I have studied psychology though I am not a psychologist or a licensed counselor of any sort. I'm an artist and writer and teach both to small private groups. I have worked with counselors by using art and writing projects at workshops to encourage people to open up, and I have been recommended by therapists to their clients to take my classes to help them understand more about themselves and what all is going on in their lives through art and writing. Though I'm not an art therapist, I use many tools from art therapy and my own experiences gleaned from counseling. I have always had the desire to help people and I do it in any way possible. Hopefully I can be of some help to many of you!
E-mail: susana182006-extra@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia
Occupation: artist & writer/teacher of both
Age: 52
Member Since: November 27, 2005
Answers: 116
Last Update: February 25, 2006
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i've been having a really off week, and today was the worst ever for me [i'm a guy btw]. i guess you can say that everyone knows me, and i'm not too bad company. today was really bad for me, I felt depressed. a lot of my guy friends noticed right away something was wrong, because i'm usually the one to make the first weird comment or try to make a joke out of things - but i do know when to stop. anyways, teachers too noticed, and everyone said that it was noticeable that something was wrong with me, and that it made them feel bad too when i was around. is that normal, like does that usually happen to you guys or with your friends? its not like i'm thinking about giving up on life, but any suggestions to get my mind off of it and feel better- talking about it hasn't seemed to help... thanks - will rate good. (link)
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I'm really sorry that you've had an "off week" and that today seemed so bad. Feeling depressed is just the pits.
Obviously you're usually in good spirits or at least you show that side to your friends and teachers more than you show any side that may not be all happy and up. I've noticed that when I'm depressed and people keep commenting on it that I almost get more depressed because 1) I'm not thrilled that anyone noticed, and 2) I usually can't just snap out of it. Did I understand you correctly that people were saying to you that they were feeling bad (read: depressed) when you were around because you were depressed? I mean, were they telling you that they felt bad FOR you or BECAUSE of you? If the answer is the latter, I'm really bugged at these people. Sure, having a friend who is down and out around you may indeed bring you down a little, but there is NO reason to announce to the depressed person that he or she is making you feel bad! That's just insensitive and will more than likely make the depressed person feel even MORE depressed! So, how did you feel when these folks said that to you? I bet you felt worse. Almost like you're SUPPOSED to be entertaining all the time. Like you can't have a bad day because they all depend on you to make their day. Well, tough. You have the right to have your bum days, weeks, months, whatever and your friends (and especially your teachers) should be very sympathetic and understanding. Unfortunately that doesn't always happen because people don't know how to handle things when others are depressed, especially those who are usually the ones to cheer up everyone else. And, it often seems like no one really knows what to say. "Gosh, you've been the one who always makes ME feel better. What am I supposed to do now that you're not feeling great? I don't know what to do. You're the one that's good at that," etc., etc. Wow, that puts a lot of pressure on YOU. And believe me, that doesn't help a depressed mood.
OK, most people suffer from some sort of depression from time to time and it usually goes away by itself. Sleep deprivation will only exascerbate the problem. Not eating right will do the same thing. Having a "series of events and things happening to [you]" WHILE dealing with school issues can certainly cause and/or make the situation worse. Have you been able to deal with some of these events and the things that have happened to you? Has there been any resolution to any of these things? If you're still dealing with these things, then that is probably not making it any easier to come up from the darkness of your depression. I know you said that talking hasn't seemed to help. But who have you been talking to? Do you feel comfortable talking to your parents, or one parent? How about a close and trusted friend (male or female)? What about your school counselor? Maybe you just need to let off some steam to a stranger...like someone on this site. Sometimes talking to strangers about specifics can help because 1) they will usually be more objective with their comments, and 2) they don't know you and you don't run such a high risk of feeling "judged." I certainly would be more than willing to hear you out and try to talk with you about the specifics of these events and things that happened to you IF you want to do that and IF you think these things are the main root of your present state of mind. You can always e-mail me at soysusana@verizon.net IF you want to get some baggage off your chest.
The last thing I'll say is that you probably needn't worry about this presently short period of time that you've been depressed. Again, we all go through different degrees of depression for varying reasons. However, if you find that the depression doesn't lift soon, then I would strongly encourage you to tell your parents and seek help by way of a professional counselor. There are staggering statistics about teens suffering from depression. Often these teens are the "life of the party," and no one knows that something is eating away at them inside out. I am NOT saying that you are one of the "statistics." What I AM saying is that you don't want this to go on too long without being aware that there IS help for you if you feel yourself slipping deeper into this "off" time, or that it just doesn't feel like it is lifting.
It sounds like for now, you could try not to dwell too much on the fact that you're feeling so "off." Sometimes trying to over-analyze how we feel can go to extremes, only making it more difficult to step away from the mood we've been trapped in. This doesn't mean I don't think that you shouldn't be aware of your moods. DO be aware of them and again, don't let them get out of hand. But, if you could occupy yourself with friends and activities as much as you can right now, you probably won't spend too much time trying to over-analyze yourself and figure out if this is normal or not. It IS normal. It only takes the path of something more than "normal" if it goes on and on, and then you will need to have help analyzing what really is going on.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Depending on your age, you may be going through puberty-like, post-puberty, or very typical teen depression which is common only because there are so many changes happening to and around you. But, I think you'll be okay even though I am not disregarding the fact that you feel like the pits right now. That's an awful feeling and sometimes can feel as though it will never end. My guess is that it will. Just continue to be aware of yourself and how each day plays out. If people continue to come at you with the fact that it's really obvious that something is wrong, either try to talk to a "safe" person, or tell the others that you appreciate their concern but that they need to back off a little (you can say this in a nice way) and that you'll be okay. Even though I was annoyed to think that your friends and teachers might be making the situation worse by constantly pointing out to you that you're not being yourself, I DO think you are a lucky guy to have such concerned people in your life. And obviously, THEY are very lucky to have YOU in their lives. You must mean a lot to a lot of people and that's why they're so aware that something isn't right. Don't push them away even if you don't feel like opening up to them right now. If you're NOT really okay, try to talk to as many people as you can, don't keep this to yourself if you can help it, and by all means get that help I keep talking about...over and over again. (Sorry. Just trying to make a point.) I wish you lots of luck and hope that you're able to come out of this "off" mood very quickly. I will keep good thoughts for you. Don't hesitate to write an e-mail if you'd like. Take care of yourself.
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Well I'm 16/f.
Sorry this one is kind of long.
Well I really need to let go of my past but everytime something good happens I think back to how I messed it all up the last time and just get depressed. Well you see, I have quite a few guy friends who when they want to say something to me or get my attnetion they tap me on the shoulder, pat me on the head, or grab my arm loosely. I know they don't mean anything bad by it but it freaks me out since last summer at a camp I went to in Colorado I was hit on and basically molested by a guy I thought was my friend. I had to sit by him on the bus ride (which took basically a whole day) and even though I told him and begged him to stop he wouldn't stop touching me inappropriately.
Well we got off the bus and I told my friend Daniel what happened and Daniel kept the guy away from me but that wasn't the end of it. Later in the week at camp two more guys kept coming up to me and making me sit on their laps and try to give me back rubs and stuff like that. I of course protested but they were way too strong for me to get free and they would cover up my mouth if I tried to speak to someone near us. It was freaking me out. Every night when we finally had to go to bed I would sit up all night wishing that the next day would never come. I talked to my camp leader and she said she'd do all she could to keep them away from me but it never worked. So when I was supposed to be having fun at camp I was always looking around me and wondering when they would hit on me again.
My question is how can I let go of those emories so that I don't get freaked out anymore.??? (link)
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I just read your feedback and it made me really sad. It also brought back memories for me. A long while ago my parents and I were not that close because they tended to react to things the same way your parents did - even to a vicious rape that happened to me and really messed my head up. They have since been in counseling - of sorts - and have become more enlightened about the world in general, thus we have a much better relationship. Nevertheless, this is about you. I was so glad to read that you're in counseling! Good for you. I hope you realize how much strength and courage it takes to go to counseling. It is NEVER a sign of weakness in case anyone tries to put that on you.
You did all the right things about those guys in camp. You told the camp counselor, your guy friends, and your parents. It seems like the only people who really came through for you were your guy friends who could only do so much. Thank God for them! The "boys will be boys" comment from you dad is still such a common comment made by men AND women and it's absurd! But unfortunately too many paretns STILL raise their boys with that concept and thus we STILL have inappropriate behavior from too many boys/men and there is a definite lack of respect for girls/women. This angers me to no end! Your mom's silence must have hurt a lot. For all we know, she could have agreed with you that what happened was awful but was afraid to mention her feelings in front of your dad...for whatever reason. And that's sad for your mom. If you talked to her in private, then I would imagine that she just can't handle that sort of thing and would rather pretend that it doesn't happen. I'm sorry that you encountered these kinds of reactions from your parents. I'm sure you've talked about all of this with your counselor. But make sure you talk about the feelings - if you haven't already - you had and still have re: the poor responses of your camp counselor (even though she tried to a certain degree, but not hard enough as far as I'm concerned) AND your parents. They just weren't there for you and that's absolutely unfair and is totally sad. Feel free to e-mail me at soysusana@verizon.net if you want to talk about this anymore, especially after seeing your counselor. As I told you before, I had very similar experiences and I've been in a lot of counseling and have come a long way in my life with a great deal of healing, which hasn't always come easily. You'll be okay. I know it. Just make sure you don't stop talking with your counselor, especially now. And, like I said, if you want to talk with someone who's "been there" and you're not in group counseling, then write to me. I will listen and I will empathize more than you know. Hope you have a good counseling session tomorrow.
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I feel so depressed. I feel as if everyone in my life is moving on. I feel as tho I have no friends I spend my saturdays doing nothing, i feel as tho everyone hates me and Ive thought about sucide.
I have an incurable skin disease its so ugly and difiguring and the only cure for it is sunlight. I live in a cold place and my mum wont let me use tanning beds even tho thats the only cure.
I havnt got a boyfriend, and I dont trust anyone. I cant teell anyine about my skin disease. I feel so ugly and gross all the time. PLEASE HELP!!
What can I do?? (link)
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Do you know the name of the skin disease you have? Are you being treated by a dermatologist? You mention that you need sun to cure this disease. Do you maybe have vitiligo? If you do, please be careful with sun exposure. It can make it worse. However, certain kinds of light therapy are recommended and this site can tell you about that as well as give you info about other diseases or disorders of the skin: http://www.yourskin101.com/skin-disorders/
If you can't find your particular skin disease at this site, you can always Google the name of your disorder and see what sort of info you can gather. The more you know about your skin disease the more you can do for it.
I'm really sorry that you are feeling so depressed. Depression is an all too common illness that affects teens and adults. Please ask your mom to take you to a counselor or your doctor so that you can possibly get some medication to help you through this time. Antidepressants can truly help you feel better even if they don't take away what is actually at the root of your depression. More often than not, a person needs antidepressants along with counseling. If you don't think your mom will help you (and I'm betting she will!), try talking to your school counselor and see what she or he has to recommend. When a person begins to think about suicide it's definitely time to do something about the depression. In a more aligned world, we wouldn't get depressed or we would seek help before it got too bad. Please remember that your pain WILL END one day, but taking your life will cause pain to others that will never end. I'm sure you don't want to do that. Plus, and most importantly, you're young and there is still so much more to life than NOW. "Now" will eventually disappear and better things will come along. You don't want to miss out on the exciting mysteries of the future.
Why is it that you don't trust anyone? Have you been hurt severely by friends/boyfriends in the past? Or have things gone on in your homelife that make it difficult to trust? These are things you need to work on in counseling. It's okay that you keep yourself at somewhat of a distance with people until you know them better, but to not trust "anyone," is sad and unhealthy. You talk about not being able to tell anyone about your skin disease...does that mean that it isn't visible to people when you go out because of your clothes? If this is the case, why then would you want to talk about something so personal unless you found someone you really felt comfortable confiding in? If your skin disease is visible, then you still don't owe anyone an explanation UNLESS you want to talk about it.
My guess is that you are NOT ugly! Very few people are. And I know you hear this all the time, but it really is true: It's not what's on the outside that counts, but what's on the inside. Try to let people see what's on your inside; let them see what a great person you surely are. Hold your head up high and tell yourself each and every day that you are beautiful and worth all that is good. At first you may not believe these words, but if you can say this over and over again, you will eventually believe it just as you've made yourself believe you're ugly because you've obviously told yourself this over and over. Try changing how you look at yourself and others will follow. Can you get involved in any activities at school that would help you meet people? Having a boyfriend right now is not the most important thing. Having friends and being a good friend are much more important. Trying to work on your self-esteem is imperative and you might need professional help to get you started.
Please let me know if you need to talk some more or if you've been able to take some of this advice. You can e-mail me if you want: soysusana@verizon.net I want you to feel good about yourself no matter what. I think it's great that you've reached out for help through this site. Please don't give up on yourself. I care.
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I'm 19/m
I've never masterbated before, and honestly I've never had an urge to.. Am I abnormal? (link)
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Abnormal? NO! Besides, who's to say what is truly "normal." We're all different - Thank God - and normalcy is so completely subjective.
Masturbating is totally a personal decision and if you haven't had the urge to do it, then don't worry that you're not. Perhaps some day you'll decide you want to try it. And...you may like it and you may not. I think a lot of people have issues with this, either way. Masturbating is a perfectly okay and healthy thing to do, but it's not unhealthy or weird that you don't do it. Be careful you don't lay a guilt trip on yourself whether you partake in this personal pleasure or not! I also think that many people just prefer having sex with a partner and don't get much enjoyment out of pleasing themselves. That's okay, and I don't think you're in a minority. I believe that there are an awful lot of people who feel as you do.
One thing to keep in mind though, is that masturbating can help you get more in touch with your sexual side. Experimenting can also help you know exactly what you'd like a partner to do. But you should NEVER put pressure on yourself or allow anyone else to do it either. Whether you masturbate or not, you'll eventually know what you want from a sexual experience.
Whether a person masturbates or not does not make them strange! Relax, and do whatever feels natural and comfortable to you. And don't let anyone tell you that if a person materbates it is wrong, dirty, or goes against anything "natural." That's just bunk!
You're okay...just fine. Don't get all obsessed with this and end up doing a number on your head!
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