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I'm 21 years old and a virgin
So I'm a 21 year-old male and still have never had sex. I know it may not seem like a big deal, but the thing is I just started school at a university that is known as a "party school" where there is a lot of casual sex going around and many hot girls. I just kinda feel pressured to get into the whole party scene and the casual sex thing, but I'm really kind of an introvert. I am not bad looking or anything (average weight/average heigh), but I can't say that I'm the smoothest guy out there. I live away from campus and dont really get the chance to be around people that much. I just feel like everyone else is just having sex with random people but I feel like i need to do it with someone whom I'm in love with. (it sounds kinda lame) but i dont know, there are different parts of me that doesnt know what to think. Is this something I should be worried about? I just feel pressured and kinda like a loser for not having done it yet, especially when I am in college. Any advice would be helpful.
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You worry me son! If you are this easily influenced by what the others are doing sexually then you don't even want to get me started about what could happen with drugs and alcohol! For Heaven's sake keep your own mind in your head! Maybe you could find a like minded friend to accompany you to these parties and the others will just assume you are together in a committed relationship! Otherwise, I would just make an excuse and get out. If this group doesn't think you're cool, oh well! Can't you just be good with that? It seems like you are mature enough already to know this type of behavior isn't cool anyway!
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Hi,
I have read the other answers given and they sound great, so I won't go into detail on the things that have already been said. Except that you decide what you want in life, no one else.
You're not a loser for wanting your first time to be with someone you love. It might feel like you're the only one like this, but there are plenty of people our age who think the same. It is just hard to see right now because you're surrounded by people who would rather have meaningless, love-less casual sex.
I am a 20-year-old female virgin, and I am never ashamed of it. People are shocked to hear I have never had sex because I am not religious, and not ugly. Whenever they ask why I am a virgin, I just say I have never met anyone I loved enough. I have never had a serious boyfriend for the same reason. I had a 1-month boyfriend in high school but all we did was kiss, he dumped me after I told him I don't want to have sex with him (LOL!). But imagine if I had had sex with him, during a time when all my friends were losing their virginity in high school. I would have regretted it to this day! Don't forget, guys can feel the same way, it is not just a girl thing.
Don't mistrust your decisions because of what other people are doing. You won't regret NOT catching a sexually transmitted infection, or accidentally getting a girl pregnant, believe me ;)
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Wait for someone you love. For me it's as simple as that, my boyfriend was my first and most likely my last. We've spoken before and he wishes now that he would have waited. As for feeling pressured- you know what you want in life, and if casual sex isn't one of them then don't do it. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks.
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For some people casual sex is like eating empty calories. It satisfies the hunger but it doesn't satisfy the craving. You may be one of those people who need to satisfy the hunger and the craving or it is not worth the effort. This does not make you a loser, when the right girl comes along you will rise to the occasion, pun not intended, and it will be a wonderful experience for both of you.
Many young people in high school and college are under pressure to have sex, more so in high school. The possible reason is that sex is an adult act and by having sex they feel more adult. This is not a reason to have sex,
In college many of the students have sex, casual sex, as a form of stress release. I'll give in to that as sex is a good form of stress relief and students are of adult age with a great deal of stress on them. They are also away from home and do not have the restrictions of home life and they have the opportunity and places to have sex they did not have at home.
This does not mean you throw your personal values out the window just to fit in. You have chosen not to have meaningless sex which is a positive value. A value that say a lot about who you are as a person. There's a girl out there who will see this value in you and want you for her life partner. Don't throw this away just to fit in.
Should you do find someone you love and you have sex with and the relationship does not work out; this does not mean that you have lost or given up on your values. Love is fleeting you don't start having meaningless sex just because you are no longer a virgin. You retain your values until you find someone else that you can love and see as a life partner.
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For lots of college kids or even those back in high school, their first time having sex isn't all that memorable for the very reason you gave, they were not in love, real love with the person.
It's not how many times you've had sex that makes you a good lover, it's really loving the person you are uniting with that way, wanting to seek their pleasure first, so if both felt that way and were both giving at the same time, thats the most wonderful. Another thing that helps is studying anything you can get your hands on regarding the anatomy of a female and physiology of orgasms and all the details of the different types of orgasms, health care and concerns for the females genetalia and lots of other things. Most people dive right into sex without taking time to learn. Its actually a lifelong learning experience. I am in my fifties and I still occasionally learn and experience something new with my husband. A sexual relationship with someone you love isn't something you have to experience all the different aspects of in the first few times you are together, its a journey of exploration together. What it is not is a Buffet style restaurant where you feel you have to try a little of everything on the menu all on one night to get your moneys worth on the meal. A person is in danger of having a sick stomach doing that. Some people know themselves well enough that just the memories of having drunken sex they don't remember, or not enjoying it can leave a person with memories that make them feel heart sick with the remembrance. Take your time. Focus on studies and if you do happen across a nice gal, date her and see what happens, otherwise, finish college and then focus on finding your sweetheart. Not everyone finds the best person for life the first time around. I married at 20, it was a disaster, and finally by age 50 had found the love of my life the 2nd time around. Since you say you are more of the introvert, you might also search the web for guys who give men dating and relationship advice. Learn ahead of time how to approach a gal to start up a conversation with her, all the do's and dont's. Go over it til its drilled in your head and you will be prepared when the time comes.
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