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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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I've been married what would have been 18 years but he pushed me to the side for his computer, his cell phone and his job. We have 3 amazing kids together but I didn't wanna be alone anymore.
Now I'm seeing someone I've been with over 4 years and we both had good jobs, but we were being treated unfairly and being overlooked for any type of promotions. Anyways, I feel like all I do is cook, clean, work my 40 hours and try to be with my kids as much as I can. But now he makes me feel like a piece of trash. Now he's claiming I'm making him feel like he's walking on egg shells, when I'm tired of being treated like I'm not good enough for any man. I'm close to just leaving him and hanging it all up. I don't know, any advice would help me so very much.
I had a difficult first marriage that ended after 29 yrs, almost 30. So having been in a similar situation, the first thing I think of is whether you still love him or the love has long since dried up. What I am getting at is a allegory I once heard that love is like a savings account. You Have to keep that account open by continually putting deposits in it, or deposits of love into you. If a person keeps trying to withdraw love, or loving ways from you, without ever putting anything in, that savings account of love just dries up, and the one trying to remove love so they feel better and don't feel like they walk on eggshells around you, finds there is nothing that will change how they feel because they overlook the fact that they put nothing into the relationship,or savings account if sticking with the analogy. You deserve to be in a relationship where there is unconditional love flowing both ways, not because a person is giving to get something but giving out of love not expecting in return and when both partners have that attitude, both are fulfilled. I have that kind of man now in 2nd husband, 15 years now. So instead of staying and pretending while you seek love elsewhere, find what will be best for you and also healthy for your kids. Mine witnessed a Dad while growing up who verbally abused me and made unreal demands and didn't show love, it messed up two of my 3 kids as far as marriage is concerned. Your children will look as they do in other things for role models in parents. If they see what you are mentioning without seeing someone who treats you right, that will be all they know, no matter their age. My kids complained about the divorce but once they saw me after and how much more full of life and at peace I was, they were glad I had made that move.
I did try getting him into counseling, and we went together to a therapist who saw I wasn't the problem but husband was. He discovered the issue in his past that started that behavior in the 2nd visit, at which time appointments were set for him. I overheard him tell a friend on the phone that he wasn't going to them cus there was nothing wrong with him and he had me totally fooled. That was when I gave up since he wasn't willing to get better, and I packed up and left to go stay with a friend, and from there to other friends and finally a sister. After a year, I came back and he was finally ready to agree to a divorce. My kids were young adults by now. If yours aren't there will be the court battle of working out visiting with DAD If they live with you and eventually gain a stepdad who loves them as well as loving their mother.
(Rating: 5) This definitely helps more than you know. I have been seeing someone almost 5 years and my kids think the world of him. I didn't wanna rush into a divorce at the time, but then I did sign the papers and served them to him and he took until they were expired and when he was mad to sign them.
I don't know if he will ever change even after I leave, but I do know I'm not sticking around to find out anymore. I'll always care about him but in the long run I need to be happy and I don't want my kids to ever feel like their trapped in the same type of situation as I am. I genuinely appreciate all your feedback. Thank you for listening. From the bottom of my heart ❤️