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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Hi thank you for the advice, I just wanted to add on to my question. I recognized that what he did to my cousin was harrassment. And I apologized to my cousin that she had to go through that. By his action, you mentioned that this goes to show his true self and that I am not missing out. And I 100% completrly agree with you on that. I guess I'm just curious of why he acted out like that. I can only think of two reasons: one is that he feels regret for being an asshole to me and that's why he is asking validation from my cousin if she hated him for how he treated me, or two he hates the fact that he has a tainted image and that alot of people know how poorly he treated me. Which one do you think that is? Although life has moved on for the both of us and I am much happier with my current bf, a part of me still feels hurt because our breakup never ended well. I never had the closure because he belittled me and officially ended it through text. And a part of me wants him to suffer with his guilt as I suffered from his harsh words and actions.
Hi dear. Thanks for writing back. Few people respond back so I never know if it helped or not. I hear a lot about closure from many people. To me, closure is nothing more than some information that helps someone feel they finally have an end to a mystery and now that they have it they can hope to put whatever 'It' is, behind them. Think again, its all because of some information. Parents whose child was stolen and is missing, don't know if by chance the child is still alive. When they finally find out the child lives or is dead, that's the info they needed to move on. You may have moved on physically but mentally, you have not. Don't think I don't know what it is like because I was verbally abused and towards the end, he began to push me and once pushed me off the porch. Luckily I was not injured but I knew the time had come to leave. I know harsh words and terrible actions. I have done lots of reading and studying on all sorts of subjects, my favorite being human behavior and how to basically live as a peace maker...even if the peace is just my own. By how I chose to think my thoughts, I created an environment in my mind that helped me to forgive but a person can never forget as holds true with the stories I can share with others who write in. I can relate. I have 3 grown kids with this bad man. I see him occasionally at birthday events for our grandchildren. I have a new husband who knows all about what my ex did and feels badly for me that I was treated that way. My new hubby and I met on a dating site. He had met other women but says none are as special as me...that in many ways, I am way more evolved and better than most women and considers me like a precious jewel and can't understand why the ex never saw the treasure he had in me. This will be a bit long as I am going to take you on a story journey here to get that piece of info that may help you understand why there are some really crummy, horrible people out there. So in my studies, some have been exploring all there is to be discovered spiritually. I apologize if you don't believe in the following, but I have to mention it to tell this story. I was a churchgoer but after a decade of marriage was looking for more answers. I read about our souls. How when we die, only the mortal body that housed our soul dies. So where does the soul go. The soul does go to heaven where they review their past life, and find how much of a goal they had to learn or do certain things worked out. This is tough when we decide before we choose a family to be born to, and our memories are erased temporary while in our human bodies. God created us, or whatever name you call him, and I believe continues to create souls that are born to this earth. So the planet is populated by souls who need to learn to become more like God. Some souls are just starting out and because God gives free will to all, the newer souls are about as far from being Godly as you can imagine. The souls who have reincarnated a zillion times have progressed on the journey to become more God like in behavior and how we think and love. I am sure you have heard a commonly used phrase, "They are an old soul" and the age of the body has nothing to do with it. These are the people you see in life treating all people well, reaching out to help the unfortunate but harder than all of that, able to forgive those newer souls who do them harm. I didn't say forget as you'd need amnesia to really forget. What happens is that after time has passed, the memories are no longer painful. But then they are pleasant either, so I guess what I feel about the ex is sorry for him that he messed up learning to be a good husband in this life so he'll have to repeat the lesson...same as having to take tests over in school. If you fail a grade, some schools will hold you back to repeat the grade. Same for souls who don't learn one little aspect that was on the agenda. I learned what I was doing wrong. I made excuses for him all the time whether out loud or in my mind. I was an older soul who had married a man who was not a soul who had progressed as far as me. Thats all! He would have treated any woman that way. In the few visits with a shrink where I was present, the Dt. already discovered a story I never heard before of him as a child hearing Drs tell his Dad that Mom has an equal chance of recovering from something, or dying. He latched onto the dying part in his mind believing his Mom would leave him. He would be abandoned by his MOm, a female and so that grew to include any and all woman in his life, that one day, every woman would leave him. When they didn't, he began to treat girlfriends so badly that they left and thus it fulfilled his personal prophecy in his mind. He was doing the same with me and being the more advanced soul, I lived my life above that, praying for him, loving him, trying to be an equal partner, and loyal. So he just became worse and worse. we met a couple, and became friends. The guy was a retired counselor and spotted the problem early on. He didn't even treat that guys wife nice in how he talked to her. The man asked if he was in love with me, not whether he loved me. We can love chocolate or cheesecake but that isn't an all encompassing type of love. Hubby reacted with blaming me for everything, how hard I was to live with right in front of my friends. I had learned that to respond or defend myself, it was like adding fuel to the fire. THe man let hubby tire of his tirade, and ignoring what had been said, restated his question two more times before he got an answer. Hubby said he was not in love with me, never was but loved me for being the mother of his kids. What?!! Well that explained why he didn't treat me lovingly. A younger soul is capable of doing that, he just chose not to. Next is a really bizarre experience I had which I wish the same for you to experience because it was very healing. I went to visit a shamanic circle with the ex. While we were to meditate and share afterwards if we wished what we heard or saw, was up to us. So as I stood there eyes closed, I had a vision of me standing there and you know those spirits that killed the men who opened the ark of the covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark, well I saw spirits, not scary looking, but there were like a handful of them and they were flying in a circle eight, right through me, over and over. I didn't get the answer to what that was until that night in prayer. Those were healing spirits, who were healing my ripped and torn up, shredded soul. They were making my soul whole again. That way I would find it easier to leave and move on, and one more thing, not being afraid of men, wiser now and not wary of finding myself a new mate...I am too social to live alone. The church I attended had told me to trust God to heal my marriage. I finally asked God why it hadn't happened. God told me due to free will, he can not change my husband into the perfect man and husband. That meant the only choice left to preserve myself from the stress that was taking its toll on my body was for me to leave. I heard a few more examples from God to know I was hearing right. I had a short time to live if I stayed with hubby as the stress would catch up finally and cause something like cancer or heart attack. I wanted to see my adult kids marry and to be a grandmother, so I left him and friends out of state took me in. From there, I moved to stay with my sister about 6 months and then went to live with my oldest who was expecting her first baby, my first grandchild and from there, I stayed a short time with a friend before saving up enough to get my own place and then I met my current husband who is a soul who is really close to the same place I am at in learning as a soul. By time I met him, all my stress was gone and I had recovered physically. All my kids said I looked much healthier and happier. So from me who was belittled for close to 30 years by a husband, I did not need closure or lets call it words of explanation for why he treated me as he did. The Dr. and retired Dr. both had seen some kind of mental illness in him as well with resistance to getting better because hubby always blamed me or anyone else who was handy like at work and refused on going treatment because he still believed nothing was wrong, even when a friend said he might lose me if he didn't get better. Refusal to get better, showed me he really was like a lost case to me, there was nothing else I could do for him. And in the process, I had to learn to love myself enough to not allow myself to ever get mixed up again with an im-mature soul in a relationship or even as a boss or coworker, those all are people you spend a lot of time with. Instead of getting angry at people like that, I chose carefully who I hang out with most. I did run into one guy I thought was okay until our 3rd date where He finally showed his true self by saying racist comments about his maid and such and I knew it was a matter of time before his rants would be directed at me. So what have you learned from your ex. What do you see as warning signs? Try to spot people like that when out in public doing people watching. You may see all sorts of stuff you won't consider normal or healthy in a relationship, even if not the same things you saw in your ex. The best thing you can do is pray for him, even if you don't want to, showing that level of care by praying will change you and you can add to it other ways you do things that are what a soul at a higher level does. Volunteer to help the unfortunate, maybe like community dinners a church puts on. We aren't members but volunteers at a church feeding the struggling families of homes nearby and the homeless. Its things like that, caring in some way, and not lowering yourself to the other peoples standards. They operate at a lower frequency as I've heard it called. Wanting to see a person who hurt you suffer, is lowering yourself to their level when you have in the past, when you were a newer soul, lived the same as them or having done worse. God doesn't condemn someone for not learning, they don't have to go to a corner and wear a dunces hat, or be humiliated and picked on for being a newer soul. God could make us all perfect enough to want to be with Him right from the start. Like you having a magic potion you could use to force people to like you. But then, would they like you because they genuinely enjoy and want to be with you, be like you, or are they under the influence of whatever you gave them, or as it is for God, if He used His power to force everyone to be his Subjects. That is why people don't get sent to Hell for being bad, or in school terms, for failing a grade, you just get to repeat it until you finally learn. And if by chance a soul decides they don't want to enter Heaven upon death, then they themselves choose to end up in a place that is called Hell. I can'ts say all of this is for sure true. But the part of mature and immature souls is something I see unfold before me every day. Life in this world isn't without pain and hard work. It isn't easy to simply change your mind set, of how you think about a person or situation that hurt you, but its better than getting close to graduation day and instead of working at having everything for graduation ready, you decide to go join a class of Kindergartners because another Kindergartner soul treated you badly. Yuck. Going back to such a low level because it didn't end well, is to me like a dog going back to its own vomit and eating it up. You know better girl. You just got caught up in the nonsense as I once had when I was younger. I was 20 when I married. I should have been at least 22 or before that when I left him. But I suffered until leaving him at age 48. Met my new husband at age 50 and we're happily married and still as in love as newlyweds 12 years later. Sorry for this being so long but I felt you had to know what goes on, at least from my side. You decide for yourself what it is that you choose to dwell on, and the thoughts you choose to take regarding your mistreatment and the break up. Just be thankful he did dump you. Mine didn't because he wanted the woman to leave him. I am glad I finally did and pray your soul and spirit will be healed from the mistreatment. Blessings!
(Rating: 5) Hello, thank you for telling me your story. Your explanation on different levels of souls really helped me understand and be more forgiving. I'm not at 100% yet, but I do know that after reading your advice, I don't resent as much and I am slowly healing.