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problems with the best friend.?
18/f. Hey everyone.
A few months ago "one of my supposedly best friends" and my other "really good friends" all started these nasty rumors about me and were calling me names such as; slut, whore, skank, waste of time, waste of breath, never important, etc. I mean I was getting restricted phone calls, instant messages, text messages, messages on facebook/myspace from all these different people. I was getting verbally harassed for about 2 weeks. I'm not getting into the rumors because thats besides the point and they weren't true no matter how many times I told them, they didn't believe me. I do nothing to them, I ignore them. I don't spread rumors about them. I want NOTHING to do with them anymore. They are totally out of my life, for good.
Anyways, my current best friend (whom I have been friends with since 1st grade) stuck up for me and was telling the girls that it wasn't true. (Like a best friend should do.) But she still talks to those girls and she still hangs out with them. I can't tell her who she can and can not talk to because thats not fair to her. You know? But she says she doesn't like to hang out with them because they are immature and full of drama. Yet, last weekend she went to a party with them. There was drinking involved and you never know what was said at that party about me. Because even though it's been around 8 months, the girls still talk about me and how the rumors are true. I hear about it every so often. And you never know what was being said about me because alcohol brings out truth and whatnot, you know? You don't know who said what or what was said, etc.
Anyway, now my current best friend is leaving these girls comments on their facebooks saying how they all need to hang out again, it was so much fun, etc. She knows I can't stand these girls for what they did to me and yet she still talks to them. It hurts my feelings how she does still hang out with them. I wouldn't do that to her, even if they did nothing to me, that's just how I am. If someone messes with my friend, they have to deal with me. I tried telling her that it hurts my feelings that she still hangs out with them and talks to them, but she doesn't do anything about it. I don't know what else to do.
I don't even know what question I'm asking you guys, that's how confused I am. Haha. I guess basically, what I am asking is for some advice about what to do with my current best friend. How to handle this situation in a mature, adult manner.
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if i was you i just wouldn't worry about it, those girls are obviously insecure and have nothing better to do then try to start crap with you, and the only reason they're doing this is because they know it's getting to you if you don't let it bother you they'll eventually get bored with it and stop. just let your friend be friends with them the only reason those girls are hanging out with her is because they know that you obviously tell her things since she is your best friend and theyre using her to get information about you, just dont tell your best friend things that you wouldnt want them kowing about, no matter how close you are to somebody you can never trust them. but you cant expect your friend to hate them, they didnt do anyhing to her yes it's wrong and I agree that your best friend should be there for you, but let her learn for herself she'll sooner or later learn that they're no good and that theyre just using her.
find some other people to hang out with. if you do that and just let your best friend do what she wants she'll eventually come crawling back to you.
because she'll sooner or later find out that you were right hope my advice helped.
-brittany :)
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While I see why you're upset that your friend is hanging out with them, I kind of think you need to get over it. You said you wanted to handle this in a mature manner? Whining about this isn't very mature of you.
You're not your best friend's only friend. She can hang out with whoever she wants & that includes those other girls. You cannot give her an ultimatum or a choice. If she wants to hang out with them, that's her own business. If you can hang out with whoever you want, then the same should go for her.
Whether these girls hurt your feelings or not, it's not your decision who they associate with, and it's not your decision who your friend associates with. I think you should either talk to her or mind your own business because I really don't see much being done about this.
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Sit her down and talk to her. Don't yell at her or force her to choose, but let her know it bothers you that she hangs out with those girls.
Explain to her what you told us, that it hurts your feelings that she still hangs out with them. Honestly, I think if she was a real friend she'd stop or at least take it down a notch.
But talking to her really is the best thing you can do; letting her know how you feel. These girls don't even sound like they're worth her time, anyways.
If you need anymore help, send me an inbox message.
-Laura (17-f)
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You are right, a true best friend would had not only stuck up for you but also stopped hanging out with them. It would seem that she is player of the game as well, she tells them what you want to hear but in reality she is just like them. I would suggest going through your classmates and see what other friends you can find. You may not know it but there is someone in that school who is less fortunate and doesn't have any friends. I know it hurts that she doesn't listen to you or do what you ask her, which makes her a really bad friend. You may not have realized it but you really answered your own question by telling the story. I guarantee that if you completely cut off your best friend she will come back begging for your forgiveness. They always say, you want what you can't have. If you join another crowd, she will become jealous, and want to become friends again. I had the same problem so I joined theatre and became friends with all of them. My best friend got so jealous of me finding new friends, behold she joined theatre too. What a coincidance and she continued to follow me around like a lost puppy, and eventually apologized for everything she did :)
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You've said you've talked to her, but I would try again.
Tell her it really hurts you that she hangs out with them even though they did all this mean stuff to you.
You're right that you can't control who she hangs out with, but she should be a good friend and at least hear you out.
--Jack
(17/m)
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