AuntieEm's advice column | AuntieEm's Advice About Love Life

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Q: I've always had bad luck with guys, but somehow I have a "guy friend" that I've known for almost 5 years now. We used to have a thing but he's made it clear that he's not interested in me. I've always had feeling for him and that's never going to change. Lately we've been flirting and bordering on friends with benefits. Part of me thinks it's a good idea and another thinks I might get hurt. I'm realistic with myself and our lack of a future, but should I even risk getting hurt? Any opinions from someone that has been in this situation would help.

i;ve done the same thing you are about to do.
more than once.

trust me. i made a mistake.
you WILL get hurt.
friends with benefits usually (almost always) ends with SOMEONE getting hurt.
someone ends up likeing someone else; and getting a girlfriend/boyfriend
or the one that that person likes hates that they would do the FWB thing...
or person A starts to like person B

and the fact you have a history with him; and still have feelings for him; is 100% PROMISE you WILL get hurt.
It may seem like a good idea; because you still get to be physically 'with' him; but it still is gonna hurt like hell

my advice would be dont do it.
you will get hurt.
you might think now you wont; you that you wont get hurt; but it's going to happen.
I know it's hard to resist; but TRUST me.
it's for the best.

let me know if you need ANYTHING else

Q: What does it mean when a guy is completely infatuated with you & then all of a sudden cools off & doesn't even show an interest anymore but says he still likes you?

he might be playing hard to get.
I dont know the guy or the whole situation to say for sure though.

It could mean a lot of things.
Playing you hot and cold.
Because it always seems we want what we cant have.
So he is interested; you arent.
He suddenly isnt interested; which makes him more intreging (sp?!)
And saying he still likes you so you know you have a chance; means he isnt the best at it haha

I would say just talk to him (IF and only IF you like him too...if not it shouldnt matter)
Just talk to him and tell him you like him and wanna hang out or something lol

Ask back if you need more help!
AuntieEm

Q: Ok this question is going to be kind of deep, so here goes. When I was 14 I lose my virginity to my first love. I'm 19 now and married to another man. My first love, Tim, and I have been on and off since I was 14. No matter what we always seem to find a way back to each other. The problem is, I have been married now almost 2 years to this other man. BUT I still find myself thinking (alot) about my first, Tim. I don't know if I am in love with him still, or what. I am so confused. Everytime we bump into one another it's like that spark never left. Please help asap.

you will always have that one person you will ALWAYS love and have feelings for.

Even if you aren't like; in love with them anymore; you still love them.
It's just how it is with love.
That means that is it true...

The fact that their is a spark still just proves it was true; and you both will always care about each other.
But obviously you were in love enough to marry someone else..

Even if you move on; you dont 100% get over it. And you never forget your first love; or any love for that matter. And the fact that you lost your virginity to him makes it even stronger.

there is nothing wrong with still thinking about Tim; it gets wrong if you ACT on those thoughts.
You are married and cheating is really really bad (which i'm sure you know)

You have nothing to worry about. You still care about him and as time goes on you will think about him less and less. But it will take time...

I hope everything works out.
Ask back if you need it.

Q: so yeah there is this guy at my school. and i'm pretty sure he liked me a lot! he looked at me like he's in love. everytime his friends saw me they winked at eachother. and he smiled at me a lot 2. i admit i always ignored him cause thats just the way i am but I think THATS what made me interesting or whatever on the last day of school he smiled AGAIN.
but now since half term is over he kinda ignores me. his friends don't say anything anymore. they just walk pass me. well in the last couple of days i looked at him but i didn't smile or anything like that. i dunno whats up with him. and now i act like i don't care again cause i'm a bit ambarressed. but i really like him and i don't get him lately. it's so weird!
what is he thinking?

help?

thx

it's possible that with all the "playing hard to get" he got discouraged and moved on...

the only way to tell for sure is talk to him

cause he might be tryin to "i dont care" act too

Q: okay okay, just a few hours ago me and my homegirls went to a game and we went for a walk outside but it got too cold so we sat in my homies boyfriends car...well when we were in there it was just me,my 2 homegirls,one of my homies boyfriend,and his friend. so anyways we were playing truth or dare and i picked dare...then all of a sudden i was making out with a guy i hardly knew. he had a girlfriend but i didnt even kno...but kno he was telling my homies he wants to kno me more but im still feel bad for his chick..my questions are.

should i give him a chance?

is it bad that our teeth touched eachother when we kissed?

please answer

NO NO NO NO NO!
do NOT give him a chance.
If he is cheating on his girlfriend there is no saying he wont do the exact same to you.
Boys who are cheaters are always bad news

as for the teeth thing...it's not nesciarrly bad...sometimes it just happens ha

Q: what will get rid of hickies fast?

okay this will hurt but i find it works the best...

get two spoons; put on in the freezer

while the one is freezing; take the other one and push the like popped out end against the hickey; your thumb in the dip part (where the food goes...) and push hard on it; turn the spoon while pushing
it hurts ALOT but it gets the blood flowing
do that for like 15 minutes;
then get a comb and comb over it for about a minute
wait like two minutes; go get the spoon from the freezer and do what you did with the other one...
then repeat with the comb

let it alone for like an hour and it should be gone or a lot less red/swollen and such...

if it's still there wait a few hours and do it again
you have to give it time to go away and show results of the reddness being gone and such

Q: I have been married for 8 years. My husband and I have grown distant over the past 2 years. I started sleeping with someone which I don't believe in, and still can't believe I did it. I fell in love with this other man and he is the father of my newborn. I still love my husband and do not want to hurt him, but I do not want to hurt the other man either. I believe in God and that he doesn't believe in divorce, and the roots of this are so deep now. I would be happier with the other man, but does that matter at this point?

yes your happiness matters.
if you are happier with that man; then be with him.
Even if you know 100% that the other is the father; you still need to get a paternaty test just to be sure.

because the only way to be 100% sure unless the baby is another race (a.e. you and your husband are white; the baby is african american) then you cannot tell other then not having sex with your husband for a long time; in which case im pretty sure he would know it's not his.

God may not believe in divorce; but he does forgive.

You need to talk to your husband and the other man and find out for sure who's child this is. If you'd be happier with the other man, be with him.

I know this is going to be hard. My mother; sad to say; went through the same thing. She was married to my older sister's father; met my dad; had an affiar that resulted in my big brother. She left her husband; married my dad; and had me. It will be hard but you will get through this.

honesty is the most important thing and you have to find out ( i cannot stress this enough) exactly who's father it is.

Good luck with everything. and if you need ANYTHING feel free to ask back.

Q: i told the guy i like that i like him, he said he likes me too!

we might be hanging out at his house tomorrow...what are some fun activities that arent too cliche, but that wont be awkward? im not talking about kissing or anything else yet, soo yeah.

hes kinda shy and yeah

just hang out; watch t.v. or a movie; play video games and that kinda stuff

what ever you would normally do with a group of friends; just less of you. sit next to him on the couch though...too much distance can make it awkward..but so can too close lol...

just sit next to him; talk with him; have fun.

you both know one-another likes each other so the hardest part is over (wow i couldnt have said that anymore confusing haha)

Q: I like a guy he is a blonde surfer type of guy. most of my freinds who are black all tell me that surfer guys only like whit girls with blonde hair and as i am colored they said he would never in a million years go out with me. Are they telling the truth?

it really depends on the guy.
i dont think that it's as big of an issue as it has been in the past; but it really depends on the guy and the area you live in...

like where i like; there is a lot of different cultures; and inter-racial couples are perfectly normal and i (15/white girl) have dated black guys; as well as i have white guy friends who have dated black girls; so really it depends on the guy...

if you like him; go for it!

ask back if you need anything :]

AuntieEm

Q: this guy and I have been talking for a while. We have gotten real close and he asked me out today.

Okay, that's all good until he said 'Love you'
and that he wanted to kiss me.

How do I tell him that I want to slow down?

I'm used to waiting months for a first kiss.

I may be old fashion.. is this how relationships are .. nowadays?

I want to say it in the nicest way so he doesn't get embarrassed.. because I think.. he might take it as rejection. "No, I don't want to kiss you."

tell him that it's too fast; and that you arent comfortable with the "i love you's" yet; because it takes a lot to actually love someone (and that he doesnt NEED to say it yet)

i know a lot of people who do the "i love you's" just cause they are in a relationship and it bugs the crap out of me; so i get what you mean lol...

just tell him you need to slow down; and be sure to tell him it's not because you dont like him or that you dont want to be with him; you just arent ready. (or used to it moving so fast)

Q: ok so like. i like this guy and well today my friend told him..again. lol and hes liek i dont believe it. and my friends liek what? and hes liek i dont believe it that she likes me. and shes liek but she does! and hes liek no she doesnt and shes like why do you think that? and hes like because she likes my friend "richie". ok. what do i do know?!? i dotn like richie i liek him!

just go up and tell him yourself; none of this your friend says to him stuff. if you want him to know; let him know!

and next time please check the grammar :]

if you need anything else ask back :]

edit-------

just be natural with him; sit next to him; flirt; be yourself; and if it feels right touch his hand or is leg or something. just be calm and confident. he knows you like him; so the hardest part is already over :]
have fun on the trip!

Q: I realized, I flirt a lot, with just about EVERY guy in my school..and i have a boyfriend..what are some ways that I could stop flirting.. I feel bad.. but sometimes I can't help it..i'm a natural flirt..thanks.

okay; first off; the previous answer was way rude...

anyway. i get the whole natural flirt thing; i am too; i do it w/o realizing it sometimes...

something to do to stop; tell a girl friend you trust and have her tell you if you are getting too flirty/touchy feely with other guys

and a quick question for you; do you want to stop because you realized it or did your boyfriend say it makes him jealous or something?

Q: okay so theres this guy.. and i like him. i talk to him bacically every day, but sometimes we have awkward silences. i dont like them.

like i cant talk to a guy. you know? its really hard. like ill be talking to this guy and it will go like this

me-hey
him-hey
---awkward silence
him-did you do your math homework(okay he asks this question like every day, but its about different subjects)
me-oh crap! (i get out my book)
(i do my homework)
--awkward silence
me-did you win your game last night?
him-no
me-who'd you play
him-saint paper of pens(fake name..duh :])
me-aww..whens your next game?
him-next friday
--awkward silence

okay so thats how it goes. i dont think he likes me that much, but i really want him to..yeahh..heres how another conversation went::

[[okay im telling a really long story..and i just ended it]]
me-hhaha
him-haha i was counting the times you said "and i was like" and it was 52 times!
--awkward silence

so yeah thats my story
how do you talk to a guy?
hellppp meeee :]

talk to him how you would any other guy friend; that way it wont be awkward...

i know that sounds hard; but it's not.

also; think before you speak.

haha well first off; dont worry about it too much...

so dont sweat it and be yourself.

for example; if you are talking about whatever sport he plays; say "maybe i can come to your next game? cheer you on :]"

and with the long story thing and the "like"
i have actually had a guy say that to me when i told him a story over the phone (my count was like 40 in 15 minutes or something haha)
just be like "haha shut up!"

dont be afraid to joke around with him.

do you have guy friends you talk to? well treat it the exact same way! and remeber that guys are just as nervous as us talking to girls; i have plenty of guy friends that have told me so

Q: There is this guy I really like, and he told my friend he likes me too. I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can turn him from a guy friend to a boyfriend? and PLEASE don't say "ask him out" or "hang out with him" because I know that. I want suggestions on waht kind of things to do or say or whatever. we also have the same lunch @ school.

you have lunch together?
okay, then invite him to sit with you
or go sit with him and his friends.
get to know him
ask him to chill one-on-one.
just talk with him.
flirt like crazy.
sit close with him

good luck! keep me posted! :)

Q: 13/F

Okay, I just starting going out with my amazing boyfriend, (who just happens to be my best friend's ex, but she knows and she's not mad)and we went to the movies last night, and had an incredible night. We kissed, we told each other we loved each other, and pretty much everything else. He tried to make out with me the whole movie, but after I got my point across that I wasn't going to make-out with him the whole movie, he finally stopped, and we just held hands, cuddled, and flirted. I thought he was going to stop liking me because I didn't want to continue as far as he wanted me to, but he called me after our date, and we only talked for a few minutes. Now, here's the thing: I told my best friend (his ex) about our date, and all she could tell me was that everything he said and did was only a game to try to get in my pants. I believe her, but I really like him. (I would never give in to having sex with him, though) So, is there any advice anyone could give me on how to deal with this whole situation?
Thanks so much!

P.S. And he's definitely not as perverted as he seems, he's actually very nice.

she might just be jealous
but you never know.
if you know you would never give into it, dont stress it.
if he tries to pressure you, do what you did before at the movie
talk to him about it and tell him you arent ready (if he pressures you. not just randomly out of the blue or he will be like wtf?!)

so good luck! ask back if you need :)

Auntie Em

Q: OK this is the hardest thing i have ever been through.. :( and i have never felt this way about someone before..we have been through so much and shared so many good memories..well the story goes like this...
A girl comes out of nowhere and starts flirting with my bf of 9 months on myspace. They wind up hanging out at a football game with friends and he tells me he has some feelings for her. This was heartbreaking. However..i wanted to work it out with him so when he suggested 'open relationship' as in he dates her(not go out) and maybe kisses/hugs her and i agreed to this and to still be with him. I decided it wasnt fair to me..because we had 9 months..i dont desserve this and it hurts..so i break up with him..He says he loves me and sees a future with me as in marriage..that it wont get serious with the new girl but how am i supposed to know? (i mean he might go out with her he says..what do i do then?)They are hanging out more..they call each other..shes driving me nuts with her shoutouts to him and comments..and hes putting her shoutout in his info..its just too much and it breaks my heart. I dont know what to do..isolate myself from him..like not talk to him or hang out or anything so he makes a choice? (like if hes away from me maybe he will miss me..or maybe he will decide he wants her) Or do i be his friend? do i kiss him still and cuddle? i really want to..but this is very hard for me. Hes a sweetheart though. he told me everything..he was honest about her..and we made an agreement that he tells me everything and he has. they were talking together by the lake..they might go to the movies tomorro..i flip flop back and forth though..be his friend and hang out/talk/cuddle/kiss him...but sometimes i feel so sad and hurt i feel like i should back away completely. what do i do? is this worth the wait?

just tell him that you cant have this "open relationship" crap.
its basically him wanting to cheat.
And he might be content with FWB (friends with benifits, or what you called kissing buddy)
but you cant be that
TRUST ME. ive done it. Justing being a guys hook up when you like/love them
hurts so much more than being nothing
its like, lower than friends.
so just tell him the truth
it hurts that he wants to be with her and yet says he loves you. it isnt fair to you, and you honestly need him to chose.
be careful though, and know there is a chance he will say he doesnt want a serious thing, or that he wants to be with her.
but trust me, having it all clear, will help in the long run.
think about it, not knowing what is happening sucks.

i hope it all works out. if you needed ANYTHING else, just ask back :)

AuntieEm

Q: i really like this girl and i think she kinda likes me back but i'm too scared to ask what should i do???

get over being scared.
love/life is all about taking risks.
so take one. you never know.
if you wait too long, she could move on.
you will never know how she feels unless you take it upon yourself.

good luck. and if you need anyother help, just lemmy know :)

Auntie Em

Q: 16, female.

tonight my friend had a little bonfire for her bday! and well this kid ive liked on and off for about 5 months was there. he's actually her neighbor. we've been pretty good friends for awhile and well now he has a a girlfriend of about 4 months. well me and him still flirt KIND OF, not as bad as before he had a girlfriend but then to me its flirting but to him or others it might not be. like me and a couple guys were throwin the football around and me and him (matt) were at one end, in the dark and we were kinda close and when they guys would throw it hard at me on purpose he would like jump in front to try and save me and he would always give me the ball because i wanted to throw it, but he would pass it off to me. but he wouldnt hand it to me he would like kind of hug me from behind and then give the ball to me. and then he was sayin i liked this guy that i madeout with but really i dont! long story..anyways he knew that i was getting angry with him but he knew that i would just punch him or run after him or like hit him in the stomache so he kept doing it and each time he would grab my hand and smile. also when we would sit by the fire he was sitting next to me and i looked at him and then he like took his hand and tapped it on my face/chin :] i dont know if you know what im talking bout! but then he took my purse and was holding it and was looking through it and saw i had my school pictures and he looked at it and then took one

allrighty...a tad long, but you look like you need some help here, bad.
the guy has a girlfriend? i'd distance myself.
well, now i would...i was in a smiliar situation this past year and it nearly killed me.
We'd flirt non-stop, he kept telling me he was gonna break up with his girlfriend, then that he loved her oh-so-much. long story short, we made out, they stayed together, she found out, they broke up, she, and our entire grade HATED me. and i STILL didnt get the guy.

so just be careful...i know you are all happy and smily, but think of when you are at home...you are sad and you miss him. but he is most likely out with his girl. Plus, any guy that is doing all that when he has a girlfriend, shouldnt be in a relationship, and this will sound harsh since it is typed, not said, but why if you two got together wouldnt he do it to you?
think about that for a bit...

and i know you said you dont wanna talk to him, but you need to. you need to clear the air and figure things out, TRUST ME, having it all be clear, makes EVERYTHING much simpler. i promise you.

I hope everything works out, and i can tell you really like this guy, so i hope it goes well. if you need any more help, just message me on here okay?
xoxo
Auntie Em :)

Q: 13/f/Tx
My boyfriend asked me if I was ready for him to kiss me. I've truthfully never kissed anyone before. He's taking me to the movies this weekend. He said if I was ready he wanted to kiss him there. I told him to talk to my cousin because she always knows everything, but he wants an answer from me. What do I do?

just tell him you have never kissed before and are nervous
but its nothing to be nervous about, espeically if he is your boyfriend.

if you honestly arent ready, tell him so. but if its just that your nervous, tell him that as well.

Good luck and happy kissing :)

bio

Hey! I'm Em, my friend Tori got one of these, so i decided to check it out, and got OBBESSED! i am always giving my friends advice, so please, ask away, and i will do my best to help!