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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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My son & DIL (daughter in law) are hosting Xmas this year. I adore them both and want to see my grandkids BUT my DIL has invited her entire family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc). We get along with her parents but the rest of her family is odd; they barely speak to each other much less to us. It has happened on multiple holidays & we just feel out of place & are over it. Question: How do we bow out of these large gatherings filled with her large extended family and avoid hurting their feelings?
Ooo, you sure have a tough situation here and I understand perfectly. I have family I can only tolerate for a certain amount of time and after that they drive me nuts. I am wondering how the married son tolerates his in laws then.
Well, if everyone takes turns hosting xmas, then I am guessing next year won't be an issue. If you think you can put up with the family for a short while, then show up for a few hours, maybe early enough so not all others are there yet and then pretend to feel sick for an excuse to go home. I have used that excuse to get out of situations I was uncomfortable in and no one can know that you lie or not. It is in reasons like this, where you know telling the truth would hurt too many feelings or start animosity, that telling a lie is for the better good, theirs and your peace of mind.
Other than accepting and doing this, you can plead having already accepted to spend Christmas with someone else. Then ask if you can come by for a while on Christmas eve when the extended family of DIL's is not around. You can even pick the day after Christmas if it works out for them. When my kids were little, we saw my side of the family at my Moms place Christmas Eve evening until she died and my sis took the hosting over. She went to her in laws the next day as did I. If you have only one child, then you don't have other adult kids for an excuse. But if there are any adult kids who are not invited, you might say you wanted to stop by and see them for a short bit as well, and then you stay longer before going to DIL's and keeping that stay short again.
If you'd rather not go at all, accept and the morning of Christmas, call and say you are sick with the flu. I had the flu fall on Christmas once for me. So I don't think you can use that excuse twice. My in laws, when they got much older and my kids grown, said they were no longer going to travel anywhere and If we wanted to see them, we had to come by their house. You are probably not old enough to claim old age, or arthritis or something to stay home. Lieing in some way or form is the only way I know of not hurting feelings.
(Rating: 5) Thank you for some creative ways to get out of a sticky situation this year. I sincerely appreciate you taking time to help me sort through this!