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June 26, 2004Answers:
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Hi I'm Derfel - & I'm Dannii, trust us 'coz you know what? We're always ....... ALWAYS right! Together we have a phenomenal amount of life experience, advice experience and 'drama management'!! What we haven't come across you could list on the back of a postage stamp (a small one). We'll talk about anything, don't mind getting personal and we genuinely care about YOU! We're hear to help and we're listening. Buy buy just now Derfel & Dannii xxadvice
I'm a girl. There's this boy, we hang out. He likes me, I'm 98% sure. He was hurt during and after his last relationship for a really long time. While we hang out and cuddle and just be together we talk and he told me that he see's a future with me and it scares him. I didn't necessarily take this as a bad thing. However, the more I think about it, the more I wonder. What are all of your opinions on this?
Second part.
Also, he doesn't seem too ready to date any time soon. Then there's this guy, who I really really used to dig when I was like 15. I'm 18, now. We're friends, but I think he wants to try something more. I like this other guy, in the above paragraph, however, I don't know if I should wait for him, or see if I like this friend of mine. My gut feelings are telling me that I'm young, and should play out both fields. What are your opinions?
K Thanks.
It concerns me the way you say 'play both fields' - thats not fair on anyone, you risk breaking both thier harts and your own. We have a saying ' follow your hart - not your head'. Be true to your self and listen to what your hart says to you. Remember your harts wisper is a lot louder than your heads shout. I know which one you want, you know which one you want. One of thies gue's says to me a life time of love and happyness - the other says nothing of the sort. be gentle, become his rock and let him be yours. Don't rush it or even think about it - just let it happen. Good luck and let us know what happens.
Derfel&Dannii xx
im 16 years old and 8 months pregnant..my boyfriend ..which is the father and is 19..wont have anything to do with me..he wont even touch me anymore yea he comes over every now and then but he doesnt stay long..it breaks my heart because i love him so much..he says he loves me but it definately doesnt feel like it..what can i do?
HI, I'M SO SORRY WE DIDN'T GET YOUR QUESTION, WE HAVEN'T BEEN ON THE SITE FOR A FEW MONTHS NOW - NUT WE'RE WELL AND TRULY BACK! - A LOT WILL HAVE CHANGED SINCE YOU POSTED YOUR QUESTION SO IF YOU COULD GIVE US AN UP-DATE AND WE'LL SEE HOW WE CAN HELP. HOPE YOU ARE WELL, TALK TO YOU SOON. BUY BUY JUST NOW. DERFEL&DANNII X
i want to give my boyfriend a blow job but how do i make the first move and i am sorry but how do i do it ?!
Hi there,
Don't say sorry, you have nothing to say sorry about. Firstly how do you do it, well basically you are sucking his dick to stimulate him in the same way a hand job would. Careful not to bite it - that hurts! Lol. Only joking, don't worry - play around, experiment and don't worry about 'getting it right'. Your boy friend will love it! As for how to make the first move .... Just be blunt and go for it, don't worry about subtlety. Enjoy your self! Derfel xx
Theres a guy I like. He goes to my school. Is in my grade, two of my classes, ect. ect.
But, he knows I like him, and doesn't like me back. He's told me multiple times. But lately, he's been acting like I'm okay. Usually he acts like he hates me. He even IMed me first on AIM. Which is like, a first. Ever. We've been able to talk more, and we're getting along pretty well.
The bad side is, well, I've liked him for so long, now that he's finally maybe liking me, I don't feel exactly the same. I'm in this odd stage where, I do and don't like him. I mean, he's hurt me so much, but I feel like I love him. I can't control my feelings.
So what I would like to know is:
Do you think he likes me?
What should I do if he asks me out?
and
Should I take action?(ME asking him out)
I have NO idea what to do.
(13/f)
Short answer? - YES, YES, YES! - I think he likes you. And I think he's liked you all along. That doesn't change the fact that he's been acting like a compleat dick though.... But if you feel as strongly as you say you have to go for it! Take it slow though, esspecialy at first! Good Luck! Drefel xx
My boyfriend is at his dads for spring break and his dad lives 3 hrs away from here. I am finding it really hard to get him off my mind. I just lay around thinking of him and waiting for him to call me. But he only calls me late so he wont get in trouble. What can i do to pass the time and get him off my mind?
Hi,
I understand you really miss him and that your finding him being away really difficult but if its serious between you and your boyfriend, if your in love then you can only expect that - its just a singe of how much you love and care for him and he will be feeling exactly the same stuck up there for the holidays when he wants to be with you! Theirs nothing wrong with thinking of him 24/7 and waiting desperately for his calls and for when you next see him but you'll find it easier if you do spend your time with friends and try to enjoy the holidays as best you can - it may make the time go a little quicker. Think about all the time you'll spend together when he gets back and maybe put your time now into planning something special for him returning. Buy for now Derfel xx
Ok! I really do like my boyfriend alot!!! But, when he wants to kiss me I get scared, I have never kissed anyone yet! I just am really scared what should I do, I don't want him to think I don't like him? HELP
Well the first thing I’ll say is you should only ever do what you feel you want to do, don’t feel that you HAVE to kiss him. The thing is I’m almost certain you do want to but your scared – it’s your first time, what will happen? What if you can’t do it? What if you make a fool of your self? These are all totally normal fears that every one goes through. The best way to over come them? – Just go for it! It does just come naturally and afterwards you’ll feel fantastic. Talk through your worries with your boy friend, you know that if he’s the one for you he’ll be patient and understanding but he does need to no why your so reluctant to kiss him. For more advice on the ‘technical’ side of kissing drop a message in my inbox but trust me its dead easy! Good luck
Derfel x
Ok,
I never know how I should respond to the "V" question when trying to get with a girl. If I say my truthful and say no, they are like "awww, that's sweet" And pretty much never hear from them again, but I don't want to lie and have it kick me latering down the line. What should I do in this situation?
The point hear is that instead of taking control of the situation your letting it consume you. You can't even bring your self to use the word virgin, its just the 'V' word. You need to get rid of the shame and embarrassment you have and be true to your self. My honest opinion? - I can not see in a million years that the vast majority of girls would be put of by a guy who's a virgin - quite the opposite in fact. Maybe the reason for the lack of activity in your love life is not your honesty about your vaginaty but your lack of self confidence and self esteem. These issues need to be addressed first not only for the sake of your love life but your general happiness too. For ways to improve your self confidence and take control drop a question in my inbox but your number one sours has to be your friends. Buy for now - DERFEL
Ok im a 14 year old teenage girl. Im so in love w. this kid that ive known for 3 years. We've been together off and on for the past 2 years, but hes put me through so much pain . But now the only time he talks to me is when he doesn't have a girlfriend or there arguing. A weekend before thanksgiving (when him nd his girlfriend had been broken up for 2 months) he told me he loved me nd he was sorry for all the pain he had put me through and he told me i was the only one he wanted to be with. He said he was glad he had someone that loved him nd always stuck by his side whenever he needed someone. We hung out for 2 weeks, talked all the time on the phone, told each other we loved each other ( which really i thought we did, i mean i really do love him) but then he stopped calling, and when i saw him he acted like nothing happened. Now we got into the biggest arguement nd he's back together w. his girlfriend. I love this kid so much - i would do anything for him nd he knows that. He knows he's the only thing on my mind 24/7. What should i do, should i give it time nd just let things work themselves out or should i just move on?? Please help !!!
You’ve got to start moving on. Its no good for you to keep your self in this situation, it must be hell for you. He might come along and make you happy for two weeks, a month or whatever but he certainly won’t make you happy long term and you know that. He knows your always going to be their when he wants to use you and you’re just letting it happen. You’ve got to take control and move on because you deserve a hell of a lot better than that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying just forget about him like it’ll be easy – it won’t be but if you lay on the floor like a doormat their will be people who are quite happy to walk all over you.
Buy buy just now
Derfel
x
Hey-i was reading through your column and i really liked the advice you were giving so i was wondering if you could help me out with a situation i have:
alrite so beginning of this year (i was still a junior in high school) i met a guy (a senior in high school who's now a freshman in college) through my best friend's boyfriend and one nite after all 4 of us hanging out i ended up hooking up with him. When it started out, neither of us was looking for a relationship, i was just looking to gain experience so i figured it was a great idea. Long story short-i went pretty far with him and got attached-towards the end of the school year we found out we both really liked each other, we went to prom together and were hooking up monogamously for about 4 months but he never asked me out-finally middle of summer he said he didn't wanna lead me on but he really didn't want a gf when he was gonna be leaving for college in a month-i told him i understood but naturally i was heartbroken. So i didn't see him the rest of the summer, i've just heard stories about him hooking up with other girls which killed me...literally but i finally finally got over him (its been a long long road). Anyways he's back for thanksgiving break and i haven't gotten play in awhile-so this friday we are getting together-im really worried cuz when i see him i don't know if i will have the strength to turn down hooking up with him, but i definitely know i don't have the strength to get over him again-at the same time....i desperately need play LOL. What do u think i should do?!?!
thanks
Hi darling,
You clearly really like this guy and to be honest it sounds to me as if he really likes you too. Your right not to want to hook up with him for a ‘one night kinda thing’ you’ve just got over him and you know that would put you back to square one. There are a few practical things you could do to stop that happening. Find a nice boy to ‘play’ with before you meet him….lol…… or take a friend with you or meet in a café or some place you couldn’t hook up. But the thing is hear is have you ever told him how you feel – you haven’t, it may be he was running away from his feelings because he didn’t want to go to college leaving his gf behind. Hearing how you feel about him may change every thing. In these situations I always say follow your hart not your head - go for it. However something you have to consider first, if you did have a relationship with him you would have to be Able to trust him while he’s away ay college. Weather or not you could do that and if he’s worthy of that trust is your decision. Good look babe and let me know what happens.
Buy for now
Derfel xx
ok 15/f...my boyfriend just recently started smoking weed well we dont go to the same skool so we only see eachother 4 out of 7 days....so its realy special wehn we get 2 see eachother....well as he was walking me to where i get picked up...he started smoking...he knows i hate it....i just got really mad and started walking ahead of him...he put it away and was like sry im really sry and he stopped and i was being really bitchy and he tryed to hold my hand and i moved away and put them in my pockets...n i didnt even say bye to him when i left....i didnt hug him or even kiss him...i didnt say nething i jsut left!....and i wouldnt look @ him or walk near him....and he was like ill call u tomrrow and i wasl ike dont bother...and i just left....i feel really bad...i mean he was wrong smoking infront of me knownin i dont lyke it...but he apologized n put it away and i was saying mean hurtful stuff to him
btw we been together for 13months...=\...do u think i shuld call him? and apologize?? wat do i say?? (this happened last nite)
Hi – well I think he probably got the message – where you too harsh…. Well maybe a little but at least you’re not taking any nonsense. The important question is – is this worth loosing your him over, I would say not and I think you agree. I get the feeling by what you say you have something really quite special hear. Call him, the two of you make up and enjoy your time together.
Buy buy just now
Derfel
xx
Ok, i was at sonic and a really hot girl brought the food out to me. Ive never seen her before in my life, but i got the nerve to ask he for her number. and she actually gave it to me. Ok now im stumped. What do i do? Should i call her n ask her out, or what? help plz.
Yes! If she didn’t want you to call her – she wouldn’t have given you her number. You like her, she must like you – get on that phone. If you don’t you’ll always be wondering what might have happened if you did, go for it.
Good luck
Derfel
Ok, I posted this publically, but I needed help from a guy.
You already know that I go to an all girls' school. So, the other day I went in a restaurant, and started smiling at one of the waiters. (He was cute!!!) When we left, my mom told me he gave me a look that said "Why are you staring at me". I didn't notice it, but my mom did. What did I do wrong?? I thought guys liked when you smiled at them! Right?
Hi darling,
Don't worry about what happened - you didn't do anything wrong. Your right most gues do like to be smiled at and its certainly perfectly harmless. Next time why not try chatting to them rather than just looking, this will avoid any confession they may have about why you keep looking - and you never know it may well lead to a date.
Talk to you again soon, god bless
Buy for now
Derfel
XX
i recently met this guy about 3 weeks ago and weve hung out and talked on the phone once about 4 times n im pretti sure he likes me but im not totalli sure hes 19 and im 16 and hes mentioned sumthing b4 about him being older but he still hangs out with me n talks to me n stuff we went to the movies the other night and he like flirted with me n everything n bought my ticket but he didnt hold my hand or anything and wen he dropped me off at my house he was just like well ill talk to u online or sumthing n then hes like well if ur on and im like yeah bye i was just wondering if u thin he likes me or not
Well he certainly likes you as a friend, a good friend - if he likes you as anything more, theirs only one way to find out. If you want my honest opinion I get the feeling he does! Perhaps he's worried about the age gap and thinks you'll find him too old. Or perhaps he's just like you and not sure how you feel. If you like him - you make the first more. Sometimes in life you've got to follow your instinct and take the chance.
Good luck
Buy for now
Derfel
X
Ok i dont no what to do i have this guy friend that has been my friend for over 2 years and i really like him alot more then just a friend but i no if i ever told him i like dhim then just a friend he would freak out and i dunno what he would do but i still want our friendship to be there and i feel if i tell him that i like him he wont talk to me or something
Hi darling,
I can appreciate how difficult the choice is. What I will say to you is - if you really like him as more than a friend and your really certain of that: go for it! Sometimes in live you've got to take the chance or you'll spend forever saying 'what if'.
Good Luck!
Buy buy just now
Derfel
X
Ok.. I'm 18/f and my b/f of 2 and a half years moved to Georgia 5 weeks ago. He said he was doing it to ''grow up'' and to make sure his feelings for me were real. Well, he tells me he still loves me and wants to be with me, but when I try to get him to come back home..he won't. Do you think it's cause he is testing me, or because he wants me to leave him alone? Thanks!!
think he is being a Dick head! Sorry to be blunt but he's messing you about, you have to hang on for him while he fucks about shutting you out of his life. Its not fair on you. Its up to you if your going to put up his attitude or not but I would advise you give him a short, sharp shock and get rid of him. You deserve someone better.
Buy for now
Derfel
X
Hey im bisexual and me and my girl have been together for a year as of Aug 15th. Well she is REALLY good friends with my guy cousin Micheal. They went to middle school together and crap. Well she says shes in love with me..and i love her to death but theres one problem. My cousin likes her and she likes him. And it kinda hurts me because Im scared that one day im gonna loose her over him. I really love her. But i dont know what to do. I cry every night because it hurts to see him doing this to me. They flirt like crazy. And when she gets offline she writes him this long ass paragraph on how she loves him and shell miss him..bla bla but when she says bye to me all she says is i love you bye. Is it right? What do i do? PLEASE help me..
Ash
Hi Ash,
You want the blunt as a spoon truth? - sounds as if your probably right and you soon may have to face your ex and your cousin as an item. Theirs nothing you can do about it, if its meant to work out between you it will and if it isn't it won't. I'm not saying it'll be easy for you, I know how you'll feel but have the self respect to conduct your self in a dignified manor. I would suggest you confront your girl friend now, don't cause a seen - just explain how you feel and tell her if she wants your cousin to go ahead, if she's confused about what she wants to say so now. At least that way you'll know. Of course their is always the possibility that your over reacting, that their just good friends and that she's in love with you. Whether you act now or hide your head in the sand, sooner or later your going to find out.
Good Luck and god Bless
Derfel
X
ok well im 14 and a girl and ive been goin out w/ this boy for awhile now and i love him more than anything and hes so awesome and nice to me and cracks me up all the time!!!! but he has this friend logan that keeps talkin to me and like every1 knows he likes me and i like him but just as a friend!! just as a friend!!! hes so freakin halarious and is funny but sometimes he talks to me infront of my bf and i think my bf is startin to think i like logan more than him but i dont and i cant be mean and tell logan hey stop hangin out w/ me u kno!!! i mean i dont wanna make my boifriend mad at me cuz i like him more than any1 ever and then i also cant be mean to my friend logan wat the hell do i do im so confused this sucks!!!! plz help plz help!!!
Talk to your boyfriend and explain your just friends, ask if he has any worry's and address them. Your allowed to have as many male friends as you want and your boy friend has to Appreciate that. The foundation of any relationship must be trust - and if your relationship is going to work he has to trust what you tell him is true.
Good luck, buy for now
Derfel
X
ok this is the same person who wrote the question about how i dont know how to tell my mom i have a boyfriend.....well she caught us together.(we werent doin nething but we sat close)...well i went for a walk and he met up wit me so we made out then sat next to each otha watchin the sun set...when my mom pulls up and asked me if i was ok and asked who was that kid sittin next to me....i told her he'd fallen off his bike and was hurt so i just sat and talked to him......she gave him a ride home but still didnt think of me likin him........now i definatly cant tell her bc now shes gonna think i go for walks everyday just to see him....now how do i tell her that i have a boyfriend?
Hi,
Oh dear who's been telling lies? -YOU. Do you not realise when you post your question the date AND TIME you posted it appear. Now the first question was posted at 1.12PM and the second at 1.38PM and you might have and time to leave your computer, take a walk, meet with your boy friend, make out with him, meet your mom, give your boy friend a lift home and return to your computer to write question all in 26 minuets BUT you certainly could NOT sat and watched the son go down between those two times in the middle of the afternoon. So come on lets hear your explanation, your excuses. I can't understand why you would lie about something like that unless of course your just desperate to have a boy friend and DON'T.
Derfel
yesterday i told *him* i liked him. after i was finished talking, *he* said "cool." then nothing happened, and i had to go to the bus. ok, yeah, so my question to you is...how, on monday, can i bring this up again with him without sounding awkward/pathetic/desperate. he's my friend, i have lunch with him, and he rides my bus, if that helps.
Hi,
Don't worry about how it sounds just bring it up and ask him for a date. If he said "cool" when you'd finished telling him how you felt, I think that's a pretty definite indication that he likes you too. Just go for it....
Good luck
Buy for now
Derfel
X
My x still likes me and i like him bac but the thing is my parents are like " Your not that serous in relation ships" I know i am and i dont know how to prove it to them?? Can any1 tell ma how ta cuz i love this guy to death
Hi,
For some reason some people (especially parents) seem to think theirs an age limit on falling in love. You know differently. Unfortunately you can't really prove anything to you parents in the short term so the best thing you can do is just ignore their unhelpful comments and concentrate on your relationship. That fact that you may have 'serious' relationships is a sign that your growing up and parents don't like to think of their 'precious little children' growing up, but its a fact they inevitably have to accept.
Good luck and all the best for the future
Derfel
X