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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Hi,
My husband and I are very happily married. One thing that's surprised me though is our different libidos. When we first started having sex, we were about evenly matched for the first year- we basically did it whenever we were able.
Now though, I (the wife) am finding that my drive is much higher than my husband's. I want to do it about once per day, while my husband wants to do it once every 1-2 weeks. I've heard that most couples are reversed, with the guy usually having the higher drive.
There are many days when I feel frustrated and undesirable. But when I ask my husband to have sex more than once a week but he gets really tired and I feel guilty afterwards. What can I do to reduce my frustration?
Hi hon. I am one of those women like you. In my first marriage, I had the higher libido and husband was okay with once every 1-2 weeks. You just don't hear it because its a subject most people are embarrassed to discuss.
In my case, the husbands verbal answer was always that he had to work the next day so if he was in the mood it was only a Friday or Saturday night.
While there could be something wrong with his libido, other than your first year together, sounds like his libido was lower always and that may be normal with nothing wrong. It is a fact that people can have differing wants and needs for sex, That once in two weeks actually satisfies them while the partner craves more. So you're wondering why for one year there was no problem. I would contribute that to NRE, New relationship energy which is a heightened feeling of excitement, the same you felt as a child hoping that what you wanted was in the gift you were opening and when you got what you wanted, you just couldn't put the toy down for long, you had to have more time playing with it. And so it is in relationships. If people are going only by this feeling when dating, they may think they are perfectly matched when in reality, NRE eventually fades away and you are left with what is the true reality for you as a couple.
Sadly, other than a sex partner on the side, approved of by your husband, like an open marriage, the only thing you can do is use toys to get your orgasms. I will add that you didn't specifically say that the husband says something abut it to you when you ask for more than once a week. its all about what you are seeing or think you are seeing, that he gets tired. If waiting til normal bedtime, yes it can go late and then people are tired the next morning. If bedtime can be planned for earlier to allow for 'play time', then perhaps that will help. You also say you felt guilty. There should be no guilt over needing and wanting sex with your partner. I suppose you are much like us, where we care so much about how the other feels that we hold stuff for partner as more important than ourselves. While good for the partner, its not as good for you. Other than using toys, you don't have much option. If the two of you are willing, you could always find a sex therapist to talk to and perhaps get some helpful information from. Wishing you the best.
(Rating: 5) thank you for your kind words. I feel you understand my situation and really appreciate your advice!