Dude, what's the rush? You've put these crazy expectations on your relationship at a point where you're still not sure if you know the guy?

I'm not against moving in and getting engaged young. I'd be a hypocrite if I was... I met my husband at 18, we moved in 3 months later due to my bad living conditions, were engaged 8 months after that. We waited for 4 years to get married, though. Thing is, when we did all of this, we just let it happen. You can't force a relationship to progress. Well, you can, but it won't be pretty.

Asking questions won't help you get to know your boyfriend better. Knowing every detail about his favourite kind of soup and what kind of movies he likes to watch won't give you any special insights into his character. The only way you can really, truly get to know this guy is by spending time with him. See how he reacts in various situations. See how he supports you in a time of crisis, because goodness knows that you will encounter enough of them throughout the course of a marriage. I always say that a couple should have at least one major fight (not over who does the dishes this time) before they get engaged. Experience will give you a lot more insight into his personality and behaviours than straight-up asking.

Now, some discussions you should be having:

- Money. Everything about it. Are you spenders? Are you savers? Will you have a joint bank account? How much do you need in the bank to be comfortable? How do you feel about credit and debt? What is your current financial situation? Is either of you carrying any debt? You have to be 100% transparent when it comes to finances in a marriage.

- Family. Who wants how many kids and when? Is it important to stay near your relatives? Does one of you want to be a stay at home parent? Do you believe in raising your children with the same values or in the same style?

- Goals. Do you want to travel? Does one of you want to own really nice things while the other is happier with moderation? What plans do you have for your future? Are you each supportive of each other's plans?

- Relationship stuff. What are your dealbreakers? What are your sexual expectations?=

Do yourself a favour and don't put the deadline on your relationship. Let things happen naturally. It's entirely possible that you know you want to marry this guy now. We knew. Just give it some time to make sure that not only do you love each other, but that you will both be happy with your lives running in parallel. All the love in the world can't save a marriage where one person is happy living eyeballs-deep in debt and the other is freaking out, or where one partner wants 4 children and the other hates kids. That's the tricky part of marriage... being prepare to make every decision with the other person in mind for the rest of your life.

Thank you very much! This hlped me a LOT! Only one thing is that you say not to ask him questions but then you say "or where one partner wants 4 children and the other hates kids." when the only way to find out is to ask questions, silly. :)

THANK YOU!

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My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

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