8ibah04's advice column

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Q: My BF is always playing "Mob Wars" on facebook and like other video games. Its really annoying me cuz we don't talk as much as we used to before he started playing video games. Hes on level 155 on Mob Wars. How many levels are there on mob wars? I wanna know so that I know when he will stop playing. & how do I get him to focus more on me than on his vdieo games?!?!?

This is a stupid answer but you cannot stop a guy from playing his video games or computer games, because once he fiishes mob wars he still has his other video games and if not that they could come out with a sequel or somthing to the game, so you can try giving the video games a try, just doing that would make him happy and bring ya'll closer in this gamey way. Sometimes it's worth doing something that you dont want to do for you partner, especially if you want to be with that person.

Q: okay me and my mom just had a conversation about me having sex for the first time. she started crying and was upset that i had lost it so young. but we have such a good reltionship that it doesnt feel like it could affect us at all. shes been acting really close to me now but im kind of afraid she'll hold it against me. do you think she will?

I highly doubt that, she was just upset for the moment because she probably felt, like most mothers feel about their children wether boy or girl but mostly girls losing their virginity especially at a young age. She probably felt that you should've come to her to express your feelings or intentions, but her most concern was that the person you were with was gentle and nice and wasnt pushy or made you do it , and mostly hoped that you used protection to prevent diseases or pregnancy. But I doubt she'll hold it to you, and if anything she probably feels closer to you because she feels that if you did use protections and if you did do it because you wanted to, and you were comfortable, that you truly bloomed into a mateur adult, and that probably gives her great joy and makes her proud that she raised you into the person you are.

Q: Well lets see there this boy that i liked last year and well i still like him. But lets go to the past for a minute well i liked this boy and one of my friends she has a class with him and she ask me if she can talk to him for me. And i said yea. So she be talking to him for me and trying to get me hooked up with him and stuff. So then this is were it comes to the present well i just found out from another of one of my friends that the boy i like wanna her to hook them up together and i ask who was it and she wouldnt tell me. So then thats when i found out that the person who wanna hook up with him was the friend that tried to hook me up with him last year. And so both of my friends were going behind my back with this. And they thought i didnt know about it but i actually do know all about it and they are trying to keeo it a secret. And in my case i think it is wrong because they both knew i like him and be trying to get with him for as long as i can remeber.And to make it less compucated (these are not real names) but the friend that tried hooking me up with him is kate and now she likes him and asking another one of my friends to hook them up together which name is melissa. And melissa also knows i like him. So tell me what you think. IS this wrong for them to do this to me or is it just me.

HECK NO! There in the wrong. The same thing happedn to me and one of my friends. And well I didnt speak to her for the whole school year, not b/c I was being a bitch, but becuase she needed to know that she was in the wrong and had lost a good friend. On the part of the boy he ended up being her boyfriend for some time, but was still trying to get with me behind her back, and even though I really liked him and wanted for her to feel how I felt about the situation, I just told him I didnt like him when it was a lie. So I was being the bigger person. But now we talk sometimes but I've kept that whole "friendship" thing to a minimum because I had found it in myself to forgive her but I havent and will never forget, so I think that maybe it'll be strenghening to you if you confront these thousands of girls trying to get with him lol! but seriously you should confront your friends about the situation, after that the feelings that you have left would probably determine how you'll handle it and the boy. goo luck!

Q: Our mutual "friends" apparently told her bad things about me, like, how I am "controlling" and yell at any other girl he talks to and other things apparently. I am not okay with this. Is there a way I can approach her about this? Through a letter? In person?

I will see her Wednesday (today is Monday) at a wrestling match. Her son (my boyfriend) is one of the star wrestlers and I am the manager. What can I do? Please help me. We have been dating on and off for the last 4 years. 16/f

Well first yo should see how your boyfriend feels, Make sure these things shes saying are not two sided and are only her thoughts. You might want to tell your boyfriend what you intend on doing and when it comes to talking to her, you basically need to mention that you and your boyfriend are happy together, and it might help if he is in the convedrsation, so he can talk for himself, and though she may think you put him up to doing it, she'll lay off a bit. But the overall thing is shes probably just over protective of him. Now if you boyfriend says theres some things you guys need to work on, you should probably delay that talk with his mom, and listen to what he says and if you really listen and backtrack for yourself, then its you who needs to make the decision to wether you need to change or forget about it. But basically its all a matter of compromise. Good luck!

Q: Alright, so I'm a 19 y/o F and I've bin going through something that i can't explain....physically, my stomach hurts so much all of the time, and I have bin bleeding constantly, like I will bleed for 2 weeks, stop for one then bleed for 2 weeks and so on....but it's only affecting me physically, I'v bin emotionally distant from everyone around....including my boyfriend....it's really weird because I love him soo much but yet sometimes I dont even want him to be around me....and that goes for everyone else in my life as well....I constantly get the feeling that something is really wrong.....does anyone know what could be causing this? I appreciate anyone's answers....thank you

This could be depression or stress, but you might want to see a doctor because I've never heard of a person bleeding on and off like that. There was one person I knew that kind of had the same symptoms, and she found out she had some sort of bodily issue. I know what it was but I wouldnt want to even put such info out there on a person, cause was a stress to me and her whole family. But I really suggest you see a doctor, cause it could be stress or depression, or some sort of severe cramps.

Q: 14/f

Ok I have this boyfriend and we just started going out. We haven't held hands or anything yet. We sit by each other and if we do hold hands I'm kinda afraid too because I get so nervous and my hands get all sweaty...its not like really bad but its only cause I'm nervous. Its kinda gross to me but it could be worse. Is there anything I can do about this? I get more comfortable after awhile but my hands still are a little sweaty. Please help. Thanks!

Well it depends. You may have true feelings for him or your scared of him which probably wouldnt make sense, or you just dont want to seem like a lame. So it's all a matter of how comfortable you are around which it seems you arent. So I would suggest you maybe get to know him better or maybe if you could kind of get a thought of how he feels about you or being with you, that could bring you more confidence.

Q: ok. i'm a 17 year old girl and have been dating my current boyfriend for 14 months. My 13 year little sister doesn't like him,.....at all. as in can't stand him! Every time I hang out with him or he comes over, she feels like I'm ignoring her feelings and picking HIM over her and my family. Here's the thing, my sister is the only one in my family (which includes her and 2 little brothers, and my parents) who doesn't like him.....I've tried to split my time between the 2 of them, but she still acts almost jealous anytime a spend time with or talk about my boyfriend...I'm a very family oriented person, so the fact that I can't invite my boyfriend to family parties because my sister dislikes him really hurts me. He's starting to get tired of it, too. He's also family oriented and his family always make me feel like I'm already part of the family. I don't know what else to do. I've talked to her about it, and she just won't see reason......I'm not trying to get her to like him, just tolerate him and not be such a brat whenever he's around or a say something about him.

wow....that was a vent-session and a half....

Any advice?

Well first off Im not saying you have to be mean, but you have to be more assertive. Tell your sister to explain to you why she doesnt like your boyfriend. And if she refuses, tell her that your basically trying to reason with her, and point out to her that you've been the best sister you can be by not allowing him to come over, even if it meant hurting your feelings for her. So the least she could do is explain herself. That should soften her up, from what she explains to you your solution would probably come to you easily.

Q: I have this boyfriend and he is AMAZING. He can cheer me up instantly and he's just so...perfect! The thing is, he says the sweetest things ever but I can never think of anything to say back except "aw how sweet!". I feel like he deserves more than that, but when he says those things, it just kindof stuns my brain and I can't think straight... I think he thinks I don't like him as much as he likes me, but I really do! Please help? :)

The only thing you can do is not say the first thing that comes to you, but say what you feel, and if you find yourself getting tongue tied again and saying "aww how sweet" pause for a second and explain to him that the only reason you always say that is because whatever, {dont say that but explain to him why that's all you say} his response may give you a bit of a boost in confidence.

Q: i love my b.f "ted" of 5 months but im not IN love with him. and this other guy "ken". before me and my bf i was talking to ken alot and he was the sweetest, unselfish, most consideriate guys i've ever met. we were talking bout being more then friends but then his phone broke. so we dont talk or see each other ever. and i think im in love with him. i just miss him so much! i have this feeling that im supposed to be with him. If extra info needed just ask. Please help. Im desperate. thank you

Well the heart is always the best thing to follow, if its telling you to be with ken, then you should. And I know it seems easily said than done. But I think you should just come right out and explain to Ted how you feel. Sometimes it might be even easier if you ask him how he trully feels. But as far as Ken , does he live near by or is there a way you can go see him in person? If than that's a move you probably wont have a hard time making after you make your decision between picking one of them.

Q: okay i really like this guy and he flirts with me alot and asks me what i would do to him but he nevers says anything about dating..so how would i ask him if we would be having a relationship or if he would just use me for action?
thanks
loveboys

Well this sounds like your typical player, but a bold one, he doesnt mind being flirtatious and al about the goodies, but he doesnt mention anytrhing about a relationship. What you should do is since he's so bold to air out what he wants you should be bolder and ask him where your relationship is going and if there is one, and mention to him that he aint getting nothing until your ready.

Q: I'm going to try to shorten my life story, so here it goes;

When I was a kid, my life was literally perfect. Of course, a lot of people's are when they're a kid. But everything was just so perfect and now, within the last couple of years, my life has changed so drastically and I can't get a hold on the fact that that's just how life is. In the past couple of years;
-my parents got a divorce because my mom cheated on my dad
-my brother (I am VERY close to him) has been on and off drugs and was sent to an insane asylum and Juvinille detintion center for aggravated assault.
-My brother got his girlfriend pregnant and they ran away together. He recently came back and is under house arrest.
-My dad really dislikes my mom but my mom is really ditzy and thinks life is fine right now.

and there's more. I'm not saying all of this for pity, I'm really not. I'm sick of pity, because I've probably got it better then most people out there. But apparently I am my family's therapist or something because everyone talks to me about everything. I'm only 14! My dad tells me how much he doesn't like my mom, my mom tells me how screwed up my brother is (which is bull, because she never talks to him and doesn't even know him that well), and my brother tells me all of his thoughts. I love him to death, but his thoughts are scary, even to him. He's extremely screwed up, and he knows it. He's told me so many things and I just feel like he needs real help. I can't say what he's told me, because he trusts me, but I will say he's very bipolar, he's very depressed, and he's suicidal. I could not live if he killed himself, I'm afraid I would lose it. He's described to me very graphic things he's thought about. I just don't know if I can handle any of this stuff anymore. Everyone's always known me as the optomistic person who gives advice, but I don't know what to say when it comes to all this.

All of this makes me continuously think back to my childhood and miss it. It actually hurts to think back to then, remembering how great it was then. There's just so much going on right now, I feel like running away or something. Not because I'm running away from my problems, but because I want to run away from what's going to happen to all these people if they continue thinking the way they do.

And on top of all of these feelings, many of my best friends don't know what they're doing, because they come to me for advice too. Of course, their problems are quite minimal compared to my families, as most of them are just about typical teenage girl stuff, but it's still like adding leaves to the fire. Everyone comes to me for advice and no one just stops and helps themselves.

I just can't handle life anymore. Not meaning to sound suicidal, because I'm not. I also don't think I'm depressed. But I believe being so nostalgic might continue to hurt me until I am depressed. I feel like I'm wearing a mask, different for everyone I talk too and I can only be myself when I'm nostalgic. Please help, I'll rate you or whatever, I just need help.

Well easily said prescribe your friends to this website so they can leave you alone on their issues. But for the most important part, I think you should go to a person who you and your brother, but mostly your brother, trusts. Because you dont want to have to dwell on the thought that he could take his life any second, he needs to be reminded that he has you and his girlfriend or wife and a child on the way, and that there is so much to live for, and so many people that love him. Im not saying sic a psychiatrist on him, but he needs someone who will listen to him understand him, and kind of ease him out of the state that he is in, it may not be helpful, but the only thing you can do is be patient and pray on it.

Q: Well, if you read my other questions, you know me and my "bestfriend" both 'like' the same guy, although i don't think she ilkes him. .. but whatever.
So now she's being a complete witch(if you know what i mean) to me. And she doesn't think so. But i know so, everyone says she treats me bad, but she thinks opposite, that I treat her bad.
We've been bestfriends since second grade, and I don't want that to end. But i don't know if i can handle how rude and witchy* she's been to me. I tell her about it, but all she does is 'backfire' it, and say it back to me. HELP! What should i do ? :/

Me and my "friend" quote on quote had that same issue, we were besties from first grade to fourth but she was the backstabbing type, she lied on me, she betrayed me, and thought she was overally better than me, and just last year she decided she wanted to like the boy that I was seeing, so I went on and let her have him, cuz I was hearing rumors of him liking her, but it turns out he was still having feelings for me and trying to get back with me, and she knew it too. But what I do now is just I acknowledge her say hi whatever and dont attach myself to her like I use to. I call her my friend and she calls me her bestie, and I forgave her but I didnt forget. So what Im asically saying is you dont have to stop being her friend, just pull yourself away from her a bit. And she'll realize her mistakes, and at the same time if you did do anything you should realize yours and move on.

Q: ok My ex boyfriend from 7 months ago started to reasntly talk to me. He was my first and he knows I still love him and how can I stop? I want to but I can't. Well today my friend got dumped and told me she was wishing they would get back together and I told her not to wish anymore because it was poitless and she knew it was because I have been wishing for me and my first to get back together. Well I texted him about it then was got into a fight. Then he said "I don't know why I was thinking about wasteing my time with you again"..Anyone know what that means? if it means he wants me back how do I get him back to that level? I am so confused on top of that a guy I have liked since last year hit on me today. He dated my cuz and I thought that he didnt like me but then today he help me and kissed my head. I dont want to move on from my first if he wants me back...but then again I am confused about if I really want him...and what if this other guy likes me...should I give him a shot??
I AM SO CONFUSED!

Well you should probably evaluate the reasons why you and your ex broke up in the first place, and decided wether its worth going back to him, for those same issues to come up again, if you both get into an argument. Secondly about what he said, it means that he was considering getting back with you, but with the argument coming along, it detoured his whole thought about it. About the other guy, you'll probably have to do what I told you to do first, and if you come to the conclusion that it's not worth going back to your ex, than maybe it's worth giving this other guy a chance. GOOD LUCK!

Q: My mom, jeeze where do i start.
Well, she kind of over reacts its like she worries for me. Example: i'll have like a project do tomorrow and she'll be all like "Do it now." and all concerned and I'll be all calm. Btw, I have a bad case of procrostitnation[sp?] It's not like i never get it done i do and she knows that too. i'm a straight A student and she's still concerned that i wont get it done.
Jeeze, dont get me wrong my moms nice and all and i love her to death. she just drives me crazy sometimes.

I don't know what I'm asking here ,but maybe you can figure it out and help me and what not. Maybe like give me some ways to beat procrostitnation[sp?].

Well the only easier way to beat it is to get the job done. It's that simple, but you should probably start when an assignment or chore orwhatever is given to you, to keep you from having to listen to your mom talk and talk, and to save her the precious time wasted

Q: okay, so i met this kid through my friend and he had originally liked my one friend..but after we hung out more he liked me instead. well we would text and he was really talkative and would text me first. then we hung out like 2 times and the texting like slowly stopped..i would have to text him first and if he would respond it would be like one word answers that would make me feel annoying to text him. So, we hung out again after that and he was all cool in person and like talkative, flirty, blah blah blah. well then texting him the days after it was back to one word answers. he goes to another school so i never see him in the week and we hang out like once a month because he always seems to be busy and im not sure if hes worth liking. i mean i really seem to like him and dont really know why but i just don't know what to do
i dont want to just give up but my friends keep telling me hes a jerk...and really hes like not..like in person haha

i need some help =]

Well most guys dont really like to seem or better yet show that their into you, so they'll act all chill, I guess to keep you guessing, sometimes it's becasue thats how they are, or sometimes its just a mind game for them, you should probably make time for each other more often, or if he cant meet with you in person, then you could chat over webcam, but to get to the point, the more you guys interact with each other , the more comfortable you'll feel about the relationship

Q: 15/f

So here it goes, I am going out with this kid and He smokes Weed and Ciggarettes, I dont like that he smokes but when I look into his eyes I forget about it all, I know I love him with all my heart, but hes hurting himself bad with the smoking. He tells mehe loves me everyday. We have already broken uponce because he doesnt wanna get me into the drugs and ruine my life, but less then a week later we were both depressed and didnt know what to do other then go out again, we were both miserable without eachother! He said hes gonna try to stop smoking, but hes not going to, I can tell. Like I said I love him and he loves me. Im not sure what to do. I cant break up with him I just cant do it, I cant hurt him or myself that bad! What am I gonna do???!!!!

Theres no easy way to say this but either way your hurting yourself and him whether your together or not. Apart ya'll are "miserable", together your still miserable because you want him to stop smoking, and he's miserable also because basically he's killing his self. If you dont break up with each other then you have to make the move, sit him down tell him how you feel, tell hime all of these things running through your head about you both, tell him or should I say remind him of what he's doing to himself, and that if your both together or not, he could lose you if he continues to smoke that crap, because its basically a life threatening situation. Stand up, and remind him of this if you truly love him, and want to make it work, and tell him to do the same. Good Luck

Q: Hi I am a 16 year old female, well I don't really have a problem but my style is very sporty, I am tomboyish and mostly everyday I wear like tshirts and jeans, and hoodies. I have never been interested in like dresses or skirts, but I really would like to be a little more fashionable, not because of popularity issues or anything, but just because since I am getting older I want to look a little more mature and not look like I am hiding myself. Of course I still am myself, I dont want to change that, but what would you suggest to help boost my confidence and where would be a good start to being a little more fashionable? I don't like to be really glitzy or catch EVERYONE's attention walking down the halls. Just a small change... for example what types of stores should i look at? (online preferably). and anything else you think would help...

by the way I dont have much money for like abercrombie and hollister and anyways I don't really want to wear their stuff, not that I dont like their clothing but I don't really like the whole brand name thing that EVERYONE wears.

Thanks!!

Burlington is a good place, not expensive. And to be more fashionable you dont have to do the whole dresses and skirts thing, cause Im a tomboy too, so what I'll do because my mother is always on my case about being more girly and stuff which is not so me, so I just usually by tunics like minidresses and where it over some jeans with some sneakers or any shoes of your choice. Tunics come in all different styles and colors and things like that, and if you want to dress it up more, you can where a belt or chain belt around it or a scarf, just be you in your own way. GOOD LUCK

Q: Sorry a bit long

ok so my Brother has been going out with this girl for over a year now and till this day I havent been able to be friends with her. She acts weird sometimes now Im not saying its all her fault but Ive tried many ways but it just doesnt work out well.
She wont talk to me unless Im the one who talks to her in the first place.. It is sooo hard for me to just start a conversation but I decided to try my hardest in order to talk to her..so I did but it didnt work she only answers what I ask but she doesnt even try to keep the conversation going! When we see each other she wont say Hi unless I say hi. I think she bipolar or something cause like one day she will be all smiles when im around and the next she wont even walk by me.. super rude Sometimes I try to think of the positive side of her but I just cant find a good thing other thatn the fact that my brother is happy. And I feel horrible when I say bad stuff about her but its true..I know its sorta weird that I wanna talk to her but I mean my brother loves her And she makes him happy( or so he says) and I would just love to talk to her. But I dont know wat else to do?? If I wait till she talks to me wow that could never happen but at the same time I think: I already tried my best but wasnt enough
I dont know wat to do plz plz help me

P.S.
please dont say i should ignore her b/c I cant she basically part of my life I see her often N cmon she's my bro's gf
thnx

She might not be talkative, or she might think that you like her or something. Im not going to say you should ignore her, but you sholdnt stress it so much, if you want you should maybe ask your brother why she doesnt talk much? He'll probably say something to her,or inspire her to open up a little more GOOD LUCK!

Q: i just started highschool, and there is this guy who i liked. I ended up finding out that he liked me too because he told my best friend. He later on then asked me out, which i regret because everything was moving way too fast. Especially because we didn't really know each other. A week after we'd been going out, my friend started geting too involved in my boyfriend and i's relationship...example...She felt it necessary to read every note he wrote to me, and the ones i wrote him. I told her not to read everynote because honestly, she didn't need to do that.....this relationship was not built on 3 people....just two, me and him. i told her she could read the notes only if i was to say, "hey, look at this" not her always demanding to read. my boyfriend and I don't have any classes together accept one. We don't see each other much in classes, plus we can't hang out because he's not old enough to hang out till he's 16 + he has strict parents. Anyway, my best friend was flirting with my boyfriend before me and my boyfriend were going out, and i told her not to do it. She denied flirting with him and trying to take him away from me, and she promised to watch herself. After my boyfriend and I started going out, my other group of friends started noticing that my best friend was flirting with him, so they told me. I confronted my boyfriend about it, and he said he thought she liked him but not to worry because he liked me. Then I confronted my friend about it, she got pissed at me, and then i looked like the bad person. My friends who told me were on her side now, and I felt like I had done something wrong. After all this, everything was fixed, and now my boyfriend and I are still going, but i feel this distance between my boyfriend and I. I feel like we just don't seem right together. And a part of me thinks he likes my best friend because everytime we are all three together, he talks to her more than me, and when we leave the one class we have together, and my bestfriend is leaving, he goes and leaves with her when i'm still trying to get my books into my bag or whatever....and it bugs me because he is supposed to be waiting for me. Even when he's saying something, he will be making more eye contact with her than me. I'm so sure he likes her. And i feel like she is a fucking back stabber because she has let everything go as far as it has. If i can feel and see it, I bet that if i can feel all this, they can see it too, and its so obvious.....I'm so confused with everything that I'm wondering what you guys think is really going on with him or her even me...i don't know if i'm maybe going too overboard...anyways.... thank you for replying!:)

I dont want to hurt your feelings but there's a 50/50 chance he might have feelings for her. I mean what actual boyfriend leaves his girlfriend at her locker to go hang or talk with her friend. And then again he could just be trying to be nice to her, because of what happend, and he felt you ended up with him happily, and she was the victim or loser or whatever in the whole situation. If you feel that things are really really shaky between you too, confront the situation, maybe by talking to your friend first, if that doesn't satisfy you, then you probably should nicely confront your boyfriend, like if he leaves you at the locker again to go talk to your friend, catch up to him and when she leaves say something like "I wish you would walk and talk with me like that, better yet wait for me". But dont make it sound like your jealous, eventhough all boys suspect that first Lol! Good Luck !

Q: okk soo theres this boy I like.....but all my friends say hes too bad for you and all this crap and he doesnt deserve you and stuff....and he likes me 2.....what should I dooo???

Help....Plz,

Kateyy

I say if you dont see none of that in him, then ignore others, but if your not really sure, and you want to know for yourself, how bout you do some investigating on your own, maybe if he has a close friend or someone that he hangs out with , that you know also have that person report to you and tell you how he really is. But if you dont have to go through such dramtic lengths and you know how he really is just do what makes you happy, and what feels right. GOOD LUCK!

bio

Im 16, and I guess Im into advice columns. I like giving advice, because I like helping others, especially those who may have the same issues they need help on that I have. I'm always looking for advice websites, because, to be honest advice columns are fun! ;)So anyone feel free to ask me a question, and I'll try to get you on a clear road of a solution. Lol