ncblondie's advice column

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

I am 21 yrs old and have been dating this guy for 3&1/2 yrs now (started my senior year of highschool) and I love him very much, but for the last year or so Ive gotten to the point where I just don't know if I can see us together forever anymore (like all girls dream) and am wondering if I should stay or go. We have been getting into alot more fights, way more easily than before and most of them are due to the fact that he is obsessed with video games and puts them ahead of hanging out with me all the time. Lately, hes gotten into this new game that has quests with alot of people on certain days of the weeks; scheduled quests. And he decides to not hang out with me and play instead even though its a friday night which is one of my nights off (no college the next day or work). We rarely see each other the way it is this semester due to classes and work and homework that this is ruining my time with him and it bugs me how he doesn't care. Even when we do hang out, when I come over to his house I have to get him off his game and its hard work. I just don't feel like a priority anymore, and because of this I get angry easier and then make him mad and we get into fights. He thinks I nag on him too much and I think he doesn't prioritize me enough. I love him sooo much, hes very honest and true to me, but I'm to the point where I'm jealous of a game?! This just doesn't feel right. The only other thing (other than his good points) stopping me from breaking it off with him is the fact that we have a class together and i don't want to have this stuff affect my grades and I am very 'addicted' to him (i love him soo much and dont know how to live without him anymore). Should i stay With him? Should i break it off? If so, when? Thanks for any advice you can give me.

Have you tried playing the game with him or finding a game that you both enjoy? That would give you a chance to spend time together while he still gets to play.

Personally, I would sit down with him and calmly let him know how you feel. Try not to sound like you're accusing him as he'll be less likely to listen. Something to the effect of "Honey, I'm glad you've found a game you like, but I miss the time we used to spend together. Can we come to a compromise?" By making it an issue of quality time rather than the game and offering to compromise, he'll be more likely to agree.

Have you tried setting aside a time or day for the two of you to spend together? My husband works six days a week and goes out with his friends at least once a week. I was beginning to feel like I came in last in his life. Finally, we sat down and discussed it and came to the agreement that Sunday was our day. If anyone calls or comes over, we tell them we're busy. Neither of us go out.

If discussing it and trying to come to a compromise doesn't work, you may need to decide whether you're willing to continue the relationship as it is. If not, your only option may be to move on to find a guy that can find the time for you. Good luck!

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(Rating: 4) thanks alot!! i appreciate all your help!

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