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I caught my husband looking at things he shouldn't be on the internet. He has promised it won't happen again, but I am currently having a hard time trusting him. He knows how to delete his hisory and "cookies." Is there another way to track what he has been looking at? (link)
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I assume you're talking about porn.
If so, I have to say that I'm a bit conflicted. I understand that as his wife, you don't want him to be looking at pictures of other women; that's natural. But at the same time, you're fighting basic biology.
If he didn't like to look at pretty women, he would never have noticed YOU, after all!
Just looking doesn't mean that he's going to sleep with other women. In fact, I have to wonder if by forbidding it, you're actually pushing him away from you.
At the same time, I do believe that internet porn can lead to problems for married people. It's not that long a jump to go from online porn to hot chats to webcam porn to outright adultery.
But that progression isn't inevitable.
Right now, I think that your relationship with him is in trouble. You don't trust him - you said so, after all - and you've taken a very hard line with him. And he seems to feel a need for sexual stimulation that he isn't getting from you, for whatever reason.
So I suggest marriage counseling. Not because of the porn - although that's certainly a topic that you two should discuss with a counselor - but because of the loss of trust between the two of you. That's a huge threat to your marriage, and you need to deal with it as soon as possible.
Having said all that, I'll add two last points:
Yes, there are keyboard-tracking programs that will allow you to track your husband's every move on the PC. You could also hire a security company to install a small hidden camera, aimed at the computer. Or you could have him followed around. Any of those options would be a real breach of faith, and frankly, they're out of proportion to his offense. It would be different if you thought he was actually CHEATING on you, but you just think he's looking at porn videos.
This is why you need counseling. That will also help you two to improve your ability to communicate, which your marriage desperately needs. But if you insist on monitoring him (and I'll be very honest with you; if you do that, I think your marriage isn't going to last long), go to Google and search for "keyboard tracking". You'll find plenty of programs, even some free ones.
My other final point: if I'm wrong, and instead of looking at porn he's doing something really disturbed (like child porn, for example), that's a different story. You two will still need counseling, but there would obviously be some more serious decisions for you to make, too.
FOLLOWUP: Feel free to email me directly if you'd like. My address is in my profile.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you. I didn't want my question to get too personal, but your right, our marraige has been suffering from a lack of intamicy. The problem is, he is the one not interested. So when I found what he'd been doing, it did feel like he was cheating. I am not trying to spy or control him. I have just lost some faith in him.
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