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She won't leave me alone
Sporkster here, and I've got a question for you lovely people here on Advicenators:
I've got this "friend" of mine who's been rather...hard to get along with lately. You know who you are, "friend." Anyway, in Study Hall one day she just errupted like Mt. Vesuvius. I mean, over something so petty she just blew it. My boyfriend had moved to another table to take a quiz and she came over to sit with me. There's this stupid rule my SH teacher came up with stating that only two people can sit at one table until ten minutes prior to the bell rings. My boyfriend finished and came back over, and right before I was going to tell him to wait a minute so I could finish talking to her she just..."*slams book together, packs up bookbag, moves* Fine, I see who's more important, I'll just move! *mutters incoherently*" I just was...shocked. She didn't even give me a chance to tell him that I needed to finish talking to her. Anyway, she's been really sore over this for the past week or two. I mean, she doesn't sit with my boyfriend, me, and our friend anymore. She never talks directly to me, however, she has this obsession with talking ABOUT me. She's lied about my boyfriend and me, giving people the impression that I'm some sort of slut. This is really starting to annoy me. Not the fact that she's talking about me, but that she's lying about me. I really do wish she wouldn't be so sensitive and...paranoid. Our friendship has been an ongoing battle ever since my boyfriend and I have been going out. I don't really want our best-friend friendship back, I just want to come to terms with her and "agree to disagree", if you will. But she won't even compromise with that! I've tried everything you could possibly think of and then some, but she doesn't want to listen to a word I say to her. Can anyone offer some sort of ideas for getting her to just listen to me for five minutes to sort things out? Any input would be appreciated, though I am looking for good, well thought-out, helpful answers. Thank you in advance for every good answer.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
After school one day, call her and try to straighten it out. Ask her why she has been acting like this, but don't tell her anything offensive. If she doesn't pick up the phone leave a message. Just try talking to her friend to friend like.
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It probably would have helped, "sporkster" if you didn't tell that friend when she called to apologize, to not be friends anymore..excuse me , best friends. She is sooo not jelous of Tucker, she's mad because she does feel left out and has a right to.
Anyway...she said she was sorry (like every other time we...you fight) but that wasn't enough for you so you're not friends anymore, just like you wanted. About "lying" about you. She has enough crap going around about her at school than to start mess with you...even though she knows you've said stuff about her. (she's heard things)
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She's really jealous of the boyfriend isn't she? I don't know what you can do if she won't listen to you.She is feeling a little left out...that's understandable but, she's getting a little out of control with it now!
If she will listen to you, tell her like you told us. Your friendship has changed because you have a boyfriend but, it doesn't have to end. It will just be diffrent. You won't be spending every waking moment with her anymore.If she can't live with that then don't worry about her anymore.
As far as lying about you goes...Tell her you have had enough of it. Your real friends know that what she is saying is not true so, she's just making herself look like a fool.
Hope it works out for you.Sporkster...interesting name!
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I think you just gotta straight up tell her. Even if it means making a scene and yelling at whatnot, just don't do it in a public place because she'll feel really embarrassed and probably won't listen to you since she'll be focused on how embarrassed she is.
One day, just start being really friendly to her, 'clingy' i guess would work, so that she would agree to hang out or something after school. So, say you're at your house, watching tv or whatever, then turn it off. And just tell her. Make sure she gets the point. Let her know that you're not going to take anymore of her blowing up, because clearly she's looking for attention from you since you're paying more attention to her boyfriend.
Good luck, and let me know what happens!
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I had one of those. i'm offering full permission upfront to completely ignore me and think i'm entirely wrong, but i'll offer my bit of advice anyhow. dump her, and move on. you'll never be happy trying to make her happy, and odds are you won't be able to succeed anyway. all of your real friends and anyone who knows you will know none of the rumors are true, so if you're ready to accept that not everyone is going to like you, then ditch her. i know its harsh, and i'm having a hard time following my own advice because its definitely no fun being thought of as a slut by people you see on a day to day basis, but if you concentrate on the people who don't believe a word she says, you'll find out you're much better off without her. i'd love to hear how things go! ♥
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Haha. Mt. Vesuvius. Good analogy.
Anyway, I think she's jealous because you have a boyfriend. When my friend invites me over and spends the whole time making out with her boyfriend, it really pisses me off. But the way she is handling it is immature. She feels like he stole you away from her and she wants you to herself sometimes. Maybe come to her house without your boyfriend and say, "Let's spend the weekend together, just you and me." And don't spend that time talking about him. If she won't listen even when you go to her house, show her that your boyfriend is not the only one you care about. Explain it to him and just say, "I'm going to sit with her all period in study today." Most likely he will support you and go off to do his own thing.
I hope it all works out. Never let a boy come between you and your friends. It simply isn't worth it. Good luck!
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she is probably just jealous and thinks that you were replacing her for him. You can try sending her a letter with no return address and then write your feelings and after everythin sign your name, so she won't know who it is from until the end. after that try approching her again. if that doesn't work, then who cares she's annoying and mean-you don't need her and admit that already.
hope i helped!
-dorinflower55
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If it's hard to get her to listen to you at school, maybe you need to call her up on the phone to talk.
It sounds like she's a little jealous of the time you're spending with your boyfriend. Or perhaps she's jealous that you have a boyfriend. Or maybe you've been leaving her out and/or ignoring her without even realizing it, and she's hurt by that. (just possibilities I'm throwing out there...)
I guess the only other thing I have to say is don't be too quick to give up on this friendship. If you guys were best friends, it's pretty drastic to want to drop her as a friend completely, though I understand that you may not be as likely to want to turn to her all the time with how you say she's been acting.
One idea... do something outside of school with her- have a girl's day some weekend- watch chick flicks, or go shopping, or paint each other's nails- something you wouldn't do with your boyfriend, so he won't feel left out, but something to rekindle some of your friendship and give you both a chance to talk through your problems.
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Ok this is a toughy but what i've been through exactly what you are talking about. Instead of trying to directly talk to her about it since she obviously doesn't want to listen to you write her a note. Don't be disrespectful or rude... just honest. Explain to her how you are feeling and at the end of the note ask her to please write you back, and try to understand her point of view. If that doesn't work the best you can do is try to ignore it... chances are she's jealous of you and is try to get under your skin. Don't let her. Eventually she will get bored when she sees you have no major reaction and give up. I hope you and your friends can come to good terms! :)
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