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what should i do?
Hey-i was reading through your column and i really liked the advice you were giving so i was wondering if you could help me out with a situation i have:
alrite so beginning of this year (i was still a junior in high school) i met a guy (a senior in high school who's now a freshman in college) through my best friend's boyfriend and one nite after all 4 of us hanging out i ended up hooking up with him. When it started out, neither of us was looking for a relationship, i was just looking to gain experience so i figured it was a great idea. Long story short-i went pretty far with him and got attached-towards the end of the school year we found out we both really liked each other, we went to prom together and were hooking up monogamously for about 4 months but he never asked me out-finally middle of summer he said he didn't wanna lead me on but he really didn't want a gf when he was gonna be leaving for college in a month-i told him i understood but naturally i was heartbroken. So i didn't see him the rest of the summer, i've just heard stories about him hooking up with other girls which killed me...literally but i finally finally got over him (its been a long long road). Anyways he's back for thanksgiving break and i haven't gotten play in awhile-so this friday we are getting together-im really worried cuz when i see him i don't know if i will have the strength to turn down hooking up with him, but i definitely know i don't have the strength to get over him again-at the same time....i desperately need play LOL. What do u think i should do?!?!
thanks
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Hi darling,
You clearly really like this guy and to be honest it sounds to me as if he really likes you too. Your right not to want to hook up with him for a ‘one night kinda thing’ you’ve just got over him and you know that would put you back to square one. There are a few practical things you could do to stop that happening. Find a nice boy to ‘play’ with before you meet him….lol…… or take a friend with you or meet in a café or some place you couldn’t hook up. But the thing is hear is have you ever told him how you feel – you haven’t, it may be he was running away from his feelings because he didn’t want to go to college leaving his gf behind. Hearing how you feel about him may change every thing. In these situations I always say follow your hart not your head - go for it. However something you have to consider first, if you did have a relationship with him you would have to be Able to trust him while he’s away ay college. Weather or not you could do that and if he’s worthy of that trust is your decision. Good look babe and let me know what happens.
Buy for now
Derfel xx
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Hey! Haha well..if play means what I think it does..then haha you don't really need to use him for it. But anyways..that summer it seemed like he didn't really want to be with you =/ because if it really was because of not wanting a g/f during the summer..he obviously had a few. I suggest of course seeing him, and then see how it goes from there..first ask if he has a girlfriend and all that good stuff! Sorry I tried my best! Good luck and hope I helped!
-- Taliaa --
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Hey i'm so sorry this is late! But still if I was you I would try as hard as I could not too hook up with him. Being in collage he probably was with girls, mabye a lot of them. If you did hook up with him, you'll probaby have a harder time getting over him. To me from what your seeing, no offence this is just my opinion, but all he seems to want is sex. He hasnt had relationships, but sex. And since you didnt see him all summer (mabye didnt even talk to him) you should deff. forget about him as hard as it is. Because you could get a guy who would go out with you and care a lot more about you than he did, and you could still hook up lol. A lot of times when girls have played or hooked up with a guy they like him a lot more just because of that. Hanging out with other guys and going out with other ones will help you forget about him more easy. I hope everything went okay. And I'm so sorry I coudlnt get back to you about this before friday! Good luck with everything, hope i helped a bit lol. Byez
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Let's look at what you've essentially said: you don't want to be heartbroken and have to get over him all over again, but you also don't know if you have the strength to say no when you see him. The obvious conclusion to me is that you need to not see him until you can be sure that you'll resist temptation, or you are going to have your heart broken again and you deserve better than that.
You deserve somebody who wants what you want, and who likes you as much as you like them. Don't waste time and heartache on a guy who can't or won't give you what you want. It's hard to go without for a long time, but you'll feel a lot better having resisted him than if you do. Good luck and all the best.
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heY! thanx bY the way! bUt ne ways... uMmm i totally know what u mean!! buT you know that you guys aren't going to have a relationship... and u mentioned that it took u forever 2 get over him and that it killed you 2 hear he was hooking up with other girls... ahhh i've been in this situation before... kinda... but thats beside the point... yea u really don't want 2 get hurt like u said.. but yet again u dont want 2 turn him down. chances r hes just gonna be lookin 2 hook up and myabe thats what u wanna do 2... but dont want 2 experience everything again. aHhH oMg... this is hard. the best and most obvious answer is dont go for it... and turn him down... but if u actually put urself in the situation... its hard! so i personally wouldnt want 2 feel like crap again... so i dont think i could go for it.... but even just thinking about him after he leaves is gonna make u feel like crap 2... u dont wanna regret NoT hooking up with him... if u havent gotten any in a while... u dont have 2 worry about that... i'm sure theres lines of guys at ur school hoping for a hookup with u... ur have 2 consider how ur gonna feel when u leave and realize that hooking up is gonna be all for u guys... and hearing him hook up with more girls when he leaves is gonna kill u more... i dont really have a 100% answer... bt take all that into consideration... it sounds better if u guys just remain friends... but in reality... its kinda up 2 u! good luck with this! and im me sometime or drop 1 in my box and let me know how it goes! i hope i helped!
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Well,I know how that feels.You go into it thinking you won't catch feelings but you do.I would look at it like this:what's more important to you? Physical gratification,or having to deal with the emotional mess after he's gone home? I know how it is when you find that one guy that you just can't seem to say no to,no matter how much your gut is telling you "say no...say no...SAY NO!!"Haha! I think if you really have that strong of feelings for him,or at least enough that the possibility of falling for him all over again is still there,you shouldn't risk your own emotional health and happiness.If you feel that you're strong enough to handle the fact that he will have to just leave after this,and you feel that you're mentally in the right place to deal with it,then be safe and go for it!Haha! ;) But I think you should think of your emotional well-being first,and base any other decisions on that! I hope this helps you out some!!It's hard to put to words what I'm trying to say...I hope I did a good enough job!Hehe! And thank you for the compliments,I appreciate it!!Best of luck,and let me know how you're doing!:)
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Wow, yeah, you're definately going to feel your feelings for him rise to the surface again as soon as you see him. You "got over him" because it's been a while, but it doesn't erase what once was. It only dissipated, the emotions needed some place to go so they settled, but they are still there, just burried. So, be prepared to feel again, but I would say, go ahead and enjoy yourself. I know it hurts when it's over, I know this feeling all too well, but actually, in my experience I've learned to get used to getting over things when I have no choice to. Like I'm sure you've heard the saying it's kind of along the lines of "It's better to have loved than to never have loved at all." Definately, if the night is feeling right and everthing seems to be going so good, don't fight it. Some things start off slow and this could be the beginning of something wonderful, even though it seems like an eternal road with nothing at the end, take the time to check out the scenery along the way and you could find yourself at a great place in the end. There's definately going to be bumps along the way (a few girls on his part) when the road is long, but it's really unimportant and irrelevant to what is important: The fact that you two obviously like being with each other when you get to be. Nothing wrong with that. Now I don't know how far away his college is or whatever, but maybe you two could work something out, not serious because of his not wanting g'friend strain mixed in with school, but at least some keep in touch as friends kinda thing. Talk to him about it. You've known each other for a while now (off and on) but you should be able to talk about it. Let me know how it goes after Friday night!! Also, I appreciate your compliment on my advice giving. It's just that I enjoy it so I put my heart into it and it comes out good, (and very long because my answers are thorough if they need to be). Okay, have some fun 2morrow night and go ahead and enjoy the boy toy. As for the strenght you think you might not have, you don't need it. The time spent with him is more important. The soul craves things to long for, so you won't be able to help it. I hope I helped enough:)
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hmm.. lets see- well first of all he was an ass for leading you on all that time, and then not wanting a relationship afterwords, but i can kinda see his point bc u guys wont always be like side by side as much as u would like. if u really want some from him then u should go for it! just make it a one night stand!! but if u think u will get heartbroken and too attached, i think u need to find another guy whu is actually looking for a gf and some play at the same time :) u just need to decide which ones more import. to u. hope i helped!
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Well your in a sticky stich!! On the one hand you could totally hook up with him for play but that could leave you heartbroken again or you could totally not hook up and give yo uthe wondering "what ifs" and obviously not getting a piece! Ok I would say see if he calls you first, ya know to see if he is at all interested? And obviously if you guys hooked up and broke up because he was going away to school (totally understandable) and he hooked up after you it wasnt because he wanted to hurt you he probably just wanted a piece and knew where to find it. But what you should do is see if he calls you first and see if he makes an effort to see you or talk to you maybe you could try and talk with him and say that (if you actually do want a piece) then you two can hook up for thanksgiving just on a sexual basis, so then you kind of remind yourself that you shouldnt let feelings get involved! (which can be soo hard!!) So basically its up to you now, you can hook up with him and keep reminding yourself that its just sexual, like maybe afterwards just remind yourself that it was totally just friends hooking up for some play, helping each other out, doing a ...sexual favour? haha :P Or you could put strength in your words and turn him down because then you wont have this sticky situation when he comes home for Xmas...new years.. If it were me I would try to find my deepest strength and turn him down because just think in a couple of weeks he'll be back and you'll be in a deeper trouble cause he'll be home for longer.... hmmm I hope i helped!
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I'm glad you like my advice! I'll do my best to help you. Lessee...
If I were you, I would not hook up with him again this friday. You went too far with him the first time and ended up attached - always a risk when hooking up with someone you're not in a relationship with (even if you do end up in a relationship). But you know that. I can understand that you "need play", lol - but think about it. If you hook up with him again, you'll prob'ly get reattached. I mean, I would. You have to have willpower in this situation. You may really want to hook up with him, but think about the affects it could have on you after the fact. You might have to get over him all over again. That was hard enough the first time, wasn't it?
I had the experience of having to get over someone twice. That wasn't fun. He broke up with me, broke my heart. We sort of half got back together again, and then he went "Hmm...nah." and broke it off completely. It sucked.
Just get together with him, talk to him, have a nice chat, catch up...but I wouldn't hook up.
If you're so intent on hooking up, though, you'll have to remind yourself the whole time that this is nothing, and that you're not going to get attached...however, realize that that might not work.
I don't mean to squish your hopes or anything, lol...but I really wouldn't hook up and risk myself the pain of more heartbreak/missing him/having to get over him all over again.
If you need/want more help, you can contact me again, or IM me (SirenCytherea) or e-mail me (DemonIre1024@hotmail.com), if you want. I'm on line pretty much every night.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)
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Awww thank you so much, that is such a sweet compliment!
It's so hard when someone who you just got over comes back because your unsure of what to do. This happened to me before with an ex-boyfriend and I think I handled it very well. But I have a few questions for you. Do you know for sure that he wants to hook up with you? And do you want to hook up with him again?
If you don't want to hook up with him, you have to find your strength. You definitely have strength because you are a strong girl for getting over it. It takes me like 4 years! Haha. I would personally ask myself if I'm that desperate that I would hook back up with him. Heres my opinion: if you choose to start seeing him again and end up doing it, you could become severly depressed and the cycle will start over again. If he still doesn't want a relationship and you're still attracted to him it will lead you into getting your heart broken again. I believe that everyone should deserve the best out of life. If you want to find somebody, find someone who will love you and not confuse you. You'll become so happy! Trust me.
I don't think he is really sure of what he is doing either. He's confusing you a lot, and you don't need all of that confusement. When he comes back try to keep it on a friend level. If you notice he has become more sure of what he wants you'll know what to do. If he seems interested and tells you that he does wanta relationship then you should go for it. If he doesn't I don't think you should put yourself through all of that shit again.
Don't worry, there's a lot of hott guys out there! ;D Try to find new guys and start a new relationship. Sometimes you just got to move on. And that is one of the hardest things in life. But you'll be okay and you can get through this. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!! Try to make the best out of an awkward event. Love ya! Take care of yourself and do what will make YOU happy and stay that way!
Love,
Mandee
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well look i know how tempting it is to turn down hooking up with a guy you've had feeling for once..but all u gotta do is try hard nd control those feeling cause i know your not defintely ready to go through the same heartbreak again...maybe its best you dont go out and chill wit him unless u know you can control those feelings...let him know first how you feel if you about to hook up be like if he really serious about you or if its one of your game and if its one of his game hes is trying to play tell him that you dont wanna be part of that trust me it be better cause i know how it feels you wont want to through getting over him cause i had suttin similar happen to me i fell head over heels over a guy again but he was just wanted a booty call and i wasnt up for that..all it build up was false hope... hope this helps rate me plz!
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