ask HeretoHelp418



read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators



I love helping people. Ask me a question and I'll answer it the best I can. I'll try to put myself into your shoes to try & understand your situation &try to give you advice you can actually follow. So yeah ask away!
Gender: Female
Member Since: February 21, 2013
Answers: 55
Last Update: November 6, 2016
Visitors: 5963

Main Categories:
Friendship
Work/School Relationships
Love Life
View All

Favorite Columnists
ShineyStarz
prettyinpink16
TheAnnie
Siren_Cytherea
Athena4896
I've been going through a recent complicated break-up. The thing is I kinda rejected him because I want to get my life back together first before being in a committed relationship. I wasn't able to offer my heart back in return to this guy who loved me so purely because I got scared that the moment I say 'yes' we'd be in a really serious relationship. And the thought of being in a serious relationship scared me. I got scared and I made a stupid mistake by talking to it with another guy friend. And it almost felt like I cheated on him, he felt like I cheated. And now he's not in love with me anymore and that it's impossible for us to be together again. Which hurt so bad.

I know all of that's kinda convoluted, but long story short, I'm hurt because I hurt the one guy who's never done anything but love me so purely and see the best in me by being a stupid and weak girl. What if he's the one for me, what if I blew the chance to be with my soulmate? What if I never meet anyone who will love me as much as he did? I can't get over the pain and the loneliness no matter what I do.

I know I've made a mistake too. But I'm not aiming to get back together with him, because he's already said it's impossible. Now he just wants to be friends with me because he knows we're really close and he doesn't want to lose that and he said that I don't deserve to be abandoned completely. What should I do to get over him and forgive myself? I'm really sorry it was really long. Thank you to anyone who will help. (link)
Well if he is the one for you, your soulmate, then love will always find a way. Maybe this was not supposed to work out so that you could meet who is really your soulmate. But you said you want to get your life back together before being in a serious relationship. Maybe you have to do that before you are able to be with the one you are meant to be with. I say that you focus on you. You get your life together, you grow and build yourself for you, you love and learn and do all the things you want to do. And you apologize to him, you tell him what you were thinking and how you need someone and that you just made the wrong decision but you never meant to hurt him. And then if its too hard to be friends with him, maybe you should cut him off for a bit. How I see it is that if you break up with someone with no intention of getting back together and it still hurts like hell to see them and have them around, then you have to distance yourself from them for a bit so that you can get over them and not feel so negative and down about them. I really hope this helped! I'm so sorry if its all over the place! Good luck!


Hello,
My boyfriend and I are 17 and 18 years old. We started a long distance relationship a little over six months ago. Back then, I was still a virgin and he knew that. However, a few months ago I cheated on him and lost my virginity to a guy I honestly had no feelings for. I was completely aware of what I was doing and I did it because I really just wanted to get it over with. I made sure there were no feelings attached. Now, the guy still chases after me, but I want no business with him, or any other guy rather than my boyfriend. I love him to death and really have no trouble remaining faithful. I realized it wasn't worth it and he's truly the only guy I ever want to be with. However, I know that he'll want to break up with me and his heart will be completely shattered if he knows. He keeps talking about how magical he wants my first time to be once we finally see each other again. And I believe it will be magical because it'll be with him. I don't want to lose him, but I do think he needs to know. I also don't think it's any conversation to have via phone/text/video. A close friend told me not to say anything '"cause there's no point". I know if we were in the same time zone it'd be easier to confess and try to win his trust back, but I have a serious disadvantage by not being able to daily demonstrate my true feelings towards him. I've thought of telling him in the far future, once we're living together, but I don't know how he'll feel about it after such a long time...
Also, I'm actually kind of glad I did it only because it was extremely painful, and he wasn't the one who caused that terrible experience. The guy was gentle, so it would've been bad either way. Should I tell him when we finally meet again? If so, should I do it as soon as possible, or do I give it some time? If I do choose to tell him, I know I probably shouldn't have sex with him until he's known, but I'm terribly scared of ruining the possibility of a future with him.
I'd appreciate any thoughts and advice,
Thank you. (link)
I think you need to have a long talk with your boyfriend and confess to him before things start to become really serious. You cannot have him move in with you and then break it to him. If he wants to leave after you tell him, then he has the right to do so, don't try to trap him. If he really loves you then maybe he will try to understand and realize that you really regret what youve done and you will not do it again. But make sure you explain that to him and give him time to be able to deal with his feelings. He deserves the right to know and if things do not work out then they were not meant to anyway. Youre still young and you have your whole life ahead of you, do not tie down to one person right away because there are so many things you both do not know about yourselves and you are both still growing and learning and what you love about each other now might change in the future. So tell him and just go from there. You will be alright. Good luck!


I want sex with my boyfriend but I'm lucky if I get a kiss of him. Im a girl and I only got my first bra today and I'm not finished with puberty I've snogged and my ex showed me how to have sex but he left my school my other ex dumped me for two girls in my class. My boyfriend isn't that serious and I want more but the ex that is still in school won't go back out with me. (link)
Woah hun. You are waaayyy to young for sex. It might be fun and all but thats not how you want to start out. First of all youll probably create a really bad reputation for yourself and guys will only want you for one thing and theyll just see you as a piece of meat. You are way more than that and there are way more important things you can do other than sex. Like be a freaken nine year old! Play tag or other fun games. Maybe you should read the Bible and get some morals in your life yo. Cause sex is for people who are in love with one another and are committed to each other for life. It is supposed to be a beautiful experience, fully connecting with another person. Not just doing it for the sake of doing it. You have plenty of time for that kindof stuff when youre older. Please dont rush, you could get diseases or get pregnant and that will make things extremely more difficult for you for the rest of your life. Focus on your school work and having good, wholesome fun with your friends. Dont try to grow up too fast, okay? I mean im 17 and I still consider myself too young for sex because im not ready yet. One day you will find someone you absolutely love and will want to spend the rest of your life with and youll want your first time to be with them and it will be special. So wait for that okay? Hope I helped, good luck!


I'm 20 and I broke up with my first love a year ago. I loved him with every fibre in my being and did literally everything for him, even if it went against my morals. I spent all the money I had on getting him expensive gifts and I stuck with him, even when he couldn't care less about me. When we broke up because of the fact that he didn't wanna deal with commitment, at this stage in his life, he wasn't upset, not even for a day. It's been over a year and I've been the only one carrying all this pain and I've been holding so much hope that we could get back together, someday. We still see each other and he kisses me and that's what gave me hope that he still likes me. But last night, he told me that he'd never even think of marrying someone like me and that he needs a submissive kind of girl who doesn't pick up on the wrong things he does, like I did.I always picked up on all his lies and everything he hid from me. It hit me all at once, last night that he's been using me this past year and using my vulnerability. I cried in front of him for two hours straight and he kept saying the same things like "You're not my first love so I can't hold that much love for you" and "I told you I didn't want a relationship" "My first made me lose all my emotions" . I don't know why I'm so attached to him or why I'm even this devastated over a jerk like him. I just need someone to talk some sense into me. I worry, that I'll never be good enough for someone. What else can I do for someone to make them appreciate me? I allowed him to cross so many limits of mine and went above and beyond for him, and I get this, in return. How will I expect the next guy in my life to appreciate what I'll do for him and not break my heart again? (link)
Oh I just want to hug you! I know exactly how you are feeling..listen, its going to be really very hard for sometime..but you WILL move on, and you WILL find someone else who will treat you right. Don't think about that loser, he didnt respect or deserve you and dont EVER think you deserved any of that crap he did to you. and dont EVER sacrifice your standards and morals for anyone. What I learned from watching Steve Harvey is that YOU are the prize, guys will chase after you and there will be one who will respect you and accept you and love you for who you are and you are going to have to make them work for it and NEVER settle for anything less than that. You need remove that loser from your life. Get rid of him on fb, your phone, delete things he's sent to you, get rid of things he gave to you if he ever did at all. Don't let him see how much pain he's caused cause unfortunately, he probably doesnt care. But that doesnt mean there will never be someone who cares. There will be and dont beat yourself for letting someone treat you like this..this was a great lesson for you to learn how you dont want to be treated and how you dont want to feel again. Please believe you are so much more than how he treated you and that hes just a loser, he doesnt deserve all you did for him. You seem like a beautiful person for being willing to do all those things for someone you love. You deserve someone who will do all those things for you too. But if someone isnt being honest and loyal and loving you like you should be loved then dont sacrifice everything for them, dont waste your time. In this time being away from him, surround yourself with inspiration and loving friends and family, focus on being yourself and doing what your heart desires and what you want to accomplish in life. and when you least expect it someone amazing will come along and treat you like youve never been treated before. and if you believe in religion and spirituality focus on that too. Forget that loser, youre beautiful and deserve only the best. I hope that helped! Good luck! I'll pray for you tonight !


I am so confused. I dont know what to do anymore. I am depressed all the time. To the point where all I want to do is cry and at times it takes all I have not to. I feel so alone. I have been married for 8 years but we never talk and lately he and I have been sleeping in separate rooms. We dont even argue we just dont talk. I know I am not happy anymore and I havent been for a long time. But we have children together and this is the only serious relationship I have ever had. To top it all he is controlling so I have never had a job and I dont know if I can support myself or my kids without him. I dont want to be miserable forever but I am terrified of life without him. I dont know how to survive without him. And I have absolutly no friends not a single one because my high school friends and I have drifted apart and I am not allowed out to have any. And I have no family I grew up in foster homes. So without him I am completely alone. I have no one to turn to. No one to stay with til I get on my feet. Am I being selfish by wanting a life of my own. What do I do? Where do I go from here? (link)
You shouldnt have to feel like you need to depend on this man. This is your life..I understand the complications with having kids and that would be hard to deal with if you and your husband were seperated..but this relationship seems very unhealthy. Dont let him control you. If hes abusive or youre afraid of him hurting you or your kids then you need to get help. I'm sure there are support groups and help for women trying to get out of abusive relationships. But if your life is not endanger then you need to stop letting him run things and take charge of your life. Get yourself together, get a job. Go and try to make a steady living, maybe try and even move out when youre financially stable enough to. Being in this relationship isnt making you any less alone, this is just preventing you from going out and finding new people and finding someone who is good for you, who will talk to and love you and who wont control you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this and you do not deserve this and remember that no one else should have control over your life. Do whats best for you and your kids. Children growing up in this environment of their mother being miserable and restrained cant be good for them either. Divorce is hard but a tense, unhappy home is even harder. Be strong and get out there. You could also try religion and getting in touch with yourself and your inner voice and spirtuality. It will make you realize youre never alone and God ls always with you..even if you believe or not, its true. And yeahI hope this helped and I wish you the best of luck!


I am 15 and if i am myself im considered wierd and i cant get a popular cute boyfriend and now that im homeschooled its even harder help (link)
Im 16. And who cares if your considered weird? Be yourself, those people don't matter. And having a cute, popular boyfriend doesnt matter either. Just be yourself, talk to different guys and just take your time. And btw dont be desperate, thats not cute at all. Just calm down and maybe youll fall for a boy you never expected to fall for. He doesnt have to be cute and popular. And tbh reading this was really shocking. I'm basically your age and I cant understand why youre so desperate for a bf. But yeah well anyway good luck


So i asked many questions about her, and decided to summarize everything. We are friends and we flirt sometimes, i tease her and she teases me also sometimes. But sometimes it doesnt seem like she likes me, there is a rumor some of her "friends" told us guys that she is in doubt between one of us guys, but he likes another girl, and me. But these are just rumors, so i dont really know what to do. I was planning to ask her out on my best-friends Facebook account since i dont have one and if she rejects me i can just pretend that i am my best-friend. What do YOU think i should do? (link)
I think you should ask her out face to face, your way is kindof cowardly, sorry. But before you ask her out make sure you talk to her about her feelings and get it straight. So if she does like u, asking her out wont be as bad. Okay well good luck!


I am a 36 year old female...married but have recently been feeling some sort of way for another guy. This man is married as well and it has been brought to my attention that he is feeling the same way about me...the way we feel has not been acknowledged but we are quietly aware. We have a mutual friend that we both "confide" in and she feels sorry for the both of us. She is an older lady who works with us..oh yes he works with me. He makes it a point to come to my office daily just to see me and say hello. We have NEVER done anything together but talk...it has also been brought to my attention that our chemistry and connection is noticeable. This feeling that I have for him is driving me crazy and I want to tell him something so badly that will make this stop. He has told our mutual friend that he doesnt know where this feeling came from and he doesn't understand why this is happening and I honestly don't either. I love when he comes by to say hello to me, I enjoy seeing him but I wish he would stop...but not really. Again nothing has ever been done or acknowledged its just a huge huge elephant hanging out in the room. So what should I do, I want to talk to him, get these feelings acknowledged and figure out how to stop or end this situation before something starts. (link)
Yes maybe you should acknowledge and get it out in the open and make it known that nothing can happen and maybe just not be around each other for a while so this feeling can go away. However, what if it never does? What if this is not just a crush? And its true love? What if you both feel more connected and more love towards one another than towards your own spouses? If this is true maybe you shouldn't say that nothing can ever be done, what if this is the one for you? You can't let that slip through your fingers. Or waste time with someone else who you don't feel as strongly towards and vice versa. What if you always ignore these feelings towards your coworker and stay in your okay marriage and youre never as happy as you couldve been and your spouse and his spouse will never had had the chance to find someone who they truly love who truly loves them too? I think you need to talk about this with him and you need to test this and analyze this to see if its just a crush or something way more than that. Spend some time away from each other, spend more time with your spouses, see if its the same connection, if you feel strongly towards your spouses than towards each other ,If you realize you and your coworker just liked each other and that it was just nice to have someone at work who noticed you. If thats not the case if you both know in your hearts that this is real, you should be together. And you should give your spouses the chance to find true love like you guys have. If you have kids this might be more difficult. But I believe that if you have found someone you truly love and connect with, that you should be with them. You can figure something out, get a clean divorce, be friends so that you can take care of the children and have them you both have a healthy relationship. You can live together while raising young children but be legally divorced so you could be with the one you love. I know it sounds crazy , but true love is true love and you cant avoid it once youve found it and yeah. Good luck


Hi,
I was in a long-term serious relationship with who is now my ex for 8 years. We own our home together and planned to spend the rest of our lives together. In January of 2012, he confronted me about my spending and told me to quit and not use my credit card anymore. We had a very heated discussion, lots of crying, etc. and agreed that I had one year to get my act together or else he was done. I immediately quit spending and was on the right track. However, I noticed that he changed. He was stressed about his job and his new boss and started going on guy-golf trips and he quit going to our lake house with me. Mid-summer I guess I sort of snapped and bought a few things using my credit card. Later, I panicked and couldn't sleep at night realizing what I did. I vowed to stop. All the while, without me realizing it, he looked through my personal things secretly and he also pulled my credit report. We spent a great Labor Day weekend together, entertaining his family at the lake and the day after when we were back in town, he confronted me with my credit report. He told me he was done, that I had lied and broken his trust. He kicked me out of our house, turned cold and started traveling for work back-to-back so that he wouldn't have to deal with anything. It's been 5 months now; I had to get an apartment and move on my own, all the while distraught. I love him immensely and can't imagine my life and future without him. We kept seeing each other each week during all of this and he would kiss me or hug me and he told me there was hope so I kept hope. Then he dropped the bombshell on me and told me he couldn't do it anymore and that he couldn't get past the hurt and lack of trust so he didn't want a future with me. He still wants to be friends and we are working on our financial settlement. He has also started immediately dating a co-worker. I don't think I can exist as friends. I'm hurt, devastated and angry at myself and him. How do I get past these feelings and how do I earn his trust back? (link)
Well thats not a very good reason to break up with someone. I think maybe you just need to have a long talk with him. Tell him youre so sorry and that you love him and that you know you made a horrible mistake but it shouldnt ruin a relationship of 8 long years. Tell him how you were feeling when you did what you did and how you just snapped and how you know it was wrong but that everyone makes mistakes and everyone breaks sometimes. And that you will try to never do it again (and then actually try really hard to kep your promise). Ask him if theres a way you two can work it out and that youd do anything to have him back..to get a second chance. That you want to spend the rest of your life with him and you dont want to be just friends. Tell him youll work to pay off everything you bought and that if you ever break again, youll be the one responsible for it and that he wont need to worry about it. And ya know he shouldnt have been going through your stuff without your knowledge.. I don't know if youd want to bring that up cause it might start another fight but remember that you both did something you werent supposed to and that things just happen but that you two need to get over it and be together again. Just try your hardest to convince of that and then prove it to him that youll never do it again and that you really do wanna make up for it. I hope that helps, good luck!


hi im a 14 year old girl. ive been really sad lately and i think its because of this guy. i think im in love but i never been in love before but ive never liked a guy this much. how do i get over him ? its been 3 months since we ever talked . i just want to move on. can u please tell me how ? (link)
Well I know what youre going through, the same things happened to me and tbh I'm still not really over him... However, u can try looking for another guy to move on to and to like. Whenever you think about him quickly think about something else and try to distract yourself with other things. As time goes on and the less you see or talk to him, the more youll forget about him. It might take a long time though but just dont let it get you down and enjoy life. And even though you miss him, at least you had those times together and made memories together and that one day youll find someone else and someone better. Maybe youll never get over him and always have that feeling whenever you see him...but you just look for other guys and enjoy your life and dont dwell on him because theyll be other guys and yeah. Hope that helped!


i need a boyfriend,but im so fucking picky,i like strange boys,dont give a fuck about the looks that much,i like weirdos and sad people,i myself am very weird :) but i like that,but its soo hard to find someone strange,should i lower my expectations or something?

ghostgirl7 (link)
Yeah ik lol. But dont worry you have time, itll be worth the wait.

no, just wait and you'll find someone eventually. Focus on something else but in the meantime you can go out and mingle and all that.


Thank you! I think something happened, am just going to talk to him about it. She knows i like him and everything. I just dont understand why she dont want me telling him,about it :( if she tapp kiss him while dancing omg.o.o (link)
Yeah thatd be an effed up thing to do. But if she did why did she mention anything in the first place? I dont get this, it just seems sketchy. Unless im reading into it too much but idk.


Ok, so. I'm having a rough time with love. I'm always depressed or crying because I'm so lonely. I guess you could say I'm deperate.How do you know when a guy likes you? My good guy friend flirts with me, sent nudes (didnt ask him to), alot of stuff..he knows I like him & he says that he doesn't wanna ruin our friendship. Could he be lying? I'm so curious..could he be the one? (link)
okay well first off, you need to just relax. Theres someone out there for everyone and the reason you havent found anyone yet is just because it isnt your time yet. You shouldnt be sad! You should be enjoying your life & focusing on your work& friends & family. If you wanna meet someone then go out & mingle & talk to guys & just be yourself, relaxed & just have fun. No one wants someone thats desperate. You WILL find someone , dont be miserable cause you havent yet. & with your friend you need to tell him straight & to stop fucking with your feelings. Tell him that if he doesnt want to be with you then to cut the crap & stop sending you pics & stop playing w/ your feelings & just be ur friend. & that if he does wanna be with you then that he should just say it& instead of this crap. Okay? Stay strong youll find someone!


So there' these guys I like,but I don't know which I should chose.
Guy # 1- I know he's odler than me,but age doesn't matter.He had a girlfriend,they used to be togethr all the time.But now,they are never together,so I don't think they go out.I've never talked to him before,but I like him.When we pass in the hallway ,our eyes catch before one of us looks away.

Guy # 2 - He's also older than me,but I like him also.I know he has a girlfriend,but there's just something about him that I can't get over.It seems like everywhere I go in school,he's there.We have no classes togeter or anything,but we always cross paths.I feel like he doesn't know I exist.But he stops and talks to my friends if they talk to him,and he'll cast a glance at me.


Which guy should I choose?How can I start a conversation with them,since I'm shy?Do either of them seem like they like me back?Is it wishful thinking?Should I give up? (link)
Yeah of course! I'm here if you ever need me.


Well before you choose, try getting to know each of them better. When they go to talk to your friends, try joining in the conversation and talking to them. If your friends are friends with him then have them invite him to things & that could be a way for you to talk to him more & get to know him better. If you see them everywhere, try bumping into them or make up an exuse to talk to them. Like asking for a pencil or asking them if they know where a teacher is or something. I don't know if they like you, but even if they don't thats okay cause they dont even know you! Once you get to know each of them better you can decide which one you like better, and take it from there.So Good luck! Hope I could help.




read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop

eXTReMe Tracker