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So I got invited to this girls dinner party, the problem is I I only know her and she invited over 30 people. I’m very introverted and I don’t do well in social situations especially something as intimate as a dinner party so I was wondering if you had any tips on how I can survive this. I don’t want to sit beside her cause I’m pretty sure she probably has an idea of the seating arrangements. She even told me I could bring a friend but none of my friends want to go. I’ve been in social situations where I didn’t know anybody like my university orientation week but it is different than this because everyone there didn’t know each other so it was easier to socialize but this dinner party majority of the people knew each other from high school. Please help I’m 18 btw

I've got tips for you and I've used these myself since I started with social anxiety and being introverted. I now have no social anxiety and am closer to extroverted. I've gotten very good at talking to strangers. In most random situations, such as waiting in line at Starbucks or at grocery check out, I am always saying something to someone I don't know. I continue to do so to keep the skills sharp. I do not introduce myself.
At a dinner party where everyone knows the hostess, I would start off with introducing myself. You may not be the only one who doesn't know everyone else. But either way, always put some of the truth into what you say to start with introductions. Don't wait til you are seated. While mingling at first, walk up to a person or group of people. If you find it hard to break in to introduce yourself, then try where theres just one person or a two people talking. Walk up and wait to break in, if they don't stop to at least look at you, place a hand on the upper arm of one person. This is a silent way to let a person know you would like their attention. THis is taught for parents to teach their children and is called the 'interrupt rule'. It works marvelously with any people. I taught it to my kids from a parenting class and began to use it myself. I'll give an example shortly.
When a persons arm is touched, they will usually finish their thought or sentence but also want to know who is wanting to talk to them and will turn to you. This is where you share the same thing with each person there to make it easy for you. Just remember to say. Hi, I only know the hostess here and would like to remedy that. My name is ____ and what's your name? When given their name, make a comment like "Great, know I know two people here!" Be enthusiastic in tone or at least smile.

A smile and compliments go a long ways to making other people naturally want to introduce themselves. A smile means you are approachable and friendly. A compliment can lead to conversations.

Don't worry about speaking first to people you don't know. About 80 to 90 percent of people have personalities that are very friendly but not many will speak to others they don't know first. I always have to be first. However, as I said most people are friendly and will respond and continue to talk and open up once spoken to first.
So besides introducing yourself, what to say first? Compliment. People even like compliments from someone they don't know. Make it genuine though. Find something about each person you can truly compliment them on. Lets say you find a certain haircut very flattering on one of the girls and you walk up to her and say, "I couldn't help noticing your hairstyle. Its so flattering on you. " She will thank you and may make a comment about it herself. If she doesn't, think of another comment related to hair such as you've never worn your hair that way because..... or ask if she's always worn her hair that way or where she gets her hair cut,, no matter that you don't plan to go there. Or you can always say, 'it must be easy to take care of' if shorter. Both my husband and I do this with people and have never had a stranger look at us oddly or not reply in some way.

As mentioned, a good way to go about this maybe after introducing yourself to a group of people is simply to stand and listen to what they are discussing. Look for a topic or comment you can make. If they are discussing lets say an experience they all have gone through but you haven't, but you know of someone who did and what it was like for them, you can always say, I have something related to that. NOt that it happened to me but someone I know. (without mentioning names they can connect possibly to people later if they meet, it is okay to share and not gossip) Then tell the story. I have been places where everyone was talking about stuff I did not have any clue about or it was boring to me but I politely smiled and still stood there waiting for a break in the conversation. Plan ahead while waiting what question you will ask to bait them all into turning to another subject matter. It doesn't have to be something you need to know but I will make something up sometimes to see if I can turn a conversation to another subject matter. Make it sound like you're asking for advice, Like, 'hey, to change the topic, I really like Thai food. Can anyone recommend good places to go for that around here? Even if you truly do like the type of food you mentioned and have favorite places and don't need this advice, if you couldn't think of anything else to ask, you get the topic changed to food. You could ask again after anyones shared whether anyone knows any good recipes to make some of the ethnic foods themselves. Or mention the restaurant you like to anyone who seemed to share a fondness for that type of food and ask if they've been there. Any little thing that pertains to you and your experience at a restaurant is okay to share. For example I do like Thai and one place I went to so often and usually ordered one of two things that the servers recognized me on sight and would ask which of the two dishes I wanted that day. Another place was empty the day my husband and I went and the wife cooked and the husband was the server (a small place) So I sometimes tell people it was fun to have the owner pull up a chair and talk to us about the plum saki they had when my husband asked for plum wine. He brought out samples for us to try to see if we liked. My husband makes mead and told the guy about it. Thats what got him to sit down for a few minutes to chat with us and he said he would love to try our mead next time we came back. We made sure to do that. Now that I have given others a topic to grasp at, making your own spirits, or what is Mead if they don't know, it leads to more conversation.
Do the same and really listen to what others are saying because you can use a word or phrase they mentioned to switch the topic and share something.

Lets practice. I'll give you a sentence and you try to come up with side tracking conversations from a phrase or word that you can latch on to and use. And you start with saying "going back to what you said about ..... " and then share.

"He met his mother in law for the first time at his wedding to her daughter. And the colors of the bridesmaids dresses were so unflattering. But what I wanted to say is that he noticed some guy always hanging by the mothers side and he assumed it was just a cousin or family member. Imagine his surprise when he learned that the younger guy was actually his mother in laws boyfriend. She looked like she was enjoying being the cougar."

Now there are a few tangents you can take off that to talk about something as long as you have something to share. Even if you don't have anything to share, try to list the topics that could be latched on to from what was just said. Then scroll down and read my examples.

The topic of:

Weddings in general

Meeting ones in laws for the first time if its a funny or equally interesting story

Unflattering bridesmaid dresses you have seen

Best colors for skin types and how likely the color chosen wasn't flattering for most the skin types.

Assumptions you've made in the past where you were shocked to learn the truth later

Younger guys with older females,

Women who enjoy being a cougar, what type of woman would it take to easily do the part

Why would an older woman want a younger man

I just came up with 8 possibilities to say something related to what another person just said. Likely others will comment on what they said and might change the subject doing the same thing, picking up on a word or phrase. All you have to do is the sentence I gave, "Getting back to what you first said about.....and pharaphrase what she said that you want to use to talk about." Of course this takes practice.

Again, do not be afraid to talk to people and start first. I have studied personality types and the major of people actually do fit into being social, not hermit types. Its so rare that I try to talk to someone who doesnt want to talk. See, people who are loners, don't like big groups or social settings or meeting new people are not going to torture themselves by placing themselves in a social setting. These would be people who are not suffering social anxieties but simply are loners and not a people person. Its so seldom I run into someone like this, I can't remember the last time it ever happened that I talked to someone who wanted to be left alone. Hope this helps you. If you belive its less being introverted which is personality type and more like social anxiety you suffer from, then let me know and I'll give you the complete tips I went through to be healed of my social anxiety. You can reach me by going to my column and writing to me from there.


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(Rating: 5) Thabks for the advice turns out it was a success I made two friends there just because all three of us didn’t know anyone else except the host
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