ask rikatree2375

Hey y'all. I started this whole advice thing cuz i absolutely luv people and giving advice. I'll try to help the best I can with whatever problem you have. I've been through a little of everything so ask away and don't be shy!
E-mail: e.sherhart@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: TEXAS!!!
Occupation: Violinist
Age: 16
AIM: rikatree2375
Member Since: July 29, 2005
Answers: 255
Last Update: September 12, 2006
Visitors: 16317

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My bff Ashlyn, like this guy Tanner. Secretley I like him too but I haven't told her that yet. Well Tanner is been flirting with me ALOT latley and invited me to the movies. I told him, that I like him, but I don't want to hurt Ashlyn's feelings, he said he respected my descion since I've known Ashlyn longer and that he'd wait for me, cause he really likes me. I don't know what to do. I don't know how Ashlyn will react if I tell her I like him and he likes me too. What should I do. I really like him, but I love her too, shes my best friend. xox i`ll rate. _(link)

First of all, you'll never know how she will respond unless you tell her. I understand why you wouldn't want to do that to her, but if you care about her that much as a friend, don't you think you should be honest with her? She might get upset and angry at you, but it's better than keeping this a secret. You could even have Tanner talk to her about it. That might seem a little harsh but just be honest with the girl. You also need to realize that you can't put your life on hold so your friend doesn't get upset. It's going to happen in life whether on purpose or accident. Just do your best to make it easy on her and i'm sure she'll come around. Hope that made sense and i wish ya good luck with it!!!

4Him, Disciple

I used to have many best friends. When 7th grade started some of them became part of the popular crowd, a few went totally goth on me and cut them selves constantly and some just ditched me. I have like one or two friends now that still hang out with me. I have lots of other people hang out with me, but now I'm realizing how they truly feel about me by all the rumors they are starting. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm so alone. Please help. _(link)

I totally know how you feel. I know it sucks to lose your friends, but be thankful for the ones you still have. People change over time and so will you. You'll meet new friends, and lose old ones. It's just how it goes. But right now, focus on the good friends you have and try to become closer with them. I think that'll help you when you feel lonely. And try to put yourself out there to meet new people. There's always people around you who feel the same way and just need somebody to talk to. You could help them and yourself if you open up. It can't hurt :) Just know that you're never alone even if you have ONE good friend. That's all that matters. I hope my advice helped. And if you need somebody, i'm always here for ya. My sn is rikatree2375 also if you want to talk. Good luck!!!

4Him, Disciple

Okay...I have this friend. She has been my friend for about 3 or 4 years but we have come really really close. Now we are Freshmen in high school and never see each other. I see her around the hall and stuff and i can tell how much she it starting to change. She dyed her hair pink, she is always wearing black, and she is hanging out with a whole differnt crowd of people like the punks and goths and stuff. Dont get me wrong i have a lot of friends that are punks and goths and i have NOTHING agenst them but that is just not her type at all. Ever sence she is changing like this i never talk to her...i want to cause i feel like she doesnt want to be friends anymore...but if i talk to her i dont really kno what to say...i need help...

i'll rate 5 for anything good... _(link)

I totally understand where you're coming from. That's happened to me with a good friend of mine. I started talking to her again like how you wanted to and i found out that she was totally not the same person. Not only the outward appearance was different, but also her personality and character. I also found out that we had nothing to talk about so that made it harder. We still say hi in the hallways but that's about it. I'm sorry, but there's probably not much you can do. Be a good friend but don't expect her to be all buddy buddy with ya. It hurts, I know because you lose a friend. Everything will work out though. Hope i helped ya!!!

4Him, Disciple

Me and my x friend areant talking anymore!! We used to be best friends and tell everyone that we were cousins and stuff... and now in middle school were not talking and we always get in fights. What do I do...because Ill have dreams that were friends then I wake up relizing it was only a dream...its really upset! HELP?!
From girl with friend problems. _(link)

I know this is going to sound harsh but alot of times, you and you're friends will slowly separate as you mature and get older. It's just how things go. She'll get other friends and so will you. The same thing happened to me and one of my good friends so i'll tell you what i did. I waited!!! I told myself that eventually she'll talk to me once she cools down. Things might never be the same but at least you wont be fighting and that's important. So give her some time and space and she'll come around. Just have to be patient and you'll see. Good luck and hope i helped!!!

4Him, Disciple

i hav a friend who is like my best friend and ive known for like 4 yrs but just this yr she moved to laval and changed schools, i thought i would never be replaced and she even told me that i wopuld never be replaced, but just yesterday i was talkin to her on aol and she added a friend from her school and she was acting totally different and telling me sbout how everyone there is soooo open and funny, and she had all these inside jokes and stuff and when she left the convo she said nice talkin to me, but she told her friend sum inside joke and started laughin away. And shes always telling me about how she went out with all these ppl at her school. Im starting to feel super left out. (and she didnt lie about any of this)
-feeling left out (female, 13) _(link)

The same thing happened to me when i moved from private to public schools. I was so sure nothing could ever come inbetween my best friend and me. But we started fighting and things just got different between us. You have to remember that people change and move on whether they realize it or not. They make new friends and you will too. I'm not saying to just totally forget about her but she has to live her life and you have to live yours. It's also really hard because you two are at different schools so you don't see each other on a regular basis and from experience, that in itself really hurts friendships. Just see how things turn out and go with it. Your friendship might grow worse or get stronger. Just hope for the best and it'll work out. Hope i helped!!!

4Him, Disciple

heyy i go to church and i've been going my whole life. i've grown up with pretty much the same group of kids for my whole life at church

lately i've been feeling really upset about church and empty whenever i go. i get nothing out of it. it's like the youth group thinks its nothing but a social thing. like i fell like no one is really serious about getting to know God better or becoming a better Christian. it's just like a place to see your friends each week and nothing more.

i feel upset and isolated and i don't have much friends because they're all different and more worldly in a way. i've stoppped going ot youth group also. maybe this contributes to my isolation or something. there is no way i will stop going to church but i canot switch churches beucase my parents are really involved in this church.

what should i do? (ps. i heard you're a christian) _(link)

Wow, i think this is the first time somebody has asked me a question because i'm a Christian. Thank you, that's encouraging!!! :) Anyways, about your question. I understand soo much. My family has been looking for the right church like 3 and half years and we've finally settled down somewhere. The youth is okay and all but i dont' feel like i fit in, so i feel what you're saying. The older teenagers get, the more they'll have to decide whether they want to live for God or just go with the world. Alot of them truly aren't Christians so that explains why they don't act serious. It's basically a social gathering for them and nothing more. But honestly, you can't change them but you can pray for them. I'd encourage you to do that because prayer is always helpful and if i dont say anything else that helps you tonight, then at least that will. Anyways, about even going to youth group. I think you should start going again. If you're not even trying to be involved then you're going to keep feeling isolated and you have to be involved with your church to really feel like you belong. So just start going and see what happens. Maybe even try talking to your youth pastor and ask him to preach about living for Christ. That might inspire a couple of your friends to get back with God. Or YOU could actually mention it to them. I know it's awkward to talk to your friends about that kind of stuff but it's their soul and eternity we're talking about here. That's more important than being embarrassed so just put yourself out there and be a DISCIPLE for God. If they see you truly fired up each week they might be inspired. But get involved again with the youth group and see how it goes. And give it time, because it does take awhile to get closer friends and all. Well, i hope i helped you and good luck with all that. If you want, write me back if you have any more questions or comments. Or my sn is rikatree2357 too if you just want to talk. I'd love to hear from you!!!

4Him, Disciple

alrighty, i asked this question but i failed to make one thing clear...this girl lives with me. her mom and my mom are best friends, and they moved in together like as roommates, so i live here all teh time and she lives here with her brother and sister when they're with their mom. so here's teh question again, but keep in mind that i live with her.

ok, my best friend and i have known each other since we were 2. we're actually a lot more like sisters, because we know everything about each other. we're now sophomores in high school, and she has yet to make one friend of her own. every friend she has was because i was friends with them first, which isnt a problem, but she needs to seriously be able to make her own friends. we have EVERY class together, and she just tags along. i never get a break from her. i cant stand her attitude, and if i hadnt have known her my whole life i probably wouldnt choose to be friends with her. she judges everyone and is just plain mean. i honestly need to get away from her but i cant, and i cant talk to her because shell just go crying to MY friends and try to get them to be on her side. what the hecks and i supposed to do!?!?
_(link)

I want to say first that you must have a lot of patience to put up with that. But anyways, about your question. Have you tried hinting that she should make some other friends??? She might take that as you being mean but if you tried to explain that you two can't always be around each other, maybe she'd understand. Try to escape to some other friends who she doesn't know. Just talk to them about it and maybe they could mention something to her. Also tell her that she won't get many friends if she acts like crap. Nobody wants to hang around a mean person. So just be honest with her for her sake and hopefully she'll understand. Hope i helped and good luck!!!

4Him, Disciple

I have an extremely depressed friend. She's been depressed for awhile, and I've always tried my best to be there for her. She would ask me to come over when she couldn't stop crying, and I would, but I would be reluctant to. It's just.....some things, you could only do so much to get nothing in return. I feel like I'm selfish for thinking that. But I always try my best to be there for her because I know that I'm the only girl that she really has. I know that I'm the only one that she's ever really trusted her entire life, I'm the only one that could be there for her, and I live so close to her. And I know that I'm really the only friend that her parents like and actually trust. I get so tired of her depression, constantly being there for her. I feel as if I want to avoid her, and her depression annoys me a whole lot. It's every weekend. She called me and asked me if I could come over because she was crying really bad, but I told her that I "couldn't". I really didn't feel like going..because I just sit there, feeling helpless, as she cries her eyes out. I know that I should be a good friend and that I should just go anyway, because she needs me and I should be there for her when she's in need, but at the same time, I really don't want to, since I do it so much. I don't know if my decision of not going is because I'm a bad person. Anyone would get tired of their friend, if they were like this all the time, right? But then, I feel like such a bad friend, but then again I do it so often that I should get tired of it and I need time to myself SOMETIME, because I don't really talk to people about the "problems" I have. She asked me if I could go over tomorrow instead, because she knew that she would cry like no other and not be able to get herself to stop, and I told her that I could probably go, but for me, I was hoping to stay home alone tomorrow and get caught up on things I've been putting off. If I don't go, and really don't want to, would that make me a bad person? I just need some time to myself..which is something I can't seem to have..But I don't want her to think I'm a bad friend, and that no one will be there for her. I don't know if I should do what interests her, and bothers me, or what interests me, but upsets her...

What should I do? _(link)

Wow, i had to read your question twice, sounded kinda ironic. Anyways, i know where you're coming from. Let me say something that might sound kinda mean. Since you've been an awesome friend for her in the past by going and talking with her and pitying her, she figures she can probably keep doing that and still get the same results, pity. I'm guessing you go to her house, sit and she cries, you talk to her about how things will eventually get better and she just says i dont know, right?? And that goes on for hours and hours. Well, sounds like she's always depressed so do you think that you can really help her??? If i were you i would say, "if this is so serious, then you need professional help." Just ask to see what her expression is. If she's like what?? then she's probably pulling your leg to get pity. I've had friends like that. So step one, trust your inner judgement to see what's so wrong with this person. Step two, decide whether you want to give up your "time" to deal with this consistently. Now i dont mean just totally ignore her but you cant exactly put your life on hold to accomodate her. Step three, always be available for her but don't pity her to make her feel better. Don't ignore the girl but make her understand that you have a life too and you need help just as much as her. It's called a friendship, giving and taking. It's equal. So try that for now and just see how things go. Don't stress though too much because that really doesn't help in that kind of situation. I hope i helped and good luck with it!!!

4Him, Disciple

Me and my best friend had a stupid argument. What shall I do, I was alittle harsh on her, but I didnt want to stop being friends what can
i do?
_(link)

The best way to fix that is just to apologize. Just be sincere with them and i'm sure they'll understand. You cant let stupid arguments get in the way of a great friendship. Just be honest and good luck!!!

4Him, Disciple

I'm..extremely afraid for a close friend of mine, although I don't show it so much. I know that she thinks of it as not much of a big deal, but I do and I see what could come from it. I want her to go to a doctor, but she doesn't want to and refuses to. She also doesn't want her parents to know, because her parents blame her for everything. This friend of mine has been depressed because a 15-month, serious relationship with someone ended, due to circumstances that she doesn't understand. He got over it too quickly and doesn't care about her at all, despite everything they went through together, and gee, did they go through a lot. I don't know if the problems that she's having is somehow affiliated with her depression, but it scares me. She never feels like eating. She tries because she knows that not-eating is bad for her, but her body refuses the food and she ends up throwing it up later. Her stomach hurts from time to time and she also has severe, continuous headaches. She takes Advil or something to attempt to cure it, and it never works, but she keeps on taking more and more, thinking that more would help her, somehow. So that would be overdosing. If it doesn't help the first time, what makes her think that it would help any other time, right? She's addicted to them or something..and it really worries me. She told me to give her a limit of how much she could take when she got home, and I told her, two at a time, twice, until she slept. She agreed, yet she broke this agreement and took six. I don't know why she's throwing up..or even WHAT she's throwing up since she hardly eats a thing...and..I'm just really concerned. I don't know what to do, and I don't know what kind of advice you could give me for this..if any at all, but I'm just scared for her.

Thanks, ahead of time. :] _(link)

Talk to this person about all this. Don't just sit back and worry. Really confront them because things only will get worse. Drug overdose is so harmful and never helps. Don't go running to a doctor but really sit them down face to face and ask them why they're doing this. It's a RESULT of something that's going wrong in their lives. People like this usually just need somebody to talk to, thus the depression. They're probably holing everything up inside and it's going to get worse if they keep doing that. Really talk to her one on one, okay? It sounds like you know what to say to her. Just trust your instincts.

4Him, Disciple

hi ihave a friend that has a problem

an "eating" problem

and she doesn't want to tell her parents or adult

she answers advice for all pepl with the same problems but she doesn't take the same advice herself.

what should i do? _(link)

Sounds stubborn. She probably realizes that she's like a total hypocrite. Most likely she's struggling with something really big in her life and she doesn't know how to respond to it. Don't force her to tell people though. Sounds like she just needs some really good friends who will always be there for her. Just keep talking with her and help her out with things. She'll come around. :)

4Him, Disciple

I'm not sure if i can help, but i'm sure going to try okay? Wow, where to start. Let me mention, when people don't admit that things are going rough for them, then most likely they are. And when she doesn't want to go to a doctor or tell her parents, i understand but i still know that's wrong. And you mentioned that her parents blame her for everything. THAT DEFINITELY IS GOING TO RUIN ALL THOUGHTS OF TELLING THEM ANYTHING, i should know. To me, this sounds like a bad depression. A really bad depression. The throwing up, drug over-dosage, everything are symptoms of depression. But don't freak out and don't go running to a doctor. So right now, be a really good friend to her and show her that you're constantly there for her. Sometimes the best medicine for this is knowing somebody loves you. People get so hurt and lonely (specially after this relationship ended) that they desperately need somebody just to be there, you know??? So that's the first step. Second, sit her down and talk to her about all this. Tell her what you're basically telling me. I'm mostly worried about the drug overdosage right now because that's a really bad thing to do. So mention that first and tell her about the health risks. Sometimes you basically have to scare people to get them to listen, i should know. And about this eating disorder. I'm glad she's trying, but throwing up??? That's physically harmful too, and i'm sure you both realize that.TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS. Don't drag her to a counselor or nothing but just do one-on-one. Explain to her why you're worried (you definitely have a reason to be) and why she needs to STOP. You mentioned that you can see where all this is going and personally when i see that in my friends, i get scared. I love my friends as you do too so i try and fix things as soon as possible. Don't put this off thinking you'll lose a friend if you tell her to stop. What's more important...her friendship or her life??? I hope you pick the second one. If you do then i think that explains it all. I'm beggin you though, don't let this go. You're seeing a person who's in depression and basically given up hope (thus not wanting to bother to eat). Talk to her face to face. Don't do it over the phone but face to face if you can. It's way more personal and you can actually see them. Just dont rush things and constantly remind her that you love her and will ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HER. Once that really soaks in, i think she'll get better. Wow, i wrote a lot but i hope i helped. Write back about what's going on. I'd love to help you some more!!!

4Him, Disciple

my email is e.sherhart@att.net (i check it everyday for y'all) and my sn is rikatree2375...that's for if you need help or just somebody to talk to..or if you want the actual person to talk to me. I've been through a lot of that so i understand.

Well i have a friend who i have known since second grade... and well i found out that he liked this girl and i dont know why but i didnt like it and i realized that i like him.. and now latly it seems like shes been trying to steal him from me and like he now like ignores me and talks to her.. and one time he was talking to me and he saw her and went running over to her and didnt say bye to me or talk to me the rest of the night.. and she gives me dirty looks and like i hate her.. is it not right that i hate her? or is it ok to? _(link)

I don't think it's right to hate anybody, but that's just me. I know it's hard to fight over a guy with your friend, but is it worth it??? Ask yourself this, would you rather save a friendship or gain a guy??? Sounds like you haven't even talked to her about this. If she's mature enough at all, she'll be willing to sit down and talk about what's going on. If this guy ends up liking you, don't rub it in her face. But if i were you, don't let this guy come between y'all. It's not fair to the both of you.

4Him, Disciple

ok i have this friend. (see title)
anyways we think of e/o as bff and all, but some days, idk she seems kind of ticked. like i say something and she doesnt really respond and i'll ask her whats wrong and she will freak out.
Say we are sitting in math(our first clas togeter) and we both dont say anything. then i say something like 'wow the day is going by fast' or 'did you hear about mr. jo's pop quiz?' and she wont respond, she just sits there. then i ask her whats wrong and she goes: NOTHING! I Am Just Tired! in a real annoyed voice.
what do i do? please hurry i rate high! _(link)

Here's a hint, usually when people say they're just tired, it's the only exscuse that pops into their mind that would make sense. I say this alot to my family and specially my sister because she's always asking me what's wrong. Try not bothering her by asking. If she wants to act like crap and not say anything, then let her. She'll eventually get over herself. I know that sounds mean but people get moody sometimes, i should know!!! If it continues, there might be something she's holding in so you might want to be really sensitive towards that. If it gets worse, then start to question. But for now, give her some space and she should get better. Hope i helped!!!

4Him, Disciple

ok i was talkin online wuit mi bff 2day and i was
like i got a lighter blonde hair colour cuz i got
blonde hair and she was like iming her cuzzin
and tellin all this stuff behind mi back and i love mi bff 2 death but like shes doin all that kinda stuff 2 me wut should i do? _(link)

If you don't like it, then I would step up and do something about it. If y'all are that close, then she should understand. Just tell her how best friends shouldn't do that to each other cuz it just aint right. If she really IS a good friend for ya, she'll stop. But if she doesn't, maybe it's time to move on and meet some nicer friends. I know that's really hard, but people change. But just bring it up when you're talking to her and be honest. Hope i helped!!!

4Him, Disciple

I hear a lot of crap about me being over weight & fat from a bunch of people. I try and brush it off like I don't care & usually I have good comebacks. I don't want to insult them back, because that's just stupid and I think arguements just full of insults are stupid, what's something I can say to them, that would make it seem like I really don't care what they have to say about me? Thanks a bunch, I'll rate you five no matter what. _(link)

You're right, insults are stupid and will most likely make things alot worse for you. If you want them to drop it, then dont make any remarks. They'll eventually get the hint that what they're saying doesn't bother you. Try just sitting there and smiling. I know that'll be hard, but eventually they'll shut up. Who cares what other people say anyways. Don't worry or let it bother you. Good luck!!!

4Him, Disciple

sorry this is so long but please take the time to read it. my best friend...lets call her Alyssa, she has been my best friend for about 2 years. we've had our fights and everything like a normal friendship. right? haha. but the past winter, we didnt hang out at all because her dad started to hate me. so she wasnt allowed to hang out with me. once he found me, my brother, and her walking home from school together and he got so pissed. he was yelling at her so loudly outside, in front of all the neighbors. so we never let him see us hang out together. but hes in the army or something and he leaves home for a long period of time (like a month and a half) and then her mom started hating me for no reason. and so we never were allowed to chill out together. and we live half a block away. BUT now, her mom likes me..and her dad is gone but they dont tell him that alyssa is allowed to come over to my house now. her mom lets alyssa come to my house everyday now! haha. but maybe not everyday. but im wondering..isnt this wrong? i mean, her dad thinks that his daughter is staying home but shes actually haning out with me. is that wrong? alyssa is so cool and i really want to keep being her best friend. (im not a lezbian and im not bi) _(link)

It's not exactly being honest to her dad. If he's gone right now, you can't really do anything. Maybe mention to her mom that he should know what's going on. If her mom is supportive, she should find a way to make things okay with her husband. But for now, just hang out with her and dont feel bad because it's not your responsibility to fix this situation. Hope i helped!!!

4Him, Disciple (plz rate and leave comments!!!)

I feel really left out of everyhting lately. I feel like noone likes me. Any advice?

~Lonely Girl~ _(link)

Try calling somebody up to see if they'll hang out. Summer is hard because a lot of people hang out with their closest friends all the time and it's hard to see them. I'm sure you're not being left out. Just try to make some effort and get back together!!! Who knows, maybe your friends are thinking the exact same thing.

4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)

well...i am not gonna put down all the details....but...my best friend sarah and me were like in a fight wit our otha friend and so then sarahs sisters got involed (big mistake) and so then it became this big "thing" and so it went on for a month..and then they tried to put me in the middle!! and me and the otha friend have been friends like foreva!!! me and sarah have only been friends for just one year.....so then i go well i don't kno kaliegh (sarahs sister) i don't want to choose!! so now her daily duty is to make me feel miserable!!!! i don't get it!!
SO neways...now i think sarah is lyin to me to be all cool infront of her sisters and i am loosing everyone!!! anyways!!!! i feel now i should be like "sarah..maybii we should...just stop being friends...i feel like soon your sisters are gonna make u hate me/..." thats just how i feel. WHAT DO I DO?

signed,
hated for a lil repsone _(link)

If you feel like breaking off the friendship then maybe you should. If i were you, i would let her cool off for a couple days and try calling her. Be nice and really try to talk about things. If she still hates you, then the friendship is probably over for good and you really don't have to say much of anything else. Just give her some time and be patient with her!!! Hope i helped!!!

4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)

hey.. Im samantha.. and well
I went to a new school this year.. because the school i was in last year and the years before closed down. And it was a small school, one class for each grade. And so i came up into this huge jr. high. and my old friends.. well we arnt friends anymore...and i met these new people and we are like best best best friends.. and we alllwayyys hung out. And well i met this new set of people. who are cheerleaders like me. and we are alike.. and well i dont know who to hang out with because they are both the best!... and every time i hang out with them .. the other people get mad at me .. or if i hang out with them.. then those people get mad at me. And my friend hayley .. who i met this year ( not the cheerleader) well she hangs out with my friend sara more then me. And i think they like hate me now because im hanging with the cheerleaders.. but they are awsome..

What can i do.. How do i hang out with both settsss offf people??

help.. i rate high!!!!

Sam! _(link)

Just manage your time. Balance it between the two groups. I know it sounds hard like you have to juggle your friendship all the time. But if it's worth it to you, then just be careful. You might have to chose some day so just be prepared. But for now, balance your energies and attention between them both and it should be fine!!!

4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)

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