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Hi! I'm Linda. I would love to try to help you with advice about love and life. I can also try to help with Health: Mental issues in particular. However, you can ask me anything. I believe in the value of honesty and I will do my best to be ethical, fair and genuine. xoxoxoxo
advice
just tell me how to end my life..
You don't say how old you are... but you obviously are going through some very difficult and trying times right now. I did read some of the answers sent to you, and I do believe you can get some beneficial help by calling the suicide hotline.
I lost my husband unexpectedly in May of 2011 and thought it was the end of me. Life literally brought me to my knees and I really didn't know how to deal with it.
What helped me was having the courage to ask for help from friends and family. Sometimes it's so hard to ask for help but trust me, any support system you have would be happy to help you if you were to just open up a little. It doesn't have to be scary, you just have to dig a bit deep into yourself and be strong enough to ask for help.
You may not be spiritual, or maybe you are, I don't know... but I promise you, there is a purpose for you on this earth and it's not really fair if you don't give it a fair shot. It's not your time to go and certainly not your time by your own hand. Please write me back if you need to talk to someone. I very much want to help you.
I'm a 20 year old female from America. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 7 months, but we've known each other since we were little. But my boyfriend has a dark sense of humor. He'll make jokes about other girls or breaking up with me or other things. He sees them as just jokes, and I'm not the type that can't take a joke but sometimes he does it too much. He tells me he'll tone it down but it just seems to occur again. How can I handle this? Thanks in advance! :)
Dear Brunt of Hurtful Jokes,
Occasionally, when we date someone who we've known for a very long time, the relationship tends to continue in that mode. It sounds like he's still in the juvenile state of development in relationships and you've matured to where you just don't see the need for the 'hurtful jokes' anymore. You are 20 years old and it sounds as if you're learning the ugly truth about passive aggressiveness.
He sounds as if he really is being passive-aggressive because saying hurtful things and then passing them off as jokes can just about make you think that you're the thin-skinned one when it actually is quite the opposite. I can only speak from personal experience, so my advice would be to not respond to these comments at all. An awkward silence to his comments can speak volumes. What I would also suggest is not to go down to his level. You're a young woman, so I have a feeling that you'll find someone when you least expect it that will respect you and his influence on your life will lessen considerably. It sounds as if you're maturing at a much faster rate than he is and trust me on this... it's going to start getting really old very quickly. Especially at the juncture you are now, it sounds as if you're just about over it. You could let it run it's course or you may possibly get to the point where enough is enough. I also get the feeling that you've been very patient but in my opinion, he's not getting it. And by the time he does, it may be too late. (for him)
Just try not to stoop to his level and let your maturity speak for yourself. Since you've known this person for so long, it may be just the way he has always related to you and finds it hard to break an old, (bad) habit. Good luck to you and if you'd like, let me know how it works out.
Hi! I am 13 and a girl. I do have parents but they don't love each other. It's like someone put two random people who have no chemistry in a house. They no longer sleep in the same room, it's been like that for very many years now. They never say I love you, don't hug or anything like that. I always hear people talking about how they want to have a marraige just as awesome as their parent's. They also say that they love being with their parents. Well, I am with my mom a lot but my dad is almost unbearable. He doesn't know how to have fun, he ONLY talks about my math homework. He won't bring me out for some father-daughter time ever. He isn't the dad type at all. He is tall, slightly under weight, and graying hair. I don't remember the last time he smiled. Yes he suffered from depression and he has colitis but it has been under control for a very long time. My mom groans when he walks in the house, I used to run to the door to greet him but lately I groan too. What is it like to have parents that love each other? What does a happy marriage look like? Thanks :)
Wow. You are an incredibly insightful, intelligent girl. I can only answer this from my own experience, but just the way you wrote this letter made me want to reply to you. Specifically, you had two questions. 'What is it like to have parents that love each other?' and 'What does a happy marriage look like?' Parents who love each other are easily identified by respect. I believe that is the basis for all good, happy relationships. Your dad sounds very unhappy with himself. Naturally, that is going to radiate to all of his relationships. It may be somewhat harder for you to 'believe' in happy marriages, however, in no way, is it impossible in this environment. Two people who are happy together 'look' and 'act' as if they are happy. Very simplified advice, but is so true. When you can look your husband in the eye and talk to him and feel comfortable; when you see him come home from work and you feel good that he is home; you have a mutual respect for each other; you make time for each other, to talk, spend time, do things you both enjoy; you can be honest with him and feel confident that he will not in any way, 'try' to hurt you physically or emotionally; you put each others heart in each others hands and trust. That, in turn translates to a happy marriage. It looks just like it sounds. Confident, secure, safe, with a healthy, healthy dose of humor. I know this information for a fact because I too was raised in an insecure, unhappy home... however, I married the best husband in the world.
Oh, by the way, I can tell from your letter that you're a big reader. Keep reading... keep asking questions... I predict great things for you in your future.
My brother passed away and left me some money. My sister inlaw says I should share it since her husband helped pay for funeral expenses as did I. The estate will still pay us for those expenses- is she right or wrong?
Dear Sister,
I'm so sorry for your loss. He obviously loved you very much. Your brother left you some money. Those were his wishes. That's why you leave a will so the people the deceased cared about will leave the legacy they want. On the other hand, it is entirely up to you what you want to do with that money. It's not really a question of right or wrong in my opinion, it's more a question of what your brother wanted you to have. You can share what he gave you if that's what you want to do, if not, there should be no guilt or feeling of obligation and sister in-law should accept that.
Good luck. (and invest/spend wisely)
Im a christian.
But i feel like, i need to do something to make my prayers heard. Or something its really hard to explain, i almost feel like i have no connect with god.
How do i become a "better" christian?
i suppose thats what im asking.
Dear christian,
I want to preface this by saying this is only my opinion and my opinion is not the most popular one amongst the "God-fearing Christians..." First of all, I want to say that your question is awesome because it shows that you know where you want to go, you're just not sure how to get there and knowing where you want to be is half the battle. Most people have a lot of rules concerning being a Christian. I believe, however, that when you talk to God, he will hear you no matter where you are, what you are saying, etc. The disconnect that you're feeling is just doubt. But the way to get rid of the doubt is let down your defenses a little. Don't believe everything you hear. Believe the things that "feel" right to you. I began my spiritual journey by just sitting and contemplating on...nothing. Just meditating in a sense. Then I began to just thank God and the universe for all the people, relationships and things in my life. Everything I could think of because when you are unsure how to pray, gratitude is a great place to start, and I believe it is actually the highest form of prayer. When you begin to be grateful for everything in your life, an amazing thing begins to happen. Things actually start going better for you, things are easier to attain, relationships mend, all sorts of neat things happen. I believe this is because when you are giving thanks to God, you are essentially showing your belief in him. And with belief, there is no doubt. Just my opinion. But you may want to start out just being quiet with your thoughts first so you can learn to adjust your thinking. A lot of us don't even know what we think about and are at the mercy of our thoughts, which turn into feelings. Start to redirect those thoughts into good things and then begin to thank God for everything in your life. You will begin to feel a great connection and friendship with God, and I feel that this is the most important connection you can make. So, keep the faith! Linda
In your opinion (meaning that if you tell me what you think you'll get a 5), do you think that people should miss out on church in order to do yardwork, study for an exam, play in a soccer tournament, etc? I just want to know what qualifies as an acceptable excuse for not going to church. What other good reasons are there for missing church? -no I'm not trying to avoid going to church-
Thanks!
Dear church,
I absolutely love this question! I love it because I had previously lived my life with a lot of guilt over going to church, not going to church. And where I live now, (Hiddenite, NC) going to church seems to be "just what you do." However, I have found my greatest spiritual answers to be when I'm quietly contemplating...on nothing...just listening to my thoughts. I feel I'm a very spiritual person and every day I talk to God, the universe, am grateful for all the wonderful people and relationships and things in my life. I think that when the guilt is removed from going to church/not going to church, if you feel moved to go, then go. If not, then don't. But take the guilt out of it because it won't really change anything. Doing something out of obligation (and sometimes we have to) doesn't amount to a whole lot of sincerity. However, if you are looking for people to share with and get opinions other than your own that you can really learn from, go and spend some time at your church. My best answer would be, (and note this is only my opinion) is keep your mind clear and non-judgmental. Keep your mind fixed on positive things. And I feel the highest form of prayer is actually a prayer of gratitude rather than supplication. Thank God, the universe, the planet, for all the things in your life and that everything is just the way it is meant to be. Many lessons are learned in church, and as many are learned out of church. Keep the faith! Linda
my super best freinds parents are getting a divorce i came up the stairs from my bus and saw her baning her head up agaisnt the locker i didnt think much of it and joined her but then she was crying so i was like whats wroung and she said my mom told me not to tell anyone.but she told me anyway.she told me not to tell anyone and i told her i wouldnt tel a soul and i havent and im not good at keeping secrets but i know that this is the bigest one that i ahve ever heard and how important it is to not tell anyone i started crying with her.i asked her why and she said she cant tell me and she didnt and i ahte that because im her friends and ive always told her that she can tell me anything and i feel like she doent trust me.and im thinking the worst like her father hits her so the mom was like your not hitting my kids anymore im leaving.or it could be somthing lil like they feel outa love but i cant guess because shes always been so hapy i dont know and im so worried for her.....what should i do
i rate high
Hi there! You sound like a very good friend who is very concerned about your best friend. First of all, I just want to say that when someone is going through something that they believe is traumatic, people behave in very different ways. For instance, some people need to speak about it immediately. However, for some people, some need to internalize it for awhile first and wrap their brain around it before they share these kinds of experiences. I am one of the latter. This may also come as a shock, but some people keep things inside because of attention. If it's something that doesn't sound that bad, but the person is really upset over it, (overly upset, it seems), she may want to keep it to herself because once she starts talking about it, it won't sound as bad. Do you know what I mean? Then the whole dramatic thing is not as effective. However, let's just assume your friend is going through a very tough, traumatic time...she may need to try to come to some conclusions on her own without any help from anyone first. When she does this, she may feel it's time to share with you. When she does, do not diminish her feelings at all. Let her talk to you, do not interrupt her, try to ask an insightful question if she becomes silent for a few moments and validate her by showing that what is important to her is also important to you. That is being a good friend. And she will immediately see that. Also, please keep her conversation with you in confidence. If she wants to confide in someone else or tell her story to others, that is her choice, not yours. Good luck. I know you'll do the right thing!
Linda
My sunday school teacher says it's wrong being a vegeterian.
Well... to my friend she showed scriptures and stuff sayign that it's wrong to be a vegetarian. and i'm like what's the heck.
so anyway i found a scripture that says it's okey being a vegetarian and that's a sin to be racist against people who are vegeterians.
So anyway I plan to debate this whole thing out.
Can you please give me some supporting vegetarians scriptures or a website which can tell me where to find a debate on this topic?
Dear Vege Problem,
I wasn't writing to give supporting scriptures for vegetarians or even a website for debate on this topic. However, I am writing about my own opinion on your dilemma. First of all, I want to say that just from your question, I believe you to be very smart to be questioning your sunday school teacher. Not that you should try to diminish her beliefs in any way, just that people have different beliefs and interpretations of everything, including the bible. (Mostly, the bible) For instance, I believe that you have been raised with a very open mind and are also considerate of others feelings and beliefs. Some people are not blessed with this character trait. But here is the dilemma. Being a vegetarian is a sin and it is NOT a sin. It IS a sin to those who believe it to be a sin. It is NOT a sin to those who believe it NOT to be a sin. Life is all about perspective and choices. We are all here on this earth with lots of options and those options may be right for some people and wrong for others. You were right to question the whole "Vegetarianism is wrong" track, however, I wouldn't debate the issue. I say this because every single person in the world is entitled to their own opinions, to live their life in the way that makes them feel good about themselves and their spirituality. Being a vegetarian helps many people feel closer to God just because they feel healthier, more spiritual, and they enjoy the lifestyle. And when you feel good about yourself, you are actually able to be kinder and have more patience with others that don't share your opinion. Debating issues about opinions can be done without bringing "sin" into it...these debates should be able to just allow others to see another side of life and get to know a person better. We each have our own lives to live, and I believe very strongly that each person has their own purpose in this life. Who's to say who's right? Good luck sweetie.
All right, I'm a relatively healthy (physically and mentally, I hope) young woman. I've never been intimate with a man. However, I've realized more and more that violence turns me on. For instance, when I see rape on TV or in a movie, I feel myself becoming aroused. When I fantasize, I always have these dark fantasies where a man is hurting me and forcing himself on me. It's not like I don't appreciate or crave romance - I do! Why am I having these thoughts though? I don't want to be hurt or violated or anything, but it just turns me on. Is it all right? Would a man be freaked out if I shared this with him? Would he take advantage of me? I've always thought I was a "good girl".
Dear good girl,
I believe your answer may be in your last sentence. You said you've always thought of yourself as a good girl. Fantasies are only that. They are fantasies. And with all the violence and the whole "bad boys" theme, we're all getting kind of desensitized to stuff like this. It doesn't mean you wouldn't be terrified out of your mind if something like this were to ever happen to you. (God forbid) However, when we're younger, it seems to add to the excitement of life, to the options we have and to the feeling of rebelliousness and freedom that we crave. You are having these fantasies because it fills a need in you. I will tell you though, after you have been hurt (I'm talking emotionally and hopefully not physically) by a number of bad boys, as you get older, you will see that the excitement of violence doesn't even begin to come close to the stability of a caring, loving, honest relationship. Experiment safely and don't put yourself in situations that could turn on a dime. Try to keep your fantasies safe from others that may have the power to hurt you. And then do some self-reflection on a regular basis to see where you stand in your opinions of the violence. It might also be a good idea to talk over your feelings with someone who is of the same sex, and who likes you and wants to help you and listen to you, someone that you sincerely trust. We all go through certain phases in life, whether they are good for us or bad for us. Just become more aware of the need that it is filling and if you are concerned about your feelings, try to find some other way to fill this need. Good luck.
Ive been having like really low self esteme issues for like the past year or so... ive done so much physical harm to myself but i know its not right.. but i keep doing it cuz its like an addiction.. in the past year my best friend killed herself..(over me to try and get me to stop) and ive been in an abusive relationship.. everything has just put me down.. even the smallest things.. and i dont ever seem to be happy anymore.. i dont know what to do anymore.. sometimes i think that life is just like a dream.. is there any way i could help this?? (please dont say a councelor ive tried many and none have helped)...
Dear Depressed,
You at least acknowledge your problem in your first sentence and it's a great thing when you are self aware. You state that you have had really low self esteem issues. Low self-esteem kills. Do you hear me? That is why your best friend killed herself, it wasn't over you, believe me. It wasn't your fault. She killed herself most likely because she was in a lot of pain and didn't have the strength and faith in herself that she could get through it and that she had options. The pain may have seemed unbearable, but she still had options. And for this you have to grieve. And grief feels like depression. You ask a lot of questions...to God, to the universe, to your friend, of yourself. Here's what you have to know. The only thing that doesn't change in life is the fact that things will change. And you have the power to create anything in your life. You can create a healthy relationship by taking steps to end an abusive one. You have the power to have a happy and fulfilling future if you take steps to correct your thinking and change your thoughts. A lot about life is perspective. Change your perspective about the things going on in your life. Instead of thinking of this abusive relationship as something you are trapped in, think of it in terms of showing how strong you really are, it's a challenge and I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but you CAN do anything you put your mind to. And this doesn't apply to only some people. This applies to ALL people. Try joining a group with similar interests as you. Such as a small book club, a drama club, a writing club, something that will take the focus off you and the negative thoughts you are having and put the focus on other people and how they have risen above the negative in their own lives. Learn from other people. Be around people who you want to emulate, not around people who make you feel bad about yourself. And be nice to yourself. Pamper yourself. Sometimes it seems that we don't have enough to give to others because we are not getting it from others, however, the best way to get what you need to overcome obstacles is to give it back to yourself. Try to steer the negative thoughts into something positive or when you start feeling depressed, challenge your negative thoughts. Here's an equation for you: thoughts = words or statements which = feelings. The best way to be happy is to think happy. It may sound like a bunch of optimistic bull right now, but trust me, it's science.
Good luck sweetie. Let me know if you need to talk.
I'm an advicenator on here, but I really need help for this.
[TiNA_DUH]
K, I weigh 145 lbs & I'm 5'3" and I think I'm fat. Now, everyone tells me I'm not [especially guys] but, I feel like I am. I checked my BMI and it's 26 which is overweight. :( That made me feel really bad about myself. In November, I weigh 137. I gained 8 lbs in a little over 2 months. I really wanna lose weight, to weigh 105, so I'll be healthy again, but everytime I try to go on a diet or change my eating & exercise, I never do. I lack enthusiasm. It's either that, or I just never have time. I'm a freshman in highschool, and I'm piled with homework, so it takes me a while & sometimes I babysit, and then I have to do stuff around the house, and by time I'm done with all that & my shower - I don't have time! How do I manage my time so I can exercise and lose this weight. I hate being fat!
Please help me. My confidence is really going down because of it. I know I'm pretty - but I wish I had the body to go along with it.
&TiNA;
Dear Tina,
At 5'3" and 145 lbs, you probably look a lot nicer than you think you do. That is not "fat." The one thing I know for a fact that you have to stop doing is calling yourself fat. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy, trust me. You can concentrate on eating healthier and getting more exercise, but I think the key to really losing pounds is to work on self-esteem. The better you feel about yourself, the better you will treat your body. And when is the last time you weighed 105? 105 is very skinny on some people and takes lots and lots of effort to maintain. Try to choose a weight that is easy to maintain but healthy. 125 or 130 is much more realistic than 105. Get involved in something that makes you feel good about your body and your self. As you're working on your "outside", work on your "inside" as well because that is what will keep the weight off. Yoga is excellent in that regard. Drink plenty of water, this will help your skin too and you will look like you're glowing! (P.S. Guys like a little extra weight, a "woman's" body....)
Good luck!
Before almost all things where i have to stand in front of people or just be with a lotta people (dances, parties, answering questions @ school, giving presentations at school...) i feel like im breathing harder than normal and sometimes i get a really upset stomach. i feel my face getting all hot, and even after the moment where everyone looks at me passes i still have to look down for fear someone is still looking at me. sometimes i feel that i would rather die than stand in front of everyone...is that normal? do i have like, social anxiety disorder or panic attacks??
Dear Social,
It definitely sounds as if you are having panic attacks. A lot of people suffer from these. They are very uncomfortable at the least and terrifying at most. When you start to breathe harder, you are probably hyperventilating which is why the blood is rushing to your face. When you are in situations that seem to exacerbate the panic, it helps to concentrate on your breathing. Try to breathe slowly and deeply as if a doctor was checking your lungs and he asks you to breathe in and out. Also, it helps to be very prepared if giving a presentation because the more confident you are in your information, the more confident you will appear. If you are at a dance or a party, try to be with a friend who is outgoing and not shy. (You will eventually learn to pick up tips from this person...) You will most likely outgrow this when you are out of school but if not, I would suggest a good counselor to build confidence. Group therapy is a great thing also because in time you will get comfortable with a group and expressing yourself and opinions. Good luck sweetie!
I'm 34 yrs old with 2 children aged 12 & 9. My marriage is extremely rocky. Sometimes I dream of a happy life but it just seems so far out of reach. My husband is not physically abusive but mentally I am suffering from his constant downputting of me. The kids can feel the friction in the house and that just makes me feel even worse. My main problem is that I have been suffering from anxiety related problems and I don't feel strong enough to cope on my own. How do I know if I am emotionally strong enough to get out of this bad situation.
Dear Marital,
When someone puts you down, they are lying to you. They are manipulating you in order to elicit a reaction from you, one that makes them feel better about themselves. People who put others down are incredibly insecure and have many issues that they are unsure how to deal with.
I feel that you ARE strong enough to cope on your own. And you know why I think that? Because you have been thinking, dreaming about this, being stressed and anxious about this for a long time and you are asking for help. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge. (And you've been acknowledging for a long time...)
I have been in a relationship like the one you describe, minus the children, and I felt that I had to put on a happy face to the world and to him, while he got all of his needs met including those of insecurity that he resolved by putting me down. The best thing I ever did was tell him to leave. Now. Immediately. In no uncertain terms. Do you know what this bully did? He broke down and cried! After that, it was only a matter of feeling sorry for people like him. It was he who wasn't strong, and the amazing thing that I found out later was that he knew that I was and he wanted to break me down.
You will be so much happier without a toxic person in your life questioning your character, your beliefs, criticizing you at every turn. Please don't buy into his lies. That's what they are. They are lies. He is a bully and a bully is also a coward. Be strong. You ARE strong and you CAN cope on your own. Even if you have anxiety or even panic, the more often you face it head on, the stronger you get. And your kids will be so proud of you for doing what they wish they could do for you. You will emerge from this with the respect and happiness from your children and your own integrity. You don't deserve to be treated any other way but adored and respected. Please get him out or leave him if you have to leave. Good luck!
Linda
Ok i'm 14/f and i have this bf who is 15 and we have been together for like ever. like 1 year and months but i know i need to break if off because he is the main source of my sadness and why i am always getting introuble. i can't though, its way to hard for. I really wish he would to me, so that i didn't have to do it, but that would probaly make me more upset and my mind would be so mad at myself. but i KNOW i have to, any idea's of how to make up my mind or know for sure if were meant to be truly? i love him so much and he understands me and can always make me laugh ectc. but when he's unahppy, i can never seem to make him happy, so he makes me unahppy.this is like alll the time. i hate it, but i can't ditch him for making me unhappy and depressed, can i? please help me out with sorting this out and everything, write me and i will write back with more information on the situation if you need more info. i just need some other opinons on this, because all my friends say to end it and no advice on the matter. thank lots
Dear Ireallyneed,
At the age of 14, being with your boyfriend for over one year is a pretty long relationship. I understand that it is very difficult to break off a long relationship, however, it sounds like this relationship is bringing you down...swiftly. You are at a crossroads right now and you have a choice to make. You have options. There are a lot of things you like/love about your boyfriend, but I believe that you have been thinking about this for quite some time. The only problem with that is that it just creates more stress. What you need to do is break it off with him now, in a way that it is definitely over and he understands that. If he asks for explanations, tell him that the relationship is not working out well for either one of you and you need to have some time to find out what makes you happy again. That's it. It's the truth and you do not need to offer any other explanations. Do not badmouth him to others, and if they ask the reason, tell them that it was a mutual decision and you have no hard feelings towards him...(even if you do...it will make you look gracious and classy) If he tries to engage you in an argument, it takes two to fight, please remember that. You don't have to fight with him. If you are unhappy and sad and getting into trouble, doing things that make you feel bad about yourself, please, just let him go. You'll feel hurt for a little while and maybe a little lonely, but in the long run (and you'll be surprised how quickly you'll heal without a bad influence in your life) you'll find happiness quickly. And perhaps you'll learn more about yourself and what you will accept and what you will expect in a relationship. Good luck! Linda
ok well i have been going out with my boyfriend for about 9 months now and i really love him. he has only had sex with one girl. but many times. they broke up long be fore we got together. so just say i lost my virginity to him do you think he would have any kind of std from having sex with just that ONE other girl.?? like do u think theres a chance of him having an STD, from that one girl and then having sex with me and then all of a sudden i get it??? thanks i rate HIGHHH
ok first.
-this girl was a virgin and lost her virginity to him
-my boyfriend was a virgin and lost his virginity to her.
-so basically they lost there virginity to each other
-they used protection.
-i was a virgin and lost my virginity to him
-we used protection.
(ok this may sound gross but if your going to talk shit then dont bother writing)
-i made him take it out before he cummed if that helps anything.
Hi!
Here's my take on the whole situation. First of all, you don't KNOW that they lost their virginity to each other. And you don't KNOW for a fact that they never fooled around on each other. The only way to know you are absolutely 100% safe is to get tested. The only other way to know that your boyfriend and his last girlfriend are being 100% honest was to have been there. (which I'm assuming you weren't.) As for getting an STD, you can get an STD from anybody you are with, even if that person was only with one person. How do I know this? Because it only takes sleeping with 1 person to get an STD. People catch an STD from one other person and pass it along. So, that's your answer on that. However, you were very smart to have used protection, and you are very smart to be questioning this now. I am not suggesting that anybody was dishonest here, I AM suggesting that you don't actually KNOW for a fact anything, unless you are a direct witness to it.
Good luck sweetie.
Linda
well there's these two guys at my church.1)Philip. 2)Sam. Well, first i liked sam, then philip, then sam, then philip then sam. I just kept going back and forth. Philip, he's extremely nice, but when he gets mad...it's just really scary. Sam, he's nice too, it's just that, he can be a jerk sometimes. Well...Philip likes my sister, and they went out. but my sister dumped him, and he's really sad. Sam, likes my cousin, but she doesn't like him at all. i just dont know who to like. They're always asking me for advice about my sister and my cousin cause im related to both of them. I help them the best i can...but they just don't seem to notice that i like them. help?
Dear circle,
First of all, I would dump the idea of both guys. You say that when Philip (who's extremely nice) gets mad that it's just really scary. That's not extremely nice. Forget this guy. And you say Sam, he's nice too, but he can be a jerk. That's not nice. Forget him too. I think you probably like them both because they are in your same circle, they go to your church, and they like other people, they are just familiar to you. Keep them as friends and forget about dating them. Trust me, when someone comes along that you REALLY like, you'll know it and not have any doubts. You probably aren't ready to get involved with either of these guys because you are going back and forth with them. And to YOU, THAT should be a red flag.
Good luck.
Linda
i like this guy at my school, and everybody's telling me that he likes me too. we went out before but it only lasted a few days, because i just didn't feel comfortable around him. but now i like him again, and he keeps telling everyone he might ask me out again. the problem is, when i go out with him i don't like him but when i don't go out with him i like him. i keep changing my mind about if i like him or not. if he asks me out, what should i say? because i'm afraid if i go out with him again, i might keep changing my mind about if i like him or not. im really confused. i don't know if i really like him or not. please help!!!
signed, confused
Dear confused,
It sounds as if you like the idea of this guy, or the idea of going out with him, but you don't necessarily like him. I would definitely put off going out with him until you get to know him a little better. That's the only way you'll know what exactly it is you like or don't like about him. Good luck sweetie.
Linda
my friend dani is a really weird person. she's my friend and all but i don't know how to tell her how weird she is. help me.
Dear myfriendsaweirdo,
Weird as in how? Weird as in different? I think you need to be a little more specific. Also, to tell a friend she is weird in order to get her to change her weird behaviors, may not make you the best friend. I would need a little more information on this in order to give you good advice.
Linda
Well this is what happens:
[PLEASE READ RATE 5 ***** BIT LONG LOL]
Me and my mates say to our mate Hannah, your voice sounds like a mans voice, we say it in a kind of nice way, jokey if you get what i mean. Then the head of year comes intoday to our form room while in PSE and calls my name out and a group of my friends the 5 of us including the head of year go down to the inclussion zone, where the bad kids go and miss there lunch/break etc. We went in and she accsorted us to sit down they have a desk and a chair then a blue screening where you stick posters/displays on, then another desk and chair and a screen its like that so you have no comunication with any1. She called us in to a little room 1 by 1 and asked us about the name calling thing. I went in and told her that we were joking about and stuff but ovboiusly she took it seriously.. i felt so let down by one of my OWN friends. Also this other girl called grace ive apparently been "bullying" just by saying, "look at your selfs before you critizize others," becuase she and her mate elli were taking the piss out of my chubby mate sal calling her fat and ugly n stuff. So that is 2 reports in the last 24 hours so it got put on my system "BULLY" hannah was ment to be my friend but dobbed me in our group joke. im not sure weather to be her friend after this? I mean if i be or get reported again then it gets even seriouser, and i could do this by ignoring her, touching her, giving her dirt looks like evils and stuff. But im pissed off with her so of course im going to do that and grace and elli do it to me so im not gonna let them so i stick up for myself.. but then i get told off badly again. So yeah my so called friend dobbed me in our joke.. should i trust her again?
SORRY ITS LONG RATE 5 *****
xx lush meh xx
Dear Bullying,
First things first, you may not have felt you were being mean to your friend, however, that is the way she took it. You said something to her that she took offense to. And you say you did not say it in a mean-spirited sort of way, but how did you expect her to take it? It may not have been outrightly aggressive, but, it was passive aggressive. I am not saying that you are a bully or a mean person in any way. I just want you to see how another person may feel when you say things that aren't complimentary. If your friend is a girl, and you are saying she has a man's voice, I mean, think about it. How should she take that? There's really no way for her to defend herself and if she jokes about it with you, she is tacitly condoning the remark. (And she may be particularly sensitive about that.) As far as your second situation, I believe this was an error made by your teachers. You were actually standing up for your chubby mate by saying what you did. You were standing up to the bully. I think the first girl was over-reacting to your remark. Try to forgive her for that. You sound like a very caring, good friend and other than a slightly mean remark, you are not guilty of bullying as far as I can see. But, some people are quite sensitive to remarks from their friends and can't handle teasing very well. I would suggest you just be kinder to her and let her know that you are sorry you said that but you don't think badly of her. I would also suggest that you speak to one of your teachers so they know that this is not something you are taking lightly, and you did make a remark, but you are sorry for that and you do not condone bullying. Perhaps, if they see that you are sincere, they may reconsider their reports.
Good luck. Linda
im a guy who is shy and i like this girl who is like my best friend and i want to have a bigger relationship with her, what should i do to get her attention? please help!! thanks
Dear Friend...
Well, it sounds like you already have the hard part down. That's the part about being friends first. To step it up a notch, I would start by being a little less available. I know that sounds strange but trust me on this. You want to get her attention but in a positive way. And you want to get her thinking about you. When you do get together with her, begin flirting just a little with her, just 'little' things, like moving her hair away from her face, or smiling a little bit and then looking away, ask her questions about her life, and be interested when she speaks. She will begin to question you a little to see if her intuition is correct. When she does, just tell her that you would like her to be your girlfriend. You can tell how you're doing by her response.
Good luck!
Linda