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I lied to my long-term boyfriend; he doesn't trust me - how do we go back?
Hi,
I was in a long-term serious relationship with who is now my ex for 8 years. We own our home together and planned to spend the rest of our lives together. In January of 2012, he confronted me about my spending and told me to quit and not use my credit card anymore. We had a very heated discussion, lots of crying, etc. and agreed that I had one year to get my act together or else he was done. I immediately quit spending and was on the right track. However, I noticed that he changed. He was stressed about his job and his new boss and started going on guy-golf trips and he quit going to our lake house with me. Mid-summer I guess I sort of snapped and bought a few things using my credit card. Later, I panicked and couldn't sleep at night realizing what I did. I vowed to stop. All the while, without me realizing it, he looked through my personal things secretly and he also pulled my credit report. We spent a great Labor Day weekend together, entertaining his family at the lake and the day after when we were back in town, he confronted me with my credit report. He told me he was done, that I had lied and broken his trust. He kicked me out of our house, turned cold and started traveling for work back-to-back so that he wouldn't have to deal with anything. It's been 5 months now; I had to get an apartment and move on my own, all the while distraught. I love him immensely and can't imagine my life and future without him. We kept seeing each other each week during all of this and he would kiss me or hug me and he told me there was hope so I kept hope. Then he dropped the bombshell on me and told me he couldn't do it anymore and that he couldn't get past the hurt and lack of trust so he didn't want a future with me. He still wants to be friends and we are working on our financial settlement. He has also started immediately dating a co-worker. I don't think I can exist as friends. I'm hurt, devastated and angry at myself and him. How do I get past these feelings and how do I earn his trust back?
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Well thats not a very good reason to break up with someone. I think maybe you just need to have a long talk with him. Tell him youre so sorry and that you love him and that you know you made a horrible mistake but it shouldnt ruin a relationship of 8 long years. Tell him how you were feeling when you did what you did and how you just snapped and how you know it was wrong but that everyone makes mistakes and everyone breaks sometimes. And that you will try to never do it again (and then actually try really hard to kep your promise). Ask him if theres a way you two can work it out and that youd do anything to have him back..to get a second chance. That you want to spend the rest of your life with him and you dont want to be just friends. Tell him youll work to pay off everything you bought and that if you ever break again, youll be the one responsible for it and that he wont need to worry about it. And ya know he shouldnt have been going through your stuff without your knowledge.. I don't know if youd want to bring that up cause it might start another fight but remember that you both did something you werent supposed to and that things just happen but that you two need to get over it and be together again. Just try your hardest to convince of that and then prove it to him that youll never do it again and that you really do wanna make up for it. I hope that helps, good luck!
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