Hi,
I have read the other answers given and they sound great, so I won\'t go into detail on the things that have already been said. Except that you decide what you want in life, no one else.

You\'re not a loser for wanting your first time to be with someone you love. It might feel like you\'re the only one like this, but there are plenty of people our age who think the same. It is just hard to see right now because you\'re surrounded by people who would rather have meaningless, love-less casual sex.

I am a 20-year-old female virgin, and I am never ashamed of it. People are shocked to hear I have never had sex because I am not religious, and not ugly. Whenever they ask why I am a virgin, I just say I have never met anyone I loved enough. I have never had a serious boyfriend for the same reason. I had a 1-month boyfriend in high school but all we did was kiss, he dumped me after I told him I don\'t want to have sex with him (LOL!). But imagine if I had had sex with him, during a time when all my friends were losing their virginity in high school. I would have regretted it to this day! Don\'t forget, guys can feel the same way, it is not just a girl thing.

Don\'t mistrust your decisions because of what other people are doing. You won\'t regret NOT catching a sexually transmitted infection, or accidentally getting a girl pregnant, believe me ;)

Hi,
This must be very difficult for you, as you feel like you two are connected.
I will be honest, if I were in your situation, I would not go back to him. He cheated for 6 years! That shows me that he is comfortable with and capable of lying, cheating, and hurting you for 6 years straight!
You say you know he cares, but to me it sounds like he doesn\'t care about hurting you.

On the other hand, you have to make the decision, not me. So you have to ask yourself; am I OK with being cheated on and lied to again? There is a possibility of it happening again, so think about it seriously before giving him another chance. If you\'re not OK with it, and you think it is not worth it, don\'t let him come back to you. Maybe you\'re more than he deserves.

Good luck

Hi,
It is hard for me to answer this question, because I have never been in a serious relationship. But I will give you the best advice I can.
I think you need to set boundaries and be truthful with your fiance, and ask him to be truthful with you. He has to know how it makes you feel when he wants to have sex with another woman. You see it as hurtful and cheating, but he sees it has acceptable during swinging.
Remember that your partner cheating on you or wanting to cheat on you is NEVER your fault. Don't blame yourself, it was his actions, and his mistake, not yours. You shouldn't feel like you have nothing to live for if he wants to sleep with other women, because you have your sons to live for, and it is your fiance who should feel bad, not you.
Are you getting different things out of swinging? Why do you do it, and why does he do it? You should discuss this with him. Ask him: why does he want to have sex with other women? Why does he want to go swinging? If it is because he doesn't love you any more, or doesn't want to be with you any more, I am sorry but he needs to go. You shouldn't waste your time with a man who doesn't love you and wants to be with other women, he will just hurt you.
When you set boundaries, you have to be clear - no sex with other women. But it also means you cannot have sex with other men. If you are going to expect one thing from your fiance, you have to do the same. You said that after you found out he was having sex, you started having sex with the other man. This gives him the idea that it is actually ok to have sex with other women. You need to set your boundaries stronger than that. If you found out he was having sex, you need to confront him, rather than try to get back at him by having sex with another man. That won't sort out anything.
If swinging is becoming too much of a problem, you need to stop. If you are worried he will have sex during swinging, you need to tell him this, and also tell him swinging needs to stop if he can't respect your 'no sex with other women' rule. This should already be a rule that he accepts anyway! If you are going to get married, he shouldn't be having sex with others, or wanting to have sex with others.
If your partner cannot respect your boundaries and be faithful to you, you might need to break up. Tell him, is it worth losing you? Is it worth having your sons see their parents fighting, seeing them break up? It would be very painful for the children. You need to stand up for you and your children. This also means thinking about the children with any choices you make. Is it ok to go swinging when you have kids? Is it ok to go swinging when you get married? Should you make your relationship more stable and mature after 7 years and two children, by stopping swinging? Also, if your partner won't agree to your boundaries, should you break up with him? Should you go to couples counselling?
I am worried that your partner is not very committed to you if he wants to cheat on you. It might be a good idea to consider couples counselling if your partner won't agree to your boundaries and if he won't be honest with you. Otherwise, your relationship could end. If he can't commit only to you while you are engaged, he won't be able to when you are married, and you might have to break up before you get married and would have to go through a divorce if he cheated on you.

Take a look at this web page on Dr. Phil's web site:

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/127

If you scroll down you will see 'If You Are Being Cheated On:'
It has some advice that might be useful for you, if your partner cheats on you and doesn't respect your boundaries and respect you.

In the end, I think these are the important things:
- Honesty: Tell each other how you feel, be honest if you cheat on each other. Try to understand how each other feel.
- Commitment: You need to agree on your level of commitment - Fully committed with no swinging, or swinging but not sex with others, or sex with others and swinging (open relationship). Will swinging continue when you are married?
- Respect: Respect boundaries, respect emotions, and respect your relationship - if you have a serious relationship you need to start respecting that, which means no messing around with other people. If it is too hard to stay faithful to each other because of swinging, then swinging might need to stop.

Good luck and message me if you need more help :)

Hi!
It is really important to remember that when you are young, it is hard to determine what your exact sexual orientation is. Even when you are 18, 19 or even in your 20's, (or sometimes 30's!) it might still be difficult. Like you said, you've got lots of time to figure it out.

You sound to me like you are bi-sexual, because you've said that you can be attracted to both guys and girls, and can want to kiss both, and do things with both.

But you also said that its different with girls because you want to spend time with them, and not with guys. Did you like the personalities of the girls you have been with in the past more than the guys? Obviously you'd want to spend more time with people who you actually get along with and like being with, whether they're a boy or a girl. Or is it that you want to spend more time with the girls because you find that you're more physically attracted to them? Like the physical attraction lasts longer?

Or there is also the possibility that you have trouble trusting guys, or accepting your feelings for guys. In your words you "push them away like it is nothing" - are you pushing them away LIKE it is nothing or because it actually IS nothing? By that I mean: are you treating it like nothing, refusing to admit that you like him, forcing yourself away from him, OR is it actually nothing, and you aren't attracted to him any more, and your feelings disappear quickly with guys? It is important to figure this out for yourself, because you might be pushing guys away for reasons other than a lack of physical attraction.

Good luck and inbox me if you need more help or need me to explain something I have said :)

Hi! I don't want to be too blunt, but 'love' is only love if they love you back. Its between two people. What you are experiencing is a very serious crush.
Now, you've said you already are friends and hug occasionally, which sounds to me like you are comfortable around each other.
If she is your friend, it means she already sees something good in you, which is worthy of friendship.
I read the other advicenator's answer, which is really good advice. Hanging out more to become closer is a good idea. However, you don't want to be "friend-zoned", so doing little flirty things like complimenting her will be an indication that you might have a crush on her. When I say complimenting, its things like "You look really nice today". If she is dressed up for a special occasion you say "Wow, You look beautiful!".
Its not doing creepy things like "You've got an amazing butt", or "I think about you all the time, you are the most incredible person in the world" and "I cry when I think about us never being together". That is coming on really strong and will definitely scare her. Its good to let her know you think of her by sending her a random text like "How was your day today?" or "I saw this _(something that she likes)__ and it reminded me of you :)"

Also, as you said, you can't MAKE her like you. If she doesn't like you, it will hurt and be crap, but it happens to everyone and you have to be strong and move on. There are a lot of girls out there, and you'll find one who appreciates you and loves you back.

Depression is very hard to understand. It is an illness just like any physical illness, and can run someone's life. This guy doesn't want a girlfriend because he knows it won't work out because of his depression.

I don't think you should get into a relationship with him. It is really difficult to be in a relationship with someone with depression. My best friend has it, and his ex-girlfriend didn't understand why he felt sad. They broke up because she didn't get it, and he didn't have the motivation to make things work.

Also, if a guy says he doesn't want to have a girlfriend (whether he has depression or not), then he doesn't want a girlfriend and you guys are not going to go out.

I don't think its worth spending your money to see a guy who you barely get along with any more. It sounds like there is no more chemistry.
Also, once you fly over and see him, then go back home, what happens then? You save and go visit him again next year? Long-distance relationships are almost impossible to work with.
You have found a new guy and it would be unfair and mean if you continued to make the other guy believe you want to see him and are faithful to him. You need to break it off with him.

Unfortunately, every person at one point in their life falls in love or develops a crush on someone they can never be with. Whether its because their crush already has a boyfriend/girlfriend, or because they are not gay, the only way to fix this problem is to move on.
I don't think your friend is intentionally flirting with you, she isn't a lesbian and has a boyfriend.
Also, if she can't accept you as a lesbian then she isn't a very good friend. BUT you can't expect her to accept that you are "in love with her".
Remember you're only 12 and will have plenty of time to find someone who loves you back.

I don't think it's weird for you to not want a relationship right now. Like you said, you have already got a lot going on, including stress and life problems. I can understand why you don't want a boyfriend, as it might add more stress to your life.

I can almost understand how you feel, because I don't want a relationship at the moment because I'm focusing on other things. However, my friends can't seem to understand this.

At the end of the day, I am happy with my decision, because I know having a boyfriend would be too much trouble for me right now. I think you just have to be more confident in your life decisions and in yourself. You're family can't understand what it's like to be you, and will find it hard to accept your choices. As long as your happy with you're decision, that's all that matters.

Don't let anyone pressure you into meeting a guy or getting a boyfriend. It's your life!

It's looks to me like you're more concerned with receiving acceptance from your family, rather then having a romantic relationship. So I have to say, don't get a boyfriend just to be accepted, because it will make you unhappy.

Good luck, hopefully your family can accept your decisions one day. Until then, learn to trust yourself and be more confident in your decisions. :)

Your mum is right about you not actually knowing if you like boys or girls, even if you don't agree.
At the age of fourteen your hormones are going crazy. You could be 100% sure you are straight at the age of 14 and then get to the age of 21 and realise you are a lesbian.
Just because the times are changing that doesn't mean that teenagers these days understand their sexuality better than teenagers in the past. Nearly all Teenagers naturally think they know everything (I am also a teenager lol), and they were the same in the 70's and 60's and have always been the same. Teenagers through many generations have always thought they know everything, your mum probably though that too ;)

I am also bi-curious so I know what you are feeling, and I don't feel comfortable telling my mum, but I do know how you should say it.
Say something like "Mum I need to talk to you about something important and I really hope you don't judge me or get mad at me." and then tell her you think you MIGHT be bisexual (even if you are 95% sure, just say you 'think' and that you 'might' be, because it makes it easier for her)
It can be hard to tell your parents things like that but just remember your mum loves you no matter what (at least I hope she does, I dont really know your mother personally)

Hope this helped and good luck with finding your sexuality.

PS. Remember to use protection when having sex! ;)

It probably is muscle weight if you run on the tredmille everyday. If you gain one kilo it isn't a bad thing, especially if it is only muscle weight. It just means your fit so I wouldn't worry about it.
If you really don't want to gain any more muscle weight, I suggest cutting back the hours you spend on the treadmille.
I hope this helped :)

Don't worry, horoscopes don't effect your relationship. If you act nervous about the horoscopes, that is what will ruin the relationship. It only matters how much you love each other :]

PS. Sorry if my answer is wrong, I didn't understand the question very well >

Hi! My name is Natalie and I am from Australia. I have always enjoyed helping people, and that is why I love using this website so much, and why I am studying Psychology at University to become a Clinical Psychologist. Hopefully I can give you some helpful advice and I always love feedback! :)

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