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Hi my name is Lee Ann. I am 29 years old and Graduated from Bethany college obtaining a bachelors of music. I am a happily married woman with two kids, ages3 and 2. I currently have six books out on the market, all of which can be found on amazon. The first is called The Leaf: One fallen heart and a burning desire, my second is called Avengement of Glory, my third is called Spiral of Enlightenment, fourth one is called Prodigy of the Immortal, fifth one is called Augment in the Realm of Darkness, and my sixth novel is called Bond in the Spiritual Heart. I started this advice column to see if I could give good advice. Turns out I am pretty good, better than I thought actually. I enjoy seeing people smile when I give them good advice and they use it. It makes me feel better as a person to help people. I want to make the world a better place and I think that starting an advice column is the right way to begin. Writing is a huge part of my life, without it, I wouldn't be able to function properly. After seven years, I think I have done pretty well as an advice columnist.
advice
Recently I've lost one of my best friends. After like 10/12 years of being friends things got all sorts of messes up between us; to where we don't even have any kind of communication what so ever anymore. Long story short, I pretty much had to chose between my best friend/lover (my boyfriend/future husband) for 4 years now, and my "so called" best friend for 10 years (prolly longer then that honestly). But anyways they never got along in the beginning because my boyfriend (whom I shall call "my lover" from here on out) didn't want me hanging out with my (ex) best friend without him or not at all at times, because she sleeps with a lot of guys and parties n has cheated on every guy shes ever been with including my brother. But my lover didn't want me to catch her slanggard behavior, so my friend started a bunch of crap about how he was pushing me around and being an ass which is prolly true. But I love him so much n he loves me just as much mayb even more. And I love my best friend to death she was like a sister to me that I never fought with, but now everything is screwed. What should I do about it? I obviously chose my lover, idk what to do about it cause they can't stand eachother. Has anyone ever had a situation like this? Give me advice cause Im going to feel like a shitty friend or girlfriend. :'(
I understand both perspectives. Your boyfriend doesn't want you to be tempted or influenced to follow in your friends foot steps. Also at the same time, if either of them truly loved you, they wouldn't have made you choose. You can fix this by stating to your friend that I am with this guy whether you like it or not. I want us to still be friends and if it will make you comfortable, I will hang out with you when hes not around. Then I would talk to your boyfriend and say, she is my best friend whether you like it or not. She has been there for me every step of the way and I don't want to do anything to mess that up. If you have to trust me when I say that no matter what she does, I will not follow in her footsteps. If he truly loves you, he will listen to you. If it makes him more comfortable, I would suggest hanging out with her during the day like going to the spa or shopping at the mall or even going to a n afternoon movie. It will be much better when you keep them separated because if you keep them in the same room, chaos will continue to invade the party. If something were to happen, you would want your bets friend by your side to pick up the pieces. There are some things guys can't do or say . Sometimes you just need a girls perspective.
Right after I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 months, there was alot of tension between us. The few slight conversations we had were very short and sometimes weird. We have many mutual friends, so we would usually end up near each other but not speak to each other. I know that part of the awkwardness is my fault, but lately we have kind of tried to talk when we pass each other (at band camp). One afternoon, my younger brother to the end of band camp, and I introduced him to some of my friends. In the process, he ended up hugging my ex. The next day, I asked my ex why he hugged my brother, and he said that he seemed really cool. I told him that that wasn't really true, and he told me that at lease my brother hugs better than me. For a second, I was completely confused on how he would know that, but after he walked away, I realized what he meant. I could tell he was trying to make a joke, but it offended me. I'm really confused on how this "friendship" is going.
Some guys make jokes to try and lighten the mood. They think they are funny and they are really not haha. Sometimes they don't even realize what they are saying until you point it out. There are three stages in mending a broken relationship by turning it into a friendship. You have already endured in stage one of awkward and silence where you see each other but you don't talk at all. The second stage is just small talk and jokes. This is the stage you are currently in. This is the road to help get you where you were before you started dating. I realize that the comment offended you, and I think he was just trying to make things less awkward, but I would just let it go. If you do confront him about what he said and tell him how you really feel about the comment, it will probably make things worse and you will go back to it being silent and awkward again. You want to progress further and the more you guys have small talk, you will find yourself back to being close friends again. The friends who enjoyed each others company and laughed at the most meaningless stuff. It will end up being the way it used to be.
sorry again, i guess now im having friend problems with this situation. ive talked to my friends and no im not listening to them just like you said i just feel like giving up though.
like they just keep going on and on how im gonna get hurt and this isnt what he wants but i have faith that this will happen. its just like they dont want me to be happy and he made me so happy.
do i just zone out what they are telling me and not to give up on this?
If they were truly your friends, they would be happy with ever your happy with. Your obviously not happy currently, and they seem to be ok with that. They should be supporting you and trying to help you, and not trying to tear you down. In this situation, you are going to behurt either way, but you don't do anything about it, you are going to unhappy and anger for the rest of your life. If you attempt to get back with him and get hurt, at least then you will be able to have some closure and move on finally. Right now, you are in the zone of infinity unhappiness. The best thing to do is befriend and go from there. If your friends object to that then they have a bigger problem than just you getting hurt. You mentioned some male friends, is it possible they are jealous and don't want to give you up to this guy that you want to be with?
yes i have a very close friend of mine. but when ever i go over to her house her dad bullies me. first i thought it was just teasing, but it got worse. and i love my friend, but she does NOTHING to tell her dad to 'stop!'and it aggravates me. i think the dad is obsessed w/ me. and i dont do anything to him. last time i slept over which was like a couple days ago he grabbed my face, cursed at me, flipped me off, and teased me the WHOLE TIME! i felt soo unfortable. soooowhat should i do? thanx xoxxox (keep in mind this person only does it 2 me)
Situations like this can't be ignored, maybe your friend is afraid to say something. Let's say for example, she stands up for you, and later she is beaten for it. I am not saying the father is abusive but this could be a factor. Most abusive children do not say anything to anyone if its the case. Some ways to avoid it is to avoid the situation entirely. Tell your friend, you don't feel comfortable being in her house because of what he dad does and says. There other things you can do like her staying at your house or you guys going to the movies. Also, another solution is to say if you don't stop bullying me, I will call services on you. Techinically he is doing what is called sexual harrassment, he doesn't necessarily have to do anything sexual to you to be considered a factor. I realize that you don't want to get her father in trouble nor her, but if you don't say something and stand up, it will continue and may get worse.
ok so i was friends with his boy. but this other boy, came up to me while i was talking to my friend; and got rly offended because of something i said which was tru, and he completly took it out on me, and said i liked this friend who is a boy. which was totally false. even if i did i never told anyone, so he lied! he lies all the time! so the guy friend asked me if i did liked him. i told him "no" which was true. we were back to being friends. but the other boy who lied about the situation said it again to get me mad. and i think that time the guy friend beleived the jerk. so now we haven't talked for a rly long time. what do i do?
Well, if he was your friend he would have believed you no matter what, end of story. But, it seems you see something in this friend so some ways you can mend the friendship. Having people who are pathological liars are hard to get around, but if you can prove or catch him in a lie, you can prove that you were telling the truth the entire time. Sometimes in situations like these, you have to apologize even when it isn't your fault. It may seem like alot of effort to help a friendship get on the right path, but if it something you want to do, this is the way to do it. The thing about guys is it is hard for them to see a girls point of view. The only way to amend that situation is to apologize for everything that happened between you too.
Okay, so on facebook, everyone is doing the status' that say; "like this and i will say what i like about you" etc. and when i like my friends what they say about me is well... mean. I mean I know that sometimes they are kidding or whatever, but it really bothers me. They all say i'm mean. I'm not mean. I'm sarcastic but it is funny. It's not mean saracasim. And everyone is saying about how i'm mean etc.
Well I don't want to be precieved as mean. SO! How can I be nicer? I really don't think i'm all that mean, but I am willing to change if it makes peoples preceptions about me change.
I don't know what I'm really asking here. I just want peoples opinions on the matter etc.
However, I don't really want to change my self but I don't know.
Just help me!
It is true that people do become oversensitive towards sarcasm and jokes. If you making a joke about something and making fun it, it is fine. If you are joking about "someone" or making fun of them then saying "im joking", people get offended, embarrassed, or upset about it. Sometimes individuals take jokes and kidding around too far until eventually its not funny anymore. When you know you have gone to far, you will notice that you are the only one laughing. A way to be nicer is compliment your friends, ask about their day, etc. Though if you don't want to change then their reactions are going to be the same as well.
My friend told me that her dad keep trying to feel on her....and she hasn't told her mother...she says he has even tried to finger her....she says she doesn't want to tell her mom until its the right time....what should she really do? Should I tell someone even though she asked me not to? I'm really scared for her!
Shes reluctant because she doesn't want her mom and dad to hate her. She feels that telling someone would cause more damage than anything but the truth is it could get much worse. I would suggest telling the police or someone about this. He maybe just feeling her now, but what happens if he rapes her? You would feel the guilt of knowing, not saying anything while you could have prevented the incident. It is much like suicide, you tell someone about it only because you want them to stop you. If didn't want people to find out, she wouldn't have told you.
18/f. Hey everyone.
A few months ago "one of my supposedly best friends" and my other "really good friends" all started these nasty rumors about me and were calling me names such as; slut, whore, skank, waste of time, waste of breath, never important, etc. I mean I was getting restricted phone calls, instant messages, text messages, messages on facebook/myspace from all these different people. I was getting verbally harassed for about 2 weeks. I'm not getting into the rumors because thats besides the point and they weren't true no matter how many times I told them, they didn't believe me. I do nothing to them, I ignore them. I don't spread rumors about them. I want NOTHING to do with them anymore. They are totally out of my life, for good.
Anyways, my current best friend (whom I have been friends with since 1st grade) stuck up for me and was telling the girls that it wasn't true. (Like a best friend should do.) But she still talks to those girls and she still hangs out with them. I can't tell her who she can and can not talk to because thats not fair to her. You know? But she says she doesn't like to hang out with them because they are immature and full of drama. Yet, last weekend she went to a party with them. There was drinking involved and you never know what was said at that party about me. Because even though it's been around 8 months, the girls still talk about me and how the rumors are true. I hear about it every so often. And you never know what was being said about me because alcohol brings out truth and whatnot, you know? You don't know who said what or what was said, etc.
Anyway, now my current best friend is leaving these girls comments on their facebooks saying how they all need to hang out again, it was so much fun, etc. She knows I can't stand these girls for what they did to me and yet she still talks to them. It hurts my feelings how she does still hang out with them. I wouldn't do that to her, even if they did nothing to me, that's just how I am. If someone messes with my friend, they have to deal with me. I tried telling her that it hurts my feelings that she still hangs out with them and talks to them, but she doesn't do anything about it. I don't know what else to do.
I don't even know what question I'm asking you guys, that's how confused I am. Haha. I guess basically, what I am asking is for some advice about what to do with my current best friend. How to handle this situation in a mature, adult manner.
You are right, a true best friend would had not only stuck up for you but also stopped hanging out with them. It would seem that she is player of the game as well, she tells them what you want to hear but in reality she is just like them. I would suggest going through your classmates and see what other friends you can find. You may not know it but there is someone in that school who is less fortunate and doesn't have any friends. I know it hurts that she doesn't listen to you or do what you ask her, which makes her a really bad friend. You may not have realized it but you really answered your own question by telling the story. I guarantee that if you completely cut off your best friend she will come back begging for your forgiveness. They always say, you want what you can't have. If you join another crowd, she will become jealous, and want to become friends again. I had the same problem so I joined theatre and became friends with all of them. My best friend got so jealous of me finding new friends, behold she joined theatre too. What a coincidance and she continued to follow me around like a lost puppy, and eventually apologized for everything she did :)
my friend is really stressed and sad she said handle whats going on with her life right now what can i do or any advice to help make it feel better?
The key to managing a good, healthy less stressful life is time management. I go work parttime, commute full-time to a college that is an hour away, sometimes I leave work to got to school and come back, I am a published author, in a band with my brother, taking care of my father who just had open heart surgery, and also taking care of my mother who keeps having pre-symptoms of a heart-attack. I schedule my life in order to meet the needs of everyone including myself. I try to schedule out my entire week in a date book, and follow that so I don't ever forget anything. Stress is really hard to overcome but if you add an activity that lets your stress go then you are able to handle the other stuff really well. The problem with your friend is that she is keeping all of the stress inside and not releaseing. Find an activity both of you could enjoy together to help with the stress. Even ask to help with some of the stuff just to lighten her load up.
I know I've asked quite a few questions..
But heres another. Lol..
Well my friend "Jessica" likes a guy named "Anthony." She's liked him for a while now. They went out like a year and a half ago. But she's still not over him. Now she has a boyfriend named "Ryan." But shes still not over Anthony... But now im starting to like Anthony too. And i don't know what to do. I wouldnt wanna do anything to risk me and her friendship.. Shes just head over heels for one guy one minute.. then with the other another minute. Its sorta annoying.. But i dunno...
HELP?
Shes not over Anthony because he is still free. Once he has a girlfriend she will finally let go. You can't make your decisions based on a friends point of view but you have to decide for yourself, what you want. If she is truly your friend then she won't care if you date Anthony. If she does say something, she is not your friend at all. If you don't do anything, you will spend your time wondering what would have happened. You shouldn't wonder, but know.
Is it okay to be bi, have 1 gf and 1bf and not tell your parents?
How do u no if ur bi, lesbian or straight?
The only way any perosn can tell what kind of person they want to be with is by writing down what they like about each one. If you think about both sides all the time and thats all you want you are bi. If you think about only girls and look at men as only friends then you are a lesbian. If you think about only men and look at women as only friends then you are straight.
ok am i wrong to want the truth from people? for the last 4 months people have been weird to me. im kindof not hanging out with my friends as much and not talking to them as much and stuff like that but they dont say anything about it, when i can tell that they are talking about me behind my back. they look at me with that look like they are thinking "fuck you" in their head at me, but i wish they would just TELL ME HOW THEY REALLY FEEL. whenever i see them they just make awkward small talk with me and if i bring up something cool that happened to me or something they dont comment and they are just like "oh. wow i just love this weather." because god forbid they state their opinion.
my friends have this thought that basically telling the truth starts drama. when, in my opinion, telling lies and not telling the truth is what starts the real drama.
so, tell me your opinions on this and tell me if im wrong to think this please.
thanks
A true friend never lies to you and would do anything for you. If you have suspicion that they are talking behind your back you are in the right if you want to know. The truth is lies start drama not the truth. My best friend told me that this one shirt I bought was hidious looking. Even though the truth kind of hurt, I am glad she said it to my face and not behind my back. A way to get them to talk is by saying when you see them just say I know you have been talking about me. They will start talking if you say stop the drama by talking behind my back and be woman/man enough to say it to my face. It worked for me when I was trying to figuare out which one of my friends was starting the drama. I used the same line on all of them and the one I had the suspicion about the most finally spilled the beans.
ok so my one friend is the kind of person who is always happy,totally random, is ALWAYS smiling, can make ANYONE laugh...just happy in general. well one day someone told me that they saw her walking down the hall ccrying. i was shocked cause i didnt think that i would ever see her cry. so when i saw her 2 periods later i asked if she was ok. she said she was and not to worry.well i couldnt help but worry cause she is the happiest person i know. so after that class was over...i went to wildcat.i was sitting therre trying to convince myself that everything was ok. i couldnt. i just got htis feeling that something was seriously wrong. then one of my other friends walked in and said that she was in the bathroom crying. im worried that first of all something is horribly wrong. and second of all that our friendship isnt as good as i thought it was. i am really worried about her. i dont want to ask her about it cause she obviously doesnt want me to know.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR HER/OUR FRIENDSHIP?
I had a friend in the same exact situation. What you can do is tell her that you are there for her every step of the way and saying it is ok if you don't tell me but I hope that you trust me enough to tell me. She will say ok and you leave her alone for awile. She will have time to think about it and come to you with the problem. If you constantly ask her she will never tell you. This is a technique that lets a person know you are there but you also give them space to sort things out. If they can't fix the problem themselves then they will come to you. Its not about not trusting you but it is something she feels she can face by herself. Knowing you are there for her will make it easier to figuare out. She will come to you just give it time and patience.
ok so me and my friend rachel have been fightin a
lot but everytime it was her fault she would always want me to apologize to her.well my problem is this monday we were doin a group project in my 4th period class.it was all fine until rachel started to try and control everything that was going on.so she yelled at me because i was talking and when she told me i needed to listen to her i told her NO. she got really mad and threw a tantrum and threw a peace of paper which hit me in the head.I haven't talked to rachel since i am just like not friends with her anymore i just told her well im done with all the drama and stuff.my question is was that the right thing to do ?
It is really hard to work with someone who is trying to control the situation when it is a group project. A group project is where a group works together. If she doesn't like any of the groups ideas and only wants to do what she wants you to do then she shouldn't be your friend anyways. I think maybe being rude back is showing that you are just like her in some ways. You don't want to act like her. I believe that you did the right thing by telling her she is not the boss of everyone and syaing no when she is not the leader. A way to get around her attitude is to ask everyone in the group if they like the ideas you have come up with and what they think the group should do. If you get everyones opinion and vote on it, she has absolutely no control over majority ruling.
17/f
i try not to show it, actually i dont at all. but really im a JEALOUS person. i get jealous of everyone. now im a hockey manager for the boys team at our school =] with three other girls. one is my best friend. i share a locker with her at school and we have two classes together. well i absoultely love hockey boys. and lately it seems like the "cute" boys have been kinda talking and maybe flirting a little with my best friend. there is this one boy(he actually has a girlfriend) who everyone thinks is like the hottest boy at our school and everytime he sees my friend he like "hits" her or pokes her, makes funny noises at her like kinda flirting though you know. its weird though because she hasnt really even talked to him before, this started out of no where and it just started happening like a week ago. not to sound mean AT ALL because i love her to death but i think im acutally prettier than her. not many guys i know think she is cute, she is really nice but super shy too. and its not like im mean or anything but i just wonder, why dont these boys "flirt" with me or anything? i talk to two of them, i have classes with them. they both have girlfriends but they're cool. but i just get so jealous of these kind of situations. i dont know what to do, its been bugging me. and i think that my friend may think she is kind of cool because of this. any suggestions!?
thank you so much.
i know jealousy well and it is really tough to keep it inside when it is screaming at you in your head. A way to solve this problem is flirt with him or the others. Maybe where something that would attract them to you more than her. I know you don't want to hurt her because she is your best friend but if not very many guys flirt with her then why can't she just have one. I know it is hard and may not make sense to you why she is getting all the attention but to tell the truth looks don't always matter. Take it from someone who really knows jocks. They think looks matter of but it is not everything. Maybe if you joined in the conversation and flirted with them they will start to flirt back. If want their attention you need to do it yourself becasue jocks are brainless and have no clue of the girl world.
I started Middle school this fall. I made a lot of friends this year. My best friend and I are in the same lunch and she keeps giving off this vibe that she is angry with me. Z (my bff) and I haven't fought at all this year and I didn't spread any rumors or snub her or anything, but she seems mad at me. Neither of us are part of the "in" crowd, though we have friends in it. We sit at the same lunch table, but she barely speaks to me. We used to be really close. Sorry for the length, but any advice would be greatly appreciated!
That may be it. You said that you made alot of friends this year. She may feel threatened that you want to be friends with them more than her. Another reason could be that she has something serious going on in her life and it is really hard to talk about it. I would suggest writing her a note or even phone call to prove that no matter how many friends you have she will always be one of them. It is hard to see your friends to slowly become popular. A person liek that senses that the more friends you make the less you will be friends with her. She is probably easing the pain but cutting off the friendship ahead of time. A way to avoid that is to talk to her about what is going on with her. If you don't ask directly you will never find out the answer.
okay. today, i had voice lessons, like every sunday. my friends and i just enjoyed, sang, dance in the room. but then everybody else in the room got affected, and they left just to hint to us that we were too noisy. but then we probably still made noise. and some of my friends went outside, and a classmate pushed them out and shut the door. my friend then slapped him in the arm due to anger. then my other friend cried, and the teachers arrived. we all had to reconcile. we heard from both parties. and my group apologized and i even cried. this is the first time i ever got into this kind of trouble, i said to them, and that i wanted the feeling of being accepted in a clique. after class, some people were comforting me, telling me that it's not entirely my fault, that they're not mad at me, that they think i'm influenced by the group. i can't believe this all happened because i'm a quiet girl, who is in a noisy clique.
but now, i dunno what to do. i don't wanna leave the group, because, i don't have any closer friends than them. and if i do stay, i just want to avoid trouble.
what do i do?
katie 13/f
I know being accepted may seem like the most important thing but there are ways of making them both happy. You have to do what you think is right. If you don't you won't be only hurting yourself but others as well. If they are truly your friends they will accept you no matter what choices you make as a person. A good way to avoiud trouble is if they are doing something that you don't believe don't od it. Take a stand and tell them. If you stand up for yourself then they will understand as well. All of friends drink and smoke while I am the only one who doesn't do it. They pressure me to do it to but I don't believe in it. I took a stand and they understand my beliefs. They know now I won't break them so they just accept me for who I am.
After reading this you'll be thinking 'Lame teenage problem' but this is a big deal to me. As of last week I was known as the nice girl you can trust and will never bitch about you behind your back. But now that's down the drain. I'm now known as a bitch who says heaps of crap behind people's backs. What happened was that one of my 'friends' and I drifted away (No fights, nothing) and I haven't been to school in about a week due to being sick so now was the best time to tell everyone I have been bitching behind their backs to her (Even though I haven't) so now everyone is angry with me and I'm not even there to defend myself. I have no idea what bought this on. I was still friends with her, just not as close and if anyone should be angry it's me because she's been ditching me for her new friends (Her new friends have nothing to do with this don't worry)
It is hard to come back to something like what you described. The only way it will be solved is to prove your trust again. In high school the truth always comes out so give it time and everyone will be apoligizing to you personally. If you want that trust back you have prove that you never said anything. Sometimes with this you may lose this friend but you will gain more trust from others in its place. Maybe go straight to this girl and get her to admit the truth. Maybe record so you have proof. If you don't try nothing will be accomplished.
Ok well I got into a fight with this girl Taylor and ened up callin her a crappy friend. I started the fight by saying "why do you always ignore me" (bad thing 2 say because she got mad)Then she showed this letter to Bianca and got bianca to turn againest me. And i said sorry 2 taylor but she said i am a drama queen. We are bff and now she just ends it. So when Bianca and Taylor had a sleepover they ganged up on me and bianca was my bff and she was like "Ali i have a right 2 know why ur mad at me even though we arent goin to be friends" But i didn't tell them. And now im not friends with them. Theres a lot more but u would get really confused. Well what should i do bec there my bff and one minute im mad but then suddenley forgive them and they are going to take it anymore.
First you need to figuare why you feel so angry. When someone feels mad inside they tend to take in out on the people around them. After you figuare out why you are so unhappy you will beable to piece things back together with your friends. If they see that you are really trying they will be understanding. A true friend helps you when you are down and if they don't see you are giving an effort to fix things then they are not truly your friends and you should find people who really care.
My best guy friend has recently unloaded all his problems; I found out his dad's cheating on his mom, his grandpa died (his grandpa was like his excape from his parents) his parents continuesly fight, his grades are slipping, and he's been coming to school with alot of bruises latley.
I don't know how to handle this. I really like him and I want to help, but what should I say to him? What should I do?
You should say something to anyone. If you don't say anything the situation will just get worse. If you don't say anything he may not come to school alive. He needs a friend in this situation. He needs someone to know he can express himself and tell you anything. If you just let him know your here and if he wants to talk about it then you will wait for him. Some people just need to know their friends are there. They just want to hear the words so they know for sure. You just need to take a deep breath and say everything is going to be ok. You just need to say something, anything or you will never get his attention.