firneds sumtimes) ex. this girl is really outgoing and i get so jealous of that! the girl i get jealous the most of is jessica. she can laugh so loud and so much over stupid things the guys think it's cute and pay attention to her.. including my bf.. which obivosuly pisses me off! she doesn't do it on purpose it's just her.. i really wish i could stop this and not let it ruin my life! (link)
Don't spend so much time worrying about everyone else. You are the way you are because of insecurities. Before you can even attempt to me outgoing like your friend, you need to deal with what is making you so insecure. But you may not be the type of person that can be so loud and in-your-face. At the end of the day, not everyone finds that kind of personality appealing. In fact, quite a lot of people find it incredibly annoying.


I wanna make my boyfriend a mixed cd. We are in a long distance relationship and I want to mail him a mixed CD that I plan on putting together with great thought. But he's in college and I'm in highschool. Would it seem too "highschool" of me to do that? Do college kids even make mixed CDs for each other? Or is this a cute idea? I want to suprise him with the CD in the mail. Tell me what you think! (link)
I think its a good idea. It's a way of letting him know how you feel when you're not together. There's always a lot of thought and energy put into mixed CD's because the songs you choose have to mean something. They have to tell him how you feel, how you miss him etc.

Go for it. I'm sure he would appreciate the sentiment of it.


ok, i have a bf. but he never tlks 2 me. then this other guy came... i guess i fell in luv with him. and i luv him more than my bf!! the new guy always tlks 2 me, flirts with me, and all of that junk, u kno. but my bf doesnt. i dont wanna break up with my bf cause i dont wanna go breaking anyones heart... WHO SHOULD I CHOOSE!?!?!?! pls help me!! (link)
I think you already know. You go with your heart and from what I can tell, your heart is leading you towards this new guy who shows you some of the attention you need. Your current boyfriend is just going to have to deal with it. I don't think you're gonna break is heart because to be honest I don't think he's too bothered either way.


ok i need help, my boyfriend and i have been going out for 5 months now and we were friends for a year, hes perfect and he treats me very very well.and we both love each other very much also.but 4 years ago i feel in love with a guy and we were planing on dating and things didn't happen that well because my best friend at the time made up lies about me which he believed and later ended up dating her.now that he knows the truth he wants to come back to me and start dating me but i cant because i love my man and i wouldn't hurt or leave him.. but on the other hand i want pay back and i want to see what it would have felt like if i was his girlfriend because i still have small feeling for him... can anyone plz help me out .. plz (link)
You really didn't need to ask this question as you have answered it yourself.

You love the guy you are currently with and wouldn't want to hurt him or leave him, so why even contemplate the idea of being with this other guy just for revenge? Who are you going to end up hurting? Him? The girl he was with before? Or yourself and your current guy?

But I think the truth is, if you did truly love your boyfriend, you wouldn't want to think what it was like to be this other guys girl.. you woulnd't want to find out.

At the end of the day, follow your heart. Do what your heart tells you to do.


Ok.. there is this guy in one of my classes that i thought was really hot. I never really had the courage to talk to him but then i got over my little shy thing and started talking to him on aim. I sent him pictures of me like naked and he sent me a picture of his .. you know lol. We started hanging out and I really like him now. I gave him head.. and he wanted to have sex [hes a virgin] but we didn't have time so i told him know. He says that he likes me and I like him too. I want to date but im not going to ask him out. Anyway he IMed me like 20 minutes ago saying he wanted to ask me a question but didnt want me to take it personal. Well asked me if I'm looking to be in a relationship with him and I told him i dont know i was like " I really like you, and I would date you but I'm not going to be here like oh my god we need to date" he told me thats good because right now he doesnt want a girlfriend because of drama.. and then hes like no that you cause drama.. im like ok hes like dont like when they are all clingy and then hes like not that your clingy.. and all this other stuff. Oh ya thens hes like I dont want to get tied down to one girl.. not that im like a man whore.. and then hes like but i really do like you i just dont want to be in a relationship right now they make me feel weird.. and all this other stuff. What should I do at this point? Should I just hangout with him and get him to like me or and more till the point he asks me out.. or do u think it will even get like that? (link)
One thing is for certain. he doesn't want you as his girlfriend. It sounds to me like he wants you to be one of those girls who are just there when he wants his sexual fix. He just wants to play around and get as many goals as he can, so to speak.

Be his friend if you want to, but don't let him force you into doing anything you don't feel comfortable with.


Well...me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months and all we have done is made out. Like he has felt me up and pretending to kiss me all over and stuff just like kidding and he asked "What if I was serious and I did that?" and I said "Haha I wouldn't take you seriously and I would just laugh" and he said "Haha yeah, I can picture that". But like, me and him are seriously meant for eachother. So I know we will be together until I move next year. And I really want to go farther than makeout or making out will just get boring, but we have more of a friendly relationship, like I would never let him finger me or anything because I hate things going in me like that but you know, ATLEAST feel up. In our type of relationship, it would just be awkward for us to do that. But I'm scared I might of given him a sign that I didn't want to go farther when I said that earlier. How do I get him to go farther? Don't say to start feeling him, because that would be double awkward since I have a phobia of penises.
Haha I know...I'm weird, and my boyfriend is weird to.
But I just need help on getting to see if we can go farther. We just make out soo much, it is getting a little boring!
I need some spicin' up!

Thanks in advnance! (link)
I think before you consider taking your relationship further with him or anyone else, you need to work on your issues, such as your fears of penises and intercourse. These are major issues that can and most probably will effect you later in life.

You will never enjoy intercourse with anyone with these issues hanging over you and that is what intercourse is about. It's about enjoying being with that person. It's supposed to be pleasurable, and it won't be for you.

Deal with your issues before you go any further.


15/f.

ok, so i just started highschool. and my one science class was like so hard. i had no idea what i was doing. so i went in there every day for help during my study hall. and i focused on my science grade. because it was like a d. all of my other classes were fine, i assumed. anyways, i didnt realize, i was failing freaking math. and he never even asked me if i understood. im not a shy person. but in his class i was. i never ever talked. and everyone seemed so smart, so i was afraid to ever ask for help. and i mean i know, its my responsiblity to ask for help. but didnt he realize i needed it when i was doing so bad??? so now im like freaking out. because i did plan on going to college. all of my other classes are good. im getting all as and bs, and in science i raised it up to a c. so my grades werent horrible. and i figured in math i was getting a c. so now. im so confused. like i really wanted to go to college. how will i ever get into college now? i mean i dont wanna work at walmart. i wanna have a good job. and i try SO hard. its not fair. what do i do? is there any hope for me? i mean i was like on the verge of tears in study hall.

im so confused. (link)
You obviously have the desire to succeed, all you need now is the courage to show when you need help.

It's hard enough for an adult to admit they need help so i can't imagine what it's like for you.

One thing I used to do to help me with my math, is to go over old workbooks, redo the math questions to see if I could still actually do it.

Getting worked up and upset about itsn't going to help you. It will only succeed in making you more anxious about your grade which in return, will make your grade lower. As someone said, but all that negative energy into positive energy and throw it into your school work, whether it be math, science or whatever. I think the reason your math grades dropped was because you were concentrating too hard on your science grade. You were happy with your current math grade so you didn't worry about it, and lost all focus. You need to regain that focus, not just for math, but for all your classes.

And as someone else said, you have the next 3 years to do it. You really don't need to panic. Just do your best. No one can expect anything more than that from you.


There's this guy who i met in my freshie year and we worked on a play together. Well over the summer we saw eachother at a store and he made a few complements that were very sweet. Well now i have a crush on him and he's acting increasingly friendly: He came up to me in the hall and gave me a huge thumbs up just cuz he saw me and whenever we pass by eachother he does a little thumbs up or points at me, even when noone beside me and him are in the hall. Now we are in a new play together and he threw his arm around me and he gave me this whole " eyebrow" thing when we were sitting down. But sometimes he is friendly, though he doesn't do the same things he does for me, with other girls he knows. Is he just being friendly or is it possible he could just like me a tiny bit as something else?
(link)
It's difficult to tell whether a guy likes you or not, because a lot of the time, they send out the signals that they do when they don't intend to, when they're just being nice to you.

There is only one way you're ever going to find out at this rate and that is to ask him.


omg i have a pretty great life im in 7th grade and already there is WAYYYY to much dRAMAH and i used to be friends with a lot more people now and we are kind of breaking into cliques now and i like all my friends a lot but there is just WAY to much drama betweeen boys and all the other cliques in school (link)
The same way you became friends with your girlfriends. There's a common misconception that boys don't want to be your friend, they just want to get you into bed and people automatically assume that a boy and a girl cannot be just friends. but I know from personal experience that this is possible. One of my best friends is male and nothing has ever happened between us.

Talk to them the way you would talk to anyone else. They're still just human afterall


so the last couple of days i have felt really sad and i dnt understadn why, i think it may have something to do with, something that i honestly shouldnnt care about, and its her life so.... anyways so my bestfriend basically fell in love with this guy for like a year straight she basically obsessed over him the ywent out for like a month but didnt do anything they looked like they were just friends i mean i have a relationship better with my friends the nthey did going out you couldnt even tell they liked eachother.....so she broke up with him, after a while she forgot about him but that was after a year and a half, and she moved on you know everything was good the entire summer last couple months of school first couple months of school this year and now she tells me she lieks him again!!!!!! and it makes me mad because i watched for a straigh year get hurt and it hurt me to watch this happen i love her to death she is my bestfriend and i just cant stand to be around and watch her do this to her self again. she doesnt understan where im coming from when i tell her to, and thing is ive talked to her baout it before so i need other advise instead of tell her how you feel.........she even wrote down things she wanted in a boy and none of those are him even she knows it cause she has said it to me before. pleaseeeee help me (link)
She knows how you feel. There's not much else you can tell her. What she does with her life really is up to her. If it turns out to be a mistake again, then you just be there for her. You don't have to like the guy she likes or even agree with her, but you are her friend and whilst you may only want the best for her, you have to let her make her own decisions.

If she wants to be with this guy, let her be with him. Just support her when she needs it and don't tell her 'I told you so'.




read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker