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I have an extremely depressed friend. She's been depressed for awhile, and I've always tried my best to be there for her. She would ask me to come over when she couldn't stop crying, and I would, but I would be reluctant to. It's just.....some things, you could only do so much to get nothing in return. I feel like I'm selfish for thinking that. But I always try my best to be there for her because I know that I'm the only girl that she really has. I know that I'm the only one that she's ever really trusted her entire life, I'm the only one that could be there for her, and I live so close to her. And I know that I'm really the only friend that her parents like and actually trust. I get so tired of her depression, constantly being there for her. I feel as if I want to avoid her, and her depression annoys me a whole lot. It's every weekend. She called me and asked me if I could come over because she was crying really bad, but I told her that I "couldn't". I really didn't feel like going..because I just sit there, feeling helpless, as she cries her eyes out. I know that I should be a good friend and that I should just go anyway, because she needs me and I should be there for her when she's in need, but at the same time, I really don't want to, since I do it so much. I don't know if my decision of not going is because I'm a bad person. Anyone would get tired of their friend, if they were like this all the time, right? But then, I feel like such a bad friend, but then again I do it so often that I should get tired of it and I need time to myself SOMETIME, because I don't really talk to people about the "problems" I have. She asked me if I could go over tomorrow instead, because she knew that she would cry like no other and not be able to get herself to stop, and I told her that I could probably go, but for me, I was hoping to stay home alone tomorrow and get caught up on things I've been putting off. If I don't go, and really don't want to, would that make me a bad person? I just need some time to myself..which is something I can't seem to have..But I don't want her to think I'm a bad friend, and that no one will be there for her. I don't know if I should do what interests her, and bothers me, or what interests me, but upsets her...
What should I do?
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Wow, i had to read your question twice, sounded kinda ironic. Anyways, i know where you're coming from. Let me say something that might sound kinda mean. Since you've been an awesome friend for her in the past by going and talking with her and pitying her, she figures she can probably keep doing that and still get the same results, pity. I'm guessing you go to her house, sit and she cries, you talk to her about how things will eventually get better and she just says i dont know, right?? And that goes on for hours and hours. Well, sounds like she's always depressed so do you think that you can really help her??? If i were you i would say, "if this is so serious, then you need professional help." Just ask to see what her expression is. If she's like what?? then she's probably pulling your leg to get pity. I've had friends like that. So step one, trust your inner judgement to see what's so wrong with this person. Step two, decide whether you want to give up your "time" to deal with this consistently. Now i dont mean just totally ignore her but you cant exactly put your life on hold to accomodate her. Step three, always be available for her but don't pity her to make her feel better. Don't ignore the girl but make her understand that you have a life too and you need help just as much as her. It's called a friendship, giving and taking. It's equal. So try that for now and just see how things go. Don't stress though too much because that really doesn't help in that kind of situation. I hope i helped and good luck with it!!!
4Him, Disciple
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