gakkuhideto's advice column | gakkuhideto's Advice About Friendship

askgakkuhideto

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: i have this one friend who steals guys. first she steals my friend jackies friend who was about to ask her out and she liked him back. then my friend ashlie has a boyfriend and she told him she likes him. now my friend and i like the same guy (and we have no problem about that) and now she said that she`s starting to like him. and she promised she wouldn`t. this guy i like i don`t exactly know and he doesn`t know that i like him and i don`t see him a lot. so what should i do about her?? not in just my situation, but in other things that she does. she`s just that kind of flirt person. any suggestions or thoughts?

This will be hard to admit to yourself, but your friend isn't really "stealing" these guys. She can't help liking somebody any more than you can, so promising that she wouldn't like someone isn't going to prevent it from happening. We get crushes all the time, they come and go, but they are just crushes and usually not very serious. As for the "stealing"...guys are not items that we can take and bring home. They have their own feelings and their own brains, and they are the ones who choose who they go out with. Though she flirts with these guys, it is not entirely her fault that she "steals" them. Best advice is to just let it go and never let boys come between you and your friends. However...if it continues to get worse and you feel that you don't want to be her friend anymore, trust your gut and end the friendship. Don't sink so low as to spread rumors about her and her slutty ways, you are better than that.

Q: So one of my friends whi i don't like that much, but I am nice to, likes one of my best friends. The thing is that I like him too, when she told me i was speechless. she doesn't know that i like him, but what should i do? I'm thinking just leave it be?

Yeah, just let it go. One of you or both of you will get over this guy, or he will end up dating one of you. Whatever happens, happens. It's none of her business who you like and you don't know if maybe she'd get jealous if you told her and start World War III. Like I said she'll probably get over him.

Q: alrigh tim 13 and well im half a virgin ( i havent had sex but ive given something) and well it was with my x boyfriend and this was like in april of this year and people are still talking about it and every since then theres this group of boys in ym class that are all my friends but ever since that thing in april they've all been like well kinda giving me names and stuff like today they said im gonna be a hooker when i grow up, you know stuff likw that and i was just like wondering if i should be worried about that.. like do you think it'll go to far and well how oculd i convine them to stop it?

Okay, first of all you are technically still a virgin (you weren't penetrated). As for the gossip stopping...well...I think it won't be such a big deal once you are a senior in high school, because most people will be having sex every night by that time. But it depends. Sometimes it can follow you for a really long time and you will always have a bad reputation. Only be worried if it really bothers you. You could ignore it, or you could just joke around with them and say, "Yah, I am a slut, and so are you...and so is everybody else in this whorehouse school." It might blow over or it might not, but have confidence and faith. You know you're not going to be a hooker, the people who matter know that too.

Q: What would you do if you wanted new friends DESPERATELY but no one else wants to be friends with you?

I would recede into the darkest corner of my room and spend all my time online, completely withdrawn from the real world. It's a miserable existence and you're better off just accepting your friends for who they are.

Q: There's this girl that me n my friends can't stand that hang out with us her names Kaytee! Well she was sitting with us at lunch one day, and my friend Lisa came over and sat with me and then left, and Kaytee then said, I was shaking because she was around, there was a rumor that Lisa was a lesbian, but she's my best friend, and I know her more then anyone and she ISN'T! Kaytee is totally against gay people, and all the people of whom I hang out with are don't mind if someone's gay! She assumes from rumors that people are lesbian and homosexual, and then pretends that she's scared of them. Without being totally mean to Kaytee, but getting it across that some people that she thinks aren't gay. What can I tell her?

You can tell her that she needs to grow up and realize that it doesn't matter if somebody is gay or not, and that even if your friend was a lesbian she would still be your friend. Tell Kaytee that you dislike homophobics and don't want her to hang around with you if she is going to be mean to your friends. Tell her that yes, she is being mean, by acting scared of people who are "gay". I know you don't want to be mean, but you've got to draw a line somewhere. Make sure she knows that you don't like her behavior. I know I would be deeply hurt if someone acted like around me. Tell her that you would like to be her friend, but that she has to learn to be more mature and accepting of other people. =)

Q: Okay, I'm a pretty preppy girl. I have lots of friends, and we all are into fashion, and dressing our best. Anyway, I have a secret love, that's so far from fashion I'm afraid my friends will hate me for it. It's skateboarding. I loove skateboarding so much, and I always go skateboarding after school with all the skaters at the park and stuff. It makes me happy, I love learning new tricks, and doing all that guyish stuff. It's so weird, but I feel like I can't tell my friends. Well, now they're all getting curious about why I don't have as much time to hang out with them..and I'm starting to run out of excuses. I've only told one of my friends (whom I'm actually not that great of friends with, someone whose 'out' of my group and in a 'less known' group, but she's wonderful) who I never really thought much of, until I learned she can keep my secret. She's such a great friend, and I'm wondering why I feel like I can't tell my other 'friends' about my secret passion for skateboarding. What am I to do? Should I just come out and tell them I like skateboarding? (I don't think that any of them will take this badly, but sometimes girls can be really.. picky about things, and some of my 'friends' may ditch me because of this) Find new friends? Only tell some of them? Aghh, help!!

SAM♥

If your friends judge you because of that, then they're not your friends. If you are confident that they are your friends, you will find the strength to tell them. If they really do hate you for it, just say "This is who I am.", and continue to do it. They'll probably be really interested in it and want to watch you skateboard ;)

Q: two of my friends are coming over next friday for the first time...they are going to spend the night too...but the problem is that one of the girls has a proem of talknig about it infront of this other girl(who is not coming) and i feel bad cause she is getting left out...but lately she has been kinda annoying..like getting mad for no reason at all...so is it ok to still have just the two girls over or should we invite her too?? one of the girls says that she needs to relize that she dosent have to do everything with us...but i feel really bad....thanks!

It's a tough choice, but you can't make everybody happy. I think I would leave her out of this one, but then do something special with her so that she knew that I still loved her. But whatever you do, there will probably be one person who doesn't like it. That's really their problem, and all you can do is let it go and try to be everyone's friend.

Q: There is a new girl in my school. She was recently expelled from her Catholic school because she got an abortion. One of my friends was friends with her for a while since they lived near eachother and now she's coming to my school. I have my opinions about alot of things and abortion I have a very strong opinion about it and I'll argue my point until my face is blue. I'm 1000% against unless you were raped or you are having difficulties with your pregnancy and it could cost you your own life. Just by knowing this, I already do not like her because of that reason and that reason only. My friends all know that if they were to get pregnant and get an abortion, I would probably never speak to them again. I am not a virgin, but I do know that if I was ever to get pregnant, I would never get an abortion reguardless of my situation. I just think it's wrong. But please, do not bash me because of my beliefs just answer me this, could you at the very least understand why I wouldn't want to be friends with her? Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Just because you disapprove of something she did doesn't mean you should judge her. I'm against smoking, but I'm not going to base a relationship with someone on the fact that they smoke. If I did, I wouldn't have half the friends I do and I wouldn't be living with my parents. It's wrong of you to prejudge somebody, but you can't help the way you feel. But the fact that you question whether or not it is wrong shows that on atleast some level, you do think it's wrong. Try your best to overcome it and be her friend. Good luck! =)

Q: i emailed my friend to tell her some really good news (i finally got something i worked really hard for) like three nights ago and now shes finally emailed back. its a reply from my original email and all it says is 'dya know the school website'.
am i overreacting to be hurt like i am? it seems like she doesnt care. there wasnt even a 'congrats' in there.

Maybe she didn't get the e-mail, or she was too busy to respond to it at the time. I think you should tell her about it in person and see what her reaction is. But it's okay to be hurt, you can't control your emotions. Just don't get angry until you know the whole story.

Q: Ok, this past week, I went to Disneyworld to march in the parade with the band. (yes, I'm a bandgeek...) Well, my really good friend, Nicole, was sitting with me on the busride to Floriday (24 hours, yuck!) and the way there and the 1st few days of Disney were fine, but then she started getting on my nerves. At the time, I didn't think she was a lesbian at all. She was just NOT giving me my space and was hanging around me A LOT. She basically wouldn't leave me alone. And from then on, she started acting really weird. I'm gonna tell you the things that she did, but they're not gonna be in order lol. Well, for one, we were at Epcot and playing in the fountain like 4-year-olds, but hey it was fun lol. She kept picking me up and trying to get on top of me. And then, long after we dried off, she had wet spots on her boobs. So disgusting. On the bus ride home, I'm like, trying to sleep, and every time I look, she's watching me. Then later, I woke up later that night and her butt was pressed against mine and if I'm not mistaken, it was moving up and down. Then on the monorail, she has all this room, but is like, on top of me. So I move over, and she moves closer, and that kept happening. Just a lot of that kind of stuff. So me and my new friends Kelly and Molly and my other friend Amber ditched her at Magic Kingdom, and yeah, we're not talking (not that I care). But now, I'm just really freaked out. I told my friends, and we thought about it for awhile, and a lot of stuff she told us before was all starting to make sense and we really think she's bi or a lesbian. So what should I do? I don't really want to be her friend anymore, and I'm just really freaked out. I could probably say more, but I don't want this to be too long, so if you want more details, IM me on x HappyBunni16 x. Sorry so long, but I'm really scared.
P.S. I have nothing against lesbians, just when they hit on me and my friends.

There is always the possibility that you are mistaken. However, if she is questioning her sexuality, you have to realize that this is very difficult for her. It isn't accepted in our society, she isn't sure who she can tell who won't turn on her, where to look for support. If you "stop being her friend" for this, you are telling her that she is wrong, even though you said that you have no problem with lesbians. But from what you said, she didn't really hit on you, she just wanted to be close to you. That's totally normal for friends. You need to confront her about your (and her) insecurities and explain that while you support her in whatever she does, you do not think of her in such a way. In any case, I think you should try to get used to people of both genders hitting on you, as it will most likely happen many times throughout your life. When it does, just smile and say "Sorry, but no."

Q: oh well my friend has this really great boyfriend. and i think i might be jelous..but i dont know. she knows that i thinks hes cute/hot and i promised her i would never go out with him jsut for her. but im knida jelouse of her. what can i do? thanks!

It's normal to be jealous, especially if she talks about him all the time. But there are plenty more guys that will like YOU, and she will be the jealous one ;) But don't let a guy ruin your friendship, I've done that and it sucks. Focus less on him and more on the available guys around you. And if you feel like you need a break from guys, focus on something else altogether. Perhaps bats, perhaps Asian gangster vampire movies. Whatever you like most. Always remember: You are alive! Take advantage of it!

Q: One of my really good guys friends leaned over and touched my boob and i am not even his girlfriend. He doesn't have one so what should i do becuase i am getting the feeling that he likes me because he is telling everone about this and i don't know what to do about him. Should i go out with him or jsut stay friends.

Him touching your boob doesn't mean he wants to go out with you. It means he doesn't respect you, or he just doesn't know any better. Explain that just because you're friends doesn't mean he can touch your body. If he keeps doing it, continue to tell him to stop. And if it gets worse, well, God gave us legs so we could kick people.

Q: Hi I'm 13 and I have never been very popular and I have never had many friends at school. I was always the straight A student and the goody goody and thats just how I was. But this year I decided to try to make friends. A lot of friends. I started to bend the rules a little bit. Once I found out that I could get away with anything because I was comsidered the good child I just couldn't stop. I became very popular and started not doing my homework. I figured whats wrong with that? I'm just like evryone else I'm not weird I'm cool. But now I'm rude and I don't care about my work at all. I ruined my straight A's and now I don't know what to do. I just want to go back and be able to control my self and not have the pressure to keep my so called frineds. What can I do?

You could have made friends without conforming to other people's expectations of you. Personally, I don't think it's cool to want to be like everybody else. Tell your evil friends that you hate them, and then do your homework.

Q: well.. um heres the problem my frinZ dont get along! well not all of them -one of my best frinz and one of the guys im practicualy goin out w/ dont get along i mean they fight so much its rediculous evrey time their around each other its horriable, but the guy im practicualy going out with called one of my best friend a name and she got mad but she called him a name and he got mad ! what should i do they can*t get along.
please help lilpinkpig

Frinz, eh?

Q: ok so my guy friend i like him but idk he's been acting werid huging me and stuff touching my hair holding me and he always says i love u babe its freakin me out! wat should i do ?

He's flirting with you. Go out with him or tell him to cut it out, whichever you feel is right.

Q: Sporkster here, and I've got a question for you lovely people here on Advicenators:

I've got this "friend" of mine who's been rather...hard to get along with lately. You know who you are, "friend." Anyway, in Study Hall one day she just errupted like Mt. Vesuvius. I mean, over something so petty she just blew it. My boyfriend had moved to another table to take a quiz and she came over to sit with me. There's this stupid rule my SH teacher came up with stating that only two people can sit at one table until ten minutes prior to the bell rings. My boyfriend finished and came back over, and right before I was going to tell him to wait a minute so I could finish talking to her she just..."*slams book together, packs up bookbag, moves* Fine, I see who's more important, I'll just move! *mutters incoherently*" I just was...shocked. She didn't even give me a chance to tell him that I needed to finish talking to her. Anyway, she's been really sore over this for the past week or two. I mean, she doesn't sit with my boyfriend, me, and our friend anymore. She never talks directly to me, however, she has this obsession with talking ABOUT me. She's lied about my boyfriend and me, giving people the impression that I'm some sort of slut. This is really starting to annoy me. Not the fact that she's talking about me, but that she's lying about me. I really do wish she wouldn't be so sensitive and...paranoid. Our friendship has been an ongoing battle ever since my boyfriend and I have been going out. I don't really want our best-friend friendship back, I just want to come to terms with her and "agree to disagree", if you will. But she won't even compromise with that! I've tried everything you could possibly think of and then some, but she doesn't want to listen to a word I say to her. Can anyone offer some sort of ideas for getting her to just listen to me for five minutes to sort things out? Any input would be appreciated, though I am looking for good, well thought-out, helpful answers. Thank you in advance for every good answer.

Haha. Mt. Vesuvius. Good analogy.

Anyway, I think she's jealous because you have a boyfriend. When my friend invites me over and spends the whole time making out with her boyfriend, it really pisses me off. But the way she is handling it is immature. She feels like he stole you away from her and she wants you to herself sometimes. Maybe come to her house without your boyfriend and say, "Let's spend the weekend together, just you and me." And don't spend that time talking about him. If she won't listen even when you go to her house, show her that your boyfriend is not the only one you care about. Explain it to him and just say, "I'm going to sit with her all period in study today." Most likely he will support you and go off to do his own thing.

I hope it all works out. Never let a boy come between you and your friends. It simply isn't worth it. Good luck!

Q: ok i asked about the games for my party earlier..and if they were too babyish..most of you said no, so thats a good sign. My next question is how many games per hour should i have? i dont want to overwhelm everyone with games..should it be once every half hour? every hour? thanks you guys

Don't schedule it. It's a party. Just let them have fun.

Q: I went to a private school until this year and everyone was pretty religious and conservative.

Now I go to public school and I have a LOT of more socially liberal friends that I get along with better in a lot of ways. At private school, I was the "weird one." Now I'm not. At all.

Sometimes I can hang out with my old buddies and it's fun, but then a topic like homosexuality comes up and I'm surrounded by people who disagree with me.

I just feel like I'm being pulled in different directions by people who want different things from me.

I miss my old friends, I love them, I grew up with them, but I feel like I'm just too different to really be that close now. I don't know how I can balance my new and old friends, not really time-wise, but in my own mind.

Please help. People who do not write in complete sentences need not answer. If all you have to say is "balance your time," forget it. If you had read, you'd have realized it wasnt about that at all.

Thank you.

Don't do anything to please anyone. Whatever you think is your business, and none of your friends have any say in that. Try to make that clear to them. I know that can be tough and sometimes fails miserably, in which case you have to stop speaking to a person, but hopefully this won't be one of those cases. Try changing the subject when something like that comes up, or just phase out and don't participate in it. Something my mother told me was "Never discuss sex, politics, and religion in mixed company. Those are the three things that will start an argument." So if your friends start with the gay bashing, just say, "Yeah how about those lizards?", or something like that.

Q: Okay so this year my class and i are all going to washington for an end of the year trip, And my bff asked me to room with her, but i dont really wnat to but i say yes anyways. Now here's where it gets hard for me, my other friends (4 of them) asked me to room with them and i'd rather room with them and have tons of fun...BUT i dont wanna leave my friend alone.. and i would ak her to room with us but they all hate her and there can only b 5 to a room...what should i do? i dont want to be a bad friend but i DO want to have fun :(...i rate 5's!

Well if she really is your BEST friend, then I would think no matter what you were doing, you'd have more fun with her. Maybe you have a different view on what a best friend is, but the way I see it is that I could get kidnapped and sold to a caniballistic circus, and it would be raining, but if my best friend were by my side and experiencing it with me, I would be having a blast. But back to your question. Weigh your options. You could go with those bratty girls and have a cool time, and then you would look into the eyes of your best friend and see how betrayed and hurt she is. You'll feel guilty for a very long time, and she might not forgive you. And if she doesn't, she's completely entitled to that. Or you could go with your best friend, and the other girls will probably call you a loser, but it won't matter to you because you did what you knew was right, and you and you're friend were happy to be with each other. In any case, you know that they're the real losers because they don't have her as a friend. Either way, if you waste your trip thinking about what could have been, you'll most likely have a terrible time (even with your best friend there!).

By the way, it is Washington DC or State?

Good luck, do the right thing.
-Kigeto

PS- If you want to ask me a question. just click on my name and then click where it says 'ask questions'. I'm glad I could help.

Q: MY friend ask me to have a sleepover with her this Friday. But my other friend is getting her tonsules out on friday and wants me to go over to her house on friday what do i do?

Just tell friend 1 that you have to be there to support friend 2. She should understand. You don't have to go with someone every time they invite you.

bio

Call me Molly. I'm seventeen, female, and I love shoujo anime. I'm also a Level 1 Moderator.

My categories:
love/sex
friends
religion

Or just general stuff. I'll try my best to answer anything.

Warning: I'm known to give sarcastic as hell answers. Sorry, I can't help it. If you have a question that I think is mind numbing and stupid, I'm going to be sarcastic. My hope is that you will realize that my negative opinion of you doesn't make you any less of a person, and you will apply this knowledge and grow up to be a well-adjusted, confident person. Rate me 1 if you wish, but please try not to take it too seriously when I do this.

IF YOU WANT TO MAKE ME HAPPY...all it takes is a comment when you rate me. I will smile a lot and like you more. Even if you call me a crossdressing stoner. =)