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Very long but im desperate! thank you so muchhh
OK this is the hardest thing i have ever been through.. :( and i have never felt this way about someone before..we have been through so much and shared so many good memories..well the story goes like this...
A girl comes out of nowhere and starts flirting with my bf of 9 months on myspace. They wind up hanging out at a football game with friends and he tells me he has some feelings for her. This was heartbreaking. However..i wanted to work it out with him so when he suggested 'open relationship' as in he dates her(not go out) and maybe kisses/hugs her and i agreed to this and to still be with him. I decided it wasnt fair to me..because we had 9 months..i dont desserve this and it hurts..so i break up with him..He says he loves me and sees a future with me as in marriage..that it wont get serious with the new girl but how am i supposed to know? (i mean he might go out with her he says..what do i do then?)They are hanging out more..they call each other..shes driving me nuts with her shoutouts to him and comments..and hes putting her shoutout in his info..its just too much and it breaks my heart. I dont know what to do..isolate myself from him..like not talk to him or hang out or anything so he makes a choice? (like if hes away from me maybe he will miss me..or maybe he will decide he wants her) Or do i be his friend? do i kiss him still and cuddle? i really want to..but this is very hard for me. Hes a sweetheart though. he told me everything..he was honest about her..and we made an agreement that he tells me everything and he has. they were talking together by the lake..they might go to the movies tomorro..i flip flop back and forth though..be his friend and hang out/talk/cuddle/kiss him...but sometimes i feel so sad and hurt i feel like i should back away completely. what do i do? is this worth the wait?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Do NOT, i repeat DO NOT give him the satisfaction of you being there no matter what. He is blatantly disrespecting you, and you are allowing it. What you need to do is get over this jerk, and move on. You are worth more than that. would you let someone spit in your face, and continue to do so? NO! don't let this guy do this to you...
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I know you love him and it hurts but if he loved you he wouldn;t be seeing a nother girl. I know he thinks its only a friendship and nothing to worry about, but your his girlfriend and no other girl should be kissing him and that final. Don;t agree to that crap about only hugs and kisses, hes ur man and nobody elses.
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Ditch him! If he was in love with you then he would not want to hang out with/kiss/hug/etc with this other girl. You need to tell him straight up that it's either you, or the other girl, and it won't be both. You deserve way better than a guy who lies to you and messes around with other girls! I know it will be hard but you'll look back and know that you made the right choice.
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Well Well Well. Here is what I think. . .
This is complete BS. If you have to watch him go out with another girl, well kiss and stuff with anotehr girl that obviously means that he is not happy in this relationship.
I know you don't want to be hearing this but if you like him this much then msot of the time girls don't listen to waht they don't want to hear. If you like a guy this much you will just not let this good advice get to you and go on with this guy. DONT LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU. You shouldn't ahve to go through this, this is not a good solid relationship, if he loves you so much and is sure that he will end up with you then why does he have to ahng out with this other girl? Like, what is this a booty call? it's like your letting him knowingly cheat on you! That is SO NOT COOL. UMm obviosuly if he wants to go out with her you can't do anything. DONT GO OUT WITH HIM THEN. hes such a player iof he does that. I dont care if you really like him, hes such a sweetheart yada yada yada BS! guys are jerks and let you fall for them and then they drop you! they are worthless! Yuck! Especially this one! If i were you i would say buh-bye!
good luck and you deserve someone much better than this loser
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just tell him that you cant have this "open relationship" crap.
its basically him wanting to cheat.
And he might be content with FWB (friends with benifits, or what you called kissing buddy)
but you cant be that
TRUST ME. ive done it. Justing being a guys hook up when you like/love them
hurts so much more than being nothing
its like, lower than friends.
so just tell him the truth
it hurts that he wants to be with her and yet says he loves you. it isnt fair to you, and you honestly need him to chose.
be careful though, and know there is a chance he will say he doesnt want a serious thing, or that he wants to be with her.
but trust me, having it all clear, will help in the long run.
think about it, not knowing what is happening sucks.
i hope it all works out. if you needed ANYTHING else, just ask back :)
AuntieEm
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Back off from him, avoid him as well as you are able.
It's a good idea you have there. Oh yes, it will certainly hurt, but it's your intellect that is pushing that plan on you.
The situation he wants isn't working for you. Nothing is going to magically change and make an open relationship make you happy.
Both parties in the relationship, even an open one, must be happy in order for it to survive. It's very flattering that he sees a future with you, but if he sees that future as being with you and a parade of other women from time to time, you are well within your rights to say that isn't the future you want.
Tell him calmly and in a straightforward way that an open relationship is just not going to be okay with you. You wish it could be, because you still want to be with him and make him happy, but it just makes you miserable. If you donâ??t want to be his cuddle buddy, tell him that too. You sound like you are the kind of girl who wants to either be in a relationship or not, no dumb gray areas. I am exactly the same
You don't need to insist he choose between you and her. You don't need to bully or beg him. Just tell him how you feel and tell him that in order to properly move on you are not going to talk to him or hang out for a while, and then do it. Don't speak to him for at least three weeks. If he tries to contact you, don't respond to any calls or e-mails until that time is up. It will hurt like hell, but you will feel better at the end of it.
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It's so hard when you really are in love with someone and need to make decision to leave or forgive them because the mistake they made.
(this is for yourself, don't tell him you made this decision)Just be his friend. A very very close friend that hug and listen to each other. (no more kiss though......) Be there for him all the time.
(this is the part you tell him)He actually NEEDS to figure out who to choose to be his gf. It's great he loves you and wants to have furture with you, but not every time when another girls he has feelings with show up, then he can go out with them. (Even he's honest with you)
There's always going to be better persons than your other half show up on the road, but we all have to stick with the one we really love. (for example, spending future with it)
Don't give him away, if you really LOVE him.
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well it looks like you really like him and you shouldn't give him up easily. if he said he sees a future with you two and not her than he obviously likes you way more. if you are really open with him, tell him that you feel upset when he hangs out with her. even though you agreed it was ok for him to be with her, tell him that it isn't working out for you.
another option you can do is remind him what he said to about the future thing. tell him that if thats true then why are you with her and not me. remind him that you love him. he will probably say something comforting and possibly stop hanging with her. do that before you kiss him or cuddle etc.
i don't know what else to say, but good luck and i hope i helped
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To tell you the truth, you deserve better than this. You're right, if you just give him the affection he wants while he's getting the same from her, he'll be happy and you won't. He says he can see a future with you, he says he wants to marry you, yet still he wants to be able to go out with this other girl and kiss her? That's not on. You deserve a guy who will give you his full attention, a guy who has eyes only for you. A guy who wouldn't even consider being with another girl because he loves being with you so much. And he needs to realise very quickly that he can't treat girls this way. A commitment is a commitment. If he's been with you 9 months and wants to be with you forever, then its you and no-one else. If he wants to flirt with another girl and whatever, he can't have you. because as much as it hurts you now, and I know it really really does, I've been there, you can't let him stamp on your heart like this.
So, in my opnion, you need to tell him straight how you feel. Tell him what its doing to you to watch this. tell him that either he needs to make a commitment to you, be with you and you only, or be with her. Tell him that a guy who loves a girl and wants a future with her can't have another girl on the side. Imagine if you were married, would he think it was ok to see another woman like that? For instance, to take his secretary to the movies and kiss and cuddle her? Thats not how relationships work! If you guys do have a future together, he'll make that choice, he'll put you first, he'll leave her alone. If not, there's no way he's mature enoguh for a committed relationship, and, tough and painful as it is, you need to let go and move on.
Let me know what you do in the end, drop me a line if you need anything else. xxxxxx
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